The end of one, the begining of another

[Jski]

[This message has been edited by Jski]

OK, so here I am back to report on my progress, or lack there of.  As some may remember, I went to Ukraine in January and got engaged (see previous trip report).

Well, things have turned south and she has said that she doesn't really want to leave her country.  Since it would be impossible for me to move there :-) we have agreed to call it off.

Now, just to show that not every one is a scammer :-), she sold the ring and sent me back the money for it as well as the money I have sent her since January.  I do wish her well and hope she finds what makes her and her daughter happy!

As for me, I'll be back searching.  Its going to be a bit hard to get away for more than a week for the next year as my ex has been called to active duty and shipped off to Iraq (She's a Fleet Marine Corpsman with the Navy Reserve, so look for her in the news feeds from 1st Mar Div :-).  I do have custody of my daughter, but we used to share the time with her and thus, now it is only me.

Before anyone asks....

What I have learned:

Ukraine is a beautiful country.  I'm so happy that I got to go see it, and would have done so even with this hindsight.

Trust is not always misplaced, I trusted her to do the right thing when we called it off and she did.

Feelings can change, cold feet can happen, be ready for it, look for the signs (slowing of letters, less "playful" talk, shorter notes) and take some time to ask questions even if you don't really want to know the answer.

Be nice when it happens.  If she was a scammer, your money is lost anyway, if she wasn't, then don't turn her against any future effort by being rude or mean.  Everyone has a right to change their mind, though you may not agree with it, deal with it maturaly and you may be rewarded.

Yes I will still do my WOVO again.  I will write many at first and start to narrow it down over time until I find the one that would appear to be the most compatible and try once again.  It is what I feel comfortable with.

So, that being said, anyone know any nice ladies between 23 and 34 that like children? :-)

Oh, feel free to ask any questions, hopefully someone can learn from this.........Check my profile if you would rather ask off-line.

[thesearch]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Sorry to hear about what happened only in that we would all like it to be easy with everything falling into place. But, that does not always happen.    I did the  WOVO and it did not work out. From the first visit could not tell there would be a problem but, after the second it became apparent.

Is that surprising? I do not think so. Think about it, what are the chances that you meet one lady and she is really meant to be for you and her for you? I think they are remote and I think a lot of couples just try to make it work.

I like you, am more comfortable with the WOVO approach as that is what I would do in my own back yard. Thus this is my comfort zone as, I am not a player. For many guys to wmvm they need to change their thinking to be able to do it. I know that I would have to.

However, You are really not doing that, you are more or less WMVO.

However, still you do not know anyone until you spend some time with them. By the nature of all this, it could take a lifetime to find the right person and thus, this is why some try to make it work and indeed some find success with doing this.

I know that you have to be bummed but, that is life. Good luck to you in the next go around.

Greg

[don1]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

You are a good guy with a good head on your shoulders . Your trust was not misplaced ; she showed good character as well . Two good people who shared and enjoyed each other's company and companionship for a while ; but it was not meant to be . I guess it is better to find this out now than to learn it all a few miles further down the road . You both handled something that was very difficult with a lot of maturity . You have gained as much as you lost here , I think . It was a good experience for both of you , another chapter in your lives . A chapter which you will both remember with fondness and a smile for the rest of your days . I wish you well .

[Globetrotter]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Well, good to have all the "what if" questions asked and answered before, as opposed to later.  And, better she found out now rather than once she got here.  Disappointing as it may be, somehow I think you'll do just fine.

[BURKE89]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Jski,

I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune, especially after such a T.R. -castle, pixie et al.

The simple fact, that you've possesion of your child is well... going to ring a bell of sanity in the right woman for ya'. It shows character & I think it should be regarded as a plus, period!

And, in my non-experienced RW/UW (travel) thoughts: you have an advantage, indeed.

