... in response to Update from Non-Daddies, posted by Tim on Aug 2, 2002I agree. As usual Tim is on the mark. As old timers here will remember, I already had grown children and I was not interested in making and raising babies. I was, and am, into grandkids now. I also think Tim and I are both incredibly lucky, we each have married beautifuul, intelligent and caring women.
The children issue is one of the reasons I "tried for" a woman close to my own age. I thought if she already had children, they would most likely be grown or nearly so. If not, perhaps she could not have children or did not want them. I found out I was wrong about the last four words of that sentence. Many Filipinas remain childless until marriage even into their late 30s and even 40s, but that does not diminish (most of them) their natural desire to have children.
Of course I found Vicky, who cannot have children. But I have to admit she is unusual for a Filipina. I have met many Filipinas back in the RP, and without exception they have all desired children. Even Vicky who cannot bear children still wishes she could. I have also known many Chinese women, both in the US and abroad. The Chinese women are also eager for children when they are younger, but that seems to diminish a little with age. I also observe that as societies become more sophisticated, and women take on more and more the traditional roles of men, the fervor for child bearing also diminishes. The urban, or urbane, Chinese woman, since the Cultural Revolution, has been more and more "equal" with her male counterpart. This departure from traditional Asian female roles has resulted, I believe, in these women rethinking what defines their own success. In the Philippines, women are still, for the most part, locked into more traditional roles by the very poverty of the nation. They have to have a bachelor's degree to get a job checking groceries. And they still define success in terms of family. Even women like Vicky, who is educated, intelligent, and beautiful, and fully able to stand on her own, feel happier in a family environment. Not having children of her own, she has "adopted" my daughters and especially my grandson, who seems to fill in at least a little for a child of her own. And of course she mother-hen's her little neices and nephews whenever she's back in the RP.
I believe there may be Filipinas under 40 who do not want children, in fact there have to be, but I have yet to find one. Perhaps this is a cultural difference between Filipinas and their Chinese sisters. I think perhaps more sophisticated Chinese women believe bearing children is for the young. You may find a Filipina who does not want any MORE children, but finding one who can, yet does not want to, have children, will not be easy. Even unmarried 40 year old virgins want to give it a try.
-WP
