another question about religion

[NateD]

Hi all,

A few weeks back, I posted one question about religion on the board, and I've been thinking about it quite a bit here lately, so I thought I'd post a few more questions to get some more takes on it.

First off, I am a devout Protestant and attend services weekly.  For those of you who also are Protestant and are married to Catholics, how do you work out church attendance?

Also, in a Protestant and Catholic home, how did or are you working out the raising of your children.  I realize this will probably vary from couple to couple, but I wouldn't mind an idea of how this is working out.

Thanks for your help.

NateD

[The Walker]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

Attending a wedding.

The main problem will be when/if there are children born. To marry her in a Catholic ceremony you have to agree to raise the children as Catholic. Either do so or break your word. Of course you can refuse in that case there will probably be no Catholic wedding. Or if she is very devout she may want them raised Catholic. If you have very devout feelings in the matter, there may be trouble. I have observed that Christian faiths of the heavy-metal variety preclude you from raising the children in both churches. Not very nice but it tends to keep up the membership and keep the tithes flowing into the coffers so it is in the economic interest of each church to do so.

Then there is the little admonition from her priest that she is to ceaselessly attempt to convert you. Again if you are both devout in your beliefs this will become a problem after a while.

Why not marry a Protestant or Born Again Christian Filipina, or a Bhuddist (forget Moslems)? There are many to choose from. You just have to work a little harder to find them.

Personally Vicky and I get along and I am not a Christian of any sort. I am a Blackfoot and practice the tribal faith. Vicky cannot bear children so there is no problem in that area. As for the ceaseless attempts to convert me, they pop up about three or four times a year. She brings it up, I decline and I hear no more about it for several more months.

When it comes to church attendance, I do not insist that she participate in any of my rituals, although she watches and finds them interesting. I attend her church with her once a month and at high holy times or other times when she needs my support or presence. It means nothing to me, religiously, and it makes her happy to roust me out and get me dressed up once a month and go listen to the priest. I actually get along with the local priest well. We are on some local charities and things together. Vicky has him out to the house regularly for meals and he is an accomplished singer, while every time I sing the livestock shed real tears. I humorously offered to take confession one time but he replied in the same vein that he didn't think his heart would stand it. All three of the household women are Catholic. Vicky, Maria (Jose's wife) and "Hazel" the world undisputed heavyweight champion maid (I still bet she could whup Lewis, heck I bet she could beat Lewis and Tyson together in a two-on-one fight). They go to church together. Jose' is an unreformed Catholic, he was born into the church but only goes about twice a month. So I am outnumbered at home.

Vicky goes almost every Sunday and a lot of Wednesdays and does work for the church as well. Doesn't bother me. She pledges our money for church projects. My only stipulation on that is that any of my money that goes to Catholic projects must benefit the local people. No gold for Rome. Of course, she can give her own money as she chooses. She doesn't work for Uncle anymore, well she consults for him on occasion. She works for me now, or rather for the ranch, incorporated. Draws a salary and everything.

All in all, it is a good arrangement. Some give and take. I show up enough to make her happy and she leaves me alone the rest of the time to scratch, drink coffee, watch football/baseball and read the Sunday Funnies in peace.

Don

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: another question about religion, posted by The Walker on Jun 11, 2002

Hi Don,

I personally have found what you said to be very true. While my Hispanic, Catholic ex-mother-in-law couldn't stop her daughter from breaking the covenant of marriage (The Lord knows she tried with everything from prayer to ostracism from the family. It only lasted one year, due to intervention by the priest and myself.), there was no way that Abuela was going to let anyone break my ex's promise to raise our children Catholic (This also applied to the other 7 grandchildren). This commitment was made before we were allowed to marry in the Catholic Church. As a Protestant, I didn't have to make this commitment. However, I had to agree to not prevent her from doing so. Since my sons lived with me after the divorce, it became my responsibility to deliver them to the CCD classes. The grandmother paid for everything. Had I not taken them, she would have driven the 20 miles to our house every Sunday to take them herself. She has always been supportive, kind, honest and fair with me, so I felt it was the least I could do.

As for my present marriage, my wife (Filipina) is Catholic. Since I couldn't be married in the Catholic Church, we married in a civil service. I had suggested that we marry in a Protestant ceremony, since it was a religious service that we both could attend. My wife was very uncomfortable with the idea, fearing she would be going against the Catholic Church. I agreed to the civil service. Hopfully, I will eventually resolve the issue of my first marriage with the Catholic Church, so we can have a ceremony in her church. Either way, my wife knew and accepted the situation when she agreed to marry me.

If one is devout in their religion, I also think it is best to marry someone of similar beliefs or willing to convert. Our case is similar to yours, "Some give and take."

Dave H.

[BrianN]

... in response to I agree!, posted by Dave H on Jun 11, 2002

Man you said enough here to make up for 8 marriages worth of baggage.

go put on that g-string and dance for a while and make the pope blush or whatever -

(you don't want to hear what I REALLY think.  Good thing I'm just a simple, flexible protestant - and I'm ready and quite willing to submit to my wife whenever she wants - lol).

whew - dude!

I'll have to send you a bottle of raftman vodka after I get back from my next trip to russia that you and your wife can have fun with.

what a post!

[Dave H]

... in response to You're kiddin right?, posted by BrianN on Jun 11, 2002

Hey Brian,

LOL I could go on...While my ex has no problem with divorce (actually she wanted to stay married and play the field) she has so far managed to block my attempt for an annulment or dissolution of marriage. The good Catholic that she is, I suppose she wants to try to hook up with me again in the afterlife...NOT! I have the kids, which is all that matters to me. I give them my views and also different perspectives on things, including religion.

