fidelity

[oneiroknight]

I was watching a show on TLC awhile ago which brought a question up about fidelity in the Ukrainian culture.  Well the show stated that something like 30% married women, and 40% married men have extramarital affairs at least once in the marriage.  I am sure there are many cultural implications here.

Does anyone know how it is looked upon by the Ukrainian culture?  Is it acceptable but not spoken of for a husband to cheat, or a wife?  Is it absolutely not acceptable?  I understand there are always individual differences in views, but as a society, I wonder how the Ukrainian and Russian women view fidelity.  

I would especially like to hear what the UW and RW have to say on this forum.

[romachko]

... in response to fidelity, posted by oneiroknight on Aug 20, 2003

My Uk fianc$B!&(Bhas a divorced girl friend, who has married boy friends. Svetlana (not real name) is listed on an introduction web site. She is a good-looking girl and wants to marry again but, in the mean time, likes to fool around with married men. One of her boy friends has yet another girl friend. These guys and girls are 25-27 years old. Most of them are schoolteachers. Their sex lives don$BCU(B seem to be very far from those in the U.S. My fianc$B!&(Balso has another girl friend, Marina (not real name), 26 years old teacher, who has never even dated a guy. While in Ukraine I took my fianc$B!&(B Marina and another girl, 32-year-old divorcee, to a restaurant-disco. Marina is a slender, good looking red head. She hopes to find a husband but doesn$BCU(B know how to find him, or more accurately, to be found by him.

I found many similar cases in the U.S. Ten years ago I had a girl friend, a college student. Two of her girl friends were virgin. On the other hand, many of her friends were very promiscuous. When I lived in North Dakota, it was quite common that girls lose virginity in college, i.e., they never had sex in high school. I personally knew, through my girl friend, several girls who got out of college, virgin! On the other hand, there were many sexually active girls. One married female student, whom I knew, had a steamy relationship with her German professor. Both of them were married.

Conclusion from my limited experience: There isn$BCU(B much difference between the U.S. and Ukraine in terms of sex life and fidelity.

[John K]

... in response to fidelity, posted by oneiroknight on Aug 20, 2003

According to my wife, men are better tolerated for fooling around than women.  It is almost expected that the man will take other lovers in Ukraine.  Women, on the other hand, are not supposed to do it.  If a woman fools around, it can be grounds for divorce, and it also carries an unpleasant stigma against the woman.

This type of attitude isn't just about infidelity.  If a girl goes to the police to report that she is raped, usually she is treated as if she had it coming.  Women in many ways are treated a second class citizens over there.  While they are large contributers to the economy and social stability, this is largely unappreciated and ignored.

While many people talk about their wanting to get a better life in America, the focus is usually on the economic benefit.  Economics is only one part of the equation, though.  Finding a stable man who is faithful, family oriented, and who treats his wife with respect is also highly important.  Also women in America are treated better in general, compared to their former Soviet Union (FSU) counterparts.

[oneiroknight]

... in response to fidelity, posted by oneiroknight on Aug 20, 2003

I should clarify that the stats of 30 and 40% were not really a specific culture, but I believe it was essentially in reference to American or to Western Europe, such as UK, France, etc.

[104gummiand]

... in response to Re: fidelity, posted by oneiroknight on Aug 20, 2003

Thoose 30 or 40% dont match even for Europe or especially for America. The recent figure I have for America is 70% of married people will commit adultery.

My lady has for me a unpleasant history, with a lover. Therefore we talked about it. Here is some she admits/tell:

Not ONE of her male friends are faitfull (academics, like doctors)
None of her female friends do it, after marriage.
Some of her female friends has sleept to get a job or promotion.
Her boss wanted her to marry his son.
When she was with lover: his family knew about it.
The lover was older, married with child.
She has a male friend, 43 yo. Married with a 16 yo daugther. Has many girls, plus a regular girlfriend age 18.

Okay she is Russian, not ukraianian. But I think the attitude are the same.

[oneiroknight]

... in response to Re: Re: fidelity, posted by 104gummiand on Aug 21, 2003

Wow, staggeringly high numbers of unfaithful spouses.  So it sounds as though generally speaking, Eastern European stats are about the same as US stats when it comes to male infidelity.  Women however are much more faithful.  It also sounds as though the women in that culture are more accepting of a man who is unfaithful?  Is that an accurate depiction of what your RW said?  Or maybe they are not really all that understanding, and they believe AM are more faithful?

Any more comments from any other UW, RW, or from you guys' perspectives?

[JohnM]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: fidelity, posted by oneiroknight on Aug 21, 2003

"Women however are much more faithful." Don't count on it. The RWs just don't talk about it. Who do you think the RMs are having these affairs with? Only single girls? You're dreaming.