Are Asian women generally shy about.....

[SingleDad318]

talking about love, sex and relationships?
I am curious to find out if anyone knows how differently asian women view these things. Do we (american men) tend to be to open about talking about these things with our asian sweeties?
Not completely knowing the culture yet, I am just trying not to offend my sweetie by saying the wrong things. I am not talking about porn, perversions, fetishes or anything twisted like that, what I mean is just those topics in general.

Also, loyalty.

It seems that asian women are much more loyal by nature (not subserviant in nature) but just more loyal to their partner, something most american women do not posess. I am not meaning someone who jumps at a beckoning call (if I want that I'll get a dog) but someone who is dedicated to their family in general.

any insight would be much appreciated.

Jody  

[SingleDad318]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

Thanks ya'll.

Just as always, great advice and pointers. I guess the topic can be touchy in certain circles and I appreciate everybodys candor in answering a sensitive topic.

I guess what I worry about the most is saying something or doing something that she would be offended by and I would be in the dog house. These relationships are a very rewarding and fulfilling as long as they are well founded with honesty, respect and integrity reigning supreme.

I know I have found an absolute jewel of a lady who has positively captivated me and taught me how to love someone for the first time in my life that I don't want to say or do something out of sorts that would offend her in anyway. Now, I have been in love before but this lady is much much different and has shown me sides of myself that I never realized that I had. I can honestly say that with her, I don't just love her but I am IN love with her.

We do share a lot of openness in our letters and our thoughts and know exactly what each is looking for within each other and we both realize that we have found that with each other.

Jody

[The Walker]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

As an Asian woman and a Filipina I can say that we run the gamut from bashful to brazen, in private or with their special girlfriends (which may number upwards of fifty back home in the RP).

Before we married, Don and I had VERY open discussions about sex. He was so honest I was a little worried I could please him. But it all worked out just fine! Neither of us wanted to marry someone incompatible in this area. I was a little slow on the subject at first but when we were thinking about getting engaged he told me he wanted to have serious discussions on the subject. So we did and I am glad, but he had to lead the discussion. If your woman is a virgin she will probably not want to discuss matters and probably will not know how. She will go along with whatever seems to make her husband happy and what is not too uncomfortabe for herself. After you are married and she gets used to having sex with you, you should find her to be very receptive.

I discuss everything with mother. I also chat with Mrs. Mayor about men in general and sex in particular. If Don wants to talk about the subject when we are alone that is fine but since we have been married a while now it is easier to act than talk. :-) Mrs. Mayor and I talk about our husbands all the time it is our favorite subject, even more than shopping. But I do not talk with Mr. Mayor about it or anyone else hardly. When Neice was with us and I was her surrogate mother we talked about it often. She was a virgin and had many questions.

Don's tribal women are very open and frank about sex. Before our tribal wedding they made sure I knew what was expected of me as a tribal bride married to a fine warrior. And they like to laugh and joke about sex a lot, which I had to get used to. They would ask me, after our honeymoon, how Don was "under the skins". I was able to truthfully report and keep his honor high. This pleased them.

So as so many have said there is no stereotype about Filipinas, let alone Asian women in general. I only say that if she is a virgin she will not discuss it much, saying it is up to you, and will follow your lead. If she is sexually experienced or has been married a while and her girlfriends start the subject she may or may not join in, as Lori has said, we are like women everywhere and to try and pin us down is futile. How they talk in front of a lot of girlfriends and how they talk to others is also a very different thing. The best thing to do is ask her. If she is a virgin she may be shy but if she is not it is best to clear the air between you.

I talk with a very few women on the subject and of course with my husband. Now that we are married I canot imagine refusing him anything, let alone a discussion about sex. He is the head of this household and what the king wants, the king gets, so long as it does not involve another woman. ;-) Hisssssss! Ha-ha!

-VICKY

[Howard]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

Jody,

Everyone that has spoken has given good advice.  I'm relieved to see that I am not the only voice warning of the danger involved in stereotyping

The first thing you need to do is look at your friend as an individual and throw the popular myths out the window.  I could have saved myself a TON of grief had I been more open here and listened to what the wise few--at that time--were telling me.  Remembering thier advice, applying it to my personal mishaps and refusing to ignore my own gut feelings--like I had done in the past; always buying the "Cultural Differences" blanket statement--have all put me in a much warmer, fuzzier place with someone whom I have no doubt cares a GREAT deal about me.

