Is it just me...

[Howard]

Or is Mag Anak lame???

I went there looking for information on MarkUSA--I'm not EVEN gonna mention how glitchy the server was!--but it just seemed lame there.  I have never warmed to that place like some of you have.  Is it me?

LOL

Keep the Faith

H

[Febtember]

... in response to Is it just me..., posted by Howard on Jun 28, 2002

Its been a long long time since I post in mag-anak.I never know what was going on there since I cannot open the mag-anak forum anymore.Do something wrong with my computer or what?Anyway I still prefer to post in this board.I feel very at home here.

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Is it just me..., posted by Febtember on Jun 28, 2002

seldom post. To me it's a very boring board (maybe it's just me). People keep asking the same questions all over & over again.

[greg]

... in response to I  read Mag-anak BUT...tess, posted by Stephen on Jun 28, 2002

is the only fun person on that boring board. Of course the Pinays like NNP are sweeeeeeet ) Mr Peabody

[Humabdos]

... in response to Is it just me..., posted by Howard on Jun 28, 2002

It's not just you! It's the moderators over there what a bunch of A holes! The only fair person over there is Ray Bacon, too bad he has put such a jerk in charge of moderation. I was banned from the list serv for sticking up for the Philippines. This 70 year old expat who was once stationed at subic bay was saying how the Philippines was a rip off dirty stinking hole and how he would never recommend anyone go there. He Married a filipina and they have a son. What he was saying is that he just likes the women there and that's all the country is good for. I thought this was in poor taste being his son is half filipino. When I said something I was banned because he is one of the "good ol boy" posters on Magasnore.

I think they should change the name to The D.O.M's club.

Humabdos

[Terry C]

... in response to Re: Is it just me..., posted by Humabdos on Jun 28, 2002

I think the one incident is what finally got you banned on Mag, but I think it's your constant smart assed remarks about everything that contributed to it. I've seen your posts on other boards over the past years, and you've never missed an opportunity to insinuate that any fellow member's wife from the Angeles area is an ex hooker, you slam any big age differences, even though the concerned parties may be quite happy, you try to come across as an expert on all things Filipino based on a few trips and a few months in one general area of the PI, even though several other members have years of residence there and association with the PI. Hopefully someday you learn not to be so abrasive and "in your face" with you opinions, which incidentally are just your opinions. I wish you well with your new relationship, and hope your former bitterness you displayed on this and other boards doesn't come back to you....if it does, you'll probably have another "ex".

[SJ]

... in response to Re: Re: Is it just me..., posted by Terry C on Jun 29, 2002

of some. Anyone who's followed either boards for the last several years knows the situations. For those that are relatively new, they won't know because a great many conflicts have been deleted, not just on Mag, but here as well. Any body who's been banned was warned over and over again before action was taken. They've been warned on this site as well. Will "swooping" in and out result in failure? Many who fit the catagory are examples of success at it's best, failures too. Does countless trips to the Phils. and cultural experience assure success? No. There are those who fit that catagory that met with total failure, successes also. Anyone in the searching phase, or the process phase can learn from ALL sites out there. This "their stupid with nothing to say, but we're smart and witty" attitude should be left in the playground, along with the name calling.

[Matthew]

... in response to There's no point in rehashing th actions, posted by SJ on Jun 29, 2002

SJ,

You throw words like success and failure around pretty loosly.In your post were you talking about couples who have been married 10-20yrs?Even my own hopeless first marriage lasted 5yrs just on sex and infatuation alone.Is my current marriage a success or will it be a failure?It's great now but I've been there before.No guarantees.

I understand your point but as a marriage matures I think those who understand the culture and enjoy the country will have a better chance.Things like raising a child or money allocation might be easier.("No honey, I think we should buy the new car this year rather than visit your sick and aging parents").The reverse is true also.If your spouse really tries to understand our culture and get involved with Americans than this is very good too.

When I think success or failure I think long haul!

tito Matt

[SJ]

... in response to Re: There's no point in rehashing th act..., posted by Matthew on Jun 30, 2002

and understand her culture and country, actually the more you know HER, the better the chances. I no more loosly threw success and failure around than those who suggest that success  or failure was certain, due to particular factors. At what time does a marraige become successful? 5, 10, 20, 26, 31 years? Till death do us part? To qualify a successful marraige based solely on years together in no way defines a successful marraige to me. For many marraiges out there, the "long haul" has been nothing more than the "long Hell" I know, I had one. Your 100% right about no guarantees. Counselors and self help authors makes millions a year on that fact.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: There's no point in rehashing th act..., posted by Matthew on Jun 30, 2002

I think you made a good point Matt about having a better chance if you understand the culture and enjoy the country. I think marriage is always a gamble but anything that increases the odds of success is worth consideration.

