Question

[terry]

I have a question that I would like to ask of the people here.  I have been looking over seas to find that special lady to share my life with. I have been on the russian board for a while.  I just started reading  some of the post here, and I don't know if it is me or not, but it seems that the people here seem to be very happy with their life. Now, I do understand that i could have missed some things that have happened here. This has me thinking that just maybe I may be looking in the wrong area. I have been talking to some russian ladies.   I am very sincere with this and the only way to know for sure is to ask, may we agree on this?  I do agree that Asian ladies have a certain beauty about them.  why did you look for an asian wife?, If i may ask.

[Howard]

... in response to Question, posted by terry on Apr 23, 2002

Terry,

Welcome brother :c)

Everyone has their own reasons.  For me it's because of the emphasis that gets placed on family.  Filipinas are way more family oriented than their Eastern Europian, Latin or American counterparts.  I think it's safe to say that it is an Asian value that Filipinas, Chineese, Japaneese, Vietnameese, etc... all share.  NOT to say that women from other nationalities are not, just that it seems to consistantly be a priority with Filipinas, hence the greater successes among those who marry.      (My soon to be former situation not withstanding :c)

Another MAJOR factor for me is the fact thatmany of the Filipinas I know seem to be less jaded than their American or more Americanized sisters.  There is a refreshing innocence and resiliance(sp?) to Filipinas.  When the going gets tough, most Filipinas just work harder.  At least that is the case with many that I know and with plenty of my friend's wives.  Life is just to short to be angry or derpressed all the time.  Most--see above disclaimer :c)--Filipinas that I know just have the most pleasent demeanors and are generally happy.  It makes a HUGE difference in your every day life!

Good Luck!

Keep the Faith

H

[The Walker]

... in response to Question, posted by terry on Apr 23, 2002

As a former career military man, I looked around and saw that men with Filipina wives seemed to be the happiest. They had immacualte homes, a smiling wife, and clean, polite and studious children.

In my case I was abandoned and divorced in absentia by my wife of many years, and left with two young daughters to raise on my own. Then I was almost "caught" by two gold-diggers when I started dating again. So I decided to look outside of American women, and found what I said in the first paragraph.

Vicky is not your average Filipina. She comes from a prosperous family and is exceptionally well educated and used to large fiscal/business responsibility. She was travelled and had a US visa. She is also exceptionally intelligent and beautiful. Many Filipinas share some of her traits but it is my unbiased opinion that she has more than all the rest.

Filipinas do usually speak enough English to get along, but some of the misunderstandings can run from serious to hilarious. They are not confrontational with hubby, usually giving him the silent treatment for any real or imagined hurt, unless she suspects infidelity. One glaring fault of most Filipinas is an innate sense of jealousy, since Filipino men are notorious cheaters. You have to get her used to the idea that just because you speak nicely to the lady in the grocery store and help her reach the item on the top shelf, does not mean you are contemplating or already having a torrid affair with her. To their credit they usually adjust to our ways in this area fairly soon. I believe it is a little amount of insecurity about their looks that they all have deep down. They may be stunningly beautiful, but deep inside they feel the other woman has something they do not.

Vicky had the little black monster when we married, especially since she had been abandoned by her former husband because she could not bear children. I had to be a little firm on the subject, and Vicky's friendship with the wife of a good friend on mine helped. I eventually had to ask her if she accused me of being a liar and an oathbreaker, which brought her up short, and said that to be suspected of lying to her and breaking our marriage vows is just what she was implying. That settled it. She still feels a little jealousy, she can't help it, but her evil eye is reserved for other women now, whom she suspects may have ideas upon me. She trusts me now but doesn't trust them. I know it is still funny but so long as there is peace on the subject. And since I have never given her cause to worry, she is over it now. It seems strange, but my friend's wife flirts with me in an outrageous manner and Vicky doesn't care. She thinks it is funny. Of which I am glad. Mrs. Mayor can come into the house and flop down on my lap and start playing with my hair and Vicky will not so much as raise an eyebrow.

Filipinas, like all Easterners, can be inscrutable.

-Don

[terry]

... in response to Re: Question, posted by The Walker on Apr 24, 2002

Thank You  Don

 Interesting, my ex ran off and left me with two boys to raise on my own. both of them are in the army now on their secoud enlistment.  one thing I feel I am learning is, they seem to be commited to one men only.  this is something that is hard to find now in an AM.  Thank you for your info.

[joemc]

... in response to Question, posted by terry on Apr 23, 2002

Hi Terry,
      I myself have been married to filipina for
      sometime. It seems that you have already received
      some good advise from the board. alot of people
      on the asian board to me are good people.
      An guy like yourself can learn alot here.
                                              good luck
                                   

[Bear]

... in response to Question, posted by terry on Apr 23, 2002

(with Filipinas) they speak english pretty (well meaning they can communicate), they are usually virgins (meaning no "exes" and children-like most Russian women), they are Christian (mostly Catholic) and lastly their politics are not too different (like Communism vs Democracy).

