"POB"???

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: I think Ken, you, posted by KenC on Dec 19, 2002

part compared to #2 and #3. It is addressed very frequently on this board.  But,  if very good judgement isn't made in #2,  then #3 will be a disaster.  

I think, due to time constraints and other factors in this very long distance pursuit, that step #2 is a rushed and hurried affair.  For many,  though somewhat unaware, it becomes a "blind leap" off the precipice into #3.

In step #2 very little real time is spent together,  a "courting" process whereby each person really begins to know the other.  I don't think, 1 week or 5 weeks or 4 months may really be enough for either person to glean very much about their supposed lifetime partner.  Seems like a roll of the roulette,  with everything bet on one #.  With the odds far against you.

I wonder Ken?  For step # 2???  What was your method?  Thanks, Tim

[KenC]

... in response to Step # 1 is the easy, posted by tim360z on Dec 19, 2002

Tim,
I never proposed marriage until I was ready to give up POM. (See post above to LP)  I didn't bring Lena here on a K-1, but a student visa.  She could have stayed here as long as she was attending classes.  She was free to go back and forth because it is a multiple entry visa.  I didn't feel the government should have a say as to when we were ready to marry.  There was no pressure, no clock ticking on the wall pushing for us to get married.  Just two people doing what came NATURALLY.
KenC

[John LV]

... in response to You don't listen Davey....., posted by LP on Dec 18, 2002

What do I say LP?

Look, I realize what you're saying, I really do. But try to understand this ok? Natasha is an expert at lying, better than anybody I've ever seen. Now girls in general can lie very well, but in my past relationships, it doesn't take long to figure this out. But Natasha has skills far beyond any girl I've ever dated, I always said to myself, "if she is just playing a game with me, she is the best actress I've ever seen".

My point is that this girl is good, she was able to talk with me on the phone convincing me of how sweet she was, how smart she was, etc. Like an idiot I fell in love with her, I just had thought I had found such a quality girl, I didn't feel it necessary to find another.

Ok, in retrospect I realize there were some warning signs that I quickly shrugged off, and obviously I should not have.

1. The flies in her room.
2. Two very large tatoos, one dragon and one other ugly one.
3. Drinking Jack Daniels straight.
4. Didn't have a job.
5. Would not tell me about her family, her mom, etc.
6. Never asking enough questions, as if nothing mattered to her.
7. Once here, never cleaning, being far too messy.
8. Never having anything to do with the relationship, thinking that everything is up to the man, and when I say everything, I mean everything, even watering the plants.

Yeah there were some warning signs that I didn't want to pay attention to, and I guess at some level that is my fault. But I didn't know it was suppossed to be so hard, now I guess I do.

I could do it over again and do much better this time I think, it's just that it will cost another year of my time and 20K from start to finish including getting her here for awhile, not including car, dental, insurance, clothes, haircutts with highlight, makup, (you know, 40-60 dollar stuff at Macy's) and since it will be some time before she will be able to work, include food, time, teaching her so many things, etc etc, you are so right when you mentioned having enough money to do this right.

Hmmm, the girls who come to Vegas for the weekend are starting to sound better and better. Far easier, much more convienant, with a whole lot less risk. Either that or I move to Prague for 6 months or so and see if I can find a nice girl wanting to come back with me to the USA, or maybe I'll just stay there.

One thing is for certain LP, I won't make the same mistakes I made this last time, maybe a hundred different ones, but not the same ones. Next time I'll get to know a few girls to get some perspective.

I'm glad things are going well for you LP, take care.

David

[LP]

... in response to Re: You don't listen Davey....., posted by John LV on Dec 19, 2002

...I agree with Charles, you be starting to make sense now.

There were some glaring issues presented to you that you simply choose to ignore. Once again, the "it'll be fine" attitude took over. The reluctance to flush your investment can be a potent one but you must if the signs are there.

While my refusal to marry for so many years has spared me the common financially destruction, I too bare a few emotional scars from my exploits. You'll get over it, just like the rest of us. I know it's difficult to belive now but with time the scars will become surprisingly small and you can do much to help them heal quicker.

