Has this happened to anyone????????????????

[chuck12]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

Sorry to hear about your relationship going south. A good RW will not want your money but want to be with you, of course she will expect you to support & provide for her, but that would come after she arrives. This gal is making $350 mos, living with her parents and you are sending an additional $250 mos? and she still overdraws. If your an AM in Russia, a $100 might not go a long way, but if you are a RW, I think a $100 go a very long way, especially when you share costs with your parents.

The funds you sent her was not necessary, she managed to get by before she met you so these regularly payments would have been helpful, but probably to buy things she wouldn't normally buy.  What was she spending all the money on?

Well, if she cut the relationship because she didn't think you provided her with enough comfort after sending her $1500 over six months, she did you a favor. Look elsewhere, she is a gold digger, and you can get one of those here.

[yoe]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

how old was this girl? If she was in her 20's then there ya go. Men wonder why these women want a man who can support them and I wonder why men want a woman much younger. After one of my attorney's found that I was going to get a RW his first remark was, "is she a rocket scientist?" I could not go over and get a regular woman. She had to be spectacular-educated, beautiful, cooks, cleans and a good lover.......but I have not yet one AW who could meet these demands. Luckily my wife is pretty hot! She just complains too much sometimes,,,,,,,,,,,but living with me may give her merit. So before I question the motives of the woman, I question the motives of the man-we are the instigators........Joe

[mender]

... in response to I seem to take the RW side but it only t..., posted by yoe on Feb 12, 2003

So, did you finally, get that second Hoover working ?

[yoe]

... in response to Re: I seem to take the RW side but it on..., posted by mender on Feb 12, 2003

still suckin' air.......
Yoe

[Rags]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

I limited my money sent to driving lessons, English lessons (personal lessons not the group ones she had been been taking), and enough to cover the costs associated with getting her paperwork done.

The "driving lessons" were pretty much a waste as I found out the first time she got behind the wheel but it may save me a little when money in insurance premiums as they are based on years of driving expirience (LOL).

[micha1]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

You state that she overdrew every month.
The real problem is there.
You must have had some sort of understanding with her,
about the amount, the $230.
Either, she is a flake or did not give a hoot about you.

Also, it is understandable, what has happen.
Because, you did not answer any of the questions that
were asked. following your post.

[Pordzhik]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

to stand back and do nothing after seeing the hardships that the woman you love has to cope with. I think Yoe's $100 per week and even Watcher's $230 per month was a bit excessive, consider what these women would earn before you showed up? Something like $100 per month or even much less.

My fiancee was earning 100 grivna (do the math)per month (information that was not forthcoming for five months), so essentialy her family were keeping her, yet never did she ask, suggest or hint that I should supply her with extra cash. Of course I did see the situation her family were in, father often going unpaid for several months, mother semi-retired, the upkeep of the family fell on the shoulders of the brother and what they could grow at the dacha.

How did I help? My visits were often monthly and I'd bring gifts of clothes for all (much needed and better prices and quality here in England) vitamins and medicines (again better prices and trusted quality here in England). Rebuilt the back wall of the dacha, rebuilt the engine (again with cheaper parts and gaskets bought here) of her brothers car.

I always made sure that there was too much meat and foodstuffs for my weekend visits in our rented flat (for her to take home) vegetables and fruits being supplied from the dacha. I used to give my fiancee just a little too much money to pay for the rented flat, she would always hand me the surplus (usualy $25-$30) I would tell her to keep it for my next visit or that she may need it for something.

[Rando]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

Watcher,

Would you answer a couple of questions please?

How long did you know this girl?

What city was she from?

How did you decide on an amount of $230 or any amount per month to send her? Did she ask you to do this?

Isnt $350 a month a great wage in FSU? What did she do?

When you were with her ...did she ask you to buy her things?

How old is she? And what was the age difference?

I think if you answer these questions it may help some here to get a better grasp of your situation and then to properly advise you on your next "shot". Plus we all benefit and learn from this.

I have gotten some good advice and I have learned much here just by reading. So perhaps by telling more of this story it can help both you and others to avoid a similar situation before it becomes so costly...both emotionally and economically.

I was under the impression that the average wage was more like $50 a month....so this girl should have lived like a queen on her own wage. Im new and just learning though so I dont really know.

Thanks and good luck in the future.

Randy

[yoe]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

I sent my then fiance over $100 a week plus a few extra bucks a month for herself. If this was going to be my wife-I was going to treat her as such. NextI never promised her anything..........
1. Many guys try to make themselves more of an investment than they really are
2. some guys are stingy and send nothing-read the archive for Dante
I did many things that I would not do now.......not because I had a bad experience. I just know better now. It is hard to be rational after you have had some time with a passionate RW. You are both living a fantasy. She probably believes that you are loaded and that you are being greedy. You may have given her reason to think this. I cannot say who is right or who is wrong, but it looks like you may have saved both of yourselves much misery.
Joe
next time, to not put all the chips on the table. Just be honest and if you offer the candy dish, do not be upset when it is taken. These ladies love candy.
Lastly, these ladies feel teh man should be 'the man'. do not forget this.