My wife is in the Philippines...got the G-string out and headed to the beach. I don't know how I'm going to explain the tan line. ;o))) Hurry up with that bottle of Raftman! ;oD

Dave H.

[Dave H]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

Hi Nate,

I think that tolerance is the key...either to accept the other's religion and possibly convert (Protestant or Catholic, etc.) or to allow each other to practice their own beliefs, independently. I'm Protestant and my wife is Catholic (as was my ex-wife) We've never had any problems because we are tolerant of each others' religious beliefs and don't force them on the other. We sometimes share our views and ask questions in a calm, nonconfrontational manner. Not to "convert" the other, but to learn. My wife is a more devout Catholic (as was my ex...LOL) than I am a Protestant, so we usually attend the Catholic Church. I would bring the religious issue up early, since you state you are a "devout Protestant" and the majority of Filipinas are Catholic. Some are also quite devout.  

Dave H.

[Dave H]

... in response to Tolerence..., posted by Dave H on Jun 9, 2002

N/T

[Stephen]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

I don't see that there is any problem.

I've always taken her to church with me.  She doesn't complain.

Was there supposed to be a problem?

Stephen

[Willy]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

If you were a devout Protestant like you claim, you would not even be considering marrying a Catholic.  Think of the word, Protestant, they protested the RC Church.  They wanted nothing to do with them, and they with us, so to speak.  I myself hate labels like Religious, Protestants, etc.  More "Religious" killings have been committed in the Name of God than any other.  To answer your question more simply, there is a common ground we should all share as human beings, not as a label, and we can all meet halfway. Oh if only the whole world could take that view.  In other words, you accept her, she accepts you, you do your thing, she does hers, some compromise, some not.  Love is the most important aspect, and my wife and I have it worked out to a tee.  Sorry if I got preachy, it is just a subject I feel strongly about,
Willy

[beattledog]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

I, myself am a devout Southern Baptist. If I were to marry a woman of the Roman Catholic faith from another country, I believe that she should became the religion affiliation of which I am. I have always been taught that the woman should join and attend the church of the man of the household. Also, I would want the children to be raised in my faith. By both parties attending the same church and raising the children in the same religion, this reduces conflict.  My first wife, who is now deceased, switched from another religion to my faith and we never had any problems. The Bible says that the wife must submit to the man.

Beattledog

PS.
I was happly married for over 20 years.

[Surigao Ken]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002


Hey NateD,

I'm was what you called a non church going Christain. Since I married  my wife Nancy ( who is Catholic) we have been atteding Mass on a regular basis. I listen to the priest and say my own prayers and sing along with everyone else.
In regards to how I handle my faith, I feel that we are all on the same team, just that we play different positions.

Hope this helps

Take care,
Surigao Ken

[Ray]

... in response to another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

Nate,

The Catholic Church discourages marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, but the local bishop can grant permission to do so. It sometimes depends on local policy. To obtain permission, the Catholic must promise to continue practicing his or her faith and to do everything in his or her power to insure that any children are baptized and raised as Catholics.

The marriage would usually take place in a Catholic church but a Protestant minister can participate also. It is also possible to get permission for the marriage ceremony to take place in the Protestant church with the option to have a Catholic priest in attendance.

At least that's my understanding of church policy. What is your faith and what is the policy on marrying a Catholic? Just curious.

Ray

[NateD]

... in response to Re: another question about religion, posted by Ray on Jun 9, 2002

Hey Ray,

Thanks for your response.  As for my faith, well, I'm Christian, basically.  I believe that God created the Earth, and I believe that He gave His Son Jesus for our sins.  That's basically my faith.  As for my church's policy on marrying Catholic, I honestly don't know that we have one.

Do you think that my being Protestant, even with the same basic beliefs of the Catholics, will present a problem if I were to want to marry a Roman-Catholic Filipina?

Thanks,
NateD

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: another question about religion, posted by NateD on Jun 9, 2002

But nothing so serious as to stop you from marrying over there in the Catholic Church. If you are a baptized Christian then it will be easier. I assume you are asking about marrying over there in the Phils?

The first potential problem will likely be with her family. If you talk straight with her parents and let them know that you have strong Christian beliefs like they do, then they are more likely to feel comfortable with the arrangement.

Non-Catholic guys get married to Catholic Filipinas over there all the time. How much trouble you run into depends again on the local church policies in the jurisdiction where she lives. In some parishes it’s real easy. In others they will want you to convert and be baptized as a Catholic first. I’ve heard from several guys that Cebu is pretty strict that way. If you meet the right lady, she will have to talk to her parish priest and find out what their policy is. If you want to have a traditional Filipino wedding in the church, the key is to make all the arrangements well in advance if at all possible, to avoid last minute surprises. You would probably have to go through a short interview with a priest and attend a pre-marriage seminar, usually a couple of hours in length. Even if you did decide to convert, I’ve seen the process done over there in a week or two. I think the experience of a traditional wedding over there is well worth the extra effort. I really enjoyed mine and my bride was extremely happy, which is what really counts anyway :-)

I have known a lot of Fil-Am couples in the same kind of “mixed marriages” and religion is usually not a big issue.

Ray

[joemc]

... in response to Some problems, posted by Ray on Jun 10, 2002

Thanks Ray,
      For the information,sorry for stepping in
      there has been alot of changes in the P.I.
      when the time I got married. I think old joemc
      would have problems if I had to do all over again.
      I would probley get laugh out the country.
                                         
                                             thanks again
                                                    joemc