venting

[Ray]

... in response to The truth is.., posted by shadow on Sep 8, 2002

Well Larry,

It seems that YOU were the one who was offended. Is it possible that it was YOUR ego that was hurt? I had already forgotten about that incident, but here YOU are rehashing the whole thing again and obviously looking for a fight. Now that should tell you something about YOUR character.

Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? :-)

Ray

[Humabdos]

... in response to Kind words . . ., posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

I did't read much of the posts below. Also your post lost me(ok thats not so hard lol) You should take a break and somehow enjoy life, it's at that time maybe you will find love.

I ended up in the Philippines for far diffrent reasons than anyone else I know of on this board or Maganak for that matter. Not to find a wife or to get layed but to explore the country, to sucba dive, snorkel, climb a volcano, experence a new culture.( have you ever even been to the Philippines?) It was on the fith trip I met my first wife just by chance. She was a waitress and a restaurant I ate at almost everyday for three months. I now realize it was my mistake in picking her as a wife she was too young and childish. It was easy to blame it on her being a gold digger card shark (which she was) But the fact of the matter is I made the wrong choice.  

I've moved on now and learned alot, I have met a fantastic woman Sallie who is older (34) and has much higher morals. She is from a good family who I like and get along with very well. I think I have made the right choice this time and will give it 100%. I don't look to the past but to the future. I've made my mistakes and will move on with a posative attitude.

I hope someday you can do the same.

Hum

Sorry did'nt have time to spell check! got a life to live!

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Kind words . . .ano???, posted by Humabdos on Sep 8, 2002

I was in the Philippines in 1993.  Bear in mind that there are jerks on this board trying to put and keep me down.  I was perfectly fine until there was hostile fire directed at me.  I absolutely hate it when somebody defends flim-flam artists like Helen, who makes her injured party look like they adversary in the eyes of supposedly good people because she can hide behind the facade of innocence because she's female with a sexy body.

You and I have alot in common regarding life in the broad perspective.  We both goof on utots and have the same tastes in women.  Like you, I stand by my position regarding golddiggers and green-card sharks.  They are real and lurking.  Nobody is going to intimidate me into having sympathy or compassion for them.

You know I used to like Jean.  I thought she was alot of fun.  I thought it was unfair that Carrisse and others gave her the bad rap.  But perhaps you learned something about Jean that the ordinary cyber-reader wouldn't detect.  If she really is promoting internet porn to make money, then she is not a credible, scrupulous individual.  On that premise, I'd never use her services.  If what you said about Jean is true, this is the kind of character our good friend Loren Lagarda should go after.  Not some innocent, defenseless guinea-pig with honorable intentions.

By the way, I have an extremely funny fart story from the Philippines.  Unfartunately, I think Patrick deleted it from the archives.

- Kevin

[Jay]

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

Sorry kevin,

If I had this effect on you. So much for trying to help. Hey, if you think everyone think's your a jerk or something, imagine how I must feel after posting all that stuff below. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a real scumbag loser. I need to stop posting anything personal. It makes me and Criselda look bad.

I was just thinking the other day how, how I always have to lie to coworkers and such because I can;t tell the truth about my past. It's either too bizzare sounding or sounds like BS. I always have to lie. I keeep mixing up the lies with different people.

Your not a jerk, your fine.

Jay

[greg]

... in response to Re: venting, posted by Jay on Sep 7, 2002

It made me realize that alot of my own plms with my Son's Mommie is a Big Time Lack of Knowledge of Her culture. Misunderstands..Your explaining Stuff makes sense..concerning Her behavior...sometimes I thought she was trying to Piss me off on Purpose, now I know it's just Her culture..Many Foreigners think they Know their Mahals..Really they Don't know a d..n thang. Jay keep up the Good work of Educating us on Filipinas..After reading Your posts, I feel more admiration for gregory's Mother and Filipinas in General. God Bless

[Jay]

... in response to Jay, Nonsense...Your Posts below are val..., posted by greg on Sep 7, 2002

Thanks Greg,

Don't know how you got all that from my post, but if it helped I'm glad.

Jay

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Jay, Nonsense...Your Posts below are..., posted by Jay on Sep 8, 2002

Thanks Howard,

I could give ya a hug too. I've been feeling stupid all day because of that "sleep deprived" post. LOL! Too much personal stuff and it came out all wrong. Oh well, that's life on a computer bulliten board!

I've always liked you too. Didn't think ya cared much for me though. BTW, my journey is unfathomable, too. Try explaining that stuff to co-worker's! That's why I alter the details just a bit. LOL!

