Again, with the submissive Filipinas, VICKY

[The Walker]

I have been reading many articles lately about men wanting Filipinas as they are submissive and will bend to their husband's will and he can control them totally.

As Don would say; "Bull****. They sure don't know them very well." And he looks at me and laughs.

It is true this submissive thing is getting out of hand in the press and I think it is frustrated American women doing it. So for the record, yet again........

It is true the average Filipina is on the submissive side of things. We are taught obedience to the Holy Fathers from birth, and also to our own Fathers and Uncles. We do look up to the man of the house as the head of the house so long as he is indeed the head of the house. If he acts the part, he gets the respect. Not that we are not ruthless in running the household day to day, we are and we do not like our routines disturbed, but so long as you are the breadwinner you get to sit at the head of the table and make the big decisions. All the members of the household, especially your wife and daughters, will pay close attention to your orders. We manage you in other ways to get what we want. We work with velvet gloves. Nice ways. We expect to be consulted in matters that affect the family and for our opinions to count but we will accept your decision.

My love is, as you can imagine, a very dominant personality; he has to be to do what he did. It comes naturally for him to give orders and to have them obeyed without thinking about it much. Yet he is not overbearing in his manner. If I ask him a question he will give me a forthright answer if it really needs his attention, but he really delegates authority and if he thinks I should handle it on my own he will tell me to solve it myself in a nice way, like "I am sure whatever you decide will be best" or something else as polite. No amount of wheedling will get him to solve something for me if he thinks I can do it myself. When we were first married I had to ask a lot of help on matters of the home and finances and social obligations and he was happy to help me learn. Now if I ask it had better be a matter truly requiring a decision by him or I will get no help. Yet there is no question of his absolute authority here. I would no more defy him than my Priest. It is not that he demands it, but that he earns it without asking. It is the same way even with men he has contact with. Such a man gets the most from his Filipina. She (I) will serve him as a truly devoted wife who is proud of her man. We want our husbands to be the masters of the manor. We feel security in his strength and his strength makes us feel secure for our children (although not in my case, but you understand).

If you want to see a Filipina "get her back up" as Don says flirt with another woman. She will go from lapsing into a sick bed to a clawed demon and everything in between. He is correct I was very bad in this area at first but I had been abandoned and my ex had made no secret of affairs towards the end of our marriage trying to drive me away. When I would not leave he had the marriage annulled. Thankfully my darling was patient but firm on this subject and now I am over it for the most. As he says Mrs. Mayor holds no threat for me as I know how very much she loves her own husband. But there are a few women in town who I would like to catch alone. The ones who wear the low cut blouses and bend over in front of my husband on purpose. To his credit he pays them little attention but I would like to have a few minutes alone with them.

Almost always a Filipina will give you the silent treatment if she is angry. Open fighting with her husband is considered bad unless he is unfaithful ESPECIALLY in public. This is seen as submission but it is not. For us the family is survival as it is that way in our homeland. You have seen the abandoned women who have to take jobs as OCW or in the sex trade. For them even a bad husband is better than none at all. However your lady will soon learn that in America she does not have to take abuse and she will not. She will not allow you to abuse her and will fight like a mother cat over her children. Will she allow you to dominate her sexually? Probably, maybe most probably. Physically? So long as it is not abusive, probably. Sexual sumbissiveness is not the same thing as general submissiveness and it is a choice that many women enjoy. I admit in Asian women because of our history we are more inclined to it than American women, since even today we have a second-class role in affairs in our homelands. If you are a Catholic woman it is in the church rules that women submit graciously to their husbands, in all areas, inlcuding sexually.

But the submissiveness that American women think they see is not what it appears. They see robots or Stepford Wives. Filipinas are not. We want to run the household by ourselves, we are not used to being told how to do laundry or shop or run the home. We have seen this since birth and we know how to do it just fine, thank you. If there is financial trouble we will roll up our sleeves and work for wages too. We will not abandon a man just because he is having a rough time. When we say for richer and for poorer, we mean it. So long as you are trying we will be beside you, pitching in as best we can, and probably still insisting on doing all the housework as well. After all, you men do not do it right and we just have to go back and do it all over again. We do not meekly await our husbands with bated breath, we are willing participants in the marital bed. We love you and we are not afraid to show it in private. Because we walk arm in arm with you or hold you hand in public American women think we are slaves. They could not be more wrong. We are in love. If they tried it they would be happier. Mrs. Mayor is quite bold about her love for Mr. Mayor in public (far bolder than any Filipina would dare). They are quite happy. If she was an Asian woman American woman would think she was someone's sex slave. But she is a head taller than her husband and from Texas too. And a former beauty queen. So she is considered an "embarrassment" instead of a slave. Although she is brash at times and not at all shy she still calls her husband the head of the house. And he is.

So what appears to be outright submissiveness is often civility, in that a Filipina will not usually fight with her husband in public, or love for and pride in a strong man. Even sexual submissiveness is a choice by the woman, something some women personally enjoy and they are not all Filipinas. But a submissive is NOT a slave. So what is the problem? If the married couple are happy, what right does the press or "women's" groups or others have to interfere?

I LIKE my man to masterful. I LIKE being on the arm of a strong and successful man. I WANT him to be the head of the house. I am HAPPY this way. I LOVE serving him coffee with his breakfast, pouring each cup for him. So what is the harm? WE are happy. I adore him and he loves me as much. Why will not people understand? Is it jealousy and insecurity and fear on the part of many American women? Do they think we will replace them as the preferred wife of the American man? (This is a real fear. Once American men on a large scale see what they are missing they may wish to return to the 1950s.) Do they hate men secretly? I cannot imagine living with a man who cries over sad love movies. I do not want a "sensitive" man in the way they talk about it. I do not want a man in touch with his feminine side. I am the only feminine thing I want him to touch. ;-) I want a strong man, a good provider, a protector, one who deserves my love and respect. American women can have our leftovers.

