few questions about marriage to Russian woman

[thomas]

thinking way ahead here. Met someone by chance near Vladivostok(Hrabavask?). If it worked out and we decided to get married:

1)  I believe DCF is not an option. So K-1 visa is the only real chance? Fill it out, wait, wait, and bring her here and get married? True?

2)  I'm guessing she'd have doctors appt's, and interviews to make. Would she have to go all the way to Moscow for these?? That would be a real pain.

3)  Say it was accepted by our gov't, she would then wait for the US embassy to grant the visa, (after the interview I believe). Any idea on how long it takes from the US ok'ing it here until she has the visa in her passport?  Anyone know the time?  It looks like it takes 7 months right now for the Neb ServCtr to ok the I-129F.  

I never thought I'd be thinking of this, with someone from russia, but she's starting to grow on me. We've never met yet, though.

[thomas]

... in response to few questions about marriage to Russian ..., posted by thomas on Feb 19, 2004

I got another email yesterday.

1) She didn't mention anything about the fact I told her I'm a veg and she loves to cook up all these meat dishes she told me about previously. I usually get a response when I mention that.

2) She sent a photo of her holding flowers, and another of a child. She told me she didn't have one. It may be her from 29 yrs ago, but I think it's more recent. the name on the photo is IAMIN12month.jpg   Is Iamin a russian name?? It's not her name.  Another lie?

3) She told her friends about meeting me. Meeting as in emailing or as in physically meeting??

4) I asked her a few questions, she didn't answer them. Almost as if these emails are pre-written, and I'm on #5 now. I also sent a photo and got no response positive or negative as to that.

She wrote this::
I told them about you and they are very glad for us. They see changes in me . It
happened after meeting with you. You gave me real life!!! Before I was so
disappointed in men and thought I would never meet my love. But now I have you
and I am so happy about this. You are so kind and intelligent.
-------------end-----------

5) I've done nothing to make her believ I'm kind and intelligent. She's gotten maybe 4 emails(the first 3 said I'm not interested) and she's telling friends?

May be a good explanation, may not be. I'm going to let this drop, 99.9% sure nothing will come of it.
Anyway, I met a woman from Hungary moving to England last monday. She's realy great, we're totally on the same wavelength(so far). Also when I do a search (date.com) on Ukraine, I come up with hundreds. Would be easier than Yulia in Khaboraks(?), and get off to a better start.  

I've learned a lot from you guys, thanks. 'eyes open'.

[raenman]

... in response to Now I'm starting to wonder, posted by thomas on Feb 26, 2004

Make that 100%.. and run..Fast..VERY FAST!

[Zink]

... in response to few questions about marriage to Russian ..., posted by thomas on Feb 19, 2004

I can't help you with your paperwork questions. Unless you want to be married in Russia because I've done that. But if you want some advice about travelling in or around Vladivostok I may be able to help. I lived there for 5 months last year. Is the lady from Khabarovsk? Or is the town you named a small one near Vladivostok. I'm fairly familiar with that area but don't recognize the name. Khabarovsk is a large city about 500 miles northwest of Vladivostok. I've never been there but know a little about it and have met people from there.

Other than that listen to AJ277 and the others. Their advice is sound.

[AllenB]

... in response to few questions about marriage to Russian ..., posted by thomas on Feb 19, 2004

Hi Thomas,

I am also in the Chicago area and married the sweetest and most beautiful girl from Ukraine.

First, my understanding is that the U.S. Embassy to Russia (Moscow) does not permit DCF filing and therefore going the K-1 route would have to be the option.  I may be incorrect regarding this point but I have heard that USCIS (former INS) is working on DCF for all "favored" nations which I would assume would include Russia.

Regarding your question of traveling from Vladivostok to Moscow, this would be the case.  With a huge country such as Russia you would think that there might also be a Consulate in Vladivostok but that only occurs in Moscow so they would have to travel there and I highly suggest that you escort her if this is your intention.

Thomas, you stated that you have not met this woman yet and I understand a soft heart but before you consider anything I think you need to do a little traveling.  You did not mention if you have ever been to the FSU before.  You must understand that traditions and customs are rather different than what you are used to and some men just are not cut out for such a relationship.  I would suggest that you consider a trip to see this woman if you really feel it has a possibility of a realistic relationship but even then I would be prepared for an adventurous vacation just in case things don't work out.

If you want to know more just email me.  Click on my profile name and my email is available in my profile.  I'll be happy to help where I can.