[Oscar]

... in response to Has this happened to anyone?..., posted by Watcher on Feb 11, 2003

I can't see why you would send her money.  How did she survive before you came along?  Is there any reason to think she could not continue to survive after you're gone??  Of course not...  
I just will never understand why so many guys go over, meet a RW and then all of a sudden feel it's necessary to "set her up" with an allowance or paying all her bills, support her there etc., when she got along perfectly well on her own before he ever came into the picture.  No self-respecting RW worth her salt will allow a guy to pay her way..
So in answer to your question, "How much should you pay"?  I would say if she needs English lessons and you want to pay for those, great.  Anything more, she should not be very willing to take IMO..  

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Has this happened to anyone???..., posted by Oscar on Feb 12, 2003

'Cuz its relatively inexpensive for some guy to do that.  Because he can.

[Oscar]

... in response to Why ?, posted by tim360z on Feb 12, 2003

Not sure I undestand your post..  It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that a guy "can" do it and it's inexpensive for him.  It has to do with a woman who EXPECTS or demands it.  Again, no self-respecting RW I ever met (including my fiance) would ever ask for or expect a man to pay for things other than perhaps English lessons and the costs associated with her K-1 before coming here.

If a guy wants to completely support his girl before her coming here or put her on some kind of "allowance", that's certainly his choice, but I personally feel it is a huge mistake..

My 2 cents

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Why ?, posted by Oscar on Feb 12, 2003

would not have much of an effect on a relationship.  This world is not perfect.  No matter how well intentioned--- money can be a corrupter.  A man will only  spend this said money ($230 per month) firstly because he can,  has the economic wherewithal to do so.  Second,  he has the incliniation...for whatever reason.  Like medicene,  too much money or too little can have a bad effect.  I think caution and the proper doseage would be the best course if money is to be involved prior to marriage.  After said marriage a man can and will be spending more than he dreamed of---perhaps for excellent results or not.  Irregardless.  The few RW's I know only make $300-$400 per month and would definitely not take money from me if offered.  They would be insulted.  And their monthly income for us here may not seem like alot,  but they are quite skillful at handling money in their country.

[LP]

... in response to In a perfect world, money, posted by tim360z on Feb 12, 2003

...I agree. It can be argued that sending money has two impacts. One, it effects the individuals involved in some manner (good or bad is not the point here) and two, it effects the big picture in a general way. Some believe the word spreads and it simply fosters an attitude among these women that a man is easy pickins. Both have merit although the second lacks some accuracy because of generalization. For a guy to send money to a women he never met seems dicey, for him to help out during visa processing is not. It all depends on how he does it, the frequency, what it's buying, etc. How old and mature she is and her life experience factor into it also. There simply can't be any hard and fast rule.

Ignoring the "it increases the scammer population" theory (which in itself ignores individuals) the "because he can" and "because he's inclined" points are well taken. When an idividual has an income of that range or has lots of disposable income (it's not what you make, it's what you keep...or need) than the impact is minimal to him while significant for her. If he loses it, big deal. Assuming one has not been a financial idiot in his youth, there comes a time in life when accumulating money is not the driving force it used to be. Do you think Bill Gates would care if he "lost" a few hundred *thousand* smackers a month to an FSU chick? The theory is the same, the numbers are just on a smaller scale.

I'm not even searching and I still send a few bucks over to women I consider friends. I don't feel for a second like I'm being scammed because I know these people are genuine and need the help. Nor do I provide for them on any regular basis, it's only when they have a need. They have no shame in asking and they shouldn't. Wouldn't you do this for your local friends? Why do I do it? Like he said...because I can, I'm inclined and because it's no loss for me and a great help for them. As they say, you can't take it with you....

Relationships cost money either directly or indirectly, no getting around that. Money for airfare, gifts, flats, etc, to make the trips is just as "wasted" if a particular girl doesn't pan out. (Which is why they should be spread over meeting many chicks, but thats another argument.) In fact, it's wasted more because she didn't directly benefit from those travel expenses.

For the youngsters starting out these costs may be painful, for those who've had more success or time in life it's no big deal. Use your head (and your heart only when you're sure it's a good deal) to send support. Would you give money to a stranger on the street? Would you come to the aid of a friend in need, even if she was not going to be your life's mate? Do you contribute to domestic charities? Feel good about helping others? How much did you piss away last month on booze, smokes, dope, hookers or other nonsense at home? Look at all the variables and then decide. In the end it's all the same: You had the money and now you don't because you gave it to someone else. If you got taken it's almost always your own fault. None of these actions need to be treated much differently than you would treat them at home.

Most of us don't mind the costs but we do look at it from a value standpoint. We want to feel we "got" something for our money. As long as we do it's usually no loss to us. If we feel we got taken it's because of our own perspective. Besides, did anyone really think this was gonna be cheap? You have to ask yourself: Are my beloved dollars really *that* important to me? If so, best find a cheaper sandbox to play in.

Of course, as Dennis Miller would say: All this is just my opinion, I could be wrong. Lol, it could be some of you are simply the cheapest SOBs to ever walk the face of the Earth.

[yoe]

... in response to Well said...., posted by LP on Feb 12, 2003

Dennis Miller. Miller was the host on my new Hero's show-Phil Donahue! They kinda reminded me of 'us'.......I got a little teary eyed........and by us and mean you and I.X8O}.sparky yoe