Some thoughts and minds

[Rostick]

Dear All,

It's been a while since I made any input on this board. For the most part I was working with a lot of people who would come to Ukraine in search for happiness, I hope that the experience I`ll start sharing here on the board will help a lot of people, who are in the beginning of their search.
Mainly I work with very nice people, both men and women. It was hard for me to understand why a lot of people were not successful on their trips. I think now having heard and seen the process from both sides, I understand the situation.
A lot of people don't know what they are looking for, I mean both men and women. Which is fine if they rely on their hearts, but that happens rather rarely. Yet at the same time the whole procedure comes down to a few simple questions everybody needs to ask themselves:
Why am I looking for a partner in life?
What is it that I`m lacking in life, that keeps me from being happy?
What is it that I`m looking for in my future partner?
What am I prepared to give to be happy?
What do I expect in return from my partner?

I know these questions sound very easy and simple, but believe me, I've asked these questions many times, I've asked my clients, women from the agencies, and so far I haven't heard a lot of answers.

These things are very important, to my mind, before you even consider coming to Ukraine to look for a soulmate.

I know a person who is successful at work, he's got kids, and he is a wonderful man and a loving father. I asked him once, what were the happiest years of his life, and he told me that was the time when he just got divorced, and was taking care of his kids.
Guess what, it takes a lot of courage to be honest about things like this. A lot of people are looking for a wife, because they need to share their feelings with somebody, some need to have a female company, some simply got bored with life, some are just looking for a trophy etc.
To my opinion this is not a problem at all, as long as people realize what is it that they need from life. In other words, better understanding of yourself will lead to better understanding of things that it takes for you to be happy in life. Especially when you are making steps towards creating a HAPPY FAMILY!!

I must admit that to a lot of people this post of mine will be meaningless, because they've already found their partners and are happy. A lot of people will not accept things I say and I`m not asking for it. All I really want is for people to have better understanding of themselves and their lives. Why do I care about it? Mainly because that's what I do, I assist people in their search and hopefully help them on the way to happiness.

So, please take a minute and ask yourself about all these things, try to look inside of you see the answers you get, who knows maybe it will help you, keep you more focused, help you find the RIGHT person.

Dear Reader, I hope you`ll find some posts of mine interesting some may be boring, but I trully believe that a person who has understanding of both parties can do a lot of good by sharing his opinions and thoughts, and that's exactly what I`m doing.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to e-mail me at RostickGavrilov201@hotmail.com

With best wishes,
Rostick.

[LP]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

[This message has been edited by LP]

Hi Rocky, what prompted this? Couldn't have been our little get together a few weeks back in Kyiv now could it? Don't make me come back there and straighten you out You already confessed: Deep down you know this business is rotten to the core. It's how most Ukrainians feel, just ask them.

What do you mean by "success"? Success is measured in many ways, some better than others. It's not difficult to find and marry a R/W, many guys do it in record time. You call that success? I don't. Do you mean those guys who take longer or simply steer clear of the risks? Maybe they know a better way or maybe they're not on a mission. Or maybe some just don't feel a powerful need to depend on another person for happiness or may simply be going the FSU for combined reasons. Or (Heaven forbid) they might actually realize you need to know someone pretty well in order to marry them and that takes time.

You know exactly why others have problems, the examples and stories we exchanged a few weeks ago tell the tale about many MOB guys. Geez, some of those stories you told me would give any normal person the heebie-geebies for months and I've seen some doozies too. In my opinion a majority of MOB guys are looking for the wrong things in the wrong places for the wrong reasons. They keep thinking they can "have it all" (the trophy syndrome) or it's a selection process or some sort of competition in their minds. That and most women back home refuse to deal with them. It drives them to do some powerfully queer stuff, just peruse this and other boards for proof of that. Others will fall in "love" with just about anyone in a heartbeat because as Bobby pointed out, they're motivated by an unhealthy need. The sooner you disconnect yourself from these types the better. Nuff said.

Vera and Luda send their regards and things went even better in Odesa. My business guy down there says you should wise up. He blew off all that MOB nonsense and couldn't be happier. His current methods of making a living may not be as entertaining but at least they no longer expose him to MOB losers and he's doing pretty well these days. As for the other place, we can gain entry on my permit next time I'm in town if you still want to go. It's takes a little creativity to get freebies on the air carrier I prefer but I may work up another trip soon. Heck, I may even break down and pay for it. Until then hold tight, I may be going back to Odesa in a few months to follow up on something.

[europete]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Hi Rostick,
How are you doing over there. Keeping busy as always? I will see you next year. Too much work over here to travel.
Pete Cruz

[keithandkatya]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Hi Rostick,

You give some great advice and I hope everyone reads your letter and remembers what you have learned from your observations.

