Love to Hate...

[Travis]

How long does the transition take? My best guess is 11 hours. This I think is about how long a bad marriage between an AM and a RW takes to go from love to utter HATE. She will ultimately be in jail and eventually burn in hell! Hopefully she'll freeze in Russia first. She did one thing coming here, she made an enemy!!! She all but begged for it! She may be here now, but she will eventually be here in jail with a pending deportation order. Her and her SUKA friends!!!! Sorry guys, I'm p1ssed and I'm venting.

Bad faith marriage? How does one prove that? The fact that she was looking for another man in less than two weeks of marriage? Is that proof enough? I know without a doubt I made major mistakes because I married her, but I will not sit back and allow her to play me the way she has. It has taken everything I have to maintain my composure. She and her friends played me like a fiddle. Stupid suka didn't even know my full name when she went to the police and filed false charges of abuse...how interested in me could she have been?

What do I do? I didn't deserve what she's doing! I gave her everything I had and it was never good enough! I know, I'm venting and letting off steam, but she should not be allowed to get away with this. I doubt most women from the FSU do this, but I know for a fact some do...at least one I know of. What is the recoarse? The Violence Against Women Act is really a valid law, but it is allowed to be abused by women such as my soon to be ex-wife. We all know that as a man, if your wife claims abuse, you are guilty until you can prove yourself innocent.

[John K]

... in response to Love to Hate..., posted by Travis on Jun 2, 2003

Your anger and hatred, while justified, can be very dangerous and detrimental to you, left unchecked.  Right now, your greatest weapon against your soon to be ex is self control.

I suggest that you channel your anger into something less self destructive and into something more productive.  Put your excess energies into looking into various legal strategies and weighing what will have a greater impact versus cost.  Is divorce or annulment a better choice?  Do you have legal recourse not only against your soon to be ex, but also her friends?  A "friend" under fire can quickly turn on you to save themself.  Attack her support network, and she may lose her support...

While false arrest is a good start, you still need to keep looking into new and different avenues of attack.  I guarantee your soon to be ex is.  Examples would be social services, the IRS, the legal system, the INS, the Social Security Administration and the "good old boy" network.  Be careful with the last one though.  If not done carefully, it could blow up in your face with horrendous results.  You don't just want to counteract her, you want to dominate her.  That is what she understands.  And don't forget her friends, of course.  Perhaps the INS might want to look into their eligibility status...

Remember that whatever she has used on you, can be used against her as well, as long as you don't break the law, or weaken your position.  Mind games can be played on both sides.  Put a lien on her assets for your legal bills.  Hire a PI to watch her and her friends and note down what you can use.  Put your energy to use and get creative.  

While I'm not a fan of revenge, in this case, I would make the exception.  I'd buy all the George Hayduke books on dirty tricks and find new and inventive ways to demoralize her.  Her actions and personality show that this is the only way to reach her.  If you don't dominate and demoralize her, then she will feel free to try, try again.  Such a person needs to be stopped, not only for revenge, but as a protection to the general populace.  In this case, I think you might have a moral imperative.

And if you do manage to get her deported?  Don't be afraid to reach out and touch her overseas.  Write to all the embassies in her country and warn them to be on the lookout for her.  The next time she tries to get a visa stamp, she will be sorely surprised.  If I could, I'd find a way to report her to INTERPOL, maybe as a con artist.  Imagine how that one could play out...  I'm sure there's other things you could think of as well to make her life miserable...

Again, channel your hatred into something more productive for you.  The cooler you keep your head, the better you stand to win the war.  And remember, it's easy to lose a battle here and there, but don't lose the war.

Best of Luck.

[Travis]

... in response to Fire of Anger, Cold of Resolve, posted by John K on Jun 7, 2003

I was told to keep quiet until my situation is complete...so that's what I should do. In August I will elaborate. As you stated, self control.

[Griffin redux]

... in response to Fire of Anger, Cold of Resolve, posted by John K on Jun 7, 2003

poor Marina!

[John K]

... in response to :-o, posted by Griffin redux on Jun 7, 2003

If you aren't going to be constructive, then don't be destructive either.  I do not dig you about your marriage.  Don't try and lay your pain on mine.  Fair enough?

[Griffin redux]

... in response to Enough, Griffin., posted by John K on Jun 8, 2003

that your post sounds more like personal fantasy than dispassionate advice.

As advice it is the answer to a divorce attorney's prayer.  The last thing Travis needs to do is devote his life to ruining his soon to be ex wife.

My constructive advise for Travis:

Get on with your life.  Exercise vigorously and often.  Watch between meal treats (just kidding on that one).  Don't talk or listen to coworkers about divorce.  Don't date for at least the next 6 months.  Find a "cause" (professional, political, philanthropic, whatever) you can support and immerse yourself in it.  Be cordial at all times regarding your ex and her gaggle of supporters.  Let your attorney handle the details.  Allow yourself no more than 30 minutes a day for fantasies of your ex's exquisitely painful demise.

Finally, don't beat yourself up about what you didn't do or should have done.  From your posts you have already learned from your experience.  Time to move on.

I am a three-time winner as far as marriage is concerned. I know how to survive a divorce.

