Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly Sucks!!!

[jrm]

... in response to Your Good Question: Answered?, posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

Is her name Larisa? In the dictionary, if you look up "high maintenance", you will see her photo!!

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly..., posted by mudd on Apr 12, 2004

[This message has been edited by Scaught]

n/t

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly Suc..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

Scaught,
Sorry to hear about your difficulties, however, I can relate somewhat.  Even in most AM/AW marriages, the first 1 or 2 yrs can be difficult.  Add issues like homesickness, missing family and friends, lauguage & communication problems, cultural differences to the adjustments of two people from different cultural backgrounds getting to know each other as husband and wife, I'd say that the odds are fairly long.  The positive experiences of many posters on this board suggest that there are lots of success stories out there, but unfortunately I haven't known of very many successful AM/FSUW marriages amongst my wife's friends during our 5 year marriage (maybe 3 out of 15 may stick, with several of her friends married multiple times since living in the US already).

In my own failed marriage, a lot of irreparable damage took place during those first two years.  Today, we actually get along much better and are pretty friendly now, but the trust and magic has been lost forever.  She is probably more appreciative about all the little things that I took care of for her while we were together, things that her new boyfriends can't or won't do for her.

I know that my ex was a quality person in her homeland, but she has americanized very negatively since living in the USA.  She gets A LOT of attention from men here in the USA that she never got in her homeland, and she is pretty full of herself now and is definately high maintenance, but she wasn't when I met her.  My ex was living briefly in the USA when I met her, and I lived with her for 6 months before we married, so I spent more time with her than most guys get to spend with their fiances.  But I cannot say that I really knew her or what she would become.

Do not take my post as a slam on FSU women.  I know that individual differences matter much more than cultural stereotypes, so there are no doubt many excellent women out there.  But at the end of the day, even where no red flags exist, there is an element of high risk that cannot be removed from the equation, no matter how well you think you know her.

Best of luck to you.

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: First 1-2 years, posted by Jersey Mike on Apr 12, 2004

[This message has been edited by Scaught]

Man, do I hear yah!

"Irreparable damage"!!!  "Magic has been lost forever"!!! You summed it up very nicely. The crap accusations and nasty words are sending her home for good!!!

I sense she and I are at a point where we could start again, but I can't forgive the words that have sprung from that beetching pie hole of hers.

This woman was also very different in her home country. I don't recognize this woman I have known for about four years now.

The humane thing is to send her back where she belongs.

I was told by BCIS that if we are divorced within two years, SHE GOES BACK. I am sending her back first just to make certain she goes back. Ma momma didn't birth no id-ji-it.

I will help her get resettled. She'll probably have reverse culture shock for several months and people will look down on her as my reject. I don't want to sound heartless, but her new status was won fair and square.

[Charles]

... in response to Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly Suc..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

Maybe you're trying to liven things up on this Board; I agree it that the Board is not as much fun as it once was.  I can emphathize with your situation; there are times that I feel like I do too much handholding but, on balance, as all of the other responses to your post reflect, the gains far outweigh the inconveniences.   I agree with Jack and the others who question why this issue was not raised earlier in the relationship.  I think at this point to "ship her back" would be cruel and unfair.  I am sure she wants to be more independent.  I would suggest giving her the time and ability to do that.

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly..., posted by Charles on Apr 12, 2004

;isfuher9p'

[tbirdjoy]

... in response to Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly Suc..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

I would say that by your comments you went into this relationship with your eyes closed and your head in a place where the sun don't shine.  What were you thinking when you brought her here?  Of course bringing someone from a third world economy is going to need your help to adjust.  She has no family or friends here and she's totally dependent on you.  Did you think she was a toy you were going to play with and then put up on a shelve when you got tired.  My wife is totally dependent on me.  That's what any body with half a brain is going to understand when they bring someone here from the FSU. This is not a girl from Western Europe where they live paralle to us.  They don't drive so you have to drive them everywhere. Most of them don't know how to use simple tools that we use such as a micro wave oven. They have to be taught everything.  They certianly don't arrive here with a command of the English language they need to go to ESL classes to learn and more than likly you'll have to drive them there. The list goes on and on and if they come with a child then the needs are compounded. But it does get better with time.  

