children

[stefang]

A question for everyone with children. How do the Asian women differ than the AW when it comes to raising the kids? Do your wives seem to want to spend more time with them, teaching the kids or just put them in the day care centers and go to work instead. I would not mind a working wife but I think children should come first especially in the first five years of their development. Any answers appreciated thanks.

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to children, posted by stefang on Jun 6, 2002

Hi Stefang,
I think it depends on the woman's choice whether she wants to be a stay-at-home Mom or working Mom where she is more comfortable and happier and it depends on the couples' financial situation or lifestyle that's why this issue should be discussed by both husband and wife before they decide to have kids.
In my case, my family is my top priority so I chose to be a stay-at-home Mom. I've been a stay-at-home Mom since I gave birth to my daughter almost 6 years ago Yeah sometimes I missed to go to work but I'd rather be at home taking care my daughter, husband, and the house. Which reminds me of what happened last Thursday my daughter just graduated from Kindergarten and when they asked her on stage what she wants to be when she grows up, Her answer was to be just like her Mom staying at home and have 3 children so all the people laughed at her answer but for me, it's a compliment from my own daughter My husband and I were surprised also to hear that from her.
We only live in one-income household but that's fine to us, as long as we have a house to live in, food on the table and we are a happy family (who fa*ts a lot 'LOL' j/k) that's all it matters.
But what I do in my spare time or when my daughter is in school, I learned to make an extra $$$ by selling on eBay auction I always go to a yard/garage sale looking out for a stuff that I can buy to sell... and I sell also some stuff here in the house that we don't need so I can say that being a stay-at-home Mom is an individual's choice that have a great rewards in the end.

NNP

[Alvin]

... in response to children, posted by stefang on Jun 6, 2002

My wife is an excellent mother.  Day care is not an option and she will raise our child.  We are also considering home schooling so that we can instill the values that we think are important for her future.  

I think it is wrong to generalize about child care rearing charateristics by national origin.  Mothering is an individual trait based on individual personal traits and past personal experiences.  Asians vary as much as any other race.  All generalizations are wrong and represent personal opinion.

Alvin

[Ray]

... in response to My wife is an excellent mother, posted by Alvin on Jun 7, 2002

ALL generalizations are NOT wrong. Cultural-based generalizations can be very useful as long as they are kept in context and backed up by knowledge and experience. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with personal opinion. Much of written history is based on personal opinion.

As an example, read the excellent book "Culture Shock! Philippines" by Roces. It's FULL of generalizations about Filipinos based largely on the experiences and opinions of the authors.

That’s my opinion…

Ray

[Alvin]

... in response to I Disagree, posted by Ray on Jun 7, 2002

Just because a book is published does mean that it contain accurate information.  It means that someone has money to pay a publisher or the publisher feels tha he can make money on the venture.

There are many excellent American born mothers and there are many bad American born mothers.  It is a fact that many Filipinos have sold their daughters into prostitution, good parents?  Some Asians have injured their children to produce deformities so that the child can become a beggar.  That is a fact not a generalization.  

As far as Cultural Shock is concerned, there are many people who disagree with any generalizations in any book, unless it is based on specific studies that are based on information obtained by an approved scientific method.  When information is obtained by a scientific method, it is explained in such a way that information can applied to make a recomendation not a generalization.

Many Filipinos encourage their daughters to marry American for financial gain for their family.  This is a fact.  Generalization:  All Filipino encourage their daughters to marry only for financial gain.  This is not a fact.

My wife's parents are excellent parents.  My wife's aunt has not seen her 6 kids for five years, too busy in a foreign country making money but will not send any money home for her children and will not call to check on them.

Generalizations are easy to make and are easily accepted by people as fact but that does not make them true.

Do you want this information seeker to believe that all Filipinas make good mothers based on generalization by board members?  He has to be very careful in his selection process for a wife.  He should read Cultural Shock as a primer and then make his own observations based on his association with Filipinas.
Alvin

[Ray]

... in response to That  is why most history is wrong ,it i..., posted by Alvin on Jun 7, 2002

I couldn’t say with any authority that most history is wrong because I wasn’t there when it happened (LOL). You aren’t really telling me anything new here. I don’t personally know of anyone who thinks any book contains accurate information just because it has been published. Let’s be reasonable here.

To automatically discount written history or personal experiences just because they contain some opinions of the author is unreasonable. If you can’t listen to others’ opinions with an open mind, then you’re not going to learn much in this life. No, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, but it doesn’t hurt to listen.

The examples of generalizations that you cited were the extremes and I would probably characterize those more as extreme stereotyping. I agree with you that for me to say “ All Filipinas are x” or “All Asians are y” would be wrong in most every case. But if I say “Most Filipinas are short compared to Western women” or “From my experience, most Asian women are more family-oriented than the typical American woman”, then what’s wrong with that? That’s generalizing based on my own experiences.

When a guy comes here and asks for comparisons between American women and Asian women that he know almost nothing about, then I think it’s often valuable for us to share our opinions and observations, no matter how biased or experienced we may be. It’s always up to the reader to take away what he thinks is valuable from the discussion. And if he is so shallow that he takes everything he reads here as the absolute unbiased truth, then he’s probably hopeless anyway.

