Update from gaigin Bob S, lost in Japan

[Jeff S]

Got a second rather lengthy e-mail from Bob S, who, as some of you may know, is now teaching English in Japan after being laid off by Boeing. He settling in and sounds like he's really enjoying himself, in general, but had some very interesting things to say. One thing he brought up that really hit home and is extremely relevent to this board is as follows: (For those of you unfamiliar with Nihongo (Japanese language), gaijin = foreigner, literally "outsider", and apato = apartment)

"A bit about gaijin life in Japan.  A lot of the Japanese men I've met have been very friendly to this newbie outsider, and the Japanese women, especially those at the office, have been very supportive.  Though I still have a ways to go before I'm really settled into my apato, I'm reluctant to press them for more assistance since they've done so much already.  Here I am with a Master's degree, so it is a major blow to the ego to be reduced to an illiterate child in this environment.  There is truly a constant if subtle stress that weighs a person down from trying to function in a society where you can barely speak, let alone read the simplest of road or shop signs.  If they used a solely phonetic alphabet, it would be slightly easier.  Mentally I knew beforehand I would be experiencing this.  But nevertheless, the psychological stress along with the change in diet and environment does noticeably affect one's body inside and out in not so pleasant ways.  In any case, my short experience here so far should serve as a warning to any person thinking of bringing over a spouse from another country to America.  If they speak little or no English, the stress they will experience will be considerable.  While you're reveling in the joys of having a pretty exotic wife or romantic exotic husband, don't forget the Stranger in a Strange Land feeling they will be experiencing."

That might give you some focus on what its like for someone from a foreign land to pull up stakes and arrive in the US.

-- Jeff S.

[Dave H]

... in response to Update from gaigin Bob S, lost in Japan, posted by Jeff S on Jul 10, 2002

Hey Jeff,

Thanks for the update on Bob. I was wondering how he was doing. Those were some very interesting and informative observations on his part.

It prompted me to ask my wife once more about her impressions of America, more specifically South Florida. As you may recall, the last time I asked, shortly after she had arrived in the US, she asked all kinds of "interesting" questions. She seemed particularly concerned that there was no garbage laying around in the streets and surrounding area, that the garbage dump had a fence around it and you couldn't see the trash, there were no squatters living there, and that the dump wasn't smoking. Being from the Philippines and speaking English fluently (she will never admit it), she has actually adjusted quite well already (almost 10 months). She said that South Florida reminded her of the Philippines in many ways. The weather and flora here are very similar to her homeland. The plants usually have a different name than in the Philippines and I am often asked for the American equivalent. There are many small, brown Hispanic people living here. Many of whom could pass for being Filipino. Every now and then, she hears a Spanish word that is the same as in Tagalog or Visayan and her eyes light up with excitement. The Asian population has doubled here during the last 10 years, making it quite common to see a few Asians everywhere we go. We often see Filipinos and the men are usually very friendly toward us. Unfortunately, the crabs seemed to have survived their long trip across the ocean. Many Filipinas seem rather arrogant when they see us together. Some are obviously married to Filipinos, perhaps others are not. Often, they haven't given her the time of day when she has said hello and I am near her. Some were from the same region, maybe even her home town! It has happened too many times for me to believe that they were just having a bad day. It is rather sad to me, that she no longer gets excited when she hears someone speaking Tagalog or Bisayan. She has learned to deal with it in her own way and no longer says hello first. Personally, I would rather tell them what I think of their lousy attitude! All the more reason for me to learn the language. ) I think it bothers me much more than it does her. Ten thousand miles away from their homeland and they act like be...itches. She tells me that they were probably crabs back home in the Philippines and she is used to their kind. You can call my wife an Asian or Oriental, but she is proud and prefers to be called a Filipina. She loves her homeland and heritage. She has a few Filipina friends, but overall, feels that the Americans are much friendlier and nicer than the other nationalities (we have many immigrants)living here, including Filipinos. My wife never complains or speaks badly of people, like I do! ( She is still simple and prefers to stay that way. Receiving chocolate or a CD would make her much happier than diamonds. She will share the chocolate, but would probably give away the jewelry, if someone really wanted it. But, she won't part with her wedding rings! My wife has a BIG heart for such a little lady. She is doing very well here, as am I...indeed!

Signed,

"Grateful" Dave H.

[joemc]

... in response to A Stranger in a not so strange land..., posted by Dave H on Jul 11, 2002

Hi Dave,
     Thanks for the insight on your marriage.
     I went thur the same things with my wife about
     other peoples attitudes.The few Filipinos that
     I met back east were not so friendly also.
     The ones that I met were professionals with
     the crab mentality. Filipinos with N.Y.C. attitudes
     are the worse. They forgot were they come from.
     As for Filipinos on the west coast you find alot
     that are very friendly. As for my wife she keeps
     pretty much to herself,only one good friend.

                                                 joemc

[SteveB]

... in response to A Stranger in a not so strange land..., posted by Dave H on Jul 11, 2002

Dave I have noticed the same thing here.  Many Pina's married to pinoy, most are professionals' and very stuck-up!  Most of them have taken Juliet's phone #, and stated they would call,,,and never did!  She is like Marife, she won't say a bad word about anyone.  well,,,,almost anyone,,she doesn't care for my Dad's new wife...I don't either!!!!lol

Steveb

[Jeff S]

... in response to A Stranger in a not so strange land..., posted by Dave H on Jul 11, 2002

My wife had it tougher since her English was very limited when she arrived. The Japanese people she met at first were also cliqueish and many were from entierly different backgrounds than she, so she really felt isolated. It took a while to feel at home. It turns out that many of my friends had a hard time warming up to her, also, because of the language barrier, and the very Japanese traits of being unemotional and quiet. That came out later when her normally gregarious personality overrode her shyness, but it took a few years. Now, though, she's still proud of her heritage, but feels at home here. I'd guess she wouldn't move back if I dropped out of the picture somehow. She's never become "Americanized" that is to say, put aside her traditional beliefs about family relationships, gender roles, frugality, loyalty, child rearing, etc. These days she's made friends, both Japanese and American, and has dovetailed into the Southern California beach lifestyle very well.

-- Jeff S.

[SteveB]

... in response to Glad to hear Marife is doing so well..., posted by Jeff S on Jul 11, 2002

Jeff,  That's something I've have noticed also!  Some of the old friends of mine can't except my new wife,,,,but they are AW's,,They don't understand a sincere, sweet, caring person like Juliet!

[Ray]

... in response to Update from gaigin Bob S, lost in Japan, posted by Jeff S on Jul 10, 2002

That was an excellent observation on Bob's part!

If your reading this Bob S, thanks for the update.

Ray

[Stephen]

... in response to Update from gaigin Bob S, lost in Japan, posted by Jeff S on Jul 10, 2002

Jeff, tell Bob to keep on sharing his experiences to us.  Very good post.

Tess