Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!

[Travis]

This is what my life has been reduced to for the time being...my so called wife is allowed to live here in my home until she has to go back to the Motherland. In the meantime, I have to endure her doing everything she can to "trade-up" and get the next Mr. Scr3wed. She's been trying to do that since the day we got married! Maybe I was lucky because I learned early what was up, but it sure doesn't feel like it right now. Maybe I'll feel better watching her get on the plane going home. Funny thing is, she thought (or rather was told by her best friend), that I could not have a divorce unless she granted it.....HAAAAAAAA.....bummer it don't work that way. Then she was told (same best friend) that if we divorced, I would have to get her an apartment and a car and give her spending money because I signed the AOS......HAAAAAAA.....that don't work either! What a bummer!!!

To any newbies out there, LISTEN to the advise given here!!!! I made MAJOR mistakes because I did not. I am not at all discoureging anyone from seeking a wife from the FSU or anywhere else. All I am saying is be cautious and listen to the folks that post here, they been there and done that. At this point, I really wished I had....my bad, I simply have myself to blame!

Side note for you guys...just my personal expierience...If you meet a lady that wants to come to your city because her best friend or friends live there....be cautious! Odds are, she doesn't want to come live with you, but rather with them, and you are simply the urod stepping stone. I was BTW, she wrote to her friends she wanted her freedom day......2 weeks after we married.....Ana emet yeyo svabodu!!!

[WmGo]

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

and pay for what you get.

Maybe even deserve it on occassion.

[Jack]

... in response to Sometimes this can be He11!!!!!!!, posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

First I am sorry for what you are going through and I compliment you for having the balls to openly discuss. I know deep down there must still be some hurt that only time will heal.

Travis can you, will you, share with us a few things about how you went about the process. Let others learn from those who have gone before them.

How many Russian ladies did you correspond with? How many Russian ladies were you able to meet? How much time were you able to spend with her in total time before you got her to America. Were you able to meet her family, her friends? Did you spend much time with her in her own home city, did you travel with her? Did you send much money to her during the courtship and once you started filing the K-1? How did you meet this woman, did you buy her address, run personal ad, friend of a friend? Were there ever any red flags during the courship/K-1 time frame? Once she got to America, how much time did you spend with getting to know her before you got married?

And what are your current feelings today? Will you pursue another Russian bride or will you look for an American bride.

Thanks for your time and for sharing your story.

Jack

[Travis]

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

[This message has been edited by Travis]

I will discuss these things. Not because I want to look like the biggest idiot in the world, but because I want others to not make the same mistakes I made. And I made plenty. Before your finished reading my answers, I have no doubt I will be the laughing stock of this board.

Her ad I read on a local dating web site in Houston. I wasn't looking for a foreign girl...I just never thought about it. The ad was actually placed by her best friend who had moved here on a K-1 visa...she's getting divorced too, she made it her 2 years. We wrote each other for about 5 months before I went to meet her. In this 5 months I think I sent her a total of about $200. I spent almost 2 weeks there. While there I didn't meet any of her family. Her mother was murdered when she was 14 and I guess her father all but disowned her after his divorce from her mother...she was 8 at the time. She doesn't have any other family besides her grandmother. I did meet a few of her friends, one being her friend that is here now. She decided to go home to Kaliningrad for 6 months leaving her husband here in Houston. Anyway, while I was there we decided to marry. The rat hole she was living in was what was left to her by her mother. If this building were in the states, it would have been condemed! The place didn't even have heat...at least that is what she told me. So, I gave her money to get an apartment in Kaliningrad while the K-1 was being processed.

After returning home, I started the K-1 visa process after a few months. I had to wait for her to find her apartment. I sent her about $250 a month, not including the apartment costs. And another time I sent an extra $400 because she said she needed a coat. The apartment was $120 a month. And yes, I had plenty of red flags which I ignored. I did love her and even now I do...I guess it's true that love is blind and hindsight is 20/20! I ignored that she would only write to me about once a week and in almost every single email, she would ask for money. This lasted about 10 months or so...I'd have to go through all my Western Union receipts to know for sure.

We married 6 weeks after her arrival here. She was pushing this pretty hard...I never quite understood why. I guess she was concerned that she wouldn't be able to keep up the facade.

At this time I won't look for another foreign bride...once bitten, twice shy sorta thing. It's taken everything I have to stay out of jail due to a fraudulant abuse charge she made...that after she beat the cr@p out of me. She did it because the thought I was going to file for divorce. That occured 3 weeks after we married. Also I have a heck of a lot of incurred debt I need to deal with. I'm basically going to be living on Top Raman for the next 8 months This really stinks because it's gonna make it hard to put on the 15  pounds that I've lost due to stress All this ordeal has left me is 2 years of my life that I can't get back, a but load of debt and a messed up attitude. All of which is recoverable except for the time. But, though I do blame her for all the cr@p she has put me through, I also blame myself because I rushed, I didn't heed the advice here and I ignored red flag after red flag...STUPID!!!!! I guess that's one thing she is right about when she tells me every day how stupid I am

[John LV]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, as you have said before, you and I are going through similiar situations, so I understand your pain all too well.

