I quit....

[tim360z]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

You sure did put some effort into it.  And nothing wrong with being prudent and "picky" when it comes to a wife...it can be a very long time together.  In "picking unwisely" one can be miserable and pay dearly.  And keep paying.  if you didn't feel right about anyone you met,  no problem.

[John K]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

Some people, like myself, can get lucky on the first try.  Others, will need more time to find what they are looking for.

I'm sorry to hear that you found nobody worth settling down with in your searches.  The search can be daunting and tiring, let alone multiple trips over.  I can easily see why you burned out on it.

Did you use the same strategy every time or did you change it to try and get better results?  Perhaps the strategy you chose wasn't appropriate for you...

As far as American vs Russian women, I would tend to agree that they are more similar than they are different.  It's the differences that endear me to my wife, however, and I would be hard pressed to find the same characteristics in an American girl, at least one who would be interested in me (unless she knew what my salary was...)

It's those differences that determine the quality between Russian and American women.  In my eyes, Russian women tend to be more feminine, stylish, in shape, and yet, more driven than their American counterparts.  A russian woman takes more pride in her appearance, and is confortable with the differences between men and women.  Feminism is often looked at with a mixture of fascination, revulsion, and sheer wonder at the stupidity.  Marina has been here for over four years and she still has yet to understand them.

Best of luck for your future endeavors.  I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Albert]

... in response to Best of Luck, posted by John K on Jul 2, 2004

John said:  "A russian woman is confortable with the differences between men and women."

Yes, this is something that I have noticed over and over again.  It has many manifestations . . . and I like them all.

For instance, one gal and I got into a discussion of sexual harrasment lawsuits in USA.  She told me it was quite common for women in Ukraine (this was where we were) to get proposals from superiors to become mistresses.  Along with this came a promotion or at least a boost in pay, perhaps better housing, etc.  Rather than thinking how terrible it was, this gal just said:  "The woman has the option of accepting or declining; it is entirely up to her."  

She further told me that at one point her boss got a divorce and she knew he "was in need" and was starting to give her a lot of attention.  At about the same time, an opening came along for a new office worker.  She had one of her friends, who was looking for a man, apply for the job.  And she made sure her boss and the gal got to spend some time together.  Result: her friend got a job, her boss got a girlfriend, and my gal was able to maneuver through the situation without a lawsuit.  She just merely accepted the differences between men and women, and looked for a working solution.

The same comfort exists with the sex issue between husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend.  Most of the women I have been with matter of factly stated that men have a need for frequent sex and it was their role to fulfill this need.  If they happen to enjoy it, that's OK too, but their main concern is satisfying the guy whenever and wherever.

[BrianN]

... in response to True statement, posted by Albert on Jul 2, 2004

...If they happen to enjoy it, that's OK too, but their  
main concern is satisfying the guy whenever and wherever...  
 
And they take personal pride in this achievement, if the  
guy lets them.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

Well, I've been at it for about 3 years also.  You're very correct that the women are all similar, but over there, there are more of them, many more to choose from.

I would write to several, narrow it down, and visit one for a week or more.  If the first meet went badly, I would have gone hunting for whatever time I had left, but that never happened.

Currently I have a local squeeze.  But if it doesn't work out, I know where they are, how to play the game and can get around quite nicely, probably like you can.

You can certainly get disappointed in the final inning as I did, but you live and learn.  Anyhow, you know what's best for you.  Best of luck......and as the SAS says, "He who dares, wins."

[Albert]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

Phil, I would agree with you that women are pretty much women the world over.

However, there is still a very big difference between the situation you face in trying to find a soul mate in the western world vs in eastern europe.  Two words:  Slenderness and availability.

There is no denying that the ladies in eastern europe are, on average, much more slender than western gals.  Whether they will remain slender after coming to the west is another question.

Availabililty of eastern european women cannot be matched in the west.  For a variety of reasons including demographics, economics, alcoholism, etc., we can simply find and date a lot more higher quality (facial looks, slender bodies, educated, cultured, younger) women in eastern europe than we can in the west.  These same women exist in the west, but they are not available to us in the same relataive quantity they are in eastern europe.

In short, we can trade-up more readily in eastern europe than we can in the west and we can find a lot more willing women there.  We can have 'trade-up' dates with 20 different women in 20 days in eastern europe.  In west it would take us 2 years or more to find 20 dates, but they won't be 'trade-up' dates.

Yes, the women will continue to be a pain in butt for us no matter where we find them.  But if we are going to have pain in butt anyway, then let's trade up and have it with better looking, slender, educated, cultured, and younger ladies.

So I think after you review the situation and think about what you can find in the west, you will see there really are some differences.