The lifetime success rate for marriages to Filipinas was reported better than 4 out of 5 (and I think it is actually higher - 90+ - but I can't remember where I saw it) where with Russian marriages 3 out of 5 fail in the first 2 years.  Hispanic marriage fail 2 out of 5 in the first 2 years

Women are women and your success is dependant on many things but Filipinas are so increditably exotic yet like the "girl next door" you grew up with.  They live in a country were poverty is pretty common place (looks like 1950 USA) yet a large portion of the women have college degrees and do what ever it takes to get ahead to help the family.  They put family first (which is almost impossible to get an AW to consider) but you and your children are family first.  Hispanic girls put their family first over you every time.

Can you screw up?  Most are not fools and if *you* are, they'll take you for every thing they can get.  And fella I have seen it so many times!  There are girls over there planning your misery right now.

Ask questions.  If you can think it you can ask it, if you can't, then stop right here and don't waste your time.  Be aware they will answer questions the way they think you want to be answered so try hard to trip them up and ask more than once.  But also know that failure to answer isn't always a sign that their is a problem just they don't know or don't consider it important enough to answer.

If you have expectations then tell them and ask what theirs are.  (It is amazing how many told me that they expected me to send money home to mom and dad - and I do it now.)  If you tell them that you expect "x" then they know it and most will see to it but if you don't then forget it cause it ain't happening.

The biggest problem most guys here have is they go too quick and find out later that they didn't know this or that (they didn't ask questions or explain their expectations) and "oooppps" all she wanted was a green card and someone to send money home to mom and dad.  I know one guy right now who is being played for the big fall like an instrument by musicans of an orchestra.

Once you meet the right one then you'll know why we are here and not there.  They smart, beautiful, devoted and loyal and if you are not a fool and treat them like a queen then you'll feel like you were elected King - really.

BTW, if you are in the Houston area I can introduce the right guy to about a half dozen right now (all nurses).

Bear

[Howard]

... in response to They left out..., posted by Bear on Apr 23, 2002

Bear,

You have SUCH a wonderful way with words!  LOL

Good post bro, say Hi to Honey for me :c)

Keep the Faith,

Howard

[Bear]

... in response to "Planning your misery...", posted by Howard on Apr 25, 2002

We have so much money it shouldn't bother us to have our hearts broken - right?

She says tell Gerlie thanks for the e-card.

Bear and Honey

[terry]

... in response to They left out..., posted by Bear on Apr 23, 2002

Some very good points Bear. It does bring up a few more questions.  from what I understand, they expect you to sent money to their parents. Now this I do not understand. How much money do they expect you to sent?  Now , money is not a problem with me, But this seem a little like,  ( If I am going to marry you and be a good wife to you, it will cost you).  Maybe I just do not understand what this really means right now.  I hope you can understand why I am asking this question.  I do like the fact that most of them do speak English. I know that one RW I am talking to also does not understand this christain thing as she calls it also.

 I am aware of the scammer problem that you run into also. asking question is no problem for me.  

Alot of good points from all of you. Now how did you go about meeting these ladies and start writing ot them? I know thee are agencies, but really never went for this because there are some that can get you for more than the ladyies can.

I was planning a trip to Russia in june, but maybe I will look another way here. I really want to find someone i can trust and has the family value's still in their life. I have never had a problem dating, just to many ladies  that do not fit want I am looking for here.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: They left out..., posted by terry on Apr 24, 2002

work and send home money herself but I wanted a wife who didn't work so I had to agree to send home a portion myself - I ended up sending $100/mo. but I know some who send $50 - 150 and less.  Anything more than that is highly discouraged!!!

The best way to meet is always through referals.  Lots of guys posting here or on Mag-Anak.org have friends looking.

The 2nd is much like Donb2222 did - he went to the R.P. and went walking through the malls talking to Filipinas he thought were cute.  Ended up marrying Vilma (hi Vilma-Don!!).  The reason I say that is one of the best ways is because if you go looking for those "looking for you" then the chances of it being a scam or a problem in the future is significantly increased.

I met my wife chatting on mIRC (talk about taking a chance on scammers), she wasn't looking or much interested in me at first, whereas someone posted on Hearts-of-Asia or similar might be trying to get to America for some reason other than to be with a lifemate.  Still it doesn't mean that they are all scammers just make sure you ask, tell, talk, etc (CYA!).

I think I hear of more failures/problems with the Russian ladies and Hispanic ladies than the Orientals simply because you just can't talk to them or they have been planning this for years and you are just a means to an end.