Jay

[Howard]

... in response to Re: I think you're wrong..., posted by Jay on Sep 8, 2002

Jay

Maybe I disagreed with something you said in the past, but I never meant to throw the "I don't think very much of you..." vibe

The only thing you've ever done that pissed me off--I say that tongue in cheek --was end the utot humor  I love that stuff!  LOL

Keep the Faith

H

[Jay]

... in response to What gave you that idea???, posted by Howard on Sep 8, 2002

Hi Howard,

I just figured that because you didn't reply much to my post's written to you. Ah well, I'm sure we all get wrong impression's of each other. That's why communicating on computer's is frustating to me.

Yeah, Utot humor is o.k.. I give up, bring on the Utout jokes.

Jay

[Howard]

... in response to Re: What gave you that idea???, posted by Jay on Sep 8, 2002

Jay

Alot of times I don't get to the board for a few days.  When I post something that gets alot replies I usually just reply in one post to everyone, unless there is something sepcific I feel a need to address in a particular reply.  I kinda realized that I hadn't had the time to reply to everyone personally on some of the hot topic posts I've had over the last several months and have made and effort to rectify my approach.

I always appreciate the advice everyone here gives, whether it suits me or not

Sorry to give you the wrong impression

Keep the Faith

H

[kevin]

... in response to Jay, Nonsense...Your Posts below are val..., posted by greg on Sep 7, 2002


Don't take it personal, Jay.  I appreciate what you tried to do, and I know that you're a good guy.  I have special admiration for you because of where you once were in the past to now the person you've become.  In case I forgot to mention it, I accept your apology regarding the fart humor.  To this day, sometimes I goof on how you reacted to one of me fart trivia posts.  Its really hilarious.

- Kevin

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Re: venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

Hi Kev,

Just relax, know that your fine, nothing too wrong with you. and you'll be o.k..

Please remind me sometime of my reaction to the fart trivia. I'd like to hear it.

Take Care,
Jay

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Re: venting, posted by Jay on Sep 7, 2002

Kevin

I'll be  the  first  to  admit  that lately  I  have  not  followed  all  of  the  threads  to  their  completion.  So  if  I  have  missed something  pertinent  forgive me.  Over  the  last  two  weeks though,  basically  I  have  found  most  of  the  topics here  to be  juvenile  and fundimentally  boring.  I  think  definately  out  of  charector  for  our  normal  informative  friendly  banter.

However  when  I  read  your  post  above  that  you  are  so  wound  up and  angry  over  recent  topics  here.  As  a neutral  outsider  the  first  thing  that  comes  to  mind  is  that  this  cannot  be  heathy  mentally.  To  me  PL  is only  a  nice  discussion  board  but  nothing  more.  I  wouldn't  let  the responses  dictate  my  life.

----------------------------------------------------------

I don't  want  to  tell  you  hear  what  to  do  with  your  life  but  only  offer you  a  suggestion  to  consider.   Maybe  you should  just  forget  about  your  quest  to  find  a pinay  mate  for  say  2  months and  take  a break. (heck I  am in  the same  boat  amigo I'm  looking  and  not  really  getting anywhere).   No  PL, no Maganak if  you  follow that,  no searching  for  the  perfect  penpal,  and  yes  no  Utot  humor  if  need  be.  

Focus  on  your  new  found  freedom  from studying  make  some  killer recipes  and  enjoy  the  change  of  the  seasons  to  the  fullest.  I  certainly  am  looking  forward  to  flying  home to Upstate NY  in October to  do  the  same. Take  mini  road trips  and  enjoy  New England  lore  and life.  tiss  the  season  to  do  it  right now. collect 5  different  colored  leaves  from  each New England  state, NY  and  even  Jersey if  you  are  really  motivated).  start  making  flavored  hard  apple  cider   you  will  appreciate  it  later on.  etc. etc. etc,

Recallibrate  your  bearings  and  you access  your  disposition and  find  your  magnetic  north  for  a  while.

I don't  want  to  be  preachy  but  it  just  sounded  to  me  like  you  need  a little  break for  a  while.  all  the  best to  you!

Windmill Boy

[Howard]

... in response to Re: venting, posted by Jay on Sep 7, 2002

Kev,

If you haven't read my response below ("Gerlie Came Early...") please read that first, because I am going from there with this post

Let me start off by saying that I feel we have a friendship.  We've both been around here for a while and have exchanged responses and emails(The Utot stories crack me up Sorry Jay!  LOL) over the years.  I know that you wish me nothing but the best and hope that you realize that that's all I want for you  There is something that I have been wanted to point out for a while, but I feared offending you.  Plus, I'm just not able to be here as much as I once was, so I didn't wanna seem to come out of nowhere with my perceptions.  