It is important that you see the negatives as well as the positives.  I discounted them when I was in your place, it was a HUGE mistake for me!  Of course the end justifies the means in my particular situation.  If you ever wanna know my story--and don't have the time or patience for the archives --just email me and I will be HAPPY to share

The best advice I can give is to make yourself comfotable with the issues that are important to you.  Sex gets prioritized differently for everyone.  Ask the questions you need to.  Obviously be tactful and compassionate, but you should really look for the answers you seek if you need to.  Don't acccept the omnipresent "Cultural Differences" explanation.  Not because it's not valid, in many circumstance it most definitely IS a factor, but because, in this area of the relationship, she needs to know your expectations.  Personally, I would not accept non-answers about this topic or any topic crucial to my comfort in a relationship.  All the factors that don't matter, I don't dig for answers.  But that's me

Although I'm not an expert on ANY of this, I do have pretty respectable expirience and have learned ALOT along the way  It's all with Filipinas, but most would apply to any long distance courtship.  If you would like to talk privately, my email address is readily available.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Keep the Faith

H

[Jeff S]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

Most of the Japanese women I know are less conversant about sex issues with their husbands, also. That may not apply to the younger set, though. But as Lori pointed out, they do banter about it with their friends out of earshot of most men. On the issue of loyalty, they're fiercely loyal to their families and husbands - and expect the same in return. This is not just about affairs, this is for everything - sticking up for each other even if one of you is wrong, to the outside world. It took a bit of getting used to for me.

If you're looking for subserviance - don't go to China, that's for sure. The Chinese women who I know are all confident, strong and rule the roost. I don't know any weak ones. Of course, that can be said for Japanese and Filipinas as well. (See Vicky's post below about subserviant Filipinas) But, my wife is often surprised when we get together with the Chinese couples we know, at how strong the wives are in the relationship. Of course these are generalities and each individual is different.

- Jeff S.

[MsDuong]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

I have pinay friends who are totally loyal to their husbands. They even stayed with them after numerous affairs with other women. I have some that have been best friends with their husbands for years, and have a great partnership. I have friends that cheat on their hubbys everytime they go "to the feild". I have one that has a separate E-Mail account that her husband knows nothing about. This is used for her boyfriend to contact her . I also have another friend who  stayed with her hubby just long enough to get half his retirement from the government. And now she is enjoying the benifits to his expense.

So, you see, you can not generalize. I think you have to make assumptions on an individual basis.

[MsDuong]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

In my experience, with pinays that I have worked within the past, sex can be a very comical subject. It's a favorite passtime during our working hours to joke  around about it. It's cute  to see shy women make a comment and then put their hands over their mouths in a "Oh my gosh, did I say that?" sort of way. But then there are the ones that are not so shy.
I think it just depends on the person, the enviorment they are in, and if they are with someone they trust, as to how they open up on this subjct.
...my 2000 dongs worth

[Bear]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

You are asking us to make stereotyping statements about asian women and then classify them accordingly.  I have found that this is just not possible.  I see lots of Filipinas who eagerly and willing discuss sexual topics in public and others who have a hard time discussing it with their husbands in private.  So I personally think your question can't be ansered in the way you asked it.  

What I can say is I have found that asian women do see their husbands as they did their fathers and that they trust, believe in and will literally obey his decisions.  This is true in sexual issues also.  Basically it means what you want and expect should be discussed, explained and acted on in a tender, compassionate and caring manner, you will find no problems.

Bear

[BrianN]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

(almost), and she would never discuss topics regarding love, sex, or relationships - unless it was somebody elses.  The other filipina women I knew were pretty much the same, very close-lipped about it.

However, my ex, had already been here in the states for about 7 years, and she had already become acclimated to the social climate.  Your mileage may vary here.

I'd say, (jm2 cents), if she's not yet (totally) adjusted to you yet, then talk... get it out in the open in the beginning, that way there's no weirdo things going on in her head, and she'll always know that you're a normal pervert.

haha!

:^)

[Tim]

... in response to Are Asian women generally shy about....., posted by SingleDad318 on Jun 4, 2002

In my opinion, Chinese ladies generally do not like to discuss sexual topics, even normal sex talk between husband and wife. There culture is simply not that open about this. Please read that careful. I am not saying they do not like to have a healthy and normal sexual relationship, I am just saying that they do not feel comfortable discussing it. The casualness with which we westerners discuss sex is something that your Chinese partner will need to get adjusted to (and perhaps learn to accept, but possibly never do herself).

As for loyalty, again I can only speak from my personal observations. The Chinese ladies I have met are all very loyal, both to their boyfriends/fiances/husbands and to their family. It is a strong but quiet loyalty, that I believe comes from their cultural upbringing.

As always, your personal mileage may vary.

Regards, Tim