Just wondering if you remember me... I know you have had lots of clients. I was there in May of 2001. You met me at the airport in Kiev... I met a girl there and you helped to translate... it didnt work out- no problem- because my true love- the girl I had been writing to and calling for a longer time anyway- I met a couple of days later down south in Cherkasy-and she became my wife in 2002- you never met her-
I appreciated your help in Kiev and your patience- for some reason the locks in the apt. and the hot water heater were a mystery to me... LOL    all the best,
Keith

[tim360z]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Hiya Rostick,

Been a very long time since I read one of your posts...this one is precious.  Keep posting.  Hope all is well and you are keeping busy, Cheers, Tim

[david hagar]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

This will go down as one of the greatest posts in the hisory of the board, on the Asian, Latin, and Russian forums. A gentleman of your deep knowledge should be able to find him the finest lady in the world

Beattledog

[RickM]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Excitement wear off comes the reality that you are dealing with "life-time" type of decisions and this ain't no Saturday Night Fling or something.

Lot's needs to be considered..........
-Each other's true motives...
-Expenses...(EVERYTHING-you'll be supporting her for awhile)
-Language and culture barriers....
-Having enough time to support her upon arrival to get her properly settled-in and introduced to a new culture...
-90 days Fiance Visa "is" tough to make a call on compatibility...(maybe a few trips "are" necessary,infactuation sucks)
-make sure you know her past and living habits well...
-time makes clear each other's clear lifestyles...
-establishing trade-offs of responsibilities in life...
-How each feels about having children...
-Realizing she leaves all she knows behind,areyou planning for large phone bills and re-visiting the in-laws...
-And "SHOULD" be many,many other questions to consider before making decisions otherwise the both of you are jumping into something...

I know 3 years later when people like my daughter ask me how is everything I find myself answering her with things like "I found the best companion in the world "literally" for me" or "I never realized how lonely I was before until I got married",so for in "MY CASE"...

We rushed into it a little but I think both our major concerns and desires were addressed when we met and spent a month living together in her country.Once she arrived here,it was a no-brainer that the quality of life went up to sky-rocket levels...She "does" still miss her family,friends and homeland still though,but she has no desire what-so-ever to leave USA and having a child together is the most bonding experience to seal a relationship with...Best of luck to all...

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Excellent questions everyone involved in the process should be thinking of.  Good reminder.  I just hope you are not often thoroughly disappointed trying to help people who have no idea what they are looking for, who have no idea of what is going on with themselves - much less in another person.  One first must be happy with oneself before one can even look for another - much less in a foreign country.  I suppose the connections are what you live for.  Best of luck - though I will probably never meet you, I have only heard good things about you.

[Rags]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Hello Buddy. Very true words, my friend. You must know what you really want AND what you are willing do (or give up) to get it before there is any hope of success. Of course it doesn't hurt to have someone like yourself to assist and provide some much needed (and appreciated) feedback.

Take care and thanks again for all your help and support. BTW, the in-laws are visiting for two months right now. I can't really get a good read on their thoughts about America just yet but I can sense that they are more comfortable now seeing how their girls are living.

[Frank O]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Rostick, HellO! IT's Frank O I don't know if you remember me. The long haired, leather wearing musician from Texas?! Sure you do!! Good to hear from you. I agree with you. WHen I went I KNEW EXACTLY what I was looking for. I just had a friend who returned from over there. In my opinion "wasted" his time. He claimed he was looking for a wife, then came back saying he was NOT SURE if he wanted to marry. Then questioned me as to WHY I GOT MARRIED etc. Now he's "engaged" to a lady from over there. To me that's just trouble brewing. The way I see it if you have the smallest doubt about loving someone don't it for BOTH of your sakes. I knew exactly when I had dinner the first time with Diana. I know many questioned us but we had spoken on a daily basis over the phone for MONTHS & spent $hundred$ on letters as well. When we met in person it just confirmed everything. You got to meet us so I don't know what your take was on us but we are very happy & soon I'll be going over there & bringing her back to Texas. I think the age difference (16 years ; I'm 35 she's 19) doesn't matter much in our case. She said I looked (acted?!) like a 24 year old & she was more mature than her 18 at the time. Of course she was already divorced so that added a lot of wisdom & maturity.
IN any case knowing YOURSELF in this quest is extremely important. I MISSED being married. I LOVED being married. IN my case my wife was the one who abandoned me for her career (& commited adultery getting pregnant in the process) it was not me who disliked being married. Then again marrying another musician....but I'm very happy looking forward to her arrival.
By the way she still has not forgiven me for that breakfast over at Pat O'Brians. I don't remember if I spent $12 or $20 but to Diana it was ridiculous to spend that. TO me it was worth EVERY dollar!!!

[AllenB]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

Zdrostvoytye Rostick!

What you say in this post is so completely accurate and true.  If this were my board I would make this required reading before being allowed to post or ask questions.

You're a good man Rostick and I thank you for this excellent advice on behalf of all the men that are looking for their second half and also for the men like me who have been fortunate enough to find our second half.

Spaciba bolshoy,
Allen

[Jack]

... in response to Some thoughts and minds, posted by Rostick on Jul 13, 2004

well Rostick, if your post helps just one person than it was a very meaningful post. Some good questions that maybe some guys will ask, and answer, that will help them in their pursuit.

[jrm]

... in response to Re: Some thoughts and minds, posted by Jack on Jul 13, 2004

Now I remember, this is the quy that works for you and  picked up my fiancee 3 years ago.I will take cash!