True your statement . . . "more similarities I see between women in the FSU and in the USA" will hold with respect to the interactions you have with the ladies.  But you will be having these interactions with 'trade-up' gals in eastern europe.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: I quit...., posted by Albert on Jul 2, 2004

Albert wrote:

" Two words: Slenderness and availability"

I'm not sure I agree...

I have met a lot of FSU women now that I've married one. There is quite a clique around here. Maybe twenty couples in all that we've met and socialized with. Not all are RW/AM marriages, either.

Of the twenty, 17 of them have put on weight since being here (a few years.) That's not good odds...

My wife and two others have worked to keep their figures... the rest have adapted the American "So what?" attitude towards weight gain. ESPECIALLY when these women are married to overweight men. They see their husbands sitting around getting fatter, and have no incentive to work their *sses off to stay trim for a guy who resembles Jabba the Hutt.

Are the women, for the most part, more slender there? Yes. But I think that has more to do with diet and walking everywhere -- two things that quickly change when they get here, and get their driver's license...

So, I'm not sure that -- if a thin wife were my main desire -- that I would travel 7000 miles just for that...

IMHO

[romachko]

... in response to Re: Re: I quit...., posted by MarkInTx on Jul 2, 2004

I am inclined to agree with you. Last winter I was relaxing in a hot spring pool in Glenwood Spring, Colorado. Several couples came by and they were speaking Russian. To my amazement all women were as R&C as any of our home grown counterpart. Or, I was mistaken, --just mabe,-- those girls were AF practicing Russian??

[jrm]

... in response to Re: I quit...., posted by Albert on Jul 2, 2004

.n/tt

[Stevo]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

I would have called it quits too.  These women are not that much different than AW, if that's what attracted you to them in the first place.  I searched there for different reasons (the only one that make sense to me)...younger and prettier than equivalent AW.  BUT....you have a price to pay for going that route as you well know (time and money).

For me, the only difference between AW and RW is looks and age.  And for that benefit, there is a LOT of work...maybe too much for most men.  One trip was enough for me.  Two would've been my limit.  A third trip would've been out of the question.  Eight?  Man, you sure made the effort.  No one can call you a quitter...just a man with some common sense.

Stevo

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to I quit...., posted by Philb on Jul 2, 2004

Phil - I agree with your premise amongst big city girls in general ie. it has become tougher and tougher to find high character girls in the bigger cities.  In general the big city girls attitudes have increasingly started to mirror American women, or worse.  I still believe you can find a prettier, younger, equally as intelligent girl than you can attract here from the smaller cities and towns if you want to search a bit harder.  Also, I think in the old days you could easily get a girl 3 points higher on the looks scale and now it is down to 1 or 2 points higher for the average decent American guy.  You still can get that 1 to 2 point scale look higher with easily a 15 year age difference if you want it.  The cultural and language differences still are daunting - but can be dealt with as many men on this board will attest to.

[Frank O]

... in response to Perhaps in a few months you'll change yo..., posted by Bobby Orr on Jul 2, 2004

I agree about that. I was put off buy the sharks in Lugansk & the ladies from Kiev. One was almost like AW in that she asked me "what kind of car do you drive? Can you send me a picture?". THAT turned me off big time. HOwever I had remembered something a friend of mine from Lugansk said. He told me if I wanted to MARRY a "good Ukrainian lady" I should search in the small towns & villages. When I ran my ad through Jacks agency (sorry couldn't resist the props there!;-)) a small city village girl was something I was keeping my eyes open for. I met that in my wife. Diana is very attractive & very young, 19 to my 35 years, but she is also NOT like the Kiev or Lugansk girls. The thing is most of her friends were just "different" to me it seemed like perhaps life in American several decades ago like perhaps pre 50's. Just very "wholesome". I can't think of how to adequately explain that in words. I just had a friend that came back from Ukraine & he told me I was a VERY lucky man as Diana helped translate for him & weed out the "bad" girls for him. He also noticed her & her family were very different. Do not be afraid to search for country bumpkins.
My wife had never even CONSIDERED marrying an American & had NEVER even used an agency. She wrote me via regular mail. I would HIGHLY recommend to an American man to try the smaller city girls. Heck my wife is now trying to hook up all her friends with American men now. LOL!!

[JoeC2003]

... in response to Big city & small village girls..., posted by Frank O on Jul 2, 2004

I agree, small towns and villages are a better place to search. I have read this from other AM from other message boards. This also depends on the amount of western influence their town has encountered and the mentality of the individual. I have found my fiance in a small city. Congrats Frank O!

JoeC

[jrm]

... in response to Big city & small village girls..., posted by Frank O on Jul 2, 2004

n/t

[Frank O]

... in response to Did your wife speak English when you met..., posted by jrm on Jul 2, 2004

My wife is VERY fluent in English. That is a HUGE asset to our relationship. HOnestly if she didn't I wouldn't have married her. I'ts hard enough keeping a relationship together when you DO speak the same language.