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Author Topic: Happy Girls  (Read 1854 times)
Jeff S
Guest
« on: August 15, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »

There was an op-ed article in yesterday's LA Times that basically said that people have about the same level of happiness throughout their adult lives no matter what their fortunes are. Whether they become rich or famous, or end up with serious misfortune, their basic happiness level is the same at 40, 50, 60, 70 as it was at 20. The fulfilment of wants (new car, fancy house, marriage, kids) just brings on new wants; it doesn't necessarily change happiness level. Of course there are minor localized variations, the day your K-1 gets approved, you go for a ride down Pacific Coast Highway in your new 'vette, but overall, it stays the same. Lottery winners were cited as not understanding why they're not happier than they were before. The same seems to be true of divorcees who left one partner in search of happiness and ended up with another. They're very rarely more happy the second time around.

This makes sense to me, since I know some miserable people, who have always been miserable and will always be miserable - no matter what the state of their affairs, nice wife, great kids, good job, lots of fun vacations, etc. They seem to be waiting for something to happen that will finally make them happy. Conversely, I know some people who can keep smiling while the world seems to collapse around them, not seeming to need anything for their basic happiness.

A long while ago, there was a thread about picking a wife and the basic conclusion to the discussion was "Happy girls are best." We guys tend to think that riding in like a knight in shining armor to rescue the damsel in distress is almost the definition of the textbook "living happily ever after." The truth is, as Dr. Laura points out, if you rescue a damsel in distress, you end up with a distressed damsel. If this LA Times article has any truth to it, happy girls ARE best because they wil continue to be happy throughout your lives, whereas unhappy girls will also be dissatisfied no matter how great their lives become.

One of the things I fell in-love with about my wife when we were dating was her ability to smile anytime. Of course, our marriage hasn't always been peaches and cream, but we're both basically fairly happy people. When I contrast my wife to her sister (who I met first), who is constantly steeped in misery and conflict , and I think is on her fourth divorce, though I've lost count, I'm sure thankful that I picked the quiet happy one with little English.

Anyway, pardon my philosophical ramblings, but if you want a happy wife, it seems you're a lot more likely to have one by picking out a happy single girl.

-- Jeff S.

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Dave H
Guest
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Happy Girls, posted by Jeff S on Aug 15, 2002

Hi Jeff,

I like "Happy Girls"...I just can't take them too early in the morning! Shocked(

Dave H.

Stone Temple Pilots
"Sour Girl"

"She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me

What would you do?
What would you do if I follow you?
What would you do? I follow

Don't turn away, what are you looking at?
He was so happy on the day that he met her
Say, what are you looking at?
I was a superman, the looks are deceiving

The rollercoaster ride's a lonely one
I pay the ransom note to stop it from steaming
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a teenage girl when she met me

What would you do?
What would you do if I follow you?
What would you do? I follow

What would you do?
The girl got reasons
They all got reasons

What would you do?

Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me
The day that she left me
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me
The day that she left me
She was a happy girl the day that she left me"

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Howard
Guest
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Happy Girls, posted by Jeff S on Aug 15, 2002

Jeff,

It's funny but I have found exactly the same thing to be true!  I was always attracted to Damsels, because of my overpowering paternal instincts. Now that I am with Gerlie I am happier than I have ever been because I am with someone who is more like me.  This is a new path for me, but I'm gonna save my paternal instincts for our kids!  LOL

Keep the Faith

H

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Windmill Boy
Guest
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Happy Girls, posted by Jeff S on Aug 15, 2002

Oops  Sorry  it  is  12: 30 pm  right  now. It's time  to  go  into  work  soon  and  get some breakfast.

Jeff  good words  of  advice however.

Now  shake  that  Crystal  ball  with  the  glitter  inside  and tell me  how  to  find  these  appropriate canidates.  That  is  the  hard  part.  Well  at  least  I  wrote to  3 - 4  penpals  this  morning and I  asked  them  if  they  were  happy with  their  lives.  We'll  see  who  writes  back  what.

Keep  on  smiling

Windmill Boy

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Jimbo
Guest
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2002, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Happy Girls, posted by Jeff S on Aug 15, 2002

Jeff,

Ok, you convinced me, I'll take a happy girl... I think I already did :-)  But this begs the question: are asian women, in general, more happy than western women?  I would say yes because they have a quality that seems somewhat lost in our society: acceptance.

Years ago there was a study where young children were put in a room, one at a time, with a broken, nonfunctional toy.  Some kids would get frustrated with it, banging it about, yelling, or crying.  Other kids found different ways to have fun with the toy, accepting it as it was.  No matter whether the behavior was learned vs. inherited, some kids seemed more likely to be happy because of the ability to accept a situation rather than always trying to change it.

I think a certain degree of acceptance is necessary for a person to be happy; not too much, not too little.  If you spend your life shoveling sand against the tide you're not likely to be happy.  But if you let the bully in school steal your lunch and do nothing about it you're not likely to be happy either.  Knowing when to accept and when to push back is the key, but it's not easy; I don't like it when my property taxes go up every d@mn year but beyond casting my vote I don't fight it, so I accept it.

Many Filipinas I've met have said things like "Well, I guess that's my fate."  They may err on the side of too much acceptance but, with regard to the pursuit of happiness, that's better than not having enough.  Maybe that's what was meant by the old saying, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Jim

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