here--have a green cardt's on the house

[MsDuong]

Ok, Ray, so what do I do now?? Leagally, I mean.

[The Walker]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002


I am sorry twice, I posted this at the wrong letter. I copy it here.

Don does not tell me where to surf, in case you fellows are wondering. The decision to leave here for a while was a joint one. But I cannot let Mrs. Duong's matter pass without comment.

Yes, Tim is correct, most of this can be set against cultural differences. However, I am of the mind that when you move to another nation you should adapt. Filipinas adapt to American differences. I do not see why Americans are supposed to adapt to others in their homelands, and then do it all over again in America. When in Rome Americans are supposed to act like Romans, and when in America, Romans insist on acting like Romans and expect Americans to adapt to them. It is a double standard and unfair.

The bad part is this is exactly the way eighty percent of Filipinos act. Sleep with the wife enough to keep her satisfied when you cannot find a mistress. Most Filipinos actually think a man who loves his own wife too much is a fool. Wives are for housework and having and raising children. They want a steady submissive wife and a naughty mistress. Is is any wonder why Filipinas prefer not Asian men? They have seen how their fathers and uncles and brothers and cousins act. Lori if you want a big romantic like my darling the odds are you married into the wrong race. There are a very few native Asian men who act like my darling naturally and some more who have been very heavily westernized who do it too. Sure there are very bad American men there are bad people everywhere including bad Filipinas as some men here know. There are also very good Asian men. However the American man is the stylized ideal husband when he is good. You have heard why Filipinas want American men not just for green cards and money but because they think an American man will love them better and be more faithful and support the family better. I was married once to an Asian man, a Filipino. When we could not have children he put me through much pain and discomfort with many medical things and even folk remedies. When it did not work he became abusive and he cheated on me all the time and I was supposed to accept it. He finally left me for another woman and had our marriage anulled because Uncle threatened him if he abused me any more. I was made to feel ashamed when I had done nothing wrong. I tried to be a good wife even when I knew he was cheating because I was ashamed I had failed to give him children. Wake up this is the Asian way. Ask my other Asian sisters the Chinese and Japanese how the average Asian man acts once he gets you to marry him. I know most about Filipinos and not as much about the others except those that live in the Philippines. It is not just a better life in money that we seek abroad. It is love and respect that we crave and so seldom find. I would say that as few as one in ten marriages in the Philippines are good or happy marriages by American standards. Even my Uncle whom I love dearly is a bit of a scalawag but he is still very good to my Aunt in other ways so she does not mind his infrequent escapades too much since they grow even more infrequent as he is in his seventies. And for a Filipino husband he is really a very good one. Filipinas are jealous because infidelity among husbands in the Philippines is so very common.

I have no idea of the feelings you are having right now. I cannot say whether or not you should give up. Only you know that in your heart. Only you can do that which is best for yourself and your children. Just thank God this is America where you have choice and rights. Stories like yours and from my homeland make me realize how very lucky I have been with my dear husband. There is nothing that is not forbidden by God he could not ask of me. Nothing. He is so good to me.

But instead of asking American men about this, ask Febtember and No Name Pinay and Mrs. Bear and others. Ask Asian women about Asian men in general before you make up your mind. They will not tell you that their father or Uncle does these things as it is usually not said about their family, but they can tell you how many women they know back home who have had cheating husbands. Then ask yourself if he will ever come to be close to the American standard for husbands. The good many husbands. Will he compromise and learn that this is America where women are respected? Ask Asian women about Asian men and how most of them act. Then decide.

We will now resume our vacation until things settle down here. I thought I owed Mrs. Duong after my hasty post about American women after we were accosted in the mall that time. I meant no disrespect (Don's daughters are American women and very nice), as Don knows Febtember meant no disrespect. He was not angry when he answered you, Feb. Just a little sad. He said "forgiven, forgotten" and he is as good as his word. He always is. But with the name calling still going on here we will take a further vacation. Tim is not stupid no matter what others may say, he is very wise and has everyone's best interests at heart. Besides, he looks very handsome, like Clint Eastwood. His advice is not to be despised. But he has never been married to an Asian man. So take his advice and that of other Filipinas or Asian women here then distill it and make your decision. It is yours and only yours to make anyhow no matter what others think.