Keep at your quest,

Vaughn

[Frank O]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

I thought everything was fine then the bottom fell out. Still not sure what happened. Anyways I have since run an ad so I'm getting pretty good responses. I'm currently down to writing about 6. I find it a little difficult as I consider myself a "one woman man" but there is NO WAY I can see myself doing WOVO again. I don't want to have it happen again, although if it does I STILL keep trying! LOL!!! Anyways are you SURE you still want to try WOVO? Also have you considered putting an ad out for yourself? The good thing is having the right attitude. I had the right attitude on my trip over there. Even though things looked great I was READY to go out & meet other girls which I did without skipping a beat. Coincidentally there was one lady I was writing to before the one I settled on & I got to go out with her twice over there. I'm writing her again & as a matter of fact I just spoke to her today (phone card). I'll see what happens. Keep you chin up & just go for it. Don't let it phaze you.

[Jski]

... in response to I learned my lesson with WOVO..., posted by Frank O on Mar 22, 2003

VERY sure it will be WOVO again.  Its the only way I feel comfortable.  I have enough airline miles to make the trip 10 more times (and I add to that monthly :-) so its just the restriction of vacation time and being away from my daughter.  I love to see new places and if it doesn't work out again, at least I will have had another vacation.

I haven't tried an ad, though I may depending on how I do in the near future.

Its just another part of life, and I wouldn't trade the experience or do it differently even with the hindsight. I won't let it phase me, I'm enjoying this too much.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: I learned my lesson with WOVO..., posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

about being confortable. I'm not exactly confortable with WMVM but I on the other hand can't afford the time or MONEY to be making 10 trips! LOL!!!! SO therefore I chose the WMVM method. If at first you don't succeed try again. I agree with on loving the trip & country though. I though Ukraine was great!!!

[LP]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

....the pixie dusted you, sorry to hear that. Must have been too much chocolate. ;-) (Did she refund you those outrageous shipping charges?) Ukraine is nice enough, I bet you and Toto knew you weren't in Kansas any longer.

Glad to see you're takin it well. Seems there's a lesson in there somewhere about proposing on the first visit. Not to mention how stuff can suddenly come apart when it looks like gold in the beginning. Better now than later, consider yerself fortunate. Btw, everyone can learn something from this....whats surprising is how few actually will. (Ok, it's not so surprising.)

Good luck, if you're interested in a very cute 29 year old with a 7 year old boy let me know. Speaks good english too. Gotta warn ya though, she's a Moscovite...and a lawyer to boot. One of my previous contacts, shes still workin on me but I know better than to mess with something that young.

Course, you'll have to pass my scrutiny to get at her but not to worry, so far you be doin ok. ;-)

[Jski]

... in response to So...., posted by LP on Mar 22, 2003

It's been an interesting week.....

Ironic packing the ex-wife's apartment to send her off to war (That was me 12 years ago).  Add the daughter being upset that Mommy is going off to "fight the bad guys" and then this....Ah well....

Outrageous shipping charges???  They charge shipping?  I bought the Outrageous size one that came with free shipping (Costs the same as the dinky box and shipping :-)

Taking it quite well, and really better to know now (though I had gone two weeks ago to buy her a little 190 Mercedes to learn to drive in) than later.  Even more so with the lives of two little girls involved.  Not bitter, though I also get along well with my ex, so I may be a bit of a paradox myself....

A Moscow lawyer may be a bit lost in the land of Toto and Tornados :-)

[104gummiand]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Hi
May I ask if you had that discussion even before you proposed, visite her?

(my RW has sometimes the same fear)

[Jski]

... in response to Q to: The end of one, the begining of an..., posted by 104gummiand on Mar 22, 2003

We were always very open and felt we could talk about anything.  I don't recall having a specific "what-if" conversation with her about it.

[ChrisNJ]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Check out mudds belarussian girl below.

[wsbill]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Post'um I wanna see what it looks like where you went.  Gee, write on visit one...  Not a good idea unless you have deep pockets.  That's too bad it didn't work out.  But you could have been meeting with others to atleast have someone real to write to.

Something about meeting a person in person and developing a mutual feelings first, and then having a few to write to about past meetings seems to make more sense to me... verse, writing someone afar from scratch and traveling all that way to find out it won't work or they decide not to come.

[micha1]

... in response to The end of one, the begining of another, posted by Jski on Mar 22, 2003

Remembering the photos, you posted then.

You are a hell of a guy, not one sour note.
It didn't work this time,  tomorrow the sun will shine again,
you are saying.  Thanks to have share this.