Very good advice

[KenC]

The following advice should be heeded by all first time visitors:

"I'd still try not to get your expectations to high though. Look at it as I said, a nice time with a beautiful stranger in a place exotic to you both. Not such a bad deal and if it works out to be more all the better. And be sure to remain in control at all times, if you get my drift. Do nothing until you're back home and the experience has worn off some. Don't let the "fog of MOB" get the best of you, they'll be time enough to make command decisions later"
Posted by LP.

Too many guys travel to the fsu and have the unrealistic expectations of "finding the one" and then proceed to force a relationship to fit.  What is the rush?  If it is true love, then it will hold until at least the next visit.  LOL.  The "fog of MOB" is a real danger too.  I am sure that many guys will succumb to the intoxicating position of being "Hugh Heffner" for a few days.  It is a position that most of us are not used to.  Do not become a "one week wonder", because your actions will turn your life upside down.
KenC

[Sunshine]

... in response to Very good advice, posted by KenC on Jan 18, 2005

Good, mature judgement should always be practiced when seeking a fsu bride.  Too many agencies encourage men of limited financial means to both meet their penpal and propose during their first fsu trip.  Save your money and vacation time so you can afford to make at least two trips before deciding something as important as marriage.

[Patrick]

... in response to Very good advice, posted by KenC on Jan 18, 2005

"Too many guys travel to the fsu and have the unrealistic expectations of 'finding the one' and then proceed to force a relationship to fit. What is the rush?"

It can be even worse.  There are some men who won't even travel there until they've proposed and a woman has accepted via phone, e-mail, or a letter.  It's not that uncommon.

[TwoBitBandit]

... in response to Re: Very good advice, posted by Patrick on Jan 18, 2005

[This message has been edited by TwoBitBandit]

Wow, I've never heard that "men who won't even travel there until they've proposed."  That's a new one on me!

I don't really understand the one-week-wonders.

But, this is just over the top.  How can you propose to someone that you've never even *met*

I'm definitely in the meet-many-times-and-live-over-there-for-a-few-months-if-you-can camp.

It's a strange world we live in.

[fathertime]

... in response to Re: Re: Very good advice, posted by TwoBitBandit on Jan 19, 2005

Howdy Mugs,
    I am new to this forum.  I have a little experience on the latin side of things. It seems I am from a different tribe altogether in terms of my approach to things.  I am going to Odessa shortly on a tour and I intend to meet someone who is going to get the chance to play for all the marbles with me.  I will not propose marriage but I will begin paperwork for a fiance visa immediately after the trip if I get the right vibes.  I will also make a follow up trip shortly after the first to further verify my decision.  

    The way I see it is I am going into the trip knowing what I am looking for and if I see it I am gonna take it.  If I am being hornswoggled by a dame I will find out soon enough or during the 3 month trial period.  Based on what I have heard it seems their will be many good women to choose from so why procrastinate, its not a filibuster.  
If I screw it up and select a shark than I am going to ship her back airmail.  If I choose to marry after the 3 month period than I will protect my assets with a incontestable prenup. If the woman I choose can't understand and agree to a prenup, than I chose the wrong woman for sure.  

In my opinion the risk is worth the reward. It's the woman who takes the majority of the risk.  Traveling to a strange land, alone and dependent.  All I risk is my feelings and a little cash.  I have been broke before and my feelings have been broken as well and I still stand.

In the end the fact is I do not want to be traveling to Ukraine and flirting endlessly over a period of years looking for exact perfection.  I don't need perfection after all whoever gets stuck with me is getting a dinged up old Duster with balding tires.

I anxiously await the fallout!

[Bruno Thoumsin]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Very good advice, posted by fathertime on Jan 19, 2005

I am sorry but you have wrong... you say that the woman take all the risk... and this is true...

If you use the K1 visa for invit your lady and that after the periode of three month, you don't go married, she need return to his own country...

Result, she cannot more aplly for a K1 during the next 5 year !!! When she come back in own country, she have no more work...

The K1 is a method for when you are almost sure to be married and not for try several woman.

What kind of feeling have you for allow a woman take so big risk...

Use some month of correspondance for see if you are compatible... meet her... and if all is right, apply for K1... of maybe marry her in her own country and apply for K3... more complex but the procedure is shorter of three month...

Why marry in her country... for respect for family... it will be the last time they are with her daughter...

Don't make to other what you don't wish the other make to you... marry a woman is not like make shopping... no happy, give it back to the shop !!! I think that marry someone is something enough important in life for take is time... and make the good choice...

Bruno Thoumsin
Love from Russia

[fathertime]

... in response to bad advice, you think only about yoursel..., posted by Bruno Thoumsin on Jan 19, 2005

Thank you Bruno, you seem to mean well and some of your points are well taken.  Out of respect for the womans family a ceremony of some sort should take place in her homeland as well if that is what she desires.  
Insofar as allowing the woman to take the risk, that is simply how the dynamics work.  If the woman represents herself the same as she portrays herself during my experiences in her homeland than her risk is very small.  If she undergoes a metamorphosis and is intolerable or untrustworthy than of course I am going to withdraw my invitation.  There should be many ways to test for this over 3 months. I intend to hold up my end of the bargain.  I refuse to act like a silly flirt in the Ukraine because I do not want to act too much differently than I am in real life.  I intend to be the same cynical, somewhat complicated guy I normally am.   The funny thing was that in Colombia the ladies loved it.  I do not know if that will be the case in Ukraine but I have no choice to be my dirty old self and see how it goes.  Generally what kind of humor do the Ukrainian woman like?

