My marriage?

Quasimoto

Guest

« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: sorry to hear, posted by juio99 on Dec 17, 2002

You would think so. And that has been exactly my trouble. I am not a real active church goer, but I belong to the Assemblies of God Church. However, I must say that I got tired of the excessive salaries the ministers seem to make, cars, houses, etc. when all they do is preach one "feel good" sermon a week. I think it is mass marketing snake oil religion. Why don't I ever hear Hell mentioned there? Anyway, regardless of my beliefs or yours, Tanya and I were of the same church. We were married by a pastor from her village, and in my eyes I was married. But to tell the truth, it seems she was able to get over, around, or under this issue. Even my Best Man, Yuri, said "Steve! Tanya married you before God!" So I guess you can see my view here. But I can't do anything. I could go there and have her pastor "un-marry us" I guess. But I don't plan on going back to Ukraine. I believe there are good ladies there. But I struck out twice, due to my need to meet only one woman. Now I am headed to some new, interesting place, with a new approach. I think God will forgive me. Tanya? That is between them.

Steve


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thesearch

Guest

my way of looking at things

« Reply #16 on: December 16, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: sorry to hear, posted by Quasimoto on Dec 16, 2002

Steve,

Again, it is easy to rationalize what happens, but at a gut level if one is intuitive like you are, you sense something is not right.

There is too much at stake in all of this. I personally think that more caution then otherwise is indicated as there are just too many women over there to compromise at all.

For me, if something does not look right I would leave - no mater how beautiful the gal is. It is that beauty that can get a guy to ignore his concerns. If she were ugly, you would not let it ride.

My theory (one of my rules) is that you have to pretend that the lady that you are seeing is dead ugly, then you would focus on other things that would attract you. How she acts, treats you, etc,. if these things were not there you would walk away from a dead ugly gal in a heart beat right?

If guys only follow this one of what I think of as greg's rules you will avoid a lot of heartache.

So, if you are wrong and you walk away from a beautiful woman that is really interested and you have misinterpreted for example the innuendos such as being 24" away from you as compared to the man on the other side, ---- she will not let you get away that easily ----- she will chase you if she really loves you. It is as simple as that.

My rule is you never have to win a woman over. You only have to let her know who you are - so that she can see you and understand how you feel about her.

She will come to her conclusions and will show you how she feels in her every action. If you do not think the actions are what you want - walk away. You can not lose with this approach IMHO.

The problem was that she used things like religion, being too thin to through you off. She did this to bide time as she was processing with the expense of such being dumped in your lap. I am sorry, but it happens all the time.

In your own home town you have more time to watch and evaluate. In this FSU MOB venue - one rarely gets that luxury.


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Pordzhik

Guest

THE POWER OF CASH

« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to My marriage?, posted by Quasimoto on Dec 15, 2002

Just like the other guys here I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you and after this courtship going on for so long a time and having the "marriage" and all. I hope you bounce back soon and return to the search, the sooner the better, nothing like the POB chase to heal that heartache! But your not really married at all! Any marriage needs to be consumated to be valid, in law, and in the eyes of God. Thats very simple.

I'd say the biggest mistake you made here is the cash.

Now this $175.00 per month? Peanuts for us in the west, to afford this amount to help the woman we love. But it's a pretty penny for any Ukrainian or Russian woman to have as spending money over there. And after fifteen months of this windfall it would be very difficult for a RW to say goodbye to this sum. Whatever her feelings for the man.

It's so soooo easy for us to think that $100.00 is so little in the west, but would make so much difference to their lives (and charactor), which it does, but it can also bring on this kind of trouble. Try to refrain from being generous, they survived before you came, you'll only spoil them with this kind of cash.

Even before I first visited Kiev, just like the rest of you, I researched through the internet and found the $60.00 per night apartments. Apart from being a tightwad and having limited means, I considered how (in such an impoverished country) my spending over $800.00 for a two week stay in some posh city centre apartment would impact on my girls imagination as to what my wealth may amount to. I just knew there would be cheaper flats to rent in a city where some people don't even earn $60.00 per month.

I just asked my girl to help me find something cheaper as I had better uses for that kind of money, thus sowing the seeds in her head that I wasn't some super-rich western flash-the-cash wanker.

The same goes for $100.00 restaurants etc, of course arrange those special dates, but keep the lid on that cash or you'll give your girl some cock-eyed view about your wealth and she'll be disapointed that your $40,000 per year income don't buy the same in the US as it would in Kiev.

My experience is; my wife knew nothing about money in the west (except the names of the US presidents on your banknotes)didn't know the difference between a credit card and a debit card or a cash card, didn't understand how a cheque worked or why we all seem to need bank accounts here. I could go on and on.

When I first met my girl she lived with her parents and worked in a school and earned 100 grivna per month! after such low incomes anyone who goes splashing out $175.00 per month on these women can expect to foster a kid in the candy store mentality.

My Tuppenceworth.


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tim360z

Guest

Re: THE POWER OF CASH....

« Reply #18 on: December 16, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to THE POWER OF CASH, posted by Pordzhik on Dec 16, 2002

yeah! The monthly cash dole can definitely open up a can of worms which complicates everything, I think. I find a certain simplemindedness with RW in regard to our dollars...some think dollars are almost unlimited for Americans...which ain't true at all. Alot has to do with inexperience with our money values. It is a matter of scale...like you don't give a 12 year old a large allowance.