Comments welcomed

[Antonua]

A friend of mine met a guy from England how on returning home kept sending here romantic emails and asking her to come and visit him.

He said he could write here a letter and help her with the documentation.

She was very much looking forward to visiting England and hopeful of a long term relationship with this guy.  

Problems began to emereg, as one would have expeceted, when she applied for a tourist visa to travel to the UK.  She (foolishly in my view) mentioned that she had a romanic attachment to this guy who was her sponsor.  His letter of support/invitation was very basic indeed.  "I wish to extend an invite ...  please issue a visa". .. well a lttle more than that but as we all know this was doomed to hit the wall.  And surely enough it did!  Application refused.  (I had advised that she should have arranged a business development based application but she was re-assured by the words of her man.

Now, knowing that this romance will not happen in the short term, he has lost interest .  She had spent her own money traveling to Kiev and cost of visa application.  Worst still she will find it hard if not impossible to re-apply in the future be it the USA, Europe or where ever.

She is thinking of writing to him asking if he can help her pay for the costs she has occured about $100 USD.  As you all know this is a lot of money for a girl from Ukraine.

Whats your views apart from the obvious related to the failed application,  should this cad payup or should she have been more cautious and as such she has only herself to blame.

She is a very beautiful girl, 5' 2", 32 and speaks english very well and sadly heart broken her dreams shattered.

[Antonua]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

Thanks for your feed back  I have sent copuies of all to my friened in hope that she will feel better.  I agree with most...  Yes on one hand she was nieve but so was this guy (cad) he wanted his romanace, sent poems and messages of love but really did not know what was involved in inviting someone to visit and the many pitfalls in applying for a visa.  (He should subscribe to this BB).  In the end she is the one that will have to live with the folly of his mistake.  It not that she was out to scam him, she just wanted to follow this path of opportunity hoping to find love  on the way.  Don't we all..

Thanks again (Spasibo)

Antonua

[Antonua]

... in response to Thanks (Spasibo), posted by Antonua on Jun 4, 2003

Below reply from my friend to your comments...

Thanks again

Antonua

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hello my dear friend!!!

Thank you so much for your letter. and these emails were nice ......
you know now I calm down a little cos I tried not think and not remember
that man....  but it's very hard for me cos I'm very sensitive, I think, too
sensitive for this world, for such a "lesson"

You know before I had some ideas about trips to London, to Paris, to Germany
with children for teaching languages for 2 or 3 weeks. Some teachers in our
town do it every  month but now I will not be able to go to London!!!!!! a
half a year!!!!!!
and now my ideas of a new business have broken too!

may be again God showed me - don't harry, don't trust, don't believe and
after that don't cry because it's only my fault of course completly

first of all I didn't consul with anybody cos I thought that he knew
everything and that's enough, I hadn't check it I did everything he told me
did.
now I know that in my country english embassy is the most difficult and
terrible........ and I had to collect very many other papers!!!!!!!!
but I was honest and clean in my mind and in my life I told only the truth
and didn't think to stay in england cos there is a rule - I had to return -
and I'd returned in spite of.....
but now      it's the past!!!!!!!

my life is broken now and I must do everything from the beginning
may be I'll write and try to find another man but now it's difficult for me
cos I feel that I like this man very much and I don't know how it could
happen with me? so much pain.......
now everything I want - to see him even for a moment!!!!

you know I was ready to go to Turkey to see him!!!!!!!!!!!
but he told me that I had to buy tickets - I agreed and found 200$ for these
tickets and was ready to go (it must be at the 7th of June)!!!!!! but then
he told me didn't buy tickets cos he was not ready to go there and he was
not ready to spend his money in Turkey for me!!!!!! (but I didn't ask him to
return me the money for Turkey !!! cos I understood that to go to Turkey
it's only my own dessision and I was ready to pay for my feelings for my
"love" I wanted only to see him and I was ready to fight for us)

He told me that he earned 27.000  pounds  per annum - is it much???
may be it's very little salary?? I don't know!!!!!!!!!

thank you for your understanding
I thank God that I have such a friend like you!!!!!!!

(Name withheld)

P.S.
may be I can write a book about it..... later!!!!!!