I think we should give these new guys credit for coming here and asking questions, no matter how silly they may seem to us, as long as they seem genuine and want to learn. If someone wants to give their opinions here and they are generalizing about another culture based on their experiences, then who are we to tell them that all generalizations are always wrong. As long as those opinions are kept in perspective, I see no harm. And of course opinions are always open to debate here. But let’s give the new readers here some credit for their intelligence and their ability to filter out the biased and bigoted crap.

So, my advice for any reader here would be to read this stuff with an open mind and if you don’t agree with something, say so in an intelligent manner.

Just my $.02,

Ray

[Alvin]

... in response to So what do you do, ignore history?, posted by Ray on Jun 8, 2002

Hello Ray
I wholeheartedly agree with this post.

Alvin

[The Walker]

... in response to My wife is an excellent mother, posted by Alvin on Jun 7, 2002

If you are going to home school your kids you had better have your wife start boning up on the required courses now. She will not be familiar enough with American history, and especially state history. I admit at the early stages she will not need too much of that, but before very long she will. Also, how are her math skills, correct english grammar (diagramming sentences and all that), etc.?

Most school districts are quite hostile towards home schooling and you can expect resistance and increased testing requirements. We had a lot of trouble even with our kids in private (secular) schools. Have you looked into a good private school?

-Don

[Alvin]

... in response to Re: My wife is an excellent mother, posted by The Walker on Jun 7, 2002

We are just beginning to check.  There is a national home school organization that supplies all information so that you are teaching appropriate course content.  The only thing that concerns me is the socialization process that the child would miss.  My oldest child was home schooled and attended elementary school.  He was reading and spelling above the 12th grade level at age 6 in the first grade.  I can see that this child has the same potential even at her young age.  My wife works in her home office so that she can devote herself full time to our daughter.  

Thanksfor the suggestion
Alvin

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: My wife is an excellent mother, posted by The Walker on Jun 7, 2002

Well.....here's my opinion.

The public school system here in California is so bad that even an Asian woman who was not up-to-speed on American History would probably do as good of a job.  I mean, just look at the kids in public school....they don't know anything about American History.

I have no sympathy with public schools here in California.  

Stephen

[The Walker]

... in response to Re: Re: My wife is an excellent mother, posted by Stephen on Jun 7, 2002

I have little use for the public schools anywhere these days. But the local government/school boards/child welfare will insist that your kids pass tests with honors that their public school students continually fail. Unions.

Even with my children attending secular (non-religious) private schools we had a lot of grief. The school had to continually meet standards the local public school could not reach. And we still had to pay our school taxes. The local board was always going on about loss of money to private schools. What loss? We still had to pay taxes.

Then they denied the private school kids entry into their sports leagues. So they had to travel a long way for games and such. They even tried to keep the school out of the band contests, but failed due to title 7. We did meet the local school in the state quarter-finals and thoroughly thrashed them.

Even though the private school kids consistantly placed in the upper 5 percentile on all standardized tests, the public schools still tried to throw all sorts of trouble their way. Jealousy.

-Don

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My wife is an excellent moth..., posted by The Walker on Jun 7, 2002

I agree that public schools have many problems,,,remember though this country was founded with the idea that all are created equal,,,that all shall receive free public education.  When only the rich get educated you have problems, which we see in other countries.  Missouri teachers do not have collective barginning rights.  There are no unions .  Most states don't have teacher union's.  It appears that 9/11 might have been stopped if the Bosses of the FBI and CIA listened to their people in the field.  Sounds similiar to the situation we have in education.  Administrators, Board members, and law makers need to hear us teachers. We know where there are problems.  

If we place our kids in private schools...it will be because they can learn better social skills.....public school kids aren't allowed to pray..etc,,

P.S.  If all parents and teachers would expect all kids to learn, and  expect all kids to show respect, most would succeed with out all the special programs that have changed public school.

Steveb

[Alvin]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My wife is an excellent moth..., posted by The Walker on Jun 7, 2002

We live in North Carolina.  NC was ranked 49th in the nation with South Carolina ranked 50th.  My youngest son is a victim of this system.  His mother took him out of private school so she could keep the extra money after the divorce.  He graduated but he never went to class and never completed his work assignments.  I hope the republicans can evevtually pass the school tax credit proposal.
Alvin

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: My wife is an excellent ..., posted by Alvin on Jun 8, 2002

How is this the systems problem....did they allow your son to miss school,,,to not turn in assignments??  I did little work in school,,,it was too easy,,,but my parents wouldn't have allowed me to miss school.....Why is school too easy??Let me hear your thoughts before I post mine...

steveb

[Alvin]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My wife is an excell..., posted by SteveB on Jun 8, 2002

This would never have happened if he had lived with me.  He had the option of living with me or his mother.  He is lazy and wanted the easy way out so he chose to live with his mother.  One morning I called at 11am on a school day and everybody was still sleeping.  When I complained, she said he was old enough to get up and go himself and it was his personal decision not to go.  I know this does not make sense but got tired of going to court and losing each time.  I decied to just pray for him.
Alvin