I have said this before on this site.  This is not an undertaking for the weak of heart or for those who struggle fiancially just taking care of themselves.  This is a time consuming and very expensive undertaking.  You're also involving another persons life into this mix and this should only been done with someone who has their eyes wide open.  

Mark

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly..., posted by tbirdjoy on Apr 12, 2004

I would say that by your comments your worthless, meaningless, empty sad existence is now filled with true love, hope and significance. Good for you both!

We clearly are two different people. I have spent enough years with this woman to know she's just going to drag me down more and more. Lucky for you your experience is totally different. Guys-- look at TBirdJoy--You, too, can succeed!!!

As for me, I lived in other nations for several years and never was so hopelessly dependent on others as this creature is totally on me.

It is obvious that she'd need some help, but I am too old (I am more than five years   y o u n g e r  than you)  to raise a baby. Now if I quit my job and my hobbies-- in other words devoted my entire existence to her, we'd have a winning formula. She could be the parasite and me the host.

Maybe this deal IS better for the elderly. Retired men have the time to devote to adoring their FSU babes, carting her prized butt all over god's creation.

I did learn a lesson: If it ain't broke, don't go fixin' it. I realize now how truly happy I was before I ever stepped foot in the FSU.

I really wish everyone the best. If you are already married, I hope it is forever plus a day.

[tbirdjoy]

... in response to Re: Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady Trul..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

Since you don't know me nor do you know about my life I can tell by your sacastic wit that you are probably no joy yourself to live with. It takes two to tango and I can't imagine that you are the poor hapless victim in all of this.  Be a man...admit that you are part to blame and stop airing your dirty laundry in public.  Just rectify the problem and get on with your life.

Mark

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady ..., posted by tbirdjoy on Apr 13, 2004

Will do. This thread is almost spent, then it will be forever forgotten. And there is no lesson to be learnt.

You gotta admit, it was apoplectically boring here.

Men: write 'em, visit 'em, date 'em, wine 'em, dine 'em, make 'em smile, and love 'em if they deserve it, but don't hesitate to dump 'em if they are all about themselves. Never put up with their CRAP!

Here lies:     S   C   A   U   G   H   T    (200 posts)--

His motto: Goodbye FSU gal, Hello peace, tranquility and happiness .   .   .

[tbirdjoy]

... in response to Do: Re: Mi: So: Fa: La: Ti: Do: Being Ma..., posted by Scaught on Apr 13, 2004

I do want to thank you for livining up the Board.  I spend a lot of time reading and commenting on the Latin side just becasue it hops more.  I had fun! Take care of yourself and maybe take a vacation in Columbia.  A lot of guys swear by it.

Mark

[jrm]

... in response to Re: Re: Being Married to a FSU Lady Trul..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

Give her money to adjust to life there again, and ship her back, tomorrow! Life is too short to be so miserable.

[Scaught]

... in response to Cut your losses! , posted by jrm on Apr 12, 2004

I am following your golden words of advice to the letter, believe me!

[Stevo]

... in response to Being Married to a FSU Lady Honestly Suc..., posted by Scaught on Apr 12, 2004

There were plenty of times when I wanted to ship her back during the 1st 2 years...much less so since then, but SOMETIMES!

AW are a lot easier to deal with since you don't have to hold their hands every minute of the day for the simple, basic stuff. But EVENTUALLY that will diminish, but it takes a LONG time...maybe too long for your level of patience and endurance.

Good luck, I feel for ya!

Stevo

[Scaught]

... in response to Understand where you're coing from..., posted by Stevo on Apr 12, 2004

I am just going to date a bunch of people. I got this marriage thing out of my system for quite a while, I think.

I really have nothing against all FSU women. In my experience they can be fun, but the one I chose for marriage became pathologically dependent on me, not to mention her beetching pie hole. Where are the websites extolling these more down to earth qualities of this edgy breed? They don't exist because they don't generate revenue.