"I think that marry someone is something enough important in life for take is time... and make the good choice..."

Although marriage is important I believe that it is not  important to pick "The one" It is more important to make your choice and than the woman becomes "The one". I am looking for certain traits to give the lady a chance to be "The one" and I will not set a lady up for failure and bring her across the globe if she has little chance.  

My experience thus far with communicating through mail and over phone has been a waste of time.  I attempted to call one lovely woman but had to have the phone call interpreted at a hefty fee and somehow my email address was not communicated properly although I said it at least 3 times.  I now refuse to use any of the services of the agency until I get to the Ukraine.  

Thank you
Fathertime

[Bruno Thoumsin]

... in response to Re: bad advice, you think only about you..., posted by fathertime on Jan 19, 2005

I understand that you don't wish use services of agency... i have know a lot of problem with the agency where was galina...

- they remove contact information
- they change the text of letter
- they write letter to man without asking the lady
...

It is why i have start my own marriage agency... in reality, i am not a marriage agency but it is my home page... but i need to call this marriage agency for the search engine... who go search after the homepage from Bruno Thoumsin...

When Galina have write via agency, she always propose that i help to pay the expense of the agency... and i have almost stop with her because i have think that she was a scam... but now, i know that she have never write this but the agency ass it...

Now, she use her own e-mail box, her english is far to be perfect but i understand her... and she have propose to send me 200$ for meet her again more early... our next meeting is planned only to May because i need spare money for the trip...

But if you search very good, you can find some agency who are good and honest... but it is very difficult to find them... and if you understand russian language, you can surf on russian page... same woman make her own web page to find a man ... but in russian language...

[KenC]

... in response to bad advice, you think only about yoursel..., posted by Bruno Thoumsin on Jan 19, 2005

Bruno,
I disagree with you on many points:

Five year ban on the lady obtaining another K-1-

I don't believe this to be true.  I know of RW that have come over on two seperate K-1's (her choice) and there wasn't 5 years between.

The idea of using correspondence to determine compatibility-
This is impossible to determine through written words.  The only way to find out how compatible two people are, is for them to live together or at least spend most of their time together over a long period of time.

The concept of marrying and using a K-3 for time savings-
Even though a K-3 may be quicker, this type of action will have more severe complications should the couple not choose to stay married after immigration.

I do agree that the K-1 process should be taken seriously.  The couple should be rather certain that they will be getting married.  But thinkgs can happen to change that goal.  The man should not look at the 90 day window as a "test drive".  That is of course is unless they both consider it a "test drive".
KenC

[Frank O]

... in response to This is bad advice, posted by KenC on Jan 19, 2005

As you all well know mine has taken forever.

[Bruno Thoumsin]

... in response to I DISAGREE about K3 being "quicker&..., posted by Frank O on Jan 20, 2005

All this is theoric... when all is right, the K3 is more fast... but more complex in paperwork... and if some paper are not right, start again... and i speak the administratif delay, not the time for ready all document...

In Belgium, the procedure is other but they have say me that all will be more fast when i marry in russia... and i have marry in russia but... it was need around two month for ready all paperwork, and i have a lot of chance, i have use the help of someone from the Belgium Ambassy in Moscow ( a old friend from my army time )...

And i think that for America, it can be the same, the K1 is complex but the K3 more complex... and i don't speak when the woman have already one children... the woman need a legal authorization from the real father, no always easy...

More difficult too when the russian woman is birth in other republic who is now independant !!!

Really, marry a russian woman can be a fight ...

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to I DISAGREE about K3 being "quicker&..., posted by Frank O on Jan 20, 2005

It depends on the service center / part of the country you are applying from.  Vermont runs a little less than six months from start to finish.

[tim360z]

... in response to How long are you waiting?, posted by Bobby Orr on Jan 20, 2005

About a year ago I was reading about all the waiting problems at the service centers.  I live in Vermont,  so naturally I thought I would see what happens when one calls a service center.  I was skeptical...and I was wrong.  I just gave a cold call for info and was directed to 2 very nice professional people who answered any...and I mean any question that I might have about K-1 visas and everything else,  the whole process.  Not only that but they gave me their names in case I might have any problems in the future.  I was very pleasantly amazed after reading all the difficult times some people have had in the process.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Re: How long are you waiting?, posted by tim360z on Jan 21, 2005

I was pleasantly suprised after wading through the computer driven press 1, 3 etc., sitting on the phone and finally talking to someone who did answer my questions reasonably.

[LP]

... in response to This is bad advice, posted by KenC on Jan 19, 2005

I said no text!