venting

[capt david]

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

My story, the end, for now.
    As I began the trip home, I was tired and undecided. More than anything else I wanted to vegetate. For about the first week home, I did nothing but rest. I was almost reclusive. Maybe it was the ?heart,? maybe it was the ?buttock? problem, I don?t know. I honestly thought at this time that I would probably remain single. But, the ember was burning. I began to miss her?.
  Era is much younger than I. Era has only a high school education. Era has said that she can accept that I do not want children, but she is young. What will she feel when her ?clock? is ticking. In twenty years I?ll be in my mid seventies and, she?ll be in her early forties. Is it fair to her? She will give me the best years of her life, as I grow ?old.? I never doubted her love, what I doubted was her ability to see what her future with me would be like. I also wondered if I, almost a confirmed bachelor and somewhat selfish person, could give up enough to make her happy. These are some of the things that I thought about. Era comes from a very simple family, she, her mother and brother in a year make less than I make in a month and I?m only a teacher! Because of this she is older than her years in many ways. She is also an "innocent" and close to God. I know that she is special to God. She is also special to me.
   As the weeks past, I began to feel that it was time to make a decision, It wasn?t fair to her to keep her ?hanging on.? I want what is best for her. With all of my doubts, I began to feel the ?inevitability? of spending the rest of my life with Era. I asked God for help. I asked my friends. of course it was my decision. I hope that I am doing the right thing for her. I hope that I can be the kind of husband that she deserves; I hope that I make her happy. If she is happy, I?ll be happy. I know that in many ways this will not be a conventional marriage. So be it. I love her in a warm silent way. I don?t want to live without her. This is what I decided. I hope that I am worthy of her. I got two of my best friends, wives and husbands, together and I called her. I introduced her and both wives talked to her. After that I asked her to marry me and she didn?t say yes!!!!!!!! She said ?of course.? Close enough!!! I?m engaged! Thanks for your support. capt david

[shadow]

... in response to My story the end, for now., posted by capt david on Aug 29, 2002

We travel in tight circles. Have been almost all the places you mentioned.

Larry.

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to My story the end, for now., posted by capt david on Aug 29, 2002

Capt. David,
What a great story indeed! Thanks for sharing it with us & Congratulations!!! Hope it will work out for you two...
Good Luck & Best wishes!

NNP

[Jeff S]

... in response to My story the end, for now., posted by capt david on Aug 29, 2002

Congrats, Cap! Those are the questions you should be wrestling with when deciding what to do with your life. I believe you make things work out for each other but it takes effort on both parts, creating your life together every day. Best wishes to both of you.

-- Jeff S.

[Bear]

... in response to My story the end, for now., posted by capt david on Aug 29, 2002

Capt. there is no place in marriage for individualism.  You should fulfill the desires of her heart just as she should fill yours.  It is cruel to take a woman and not give her the option of children.  I am 48 and my wife 22 y.o. and is 3.5 months prergnant.  I'll do what it takes to be both a good husband and father just as I am sure you will.  Don't say no to parenthood.  I have seen it break up one Fil-Am couple.  They see it completely different than we do.  My wife even says that "if" I die before her she will just stay with our kids just like other family members have.

Seems all of us had some sort of disaster hit us on our trip to the R.P.  Mine was "family crabs" and their intention to treat me like I was a leprecaun with a pot of gold.

I love going to Corpus Christi and have taken Honey there to Padre Island and to visit relatives there.  Maybe we can get together.

Bear and Honey

[Febtember]

... in response to Re: My story the end, for now., posted by Bear on Aug 29, 2002

I agree with you Bear that it is cruel to take a woman not to give her the option of having children.The main purpose of marriage is to have children and most of all Love not lust.By the way so sorry to hear about your  news Don.

[donb2222]

... in response to My story the end, for now., posted by capt david on Aug 29, 2002

When I first met my wife to be (Vilma), I explained that I did not want children, and that due to a vasectomy, I could not have children.
She was 22 when we met, and she told me that having children was not important to her, that she would concentrate on her education and her career.
Well,  Vilma has mentioned to several members of my family that she would like to have kids in a few years, and that she wants the babies to look like me.
I have not posted in a while because Vilma and I are divorcing, and I have not felt like sharing it with anyone.
The reasons for the divorce are the differences in our ages, her immaturity, and her desire to have children.
Many Filipinas are so eager to leave the Philippines that they will agree to just about anything.  I have no doubt in my mind that Vilma loves me, and it is my decision to divorce, not hers.
Many people believe that love will overcome anything, but denying a woman the children she desires is something that would be extremely difficult to overcome.

