... in response to OUR STORY The Photo's..., posted by Zoidberg on Jun 20, 2003Nice story and photos.I want to wish the both of you best of luck in the future however things turns out.I like some of the previous advices posted about taking time and making certain we make the right choices to such a large committments.
Let the smoke settle and let time make all "crystal clear"...Infactuation can be a b**ch but the "real thing" can be a wonderful and priceless gift in life also...
I'm one of those who thinks we get out of life what we put into it and that relationships are a series of events, choices and experiences that 2 people creat when they spend time together. If the 2 people both desire more than just an accquaintence together then the 2 people make decisions together about their lives and then try to find ways to share 2 seperate lives as 1 together.It is difficult if they live very far apart from each other.It takes many compromises and good communication skills to have a healthy relationship and it certainly will not last long healthly if it feels like it is 1 always giving and 1 always receiving.It's just my opinion but I think the closer 2 people feel in a relationship to it being 50% / 50% the more it feels healthy but sometimes obstacles like distance away from each other and different economys make that impossible for the time being to get close to 50/50...
A little over 3 years now since meeting and 2-1/2 of them together and married it still amazes me how my wife still seems to posess everything I didn't have and was looking for and it seems to me to be going equally the same in the other direction so far as I have been able to tell.
One thing for certain...Good communication between the 2 of you is necessary in every aspect of your relationship together so until both of you are familiarized completely with each others customs and ways of thinking,it will "always" feel a little "iffy" about the relationship choice if in fact "iffy" is a correct word to explain this feeling earlier on in the relationship.
Foreign relationships are "not" at all like domestic relationships.They just seem to naturally have a lot more pressure put on them right from day one.Not only from ourselves and the people around us but from society whole in general.It for some reason seems like people always seem to find the negatives and hardships so easily but fail to reccognize the positives in the same manner.Like having 50 good vacations in life but only remembering distinctly the couple of bad ones...Human nature I guess...
I found the culture differences made my relationship feel "exotic" right from day one.I happen to like that feeling and because of it I still feel like my relationship is exciting and unique.The same way it felt for me right from the beginning...Only difference since the beginning is there is now much more history to the relationship and much more decision making being made together and as a family unit as oppossed to 2 individuals making choices in the beginning...gee...I'm not single anymore?
Now,we face each new day together,along with our fairly new child we were blessed with,and trying to function as a family.Compared to times in the beginnings,more and more each day it feels like the world is "outside" from "us"...Opposite from the way it felt in the beginning when it felt like "we" were new and outside and were trying to "fit into" the world...Worrying about what people thought and about the future etc...I can see "now" where we "both" missed a lot of what was going on in the "present" because of all that worrying and pressure we self-createing or rather allowing to occur earlier on.I just guess it is something humans do naturally,worry... Now the choices we make together are "ours" as we choose to enter "into" the world "outside" and from "inside" of "our" lives.It definetly feels like the 2 of us have become 1 and many of the roles have changed about fitting into society.Almost all of those early on worries have seemed to disappear as we began to get busy with "living" our lives instead of "thinking about" our lives...
I suppose that validates that things have changed since we met and had those good feelings about each other.Sometimes it still really feels like nothing much has changed but if I pay close attention it becomes very clear how much really "has" changed.What seems to have made it all happen to both our lives was that we both knew "ourselves" before we met and each of us knew what we were wanting in our lives.We just didn't know who it would be...
I know now that for me,it would not have mattered if it was the blond or the brunett,the younger one or the older one or anything about what "other" people felt or said.Destiny certainly had "something" to do with it because there are simply too many people and places I could have spent my life on meeting different ladies and visiting different countries I was attracted to in the beginning.I still don't know why I made the decisions I did when I did.I could have been the one "still" looking and wondering...Seems more today like Mother destiny moved me when She was ready not when I was.I think what mattered most was I knew myself,my wife knew herself,we both had a "lot" of what each other desired when we met and we were both willing to take some risks in life...I bet all these things that were so important to me 3 years ago will certainly change 25 years from now if I am still alive and kicking...LIFE...GOTTA LOVE IT...BEAUTY PART OF IT IS WE CAN MAKE MISTAKES TOO AND STILL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT OUR DREAMS...SOME GET LUCKY FIRST TIME AND OTHERS DON'T BUT WITH NO RISKS "NOTHING" HAPPENS...