VICKY

[greg]

... in response to I am sorry - VICKY, posted by The Walker on Sep 14, 2002

Wonderful Post, thank you. Raquel is a good sweet person, she wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. I guess all this fighting back and forth over petty things has even rubbed even the Good people the wrong way. Hopefully we can all learn to get along. Peace, greg

[Stephen]

... in response to I am sorry - VICKY, posted by The Walker on Sep 14, 2002

we need some women giving advice on this matter.

Thanks, Vicki.

Stephen

[Jeff S]

... in response to I am sorry - VICKY, posted by The Walker on Sep 14, 2002

.. You are a wise and compassionate lady. It's intuitively obvious to the casual observer that you and Don are a matched set.

-- Jeff

[Stephen]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002

Lori:

Remember when you were engaged and he was still in VN.  He needed $1,200 or so for an emergency situation with his boss.  Do you think that was a true story?

Stephen

[MsDuong]

... in response to Lori....question, posted by Stephen on Sep 14, 2002

But he asked me to give the total to him, and, of course I did not have it.

The story was that  he lost money of his bosses, I forget how much. I thought it was about $2000. Do you know how much that is in dong? It's a HUGE amount, over a million at least. You have over a million dong you are toting around Saigon? I would be very scared to say the least.

I e-mailed him and told him I did not have it. He called me after that and asked me for something like a thousand , at least, and he could come up with the rest. I never did give him the money, but I did go to his family and ask them for it.

Btw-- since I have known him, he has lost that money, his cell phone, a key to our house,and just reciently he lost his shoes of all things. Said he left them outside of his room he was staying in in Cali. Also, now that I think of it, he lost some of his bosses money while I was in Vietnam, about 200 US dollars. Who the heck knows what is true and what is not.

[Dave H]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002

Hi Lori,

I’m very saddened by this news. You are a very special person! The only thing that you are guilty of is wanting to be happy, to love someone and be loved by them in return…just like the rest of us. These relationships are made all the more difficult by cultural and language differences. But, when two people truly love each other and are determined to make it work, they can be very successful. Unfortunately, it appears that you are the only one giving their best effort. If Thai is unwilling to give or to compromise at this stage of the marriage, I believe that it is a strong indication of things to come. Even if it were cultural differences (there are probably some involved) can you live your life like this?  I wouldn’t worry that you are letting your girls down. They only want to see you happy. Best of luck to you in whatever path you choose to take.

Dave H.

[Peaches]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002

I can feel the pain inside you.  I really believe that it's not w/ the
culture thing( u do always say have to understand this and that coz
of culture differences) .... if someone really loves you, he/she have
to give-up  one or too many things just for you.  Action will always
speak louder than words.

Goodluck  to whatever decision you have in mind.  Just remember
to be yourself always and think positive all the time.

peaches

[Humabdos]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002

Please turn the creep in ASAP! Like first thing monday.
He maybe long gone by then but It's your obligation to do all you can to have him deported. I sorry but wish I could beat the hay out of the guy for what he has done to you and your family. He is lower than a yellow belly snake to do such a thing. I have some bamboo I would like to fix his nails with! That dirty SOB! Please don't leave the board we are here to give you support if needed not to tell you I told you so.

Humabdos

[Nathan]

... in response to Lori, posted by Humabdos on Sep 14, 2002

Hum is right about this...TURN THIS GUY IN FAST! MONDAY IS GOOD!  HE sounds like a total snake. If I were you I would be doing all in my power to have him deported ASAP!

Nathan

[Ray]

... in response to here--have a green cardt's on the house, posted by MsDuong on Sep 14, 2002

I'm really sorry Lori.

Legally? Don't do anything tonight...

But a cold beer sounds good about now. Can I join you?

Ray

[bryan]

... in response to Re: here--have a green cardt's on the ho..., posted by Ray on Sep 14, 2002

I say a forearm smash to the teeth!!!