You have WMVM & WOVO what about...

[Frank O]

an opinion from you guys on meeting the ladies. There are 2 schools. One is you write the ladies & get to know them as much as you can before meeting them, which is what I feel confortable with. Then there are those that prefer to wait till the first meeting. The idea behind that being that most of the ladies you meet you will NOT meet a second time so why waste time. However I feel that getting to know them PRIOR to meeting them is important. If you ALREADY know the lady you will eventually feel is "the one" then you already have a foundation whereas the other other you would be BEGINNING to know her after your first meeting. Any comments &/or suggestions?

[Zoidberg]

... in response to You have WMVM & WOVO what about..., posted by Frank O on Apr 7, 2003

Hi Frank,

First off good luck on your search. Before I start I think you hit it on the head where you said you have to do what you are most comfortable with.

I did this once about 9 years ago. I wrote a few and narrowed it down to one I wrote for about 9 months before we met. I went to Ukraine as well as she came here but in the end it did not work out. But I learned a lot on that experience. I am glad we did not get married because we would have been divorced. I think we didn't talk enough about everything before we met and we really were not in love with each other. I feel I was in love with how exotic she was instead of in love with her. Still it was a fantastic experience and one I will always remember. Since that time I had other relationships including another long distance one with a girl from Switzerland. But all the girls I met since then could not compare to the qualities I saw in all the Ukrainian girls I wrote back then. So here I am again.

First thing I did was really sit down and look at myself. I decided what I wanted in a woman and I wrote it all down. At the same time I scanned thousands of profiles and ones I liked I saved on the side. Once I decided what I was looking for I picked 5 girls to write. I only wanted 5 because I wanted to be able to write all of them personal letters. I feel I am writing about the chance to be married, the least I can do is write each woman a personal letter. It will make them feel special. Of course some of the basics were the same but I tried to write my letter based on what I thought their personalities were and what was on the profiles. I know the profiles leave a lot to be desired but I did read them all and chose not only by looks but also what was said in the profiles. Actually I picked all profiles that had a little more to say then the usual.

My plan was to write 5 and if I find one I really like I will narrow it down to her. If I did not find one I really clicked with then I'd start writing 5 more till I found someone I really wanted to meet. I also told all 5 in my first letter what I was looking for and what I wanted. I told them exactly what my plans were and what my timeframe was. In the end all 5 wrote me back. 4 of them right away and 1 wrote me back later saying she was already engaged or married. I never did get my first letters translated, I just sent them in English. The girl I ended up liking was the only one of the 4 that did not speak good English. In just the matter of months she speaks better English then any of the other women I wrote.

Once I narrowed it down to this one woman we started asking many questions about what we wanted or just basic stuff. As time went by we realized that on many things we really do think alike. We started to get closer. Since she was learning a new language she had certain days she would go to the internet cafe. I gave her time to translate my emails and then the next day we always talked on the phone about those emails so there is no misunderstanding. It has worked wonders.

So now we are to the point we want to meet. I am going there in May and we will see what happens. Even though we both like each other and think this is right, we know that meeting will be a key point. I think if you are going to visit just one girl then it is important that both of you are aware of that. I know there are some that say writing over a few months is a waste of time. Well I disagree. I think writing and phone calls over time can be very valuable. As long as you are listening to what she says and don't ignore any possible problems you can increase your chances in success. Be honest about what you want and what you are looking for. Make sure you understand what she wants also. If you are going to write one girl over time always talk about anything that might bother you. Bottom line is if you have any doubts then you better really sit down and think about what you are doing.

Good luck!

Z.

[CS767]

... in response to Here's what I am doing...., posted by Zoidberg on Apr 7, 2003

Z,
 Thank you for this post,it made me think a little more about what I am doing.

[Frank O]

... in response to Here's what I am doing...., posted by Zoidberg on Apr 7, 2003

I did that last time. I narrowed it down to one then visited. Everything appeared fine then the bottom fell out. Oh well I got back on my horse without skipping a beat. This time I ran a personal ad through Jack. GREAT response. Now I have my hands full. I'm currently writing about 5. I have 2 that I call every weekend. I feel very confortable. However I don't plan on narrowing it down this time. I will visit all of them. I have decided to play the numbers game but with a bit more foundation this time. I don't know but I think I'm doing fine. I think the main difference is there are girls who have written me FIRST as opposed to me writing them. Also the fact that my pics were not "too flattering" according to Jack. That's cool because IT"S ME! So I didn't want a pic of me in a tie & suit then I show up in leather pants, silk, shirts, & long hair with Harley Davidson boots. They might REALLY freak out! So I figured this is who I am am love or leave me! LOL!! So the ones who ARE writing I think have gotten past that. Now it's getting interesting. Obviously some get a LOT deeper in their letters than others who write letters with less substance. All that I take into consideration. I ALSO will be going in May I'm looking at around leaving on May 26th. When are you going?

