How to get a new family abroad.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Have I misunderstood something or, posted by Horoshij on Jan 5, 2003

Before Vicoria got here, I was eating about two meals a week at home. Everything else was out somewhere. It got to be a joke:

"No, we're not eating at McDonald's tonight! I'm tired of you eating junk. Tonight we'll go to KFC..."

Even though it was just me and my 9 year old daughter, mostly eating fast food, that adds up!

Now that Victoria is here, I have been eating every meal at home. (She is the hero of my dog, who can't *believe* all of the treats he gets now! He follows her around constantly...)

Not only that, everything is MUCH cheaper when you make it from scratch. (She won't even consider buying a cake mix. What for she asks? It is more simple to just make it yourself...) We had our first meal from a can (Campbell's soup) just today. Not bad, she tells me, but next time, she'll buy the tomatoes and make the soup herself...

So, even though my family size doubled, my actual monthly expenses have gone down.

She is so frugal that I have to be careful to EVER mention a price to her. EVERYTHING costs too much to her way of thinking.

If it weren't for the fact that she missed her dad so much, I don' think she would even call home.

So, it all depends on how you were living PRIOR to your wife arriving, as well as the kind of person your wife is.

[Charles]

... in response to Have I misunderstood something or, posted by Horoshij on Jan 5, 2003

I agree with you, Haroshij, that anyone pursuing an RW should take into account the additional financial expense associated with having a new wife with, at least at first, no means of financial support, as well as the possibility of additional medical and the highly likely expense of additional dental work for her as well as any children, INS expense, driving school, return visits home, and, as you raised in your initial post, the possibility of support payments to her family.

If you can afford it, fine, but if you're living paycheck to paycheck or just getting by, it's going to be a major problem.  Unlike the costs of the initial visits, letters, and phone calls, these are expenses that are not one-time occurrences.  There is a lot of good information as to what those expenses are or might be, and anyone planning to pursue a RW should budget accordingly.  Most RW are willing to work but in most instances that will only defray a small portion of the additional expense, as Haroshij's post correctly points out.

[SteveM]

... in response to Re: Have I misunderstood something or, posted by Charles on Jan 5, 2003

There are lots of stories about $10,000 in dental work needing to be done.  Fortunately, both my wife and my son were in pretty good shape, and we haven't had to do much out of the ordinary.

A couple of people have recommended getting dental work done in one of the better private clinics there, before coming over on a fiancee visa.  There are good dentists over there, and the cost isn't nearly as great as it is if you wait...

BTW, happy new year, Charles...

Steve M.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Dental Expenses are the Crusher for Some, posted by SteveM on Jan 8, 2003

[This message has been edited by MarkInTx]

Yes, it is MUCH cheaper over there... Victoria had some work done before coming over, and it was very cheap.

I'm not sure the quality is as good... for instance, they don't seem to have embraced the enamel filling which is common place here. Of course, I don't know if she went to a good private clinic or not. She was always trying to save my money so much, she probably didn't even get novocaine if it cost extra... At least it enables us to take our time before correcting most dental work.

Unfortunately, her son needs quite a lot of work done, and probably braces. Luckily my employer provides dental insurance, or it might be a real problem...

I would say that this is one "urban legend" that is pretty true.

I think dental hygiene in general is not as common in eastern europe -- especially the provincial towns. (And there is no flouride in the water, either)

Though I had to get firm with my step-son about the brushing... it is MUCH better now.

[juio99]

... in response to How to get a new family abroad., posted by Horoshij on Jan 4, 2003

This is one of the most important topics that is never talked about on this board.  Recently it was a very hot topic on RWL.

The newbies, including myself until recently, just do not realize the possible financial burden that they are taking on.  Of course it varies from situation to situation, but many western guys have found themself on the hook (whether they agree to it or not) for supporting (fully or partially) not only their RW and her existing children, but mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and the list goes on and on.

And all the protestations from guys here who will answer 'my inlaws refuse any help' are just kidding themselves.  The time is just not ripe yet, whether by circumstances or by plan.

JR

[Oscar]

... in response to One of most important posts here, posted by juio99 on Jan 4, 2003

It has been discussed here at great length..