What you take away from this is far more important than what she's taken from you. In fact, I'd say you got a bargain. The long end of the stick. I know that sounds crazy now but trust me, your future will be better for it if you just don't let it warp your perspective.  As Ken says, considering how you ignored the signs, you got off real easy.

I'm suggesting you give up this ghost, the board has heard enough. Come back in awhile and tell us what happened but in the meantime, skip the running commentary. If you're going to tell me anything, I'd rather hear the practical side of it than the emotional side. We all know the pain, it was no different for each of us.

[John LV]

... in response to The light comes on...., posted by LP on Dec 19, 2002

Ok, upon further reflection, I can see now that I have nobody to blame but myself for getting into this mess in the first place.

Example: In order to go see Natasha for the first time, I sold my car and belongings and moved back to CA from FL to work in San Diego, but first I would go meet with Natasha.

This was a fairly big sacrifice, but we had talked with each other everyday for 3 months, for hours each day. I spent a minimum of 1000 per month on phone bills with her. She was the sweetest girl I had ever spoken with, and talking with her was intoxicating, she seemed so smart, so sweet, and very feminine.

At this point of talking with her two hours each day, and more than one time of 4 hours a day, I completely fell for her. It didn't even matter what she looked like, I would accept her no matter what because of what a sweet woman she was.

Then we met at the airport, it took me a grueling 24 hours to finally get there and see her, and usually a person doesn't look there best after 24 hours of being on a plane. Anyway I get to Prague and I hate to say it, I was in culture shock, and didn't handle it all that well.

We went back to her apartment, and we had decided earlier that I would stay with her for 3 weeks. Oh man, that was my first huge mistake other than falling in love over the phone. So there we are, together in person after only knowing each other over the phone, we had known each other so well from talking on the phone so much, or did we?

Although we had done so well over the phone, talking about everything, getting to know each other, playing, making jokes, etc etc, we/I thought we knew each other.

On more than one occassion, I noticed she would get angry if she didn't get what she wanted. She seemed very selfish to me, and I should have known right then and there who she was, but I didn't want to see it, I was still living the fantasy and I didn't want it to be over yet :-)

As a matter of fact, things got so bad between us, we didn't get along at all, she turn into a very different person than who she was on the phone, I didn't like her at all, so much so I tried to leave after only staying for about 7 days, only I couldn't get a flight out of Prague to go home, so I had to wait another 7 days before I could leave, so I was trapped with this chick.

I almost moved out many times, but we managed not to fight much, mostly because I just shut up, just waiting till I get onto the plane to come home again.

We never did get along the whole time, and at the same time, we did do some things together.

But when we parted, we both were thinking this would be our last meeting. But when I got home, I wondered if I was at fault for my trip? If I could do things better next time, or if Natasha and I were really so bad for each other?

We kept talking on the phone, and on the phone we seemed to get along so well, we could talk with each other a lot. It took me months to build a relationship back up again, and this time we thought we could be much better, since we understood each other better this time. So I went to see her in Prague again for New Years, and I stayed at my own flat. We got along great, and her mother was there this time. We had alot of fun together, and we thought things would be good for the both of us.

I came home, she got her paperwork together, and I filed the forms, 6 months later she arrived in San Diego. We waited 3 weeks, got married, and soon after things started going wrong.

What did I do wrong? Everything I guess, we were never right for each other from the beginning, and I should have realized this from the beginning. My story is the perfect example of what not to do, I hope it helps somebody else who may be stupid like me.

David

[micha1]

... in response to The light comes on...., posted by LP on Dec 19, 2002

It is very true, we all have known the pain,
I usually say, that,  my wrinkles are all paid for and in
hard cold cash.
Luckily, kept some of the cash, to start all over again.

[John LV]

... in response to The light comes on...., posted by LP on Dec 19, 2002

I will go away if that is what you want, but I would like to talk about it, I think it helps me. What do you mean when you say "practical" side of it?

I'll tell you anything, I realize you have more experience than me and I'm looking for insight, understanding, and help to get there.