Bear and Honey

[terry]

... in response to Honey intended to..., posted by Bear on Apr 24, 2002

Thank you Bear

 Your info has been good. I have been writing to RW for a while. I am one to get to know a person well before I start really getting involed with the relationship. I have been lucky in that most of the RW I have been talking to  speak english and some have their own computer at home. Now, before I say this, I know there are a lot of good russian women out there, But I have learned a few things about them over the past two years.  Finding a good russian women is more like gamling. You really do not know what you have. I am more of a person that would rather put his effort into learning one lady at a time. If I feel something is there, rather than write 4, 5 or 6 different ladies, put my effort into learning more about this one lady.
 Onr point that I feel I have learned is, if you marry a RW and it does not work out, ( this is from reading on all the forums) she seems to want to really destroy you. Yelling  abuse, etc.,  which is ture is some cases.
 I think I am going to take a look at asian ladies. I am not looking for someone to cook for me or clean house. I want to find that special lady that we can share our life togather and enjoy each other. I am not a control person, sharings means all in this.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Honey intended to..., posted by terry on Apr 25, 2002

and I wake up thinking I'm in a dream.  I do not believe in stereotypes but I think Filipinas are close to being in a category all by them selves.  

Just do give you an example I had "rickets" as a kid.  I think its defined as "soft bones" due to the lack of certain minerals in my diet/formula/milk(?).  Consequently, I am a little bow-legged and my calfs and thigh mucles are very strong.  I can bench over 2000# with my legs.  Honey saw that my legs where always tight and sore and decided to massage them.  It hurt.  There were times her touch sent spasms through my body.  In the past I have had to go to chiropractors to adjust the joints of my back to ease the pain.  Well after a couple of months of her masssing my legs on a near daily event the muscles loosened up and my back adjusted on its on.  I feel like I can run a marathon.

I never could sit "indian-style" because my muscles were always so tight my legs wouldn't bend.  I can actually almost do it now!  

I know this doesn't sound all that "wow!" but there was no one making her, asking her, forcing her - she just wanted to do it.  My "ex" would give me the most gosh-awful look for even complaining about my feet/legs hurting (kinda-like, "don't you even think about asking me to rub your feet!" look) even though she expected me to massage hers as often as she could think to ask me (and yes I did do it for a long time without asking till I noticed she wouldn't so it in return).

Honey seems to want one thing - me to not have any needs she can handle.  No arguments, complains.  Even gets up and does it at bedtime if she forgets - even though I rarely ask.  

I can't seem to find enough things to do for her and I look constantly.  I wonder why?

I know others who have married orientals with similar stories but I have never heard a man make those claims about any Europen/americaW, RussianW or HispanicW.  I have heard almost nothing about BlackW.

When you have someone trying so hard to make a difference in your life and you know others with similar stories - why look anywhere else.  I say lets clone them.  Package, bottle and give away the recipe.

Bear and Honey

[Dave H]

... in response to I married A Filipina, posted by Bear on Apr 25, 2002

Hey Bear,

You're letting the secrets out! ;o))) I've never been even close to being treated so well in my entire life, by Latinas or AW. I feel a bit guilty...but my wife says I deserve to be happy. So much for my American feminist brainwashing lessons. ;oP

Dave H.

[BrianN]

... in response to Honey intended to..., posted by Bear on Apr 24, 2002

In so many ways your last paragraph is correct, however, where the men screw it up the wall, is that they go there (the FSU) get a blonde bombshell with an attitude, 20-40 years their junior, and bring'em back and expect them to be like nice, loving, soft hearted filipinas.  Ain't NEVER gonna happen.

That mindset has never been a part of Russian culture, (and to me, latin culture is even scarier, which is one reason why I avoid it), but it IS, a part of filipino culture.

From the 1800's to McArthur et al, there has always been a different bond between the filipino's and americans, than anywhere else on the planet.  So much of american/philippines history is taught in school there (and of course, english is still taught and required  in grade school right?).  The Philippines IS a different and much easier way to find a wonderful wife, simply because their attitude towards us is amicable.  

It's a strange but unique mix of culture.  

The russian thing imo, only gets screwed up because men expect too much of russian women.  Look at it another way, if an american guy goes to the FSU, he would expect the lady to adopt to everything that "he" is, when she comes here, because the FSU is a wanna be america.

But when an american guy goes to the Philippines, there's no stopping the man, to adopt to everything that the culture of "her" life, and embrace it with humility in himself, simply because there is so much deep rooted respect that automatically comes back.  

To WANT to love a beautiful filipina, to me, is very easy, and it comes as natural, as your heart melting the moment one looks into their beautiful eyes.

To WANT to love, anything else more westernized, requires more thought processes, which just confuses the issue more.

I have no idea where I was going with this.  It just kind of made sense to talk out of my whatever ya call it.  Got too much work to do tonight, and if I earn a "dumass" award for this post, then so be it.  Maybe someone else can fill in the rest or come up with more excuses better than mine.  lol.

[Howard]

... in response to Ouch Bear...., posted by BrianN on Apr 25, 2002

nm