All the wars lately have had me thinking about you alot and I just felt it was time to say something.  Maybe to offer a different way to look at things.  I know you're a smart guy.  Maybe you have thought these things yourself, but can't buy it.  Maybe you're just too hurt still to consider the possibilities, etc...  But, what I don't believe is that you're too screwed up--I am generalizing from the tone of some of your recent posts--or undeserving of a nice young lady to share your life with.  That I refuse to believe.  And you know how I am when I get something in my head  Stubborn is an understatement!  LOL

I understand depression.  I deal with it on one level or another every day of my life.  It runs in my family and I have a tendency to become overwhelmed and drift if I am not careful.  But that's me, I am just saying that I think I understand where you are.  I have been there.  I didn't like it very much.

I know you've already heard this, but I think it bears repeating.  No one here is out to get you Kev.  I think, to a man, all we wanna see is you heal and find happiness.  Many times I have seen you over react to someone else's over reaction and then everything gets blown out of proportion and you've upset yourself.  How do I know?  I was doing it here last year.  Maybe I wasn't posting every thought, but I was just as deffensive, took many things out of context and even lashed out in anger a time or two.  It's all in the archives.

You made some correct assumptions, because you know the situation pretty well, about Gerlie and I in an exchange with Stephen a few days ago.  I honestly believe that there is something to what you said.  That with everything I have had to endure over the last few years that maybe God is finally smiling on me in the form of my relationship with Gerl.  I agree.  Gerlie, whether she wants to talk about it or not, help put my Annulment into perspective, something no one else could do.  I wouldn't listen to anyone else.  She was the one I confided in and she was the one who held my hand, even though it made her very jealous that I was broke up over another woman.  She cared enough about me to find the strength to help me deal with my emotions, sometimes at the price of her own pride.  That's part of what I find so irresistable about her

Four people got me through the death of my mother in one piece.  My two closest friends, Billy and Doug, My cousin Brittany and My Gerlie.  Without them I don't know how I would cope with the loss.  It's still not something that I accept all that well, but they help me.  

Look at what Gerlie has had to deal with in the last ten months.  She meets a guys that she feels a connection with.  Has reservations about the fact that he is still unhappily married to a Filipina and in the middle of an Annulment.  My first Annulment hearing was set for March.  It was rescheduled FIVE times and eventually ended in May.  That's five times she had a date in mind, only to find out it would be just a little longer.  MY original plan was to travel to Davao in July, then my mother died.  We thought maybe September, but then everything became very overwhelming to me and we settled on January 2003.  The whole time family and friends are telling her I am feeding her a line and that I am not committed to her.  Sometimes she even believes them for a little while.  Imagine how that must feel.  Everyone here knows me.  Does anyone doubt that I will travel to see her?  She only has faith, the PL archives and my word to go on.  Sometimes, understandably so, she has had doubts.  Thankfully not very often or for very long  She has stood by me through all of this and it endears me to her all the more.  If this is simply God's way of saying "You took all I had to dish out and didn't snap, Big Guy, here's your reward!" then he truly is a wise and merciful God  LOL

Where am I going with this?  Here  LOL

There are two ways to look at something.  With anger or with hope.  Anger makes you deffensive and bitter.  Anger clouds your vision and makes you skeptical of everything you see.  Anger makes it impossible to accept things for what they may become because you are focused on how they could go wrong.

Now, hope is my bag baby  There is a positive in everything, you just have to find it.  In my case hope found me  When I was at my worst.  When I had completely given up on the idea of ever meeting someone who could find what's lovebable in me and love it, hope found me.  My only part in the begining was just not screwing it up  I just let it be what it was.  I didn't worry about trying to turn it into what I wanted it to be.  I let it be what it was and it turned into what I needed.

I had so many preconceived notions with Ayesa.  I didn't place that burden on my relationship with Gerlie and it exceeded my expectations in every way!  She is truly a wonder!  I'm just lucky that she thinks she is the lucky one

You asked a question that I want to answer. "Yes, I have my defenses. Perhaps what set me off is the Helen saga. Why? If I'm not careful, it could happen to me."  You're right.  If you're not careful it could happen to you.  But, if you're too careful nothing may happen at all!  