David

[LP]

... in response to Re: The light comes on...., posted by John LV on Dec 19, 2002

...for me, personally, if you're going to stay here:

1) Quit yer whining. We understand you hurt but there's little we can do to ease your pain. Life's lessons aren't free and it's your time to pay, simple as that.

2) Consider (or take) the advice offered you and be damn grateful for it. 1) Get a lawyer. 2) Talk to a professional therapiss (Thats's no spelling error, sorry Oscar ;-)

3) Continue to foster a thoughtful and intropsective nature, your good side if you will. Your bad side is *so* bad, nothing remotely good will ever come of it. It's time to take Globetrotter's advice. If you like what you see in the mirror, ask others what *they* see. You'll be surprised. Understand, very few people can be objective about themselves.

4) Look to the future and know that your time will come. As long as you focus only on the lessons learned and not the cause of them, your time will come.

5) Life isn't finished beatin on you yet, be prepared for future crap you can't control and just deal with it. As the man said: Learn to suck it up.

6) By practical, I mean things like where are you now? Where is she now? Whats happening? Even then, that may not interest some here. But skip the emotional stuff, just the facts.

7) Read number 3 several more times. Print it out and put it on your bathroom mirror where you can look at it every day. lol, or post it over the toilet.

Otherwise throw out that PC, go out into the desert, and don't come back.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: The light comes on...., posted by John LV on Dec 19, 2002

Talking about it was what was offered to you, but you seem to like to insult everyone.  Plus, this is what a counselor/therapist would do for you.  Why one would come on bended knee, then bite the hands that feed you because it is not what you want to hear, is beyond me.

Anyone can change parts of their behavior.  One can quit drinking, smoking, cursing, etc.  What is difficult or impossible to change is your character traits as that is who you are.  A good place to start is to look in the mirror.  If you like what you see, and like what you get from who you are, keep doing what you're doing.  If not, get to work.

[Charles]

... in response to Re: You don't listen Davey....., posted by John LV on Dec 19, 2002

David, in spite of your statements to the contrary, you really didn't listen to any sound advice that was available here and elsewhere in the pursuit of a relationship, particularly with an RW.  To your credit, your last post is the first of your hundreds that finally recognizes and lists some of the many brain farts that your superior intellect failed to correct and recognize during your courtship and marriage.  Could this have been due to the POB?-after all, you do describe her as manipulative.  We'll never know and neither you nor the Board should care at this point!  But what you should do now is list what YOU did to cause some of your problems, as there is little doubt that there is plenty of blame to go around in this failed marriage.  The biggest thing I see is your failure to establish mutual communication and understanding.  There is a great deal of pain now, but, like KenC, I have been to the rodeo before, as have others, and life goes on.  THIS TIME, LISTEN to the advice you are getting, AND MOVE ON.

[yoe]

... in response to You don't listen Davey....., posted by LP on Dec 18, 2002

desire is quite explainable-the sustaining of a species. Through sex and violence we procreate and the strong surive. As we develop new ways to procreate, sex will become less desireable and we will evolve into getting our jollies other ways. I see all thing in the universe as perfect. We are all exactly where we should be-in lieu of what actions we have taken. Now that is GOD!!!
We have been give all things in the universe at our fingertips-what better gift from the great Jester? If you want to really screw some people up, give them what they want!!! That is what happens to the FSU seekers-they get exactly what they ask for...
Joe
The POB is not as interesting to me as a set of nice legs and nice breast though. I am into the intellectual and caressing stage of life.

[vagn]

... in response to "POB", posted by Patrick on Dec 18, 2002


http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/search/searchdisplay.php?page=russian&archive=000130&id=57181

[BURKE89]

... in response to "POB", posted by Patrick on Dec 18, 2002

.

[Bubba]

... in response to "POB", posted by Patrick on Dec 18, 2002

I don't know the context of your question but I would say "Place of birth"

[robobond]

... in response to Re: "POB", posted by Bubba on Dec 18, 2002

yeah, that's it.