I really did not want to post anything until our divorce was final.  And I apologize for intruding in your happiness.
I understand the loneliness you are feeling right now, but please believe me when I say that being lonely is preferable to what I am going through right now.

Anyway, sorry again about the negative post, but please take a little time to think before you leap.

Take Care,

Don

[Howard]

... in response to Most Filipinas want children....mine doe..., posted by donb2222 on Aug 29, 2002

Don,

Dude, I am SO sorry!!!  I know there isn't a whole lot anyone can say right now, but if there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to contact me!

I know where you are coming from and would have to agree that anything, even lonliness, is defintely preferrable to what you are going through now!

Fill us in when you feel like talking about it.

You and Vilma are in my thoughts and prayers!

Keep the Faith!

H

[donb2222]

... in response to Ohhhhh, Don..., posted by Howard on Sep 1, 2002

Hi Howard,
 You are right,  this is some sort of twisted hell that I am going through right now.  I do not look forward to being single again, but I am looking forward to this being over.
Thanks for your offer of help.  
I just stay busy working, and trying to make the time go by as quickly as possible.
Once the divorce is final I can get on with my life again.
It's the waiting that makes you crazy.

Thanks again,

Don

[DanAndChed]

... in response to Most Filipinas want children....mine doe..., posted by donb2222 on Aug 29, 2002

Don,

Sorry to hear your troubles.  Our story is similar in someways.  I also had a vasectomy.  Mares wanted children and so did I.  When my vasectomy was done the doctor went to great lengths to make sure it was permenant.

Well fortunately, medical technology has advance considerably in the area of micro surgery.  There is a common procedure called a vasectomy reversal.  Looking at the stats for the procedure the odds were about 50% for it working on the first try.  Second trys seem to work even better.  So I had the surgery in October of 2001.

Mares got pregnant in December of 2001 and our baby Dannise is due September 9.

Dan and Mares

[The Walker]

... in response to Most Filipinas want children....mine doe..., posted by donb2222 on Aug 29, 2002


That is why Vicky and I meld well. We are close in age, she cannot have children and I do not want any more. In another way I am lucky, because I get all the love and affection she would naturally lavish on a child. You should see Vicky and my grandson together. Note that I said Vicky cannot have children. I said nothing about her burning desire to do so. If she could, she would. Even over 40.

Men that do not want more children, find a Filipina who cannot have children, or one that is older and has had two or three. And you can't even be sure about the second choice, either. They want to have a child with you to cement the relationship, their hold on your heart, and, juuuuusst maybe, to ensure they are a part of any inheritance by law. After all, she has to provide for herself and ALL her children after you are gone. Only sensible. Filipinas are nothing if not sensible, at least according to their rules, that is.

Again, sorry to hear it is not working out. You both have our sympathies.

Don

[shadow]

... in response to Most Filipinas want children....mine doe..., posted by donb2222 on Aug 29, 2002

Sorry to hear it isn't working out. I thought you and Vilma had as good a chance as anyone. Any plans for another trip?  Hang in there.

Larry.

[donb2222]

... in response to Hi Don., posted by shadow on Aug 30, 2002

Hi Larry,
 I asked Vilma for the divorce back in June, and by the time this is all over with I certainly will need a vacation.
From my 4 trips to the PI I have accumulated enough FF points with PAL for a  trip to Manila.
So.... a trip back to the PI is a possibility.
Hopefully the divorce will be final by the end of September, and I am thinking about taking a vacation then.

Take Care,

Don

[greg]

... in response to From the frying pan and into the fire......, posted by donb2222 on Aug 30, 2002

in other countries..Pinays aren't the only available women..there are gooooooooooood women all over the world. My own Options are open to all Pacific Islander Women )

[greg]

... in response to Most Filipinas want children....mine doe..., posted by donb2222 on Aug 29, 2002

Unbelievable reading your Post...I thought maybe you was Joking. Looking at Vilma on the Asian picture website, she look like the Best looking Pinay smile. I really would like to hear what went wrong, becuz I thought Your marriage was one of those successful stories. I can Picture what you went through with Vilma, becuz I went thur that myself with a Goregeous AW Pinay..I agree with You that most Pinays would do or say anything to get to America for a better life. Thats why Guys should take their time, don't Rush into marriage. Of course a Guy may get Lucky and choose a Gem.