Many of the things you mentioned are exactly what has happened to me.

I'd really like to talk with you Travis, if you will email me at dkuvelas@concentric.net, I would like to get your phone number so I can call you and talk with you about your experience, it would be interesting to know just how much in common we have.

Take care buddy,

David

[John LV]

... in response to Travis, posted by John LV on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, I think my email at concentric is down, email me at dkuvelas@lvcm.com instead.

David

[tfcrew]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

..but I do feel really very lucky. I have to agree with Jack's assessment below about finding the  true blue good Russian woman. I might have tripped over a wrong choice too. I thank God I didn't.
Karl

[Richard]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

From personal experience, I can garauntee you that nobody on this board is laughing at  you or thinks your stupid.  

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

over what you may have done wrong.  Bruises heal, hearts mend, and you'll make more money next year.

Every man of action makes mistakes.  What is important is what you do after the mistake.

Sounds sappy, but it works for me.

[Jack]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Travis, as Rags put it, you appear to be a brave man.

Well Travis, where to start? What you did, the way you went about meeting your Russian lady, a LOT of guys have done. And a great many of these guys also ended up like you.

Travis, after seeing what you did wrong, after learning from your mistakes, don't you think the experience would help you in finding a good Russian woman?

I say this because I, and several guys on this board will tell you, that good Russian women are truely the best women in the world. A good Russian woman will change your life for the better and each and every day you have a smile on your face.

After your experience I can see how you might feel the way you do but should you ever change your mind I would be more than happy to help you any way I could.

A group of us (that keeps getting larger) meet every summer on Galvaston Beach. If you would like to meet a group of good Russian women, maybe we might see you this summer.

[Travis]

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

Jack,

Thanks, and many thanks to everyone! I'm sure the expieriences I have gone through would help me if I were to ever try again. Heck, I'm the epidomy of what to NOT do This isn't probably a good time for me to think about what I will do in the future. I'm certain that most RW are how you describe. Unfortunatly, the few that I have met resemble Mike's description. Maybe an ounce of bad luck with many pounds of stupidity. At this time the divorce isn't even final and won't be for another 21 days, but who's counting I just need her gone, the divorce final and recover....beginning right after the divorce party!

I very much appreciate the offer, and maybe I'll take you up on it. Right now I just don't know. Let me know when the party is in Galveston and maybe I'll be able to make it.

[Oscar]

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 30, 2002

You write-
"several guys on this board will tell you, that good Russian women are truely the best women in the world. A good Russian woman will change your life for the better and each and every day you have a smile on your face."

You couldn't be more right!  It took me 4 trip and meeting over 100 girls to finally settle on this one and boy, did the searching pay off!  This girl is so patient, loving and kind it just amazes me.  She and my sister went shopping for some clothes today, all she bought was a pair of running shoes (40% off sale) and a pair of casual shoes (as everything she brought with her was high heels).  We also got her boy a pair of tennis shoes for school.  My sister said she wouldn't buy anything else because she wanted me to see them first to see if I liked them!  When was the last time THAT ever happened?  Like NEVER! LOL!  She want's to buy clothes for herself that I like.  I'm just amazed!  I tell her, hey it's ok, just get what you like, but she wants to make sure #1- that it's a great price (thank you God!) and #2- that I like it on her!  ;-)  She's always worried about how I am doing, feeling, how work was etc..  I have never felt such genuine and constant concern from a woman before and I have dated a lot of women in my life!  
So I will most definitely agree with you Jack, it is truly a different world..  Of course that is if you take your time and find a NICE one.  A lousy one could be a major nightmare!

[John LV]

... in response to Wow!  Ain't that the truth!, posted by Oscar on Dec 30, 2002

A hundred girls?

Wow, count me in.

But out of curiousity, in general what did you think of these girls? Good?, Bad?

David

[Oscar]

... in response to Re: Wow!  Ain't that the truth!, posted by John LV on Dec 30, 2002

Many were very nice, sincere girls, just no chemistry perhaps.  Some I really quite liked but they didn't have any belief in God in any way and I really wanted a girl who did have some spirituality.  
Some were scammers and others were not scammers but very high maintenance and had been spoiled to a very high degree by other foreign men throwing money at them..

When I say over 100 women, it's not that hard to do.  I met about 30 each trip.  Corresponding with some before going, finding others there in agencies etc..  Funny after all that, I actually end up with a woman who has never even been to an agency! LOL!

There are a lot of great girls there.  You just have to take your time, develop some scamming radar which only comes from personal experience, and think with your big head instead of your small one.  Spend a lot of time meeting a girls family if you like her a lot.  You will learn tons about her from this.

[Rags]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by Travis on Dec 30, 2002

Thanks for sharing and good luck. I can tell that you have a strong character and will be able to put this all behind you one day. You have handled this quite well.

I don't think that anyone here is laughing at you, Pal.