For BrianN

[NateD]

Hey Brian,

It seems that we're starting to get really far over on the page--almost to the point where it's impossible to see what the other has written  So I thought I'd just start this new message.

How much of a difference do you think there is between Filipinas here in the States and Filipinas in the Philippines?  The person I'm writing, so far as I know, hasn't been over here very long.

Thanks,
NateD

[Jeff S]

... in response to For BrianN, posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

This is an interesting topic that I thought I'd toss my few cents worth in on. As most of you know my wife is Japanese, and from the Tokyo area, so these thoughts may or may not apply to your sweeties. Bringing her here to the suburban Southern California beach area, she thought she was moving out in the country. She was already used to things like ATMs, resturaunts, the high cost of living, status brands of clothes, driving, etc etc. Nonetheless, she was and still is a traditional Asian woman in the way she relates to marriage, children, roles for men & women, etc.  

It seems to me if you bring someone from the bundocks in Asia to a US city, there's an awfully lot of Americanization she'll need, in order to survive, unless you want her totally dependent on you which I doubt most people could handle. She needs to learn how to budget money, drive, shop, communicate, fill the car with gas, do chores, and interface with people American style, not the style she's used to back home. What many posters here seem to think Americanization is, is to take up the leftist feminnazi princess viewpoint that many men tend to think the bulk of AW fall into. To imagine your Asian wife will suddenly turn ino Gloria Steinham, is a bit farfetched. Maybe it has happened but I'd wager more often that not, with immature "girls." Here's yet another good reason to only date mature women, secure in their beliefs with a strong, self sufficient personality.

I really don't see how a woman having lived in the US for a few years really changes anything, except for eliminating the huge learning curve of finding out about what America is all about. Now, if she'd been brought up here, that might be different, but after she's been here for a while, you get a chance to see how her attitudes hold or sway, so it may even be a better litmus test than someone fresh one from the provinces. Just a few thoughts.

-- Jeff S.

[The Walker]

... in response to "Americanization" of Asians, posted by Jeff S on Jun 13, 2002

I agree wholeheartedly. If they had a strong upbringing they will usually not stray more than a little. One reason I was attracted more to Vicky was that she was more mature (I raised two girls of my own through the 'terrible teens', I did NOT wish to repeat it with a wife) and more worldly. She was from a good family, she was used to money and material things. She did not go hog wild like a starving kid turned loose in a candy store

She could use ATMs and could balance books very well and manage a household. She had to learn how to drive, and a few other adjustments such as American prices and slang and the like, but otherwise she hit the ground running. I love her very much and she is one heck of a business asset as well as a wonderful wife. She knows how to manage me quite well, she runs the household like a Swiss watch and I would now be lost without her. I see she told you about our little flight to see the eclipse. Well, when you have a woman this good it is no trouble at all to do those sorts of things. I am always thinking of ways to impress her becuase although she may be a mature woman, when I do something like the flight she still is as happy as a little girl.

As a mature couple fairly close in age, we have more in common that a May/December pair. OBTW, nothing wrong with May/December relationships, it is just they are usually a little harder to maintain for long. As a mature couple we had many of the same memories of events, we had neices and nephews and such in common, neither of us like the boy-bands.  Most importantly she is not deluded about men. She knows I am not perfect and that I am a mere mortal. She knew marriage was not going to be one long Harlequin Romance novel. She knew I would sometimes be grumpy, as would she, and we would not always see eye to eye. Friends, that sort of understanding makes for a very comfortable marriage.

Don

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: "Americanization" of Asian..., posted by The Walker on Jun 14, 2002

One thing I wanted when I was wife hunting was to make sure my future wife had given up the "Prince Charming is coming to sweep me away" little girl fantasy. Young women with that fairy tale outlook usually tend to look at their boyfriends/husbands as projects to me manipulated into changing into their dream concept of what Prince Charming is supposed to be like. Like you, I married a more mature woman, who is a couple years older than I (Admitting that might get me thrown out of the MOB husbands club!) and who had been married and divorced (A Japanese omiai - arranged marriage). It was my first marriage though. She had no fantasies about living happily ever after in a fairy tale life and just wanted a solid, loving family relationship. Like Vicky, Mariko is strong, capable and self sufficient in addition to being very responsive to my needs and wants. Together we've created a kind of synergy in our accomplishments and day to day life style - doing things neither of could do alone. It's been a great ride so far.

-- Jeff S.