[Zoidberg]

... in response to VERY CLOSE to what I'm doing..., posted by Frank O on Apr 7, 2003

I remember you telling some about what happened to you before. I am sorry to hear that it did not work out for you but hopefully everything will work out great on your next trip. When I go there we understand that meeting will be very important and things can change fast. We both hope it works out good but until we meet we'll never know. We have talked about this at length and are now just waiting to meet and see.  

It is good your photo's are not "too flattering". It's all about being honest and hope they are doing the same. I feel writing over time you can weed out some that may not be telling the truth. It sounds like you have a good plan. I could never go over to meet many but a couple would also work. We'll be there at the same time. I am leaving May 22 and will return Jun 17. I am heading to Dnepropetrovsk. Where are you going?  

Z.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: VERY CLOSE to what I'm doing..., posted by Zoidberg on Apr 7, 2003

NT

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to You have WMVM & WOVO what about..., posted by Frank O on Apr 7, 2003

Writing is very difficult.  You first have to purchase many addresses = money maybe spent for nothing.  Then you have to write, have letters translated (made easier with a general letter of introduction) and get a photo of yourself that you could mass market = effort and money maybe spent for nothing.  Maybe you place a personal advertisement or two = more effort and money.  Assume it is a labor of love, so the personal effort is nothing, but the dollars spent advertising and buying addresses adds up before you even get there.  However, if you get a 20% hit rate - then you have something - say you write 50 girls you are interested in - then you have 10 girls to write, get to know them over cyberspace - move from there.  I am extremely lazy and believe in the being there approach........but I have found writing is excellent if you can connect with some girls.  Now, when you meet you move from the minor to the major leagues - and you may not be able to hit her fastball, or she yours.  My advice - if you have the time to write, have the will to write (perhaps that is the hardest), have no problem with rejection, disappearances or cyberland mix-ups, of course write.  If you do connect over the net, it is much better when you do meet.  

The problem with purchasing addresses is if you are truly picky, there may not be much out there.  When you advertise, the stars, moon and planets must be alligned properly for you - or the girls that respond will not cut it.  What do you do - just give up, or try again?..........it is a true test of character, one I know I have a terribly difficult time doing.  How much rejection can one take?  How many websites can one look at.  How much personal advertising can one go through.  I get overload.  Right now I am on overload - I just can not bear to look at another website or write another letter.  

I am happy to have found one girl who I enjoy corresponding with - but my past has taught we to be wary because long distance relationships are very difficult, especially after meeting - because in many ways the stakes become raised - you now both are real and must be able to follow through - how you negotiate the follow through should be easy - but for me this has always been the hardest part.  

Another strategy is to find friends in the FSU, preferably in an established agency, in a city you enjoy going to and visit.  Let them try to help you find the girl of your dreams.  Run an advertisement in the city a month or two prior to travelling over.  Book a couple of weeks, enjoy yourself, enjoy meeting women - if things work out - great.  Follow it up.  Most of all relax........perhaps the hardest thing to do when one is single.

[Frank O]

... in response to Cost / effort benefit analysis, posted by Bobby Orr on Apr 7, 2003

I have avoided many of the problems you said. Like paying for addresses etc. The only thing is writing them all. I have had what I call a 5 letter "probationary" period. After 5 letters I decided if I continue to write them or not. I also will be going within 2 months now. So I think I've done ok. Then again you just never know. Last time my trip appeared successful then the bottom fricking fell out!!! Luckily I had the right attitude AND a lot of ladies that wanted to go out with me WITHOUT the help of an agency so that was cool. I even saw some on my last daythere through Jacks help. None worked out. One was a Ukrainian lady with an AW attitude. What kind of car do I like she asked. I answered her in typical Texas attitude "are you asking me what kind of care I LIKE or what kind of car do I drive?" That caugh her off guard! LOL!! Then she asked me to send her a picture of my house. By that point she had ALREADY turned me off. NO WAY that would EVER work out. Heck, I can get that HERE! Anyways thanks for the input.

[squirecam]

... in response to You have WMVM & WOVO what about..., posted by Frank O on Apr 7, 2003

You have to do what you are more comfortable with.

Me, I dont like writing or dating 30+ women at the same time. I think many women can be different in person as opposed to their letters. For me, an intro letter and then a meeting was my preferred method. YMMV.

Squirecam

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: You have WMVM & WOVO what about...., posted by squirecam on Apr 7, 2003

however I just don't feel confortable with that method. It's NOT for me at all. I don't want to meet a "stranger". On my last trip I met 2 ladies I already "knew" both were pretty much as they were in their letters. One I will be seeing again this visit. I met 4 others there & it just felt "rushed" to me not to mention there was no "foundation" when we met.

[squirecam]

... in response to That's what Jack a suggested for me..., posted by Frank O on Apr 7, 2003

I've met many ladies. Some were as advertised in their letters. Some were not. BTW, those who were not tended to be WAY off the mark, so to speak.

I truly think you dont know someone until you meet in person. While it is true that if you write detailed letters first, then the relationship has a "head start", you might also be wasting your time if she turns out not to be the same in person. Also, you may feel like you have "invested" in the letters and thus you overlook red flags.

This is not a race. Proceed at the pace you feel most comfortable with.