Yet Don is not physically forceful with me. He has never threatened me let alone hurt me. He does not have to. And you do not have to be the man my husband is to get the respect of your Filipina. Just be the man of the house like in the old Donna Reed TV shows. Go to work, earn the money, behave, fix the house, mow the grass and change the oil in the car and occasionally keep the children in line and go to the odd PTA meeting. She will see to the running of the home and keeping you happy. Do not hit her or use hurtful words as they wound her more than you can realize. Tell her you love her and show it. Bring her flowers once in a while. You will be a happy man.

Now I have to go as it is time to call mother. Don is snoring in his chair.

-VICKY

[joemc]

... in response to Again, with the submissive Filipinas, VI..., posted by The Walker on Apr 25, 2002

Hi Vicky,
       a great post, you just describe a true filipina,
       Alot of the guys that post,don't have a clue.
       you have talked the traits of my wife.
       I hope that marriages last,for some of these men.
       They don't understand the true meaning,being
       married to a filipina.
                                   joemc
       
       

[Howard]

... in response to Again, with the submissive Filipinas, VI..., posted by The Walker on Apr 25, 2002

V,

Great post, I love it when someone speaks their mind!!

H

[Dave H]

... in response to Again, with the submissive Filipinas, VI..., posted by The Walker on Apr 25, 2002

Hi Vicky,

You mean to tell me that Don doesn't shed a tear when Old Yeller gets shot? Even my good buddy, a retired Marine DI, can't help but cry during that scene. Maybe you should rent the movie "Old Yeller" and see if you can help Don get in touch his "sensitive" side. ;o)))

Dave "In Touch" H. ;o))

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Wait a minute..., posted by Dave H on Apr 25, 2002


She said: "Crying over some old love story"

As much as I am a fan of dogs... I'm not sure that Old Yeller qualifies as a Love Story...

[Dave H]

... in response to Old Yeller, posted by MarkInTx on Apr 25, 2002

Arliss and Travis really loved that big ole yeller dog and it loved them. It protected them from wild boars and bears. That movie has it all. ))

Dave H.

[SteveG]

... in response to Sure it is! )), posted by Dave H on Apr 25, 2002

Dave,
 Do you just realize you refered to ole Yeller as "it"  My gosh man, have you no heart at all!  He was a family member who saved each of their lives at some point.  I'll overlook it though as an absent minded slip.    

 Your post reminds me of the Confederate Railroad song lyrics "You never cried when ole Yeller died, now I won't miss you when you're gone!"

 This is making me miss a dog I had years ago that was much like ole Yeller.
                                   SteveG

[Dave H]

... in response to Watch it Dave!!, posted by SteveG on Apr 26, 2002

Steve,

I don't know how I could have been so insensitive! Old Yeller was a hero! Thank you for forgiving my thoughtlessness. I must have been distracted by the large brush fire that was ragging near my house. I was in a hurry to get over to it.

Dave H.

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Oh No!!!, posted by Dave H on Apr 26, 2002

Dave  

Don't  forget  the  marshmellows!

The  only problem  out here  is  that  here  in  California they are  located  in  the  baking  isle  while  back  in  the northEast  they  were  in  The Candy  isle  and  2/3  the  price.  Where  are  they  located  at  the  Piggly  Wiggly ?

Windmill  Boy

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Oh No!!!, posted by Windmill Boy on Apr 27, 2002

Hey WB,

Candy aisle down here in sunny South Florida. The Kraft whipped marshmellow topping is located in the baking aisle and with ice cream toppings.

Dave H.

[SteveG]

... in response to Oh No!!!, posted by Dave H on Apr 26, 2002

Dave,
 That didn't happen to be somebody burning a cow, now did it?  If so, I'd be on the look out for rabid wolves if I was you.   You got me in the ole Yeller mood now.  

        SteveG

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Oh No!!!, posted by SteveG on Apr 26, 2002

Hey Steve,

No, it looks like it was a burning co...uch. It seems that some teens were probably sitting on the old couch smoking and either accidentally or deliberately set the melaleuca woods on fire. Nasty trees, too bad they didn't burn them all down. The fire department is still putting water on the hot spots. No wolves, just some fox.

Dave H.

[Jay]

... in response to Close!, posted by Dave H on Apr 26, 2002

Hey Dave,

So, thats where you live. I saw that on the news. You have foxes there? How close was the fire?

Jay

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Close!, posted by Jay on Apr 27, 2002

Hey Jay,

I'm 1500 feet east of the fire. My garden hose is only 150 feet long. (  Fortunately there is a small lake between me and the fire. Plenty of hot foxes around here...oh, you mean the 4 legged kind. Yep, we have them too.

Dave H.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Again, with the submissive Filipinas, VI..., posted by The Walker on Apr 25, 2002

My Japanese wife is very similar to you. She constantly assures me I'm the boss, and says she enjoys taking care of me, but I'd hardly consider her submissive. I trust her with any aspects of our life that she takes care of, and she trusts me with the parts I handle. She's not the jealous type though. I've seen couples where one of the two were always trying to control the other sometimes teh husband and sometimes the wife. Neither of those marriages looked like any fun for either party to me, the controler nor the controlee.

Here's something I wrote a while back:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/show.php?asian/archive00083/messages/29181.txt

-- Jeff S.