[joemc]

... in response to Good Point, Don!, posted by Jeff S on Jun 14, 2002

Hi Jeff,
       I do agree with my success in marriage.
      I married also a mature woman she is six years
      my senior.            
                             Thanks
                                   joemc

[Ray]

... in response to "Americanization" of Asians, posted by Jeff S on Jun 13, 2002

Very good thoughts Jeff!

I've seen Asian ladies come over here and change drastically, usually caught up in the materialistic trends of our society. But overall, most of the ladies still retain their core values that they grew up with back home.

Like you said, I have noticed that the maturer they are when they come over, the more of their cultural values they tend to retain over time.

Ray

[Howard]

... in response to Re: "Americanization" of Asian..., posted by Ray on Jun 13, 2002

It's like he turned my life the last few years into one of those Lifetime Movies!  LOL  But could Barry Bostwick or Patrick Duffy really play me?  I doubt it!  LOL

Seriously, Ray hit the nail right on the head.  He just described Ayesa to a TEE!  When she got here she went insane and became very materialistic, but more like a teenager than a gold digger.  She drove me CRAZY with The Back Street Homos and MTV and basicly just acting like the most annoying prototypical American teen.  Now, in hindsight, I realize she was barely more than a teen when she got here, 21 to be exact, but MAN that was what I ahd no WAY of being prepared for.  It was the WORST part of everything we went through.  You can brace for the big things, at least I can, but the little things, the unecessary self centered things, that can drive a man INSANE!  LOL  Luckily I made it without killing anyone  LOL

Keep the Faith

H

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: "Americanization" of Asian..., posted by Ray on Jun 13, 2002

It really is worth some serious thought to consider the age, and you guys put the "just right" spin on it.

[Ray]

... in response to For BrianN, posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

Nate,

If you're writing to a Filipina over here that hasn't been here very long, I would find out what her legal status is before I get serious. Is she here on a visitor visa? Student visa? Fiancee visa? Immigrant with permanent resident status? U.S. citizen? Married? Illegal?

Her status could tell you a lot about her “possible” motivation for seeking a marriage partner who is a U.S. citizen, if that’s what she is doing.

Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with hooking up with a Filipina over here. I think Brian was trying to tell you that they all become “Americanized” to one degree or another after they arrive in the States. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that because it’s going to happen anyway whether or not you pay a bunch of money to bring one over or if you find one already here.

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Legal status?, posted by Ray on Jun 13, 2002

Hey Ray,

Most discussion on P-L is about women trying to get into the country. One must also be very careful with foreigners (men and women) that are already here in the US, maybe more so. Many are here illegally and want to stay. I have seen a number of relatives, friends, neighbors, and coworkers get involved with people trying to gain legal immigration status. I have even been there myself a few times, but fortunately figured it out before it got too serious. Most of the people I know who married, got stuck with immigration costs (including attorney's fees), only to be hit with a divorce a little further down the road.

Dave H.

[NateD]

... in response to Legal status?, posted by Ray on Jun 13, 2002

Hi Ray,

So far as I know, she's not here on any of those visas you mentioned.  I'm not exactly sure what her actual status is, but I can tell you that she's living with her sister and her sister's family in New England and is working at, by the sounds of it, a nursing home near their house.  Does this help?

NateD

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Legal status?, posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

Nate,

She may be here on a special visa for RNs, as a lot of Filipinas are.

I would ask her exactly what her status is before you take it any further. Probably nothing to worry about, but you need to know.

Ray

[BrianN]

... in response to For BrianN, posted by NateD on Jun 13, 2002

Maybe this could be a good question for everyone, not just me.  The difference is simply "americanization".  This is something you'll have to experience first hand to understand it.  

Second thing; If you like the girl you're writing, then be careful with her.  People can get VERY attached to email correspondence and you can become very close.  Just because you're taking a stand back from all of it and now considering writing a native filipina in the Philippines ... well, let's just say it wouldn't be too fair to the girl you're writing now unless you came clean and told her what you're doing.

If you want to keep her as just a friend, then do that, and then she'll know not to get too involved with you.  Same thing applies to writing anyone else.  

Just be careful you don't end up going so far in this process that you miss the right one.  Often times, the "right one", will be found right in front of you.

[joemc]

... in response to Re: For BrianN, posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

Hi Brian,
     you make a good point in your post. It all depends
     who you are involve with or married with as the right
     one. Just because a filipina is in the states,I
     think alot pinas still hold their values in life.
     Or any asian woman for that fact.  

                                            that's my half a cent advise      
                                     

                                               joemc

[NateD]

... in response to Re: For BrianN, posted by BrianN on Jun 13, 2002

Truth be told, Brian, I've become pretty fond of the girl I'm writing to here in the States.  She's a very nice person.