Best of luck,
Allen

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to few questions about marriage to Russian ..., posted by thomas on Feb 19, 2004

As far as I am concerned everything starts from scratch once you meet in person.  Right now you are probably dreaming.  The girl may not even appear as you believe she does.  

If you really are confident request a fiance visa packet and carry it in your luggage ahead of time.  Experience has taught me that writing letters only gets the foot in the door - meeting is everything.  For me letter writing never worked at all but to establish a relationship ahead of time / meet someone you know alot about.  For others it worked out perfectly.  The two knew each other when they met and the actual meeting was only a culmination of physical contact / confirmation.  I hope you are like the guys in the second camp of my discussion.

[thomas]

... in response to Visit and keep your fingers crossed, posted by Bobby Orr on Feb 20, 2004

Yea, I would definetly meet. I don't think you can do the fiance visa without it.  She seems so sweet. My problem is I have a soft heart...

What I'm worried about though is really wanting to be with her, then finding out I've got to wait a real long time to be with her, that there would be so much paperwork to turn me off. That she would have to go thru so many hoops it would take forever. (I'm 44 and still want kids.) Do they have to go to Moscow for a interview or something, at the US Embassy?   That just getting there would be a pain. Last night I was pricing flights out of curiosity, and I found little, with the cheapest being $2000. Of course a travel agent can do better. But these are all factors, and I like to be prepared for them, especially if they're bad, before they happen.

Is the process slower with the Russian beaurocracy than say, Ukraine or elsewhere?

Thanks, and for that site on the other post. I've never seen that one.

[AJ277]

... in response to Re: Visit and keep your fingers crossed, posted by thomas on Feb 20, 2004

What I'm worried about though is really wanting to be with her, then finding out I've got to wait a real long time to be with her, that there would be so much paperwork to turn me off. That she would have to go thru so many hoops it would take forever. (I'm 44 and still want kids.) Do they have to go to Moscow for a interview or something, at the US Embassy? That just getting there would be a pain. Last night I was pricing flights out of curiosity, and I found little, with the cheapest being $2000. Of course a travel agent can do better. But these are all factors, and I like to be prepared for them, especially if they're bad, before they happen.

____________

It isnt quick or easy,
dont believe the hype you see on many agency websites.  

If waiting 7 months or a year ,
or you both  traveling to Moscow is considered a "big" hurdle..or greatly expensive in the overall scheme of things ..
then you will get a big shock once truely involved in the situation.

If you want to follow thru, go visit and see what developes!!
but go in with eyes wide open and know what you want and what to expect.
and not on a whim,
it wont be easy, it wont be inexpensive,
and it wont be quick.
and she will most liklely be placing much more seriuosness on even just a simple meeting than you will.

hate to rain on anyones parade, but that is the reality.

also..you CAN go visit her several times before you decide to marry ??
or after you have decided to marry, you dont have to wait??
..unless financially very constraining..

just curiuos-
have you spoken on the phone?
if you  have only emailed -
if the initial contact was by her..and you seemed to indicate "by chance"  
you may want to really read up on these things and educate yourself on the many possible situations there..
as *she* can be *he* , or anyone else for that matter-
until you've met
__
FWIW - my advice is to talk to her on the phone quite a bit..
see if you both want to meet.
if so go see her!!!
it can be a great experience and she may be your future!

but rent your own flat,
and also keep a good local "vlad"
marriage agencies phone number in  your poclet-
 in case things arnt what they seem, or you just dont happen hit it off in person.Which seems to be about a 50/50 prospect.
_____________
Ukraine is faster on certain visas,,
and about the same on some others.

I happen to love Ukraine,
but vlad or actually the kamchatka penn.
has always been interesting to me for some reason and i have never been there.Would like to though!

Good Luck!

[thomas]

... in response to visit  , posted by AJ277 on Feb 21, 2004

Thanks for the info all.  No, I’ve never been there, but traveled thru Serbia, Croatia & Bulgaria. I’m sure Uk & Ru are worse.  I do hate beaurocracy and all that.  

We haven’t spoken. She kind of tricked me into getting my email, then emailed me. Normally I would be mad, but I give her credit for ingenuity, she seems like a nice person, her emails are so sweet you can’t get mad at her. So technically she contacted me.  She’s sent photos, and  she’s a she, at least the photos are. I’d be more than a bit disappointed if I got off the plane and someone named Aleksandr meets me.  She speaks good English which is important to me,  and responds fast so I think it’s her writing. Time will tell.    
 
Zink, yes, it's Khabarovsk. I guess 500 miles is close in Russian distance.   I don’t think I can stay there for any great length of time initially though.