[Charles]

... in response to One of most important posts here, posted by juio99 on Jan 4, 2003

I think the amount of "support" you will have to provide will vary with each situation.  Some families expect and are planning on substantial support, some are not, as was the case with me, although when her mother died I was more than happy to pay for additional medical expenses and other costs.  I think the important thing is that you should get an idea of what the expectations are regarding this issue so you can include it in your overall decision to pursue a particular woman.   They should be willing to discuss this issue with you.

[juio99]

... in response to Re: One of most important posts here, posted by Charles on Jan 4, 2003

I agree Charles, this is something that needs discussed.  However, the likelihood of a complete discussion is very small.  There are many that are going to keep this a secret until the man is hooked.

And more importantly, of course, is that fact that they honestly don't know what is going to occur in the future to give rise to the need.

So, most important thing is for the guy to know up front, that there is the high probabiltiy of that there is going to be some major expenditures coming down the pike in the future.

Also, I forgot to mention in first post.  Many 'holier than thou's' will respond that the guy must be a real cheapskate if he is not willing to help when the parents (or whoever) are starving (or whatever) back in the homeland of his spouse.  But that is not the point.  Of course, we will all help.

The point is, that probably zero guys here who are looking have factored this into their equation.  We see much here about how much less expensive the RW are compared to greedy AW.  But these posters have no idea how all their extra money (at some point down the road for them just as for you Charles) is going to go to support the 'extended family' for their RW.

JR

[Dan]

... in response to Yes, but, posted by juio99 on Jan 4, 2003

At least, your purported ability to predict, "that there is the high probabiltiy [sic] of that there is going to be some major expenditures coming down the pike in the future."

Where do you come by these "probabilities" JR?

While you are at it - how about some insights into your basis for the remark, "zero guys here who are looking have factored this into their equation." Are you the *only* one with sufficient capacity to have thought ahead this far?!?

- Dan

[Stevo]

... in response to Yes, but, posted by juio99 on Jan 4, 2003

bucks to his MIL every month, and sometimes much more.  This has been going on for more than 5 years.  And his MIL is all alone...no one else.  Actually, she is hoarding the money until the time her daughter divorces her American husband and returns to Moscow with a nice new apartment and all new furniture, etc, plus lots of dinero in the bank.

[Dan]

... in response to No kidding..One guy I know sends at leas..., posted by Stevo on Jan 4, 2003

Tell me Stevo - how is it that you know about this guy's MIL support habits? Being so close, you undoubtedly advise the guy of the foolishness of his behavior - don't you Stevo? And being so close - he *should* accept your counsel with some credibility - doesn't he Stevo?

Let's see - $1k/mo for 5 years - so $60k to date, give or take.

How much does the guy make? Is that amount of money significant for him? You seem awfully close - so surely you know the answer to these questions as well Stevo.

- Dan

[Stevo]

... in response to Yes, Of Course . . ., posted by Dan on Jan 4, 2003

ggg

[Dan]

... in response to Why do you care how, and how well, I kno..., posted by Stevo on Jan 4, 2003

You are again posting about someone else's experiences - not your own.

You claim to know information that is beyond the sort of information one normally picks up through a casual connection - therefore, you surely have a closer relationship than merely casual - don't you Stevo?

Since you surely have this closer relationship, it would be the responsible thing to tell a close relation that they were being foolish with their MIL support habits. Wouldn't that be the responsible thing to do with a close relation Stevo?

And with that close relationship in place - surely this guy would pay heed to your sage advice. Right Stevo?

I am merely inquiring as to the veracity of your recount of someone else's experiences Stevo - and indexing them to *your* level of credibility.

- Dan

[Stevo]

... in response to Simple . . ., posted by Dan on Jan 5, 2003

I'm not in the habit of revealing my personal relationships with others, and their level, to satisfy someone's curiosity.

[Dan]

... in response to You want to believe me, great...you don'..., posted by Stevo on Jan 5, 2003

"I'm not in the habit of revealing my personal relationships with others"

From the guy who NEVER posts his own opinion on anything.

Laughable.

- Dan