[John K]

... in response to My point is, posted by Griffin redux on Jun 8, 2003

[This message has been edited by John K]

My look on it is different.  Consider it this way:

If you brought a dog home and found it to be rabid, you wouldn't just throw it out and hope it goes away.  Any time you went out and exposed yourself as vulnerable, it will attack you.  Travis has the marriage equivalent of a rabid dog.  It's malicious, vicious and dangerous.  Not only to him, but to the public at large.

While I agree he should let the courts fight it out and end it legally, afterwards, he needs to consider finding ways to "put the dog down" (nonviolently, of course) before it does more damage.  Otherwise, he will likely find himself a target of her retribution on a regular basis.  That, and he has now made targets out of every other single man in his area.

When he only acts defensively, he sends a message to this woman that he's weak.  That will just encourage her to find new ways to make his life miserable.  He will eventually need to go on the offensive in order to protect himself.

Maintaining self control is key.  Channeling his anger into preparing for the eventuality of striking back makes sense.  It will likely be inevitable that he will need to do so anyway, so he might as well prepare for the eventuality...

[Griffin redux]

... in response to Rabid Dog Theory, posted by John K on Jun 8, 2003

[John K]

... in response to Sounds more like a dogged rabbit's theor..., posted by Griffin redux on Jun 9, 2003

Most of the time, I'm pretty mild mannered and let things slide.  If the person does something blatantly offensive, then I take action.  My rowdy neighbors are now more careful around me, and the neighborhood is a little quieter.  The cops still pay them periodic visits, but it never involves me.

Also, I'm very protective of my wife, and if anyone upsets her, I take them on without thinking.  On my last trip, I went head to head with Marina's grandmother during a family argument.  Not that I'm particularly happy about that, but it did make the peace and my wife thought I was the best husband in the world.  Go figure.

For the most part, however, I treat it on a case by case basis.  If someone is deliberately trying to cause me or my wife harm (wife especially) I shut them down fast and hard.  If it's just general stupidity, I try to tolerate it or redirect their focus elsewhere.

In Travis's case, I see his soon-to-be-ex as a long term threat and a possibly dangerous one.  That's why I advised him as I did.  Normally, I'd preach moderation, but in this case moderation will likely just leave him set up for more abuse, especially if he gets serious with another lady.  I can easily see the ex making his and his lady's life h*ll, just because she can.  I see her as the equivalent of an exmarital "rabid dog", and that she will need to be treated as such in order for him to regain a semblance of security.

[Griffin redux]

... in response to I treat on a case by case basis, posted by John K on Jun 9, 2003

the worst I have ever had my ass kicked was by a grandmother in Jamaica.

I pray to God I never meet up with that old woman again!

[Travis]

... in response to :-o, posted by Griffin redux on Jun 7, 2003

His marrage and mine are worlds apart! And believe it or not, I'm happy about that. I sincerely want the best for everyone on this board. Just because my FSU marriage was a sham and went to he11 in a handbasket, doesn't mean all will. And I don't believe most do. John and Marina will be ok, at least they communicate with each other. Two way street. Mine was one way and that never works but thats because she had ulterior motives. I know, deep down I'm an optimist :-)

[thesearch]

... in response to Love to Hate..., posted by Travis on Jun 2, 2003

Travis,

You are very very fortunate. You just need to see it that way. Tim below stated this also. From what you are telling us, it sounds as though justice will most likely have a path to be materialized. You are fortunate that as well as being evil she sounds very stupid.

However Travis, there is a way she can get what she wants - by upsetting YOU!

In getting you upset she is evoking a response that suggests that you are volatile and thus creates behavior that suggests she may have some basis for her claims. This happened with another guy here and it seems that he created his own troubles by how she was able to get him to respond.

You are going to get through this just fine. You however need to keep your cool and view this as what it is. You chose this lady. You chose to ignore her signs. And, if you did not get some kind of whack out of this you would not as easily learn what there is to learn. If does not make any difference how evil she is. There are evil people all over. Do you get as upset about them? I doubt it. What you are upset with is your entanglement with her and how now because of your past choices you can not get rid of her without all this crap.

Don't be upset with her my friend. Be upset with yourself because there will always be more like her in both sexes. It is wasted energy. Let it go or she will have a better opportunity to cause you more grief.

[Travis]

... in response to Re: Love to Hate..., posted by thesearch on Jun 3, 2003

I do partially blame myself because I was stupid enough to marry her but I also blame her and her friends. My stupidity in marrying her is not a green light for her to break the law and do the things that she has done. I at least didn't do anything illegal. If I get car jacked in the fourth ward, do I get angry with the guy that did it or do I blame myself for driving in the wrong part of town? Both.

Fortunatly this is the last possible thing she can do to me...legally anyway. She has been vacated from my home for a while now. Part of the court order. Thank God this is a community property state!

Getting swarmed by police in my front yard with the nieghbors watching and then hauled off to jail for a crime I didn't commit is a little upsetting. I ain't Ghandi. But through it all, I have maintained my composure fairly well. When I was in jail I called my ex-girlfriend so she could post bail. I was the one in jail and I had to calm her down.

My wife is evil and stupid, and I want nothing more at this point than the truth to come out and justice. She should be prosecuted for what she has done and I will do everything I can to see to it that that happens!

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Re: Love to Hate..., posted by Travis on Jun 3, 2003

Go for it Travis - just remain cool in everyone's eyes who will be in charge of judging you.

Good Luck to you

[Travis]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Love to Hate..., posted by thesearch on Jun 3, 2003

I will, and thanks!