I’ll keep emailing, call, send her a (small) birthday present or card next week and see what happens.    

Maybe I really need a shrink.  Thanks, I’ll keep at it, more research. There’s so much, and so many women in so many locations it gets overwhelming sometimes. Having dial-up doesn’t make it any easier.

[AJ277]

... in response to Re: visit  , posted by thomas on Feb 23, 2004

thomas posted-
***
her photos are of a she..etc ....
I’d be more than a bit disappointed if I got off the plane and someone named Aleksandr meets me. She speaks good English which is important to me, and responds fast so I think it’s her writing. Time will tell.
****

Thomas- the easiest thing for the average scammer to do is write SWEET letters and send photos of some girl..
the photos are readily stolen off the net anywhere.

also a QUICK  responce rate is not always a good sign.
in general a scamer does this for a living.
they spend all day at the I cafe writing lots of thomas's

a sincere girl makes a special trip out of her long  daty to go to the I cafe to write you
normally 3 to 5 days at quickest.

(yes there are exceptions ,just pointing out if she answerrs daily doesnt mean a damn thing and could mean bad things)

if it is a scammer , you wont be disaapointed at the airport as "yuri" wont show up
but how do you think he can ask for internet costs or anny other expences if he/she doesnt make plans to meet you?
_____________

you are treading in an area that could be anything from a sincere girl, to absolutely a ghost or RM playing a very common scam.

keep common sense about you.

If you wouldnt travel to see, or send money to, a girl in oregon that you hadnt spoken to on the phone..

then dont travel,or sdend money  to the FSU to see one under the same circumstances.

call her.
if she make sexcuses.then bail.
any sincere girl will probably offer her number without you asking..
if you ask she will give it]o
also perhaps  hire a flower delivery service to send her flowers.
they will take a photo at delivery for you as a usual customerary servivce..
( think about that ,there is a reason )

it will make her day ,if she is sincere, and it will let you see who you are writing .
if something else , then you will find out.

the fact she tricked you into correspondence is in general a bad sign.

Good luck, you may have a sincere girl writing you..but with the info you have at the moment ,,it might be a 50/50 shot..

a cardinal rule is do not fall for a letter and photo.
there wouldnt be numerous Russian woman blacklists if guys did not do this daily..
*shrugs*

[Zink]

... in response to Re: visit  , posted by thomas on Feb 23, 2004

500 miles is close in Russia. Especially in Asian Russia. Moscow takes some time to get to from the far east. Even by plane. The reason I asked is that Khabarovsk has an airport and when you travel there you could probably cut out going through Vladivostok.

I hate bureaucracy too. But we have to live with it. For the most part the Russians won't give you much trouble. But you do need to follow procedures. I've butted heads with different Russian departments on occassion over minor things. For the most part the people I dealt with were willing to help but didn't want any mistakes made that could come back to haunt them.

I worried less about uncovering scammers and more about learning about the ladies that I wrote to. If they are scammers or men time will show it. My advice is to go there as soon as you can. Letters are great but in the end meaningless without having met the person. I had a long correspondance with a girl that on paper was perfect for me. But after spending a couple of months with her it was obvious to both of us that we didn't have a future together. A short trip is better than no trip. It's better for both of you to learn the truth quickly than drag it out. And if things go well you'll find ways to be together longer later. It's amazing what a man can accomplish when he really wants to get back to his woman. Try to talk to her one the telephone. If she has intenet acces she must have a phone.

Don't let it overwhelm you. Just take a step back from time to time and ask yourself what you're really after. You don't need to do anything that your not comfortable with. Nobody to please except yourself until you do find the right lady. Don't over examine everything because you'll go crazy in the details. Just take your time and enjoy the ride. The important thing is to be honest with the ladies and even more so with yourself.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Re: Visit and keep your fingers crossed, posted by thomas on Feb 20, 2004

These relationships are not for the faint of heart.  Find a good travel agency specializing in trips to Russia so you get a decent price.  There are many in the archives.  I think she has to go to Moscow at some point for an interview prior to flying here.  People say Ukraine is a bit faster.  If I were you I would speak to someone really knowledgable about that question like Jack.

[gator70]

... in response to few questions about marriage to Russian ..., posted by thomas on Feb 19, 2004

Meet her first. Many people change their mind after such a meeting. Others do not. If you are serious, go with all the paper work in hand. Make a list of what you need to accomplish.

Tell her only when you feel the same way after a few days together. If there is any doubt wait and see.

The information is avail on www.visajourney.com