[Robert D]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

He should pay as he created this mess.   Frankly, I think some of us forget about the economic hardship facing some of these people particularly those who live away from urban areas.  Little things like traveling from one town to another say 300 miles away, is time consuming and comparatively expensive for them.  It is cruel to leave them hanging like that. We just get into our cars, or fly. They take the bus to the train station, if there is a bus, and take the train, then more busses or street cars, and lots of walks.   With luck they know someone they can stay with in the other town, if not, they stay up all night in the train station to catch the train back.  Some of us recall how our grand parents, travelled, and what an ordeal it was to get from A to Z in those days.  It took a lot of effort to get from coast to coast or even as short a distance as 500 miles. I learned this the hard way.  When I visited St. Pete, I met a lady that is now my friend, and nothing more.   We made the effort but the connection was not there.   I paid for her way to St. Pete, but did not ask about the travel from her town in the Perm region to St. Pete.   Well, when I found out it took 36 hours, well I felt terrible.   It would have been easy send another $200 to her to fly.   I just did not think to ask.  

   She should post her e-mail info or the like, to this board, and perhaps someone nice will respond.

Robert D.

[104gummiand]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

I am also from EU and is the process of getting a tourist visa for my lady (if I am lucky)

But HE is the jackass. He should made the invitation, HE should have sponsored it. HE should has the money to learn about this.. so the error is complete his. The lady in Ukranie has no change to know how it works in the EU.

But if he had lost the interest in her, he not likely to pay. He seems as he an idiot.

[John K]

... in response to Re: Comments welcomed, posted by 104gummiand on May 31, 2003

In a relationship like this, I think that the man needs to step up to the plate and assume most of the burden.  The FSU ladies are not likely to have the financial resources to waste on such a venture.  If the man was unwilling to commit financially to this, then he falls into the "player" category.  He will likely keep luring other women into trying (and failing) to leave their country to visit him.

Such a person is trying to get what he wants for free or almost no cost.  A multinational relationship is not ever going to be cheap, or easy.  Sadly, a man like him isn't likely to learn that lesson anytime soon.  Instead it will be the ladies he plays with who will learn that lesson the hard way...

[wilmc]

... in response to I tend to agree, posted by John K on May 31, 2003

A "gentleman," would pay.

[DanM]

... in response to Re: I tend to agree, posted by wilmc on May 31, 2003

I agree with wilmc.

[tim360z]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

His initial offer was probably from ignorance.  Stupidity. Or worse.  Just not really knowing what is involved in his "invitation" for her to visit.  But,  ignorance is no excuse.  The decent thing for him to do would be to contribute either partially or in whole for the money she layed out.  This will probably not happen.  
On the other hand,  your friend should have been more cautious and more knowledgeable BEFORE spending her money.  Now she is,  I hope.  Pricey lesson for her.

The rejection stamp on her passport will be of little help in the future.  The best visas for a "visit" would be for education, cultural exchange, business, diplomatic, sports or celebrity.  I do not know if loosing her passport will help,  as these days the rejection is probably in a database somewhere,  although I am not certain.

From what you wrote,  your friend should have no expectation of any future "relationship" with this guy.

[Pordzhik]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

As soon as she mentioned the romantic angle (as the embassy well know what could happen)

I can be done (I've done it), but it takes some little white lies from both parties.

The letter of support/invitation needs to go into great detail about the inviters finances and accomodation, nature of relationship etc, and state that both parties understand that they have no recourse to United Kingdom public funds.

This surely will have some bearing on any subsequent visa application to visit the UK (except a settlement/fiance visa), as for visa applications to USA or other countries, I can only suggest that she "loses" her passport (with the refusal stamp) and apply for a new one.

$100 is small price to pay (even for her)to discover her mans insincerity.

Anybody who wants a sample British visitors visa invitation letter, email me.

[KenC]

... in response to Comments welcomed, posted by Antonua on May 30, 2003

In what way is the guy a cad?  She is the one that made the foolish mistake not him.
KenC

[wsbill]

... in response to Re: Comments welcomed, posted by KenC on May 31, 2003

guy to send her $100. It's a mean and cruel world.  She should wise up and find a decent guy in Ukraine = good luck.

(just woke up)