About the question of what is a “successful marriage”, I don’t think there is any clear-cut definition. I guess it depends on your perspective. I suppose that some marriages are more successful than others, but I haven’t seen very many “perfect marriages” either. I think a successful marriage is one where both parties are satisfied with the relationship and wouldn’t trade what they have. When one party ceases to be happy with the relationship, then it’s probably on the way to being an unsuccessful marriage.

I don’t like to bash people on this age difference issue and I think those that are overly concerned with the ages of other couples are rather shallow. Just for the sake of argument, I suppose that a 70 year-old man who is living his fantasy with a hot-looking young wife considers his marriage a success while his teenage wife who only wanted a sugar daddy to take advantage of also considers their marriage a success. As long as both of their needs are being satisfied, who are we to look down upon them? As far as I’m concerned, it’s none of our stinking business. Two adults of legal age have the right to seek their own form of happiness without our approval. For those out there that obsess over this age difference thing, my advice would be to get a life of your own and work on your own relationship.

Longevity is one yardstick that many people use, but I don’t think that way. I would rather think that mutual happiness is a better measurement, but only the parties to the marriage can make that determination. My first marriage lasted over 23 years but eventually ended in divorce. We raised 3 children and had many happy years together and are not enemies to this day. Was it a “successful marriage”? I guess it was very successful when you compare it to some others, but it’s over. And frankly, I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything in this world.

This idea of finding the one perfect soul-mate and living happily ever after until death by old age is largely a myth in my opinion. I’m sure that there are literally millions of compatible mates out there for just about everyone and any one of those match-ups can be a successful marriage if both parties are committed to making it work. It does take hard work and patience on the part of both partners to get through the rough times and the more you have in common going in, the better odds you will have making it last. And I hate to burst some peoples’ bubbles, but no, love alone is not enough. It’s a nice romantic thought, but it just doesn’t fit the real world from what I have seen. Of course love is one of the most important factors, but the chances are that it won’t be continuous over the long run, so that’s when you need other common areas to fall back on when love takes a holiday.

Just rambling again… :-)

Ray

[Jeff S]

... in response to Good Point, posted by Ray on Jun 30, 2002

Great post Ray - and I couldn't agree more with your compatable mates part.

There was a thread over on the Russian board about marriages being about comittment more than love. I think it started with the assertion that people who live together before marrying have a higher incidence of divorce than those who don't. Like the old "red cars get into more accidents than any other color cars" misrepresentation, it's not the act of living together poisoning the situation, it's the personalities of people who want to try it out first to see if it might work, that does them in. The real thing that makes marriages go is committment, right from the get go.

I've found marriage to be like most other aspects of life, the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. Love grows from actions, rather than feelings. I have to laugh at many of the clueless who call into shows like Dr. Laura, and think their actions should be directed by their feelings. They haven't figured out that the "do" comes first and is what makes the "feel." Want to have high self esteem, win a few ball games, ace a few tough tests, and guess what, your self esteem rises (nothing to do with the current way left leaning thinking that things like tag and keeping score in ball games causes the losers to lose self esteem.) Likewise commit to someone, take care of them, sacrifice for them, do all the things, and voila! love comes. Do it not and love fades.

It's hard for me to imagine that two people can commit to each other, actually do loving things for each other on an ongoing basis, and put effort into the relationship - yet hate each other. As another poster said, the couple stuck together but life was hell. I'm guessing they stuck together out of stubbornness rather than commitmemt - or perhaps they were committed to making life hell for each other?

Just my viewpoint.

-- Jeff S.

[Matthew]

... in response to Good Point, posted by Ray on Jun 30, 2002

Good post,Ray.I know longevity doesn't determine a successful marriage.My parents were married 25yrs and except for having two wonderful kids and Jay it was a disaster!I guess my point was very few on these boards know if there marriage is successful or not because many are relativly still newlyweds.I know I am still on my honeymoon.And life is good!I still have alot to learn about my honey and her feelings.Gotta keep listening and sharing.
Can't take the little women for granted.

I hope you and the family are fine.Any plans on an RP vacation soon?Joy and I are shooting for March of 2003.We gotta do the family wedding with a cast of thousands.When her folks asked me to promise to return for a traditional wedding my first thought was hot dang.Another RP trip!

tito Matt

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Good Point, posted by Matthew on Jun 30, 2002

Bite me, Bro!

Jay

[Ray]

... in response to Hey Matt...., posted by Jay on Jul 1, 2002

ROTFLMAO!

[Dave H]

... in response to Hey Matt...., posted by Jay on Jul 1, 2002

I'm sure glad my brother is into blondes! He could run me out of here in a day! )))

Dave H.