As I saw it, being in just your position, I had two choices.  Never trust anyone again and then I would not be disappointed or hurt by anyone but myself, or I could look at each new person with a fresh set of eyes.  I chose hope and even if the unthinkable happens, I won't regret it nearly as much as I would regret not trying at all

This post was made with the upmost repect intended.  I just wanna see you joking and laughing again Kev  Find a way to put your demons to rest.  I KNOW it's difficult, I have dealt with it myself.  I can tell you though, the rewards are sweet on the other side
Keep the Faith Brutha!
H

[kevin]

... in response to Kev..., posted by Howard on Sep 7, 2002


If I could give you a hug, I would.  You're a good man, Charlie Brown!  At the moment I'm trying to heal from the blows.  You have nothing to do with it, and I know you're a true friend.  I know in the past, I said something to you (my advice) about Ayesa.  It wasn't pleasant, but that is what I felt in my heart, and was a gut feeling.  It was a difficult dilemma for you to deal with.  I only tried with words to encourage you, to motivate you into taking the right path to rebuild your life.  I think you've truly been blessed to have found Gerlie.

About the hope (pag-asa) and anger (galit) issue.  I was pretty upbeat until near the end of the week.  Then my weekend was nearly spoiled.  My spirits were assaulted, believe it or not (contrary to what some would like to beleive about me.  It really hurts to be accused of being a bigot, or this or that, when that's not what I mean in my heart.  It burns me to be portrayed as a disgruntled piece of trash.

As I think I said before on this board, now that I'm done with school, I'm really stepping up the effort to meet new girls.  The past couple of days, I haven't been in a letter writing mood because inside I've felt shaken by this whole persuit.  I presently feel torn between the naysayers on this board and my the naysayers in my personal social sphere (family, friends, coworkers).  At the same time I have some folks that support me emotionally.

I've sent letters out to some gals whom I think there really might be some potential for a wholesome, fulfilling relationship.  If I don't reach out, nothing is going to happen.  At the same time, I don't expect to know true love overnight.  Attraction, platonic friendship, yes.  But I have to think with my big head as a check and balance to my little head.  I've learned a painful lesson in life having been married to somebody that did not share the same fundamental values as myself.  If someday, I'm married and we have a farting match in the bed, instead of me being kicked out of bed when I wake up and expel that overnight pocket of gas, I know I've married the right one (ha-ha!).

My goal is to make a visit to the Philippines within the time frame of about a year.  I've got to rebuild my vacation time and continue to save money.  I'm trying to make some worthwhile friendships in the meantime.  I might go to specifically meet somebody in person who I developed something special with.  Or who knows, maybe I'll stag along.  Or maybe both (meet somebody new and visit somebody I've established friendship with).

A pinay lady at work does not beleive in the integrity of letter writing.  Her personal opinions are that too many scam artists are lurking.  Yet there are nice girls in the Philippines.  An interesting point is that when I first started corresponding with Analyn, Shirley went to the Philippines and passed my picture around and told about me.  She told me there was this nice girl who wanted to write to me if I was interested.  Yet it seems that some good girls are apprehensive about personals because there is a stigma that it makes them look cheap or that they're taking the easy way out of poverty. (At the time, I just stuck with Analyn)  Shirley's suggestion is that the next time she and her fqamily go to the Philippines, I just tag along and socialize in order to meet somebody.  I think she's keen to things that most of us guys on the board aren't aware of or will never 100% understand.  If I take that strategy I'll probably stay in Mindoro and Borocay where her folks and her husband's folks come from respectively.  It sounds like it could be fun.

I'm determine to mold what I really want out of my life.  I have setbacks and retreats from time to time.  Maybe just growing pains.  Part of what I not only want, but need, in life is the love and companionship of a special woman.  I will not just sit there like a beached whale, but I will persue all avenues.

One other thing.  I can relate to Gerlie as far as family influence is concerned.  It is a given that my step-mother especially, and to a lesser extent, my father will always plant seeds of doubt when it comes to persuit of finding love with a pinay with somebody in the Philippines.  I'm coy about this.  My father would have a fit if he found out I recently sent out more than a half-a-dozen letters.  My step-mother would scorn me again about how I'd live in poverty in old age because all of my retirement money would be gone.  But my heart is alive and kicking.  If someday I ever have to, I will fight tooth-and-nail to protect myself.
Hopefully I'm never going to have to go through a divorce again.  I know it's possible to find pure, genuine love and commitment, and it's the hope of landing this that keeps me going.

Cheers,

- Kevin