reality

[Howard]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

Lor,

My heart really goes out to you and Thai.  I remember all too well going through what you are now.  In my situation, it went on for about a week before it seemed to lessen and then eventually disappear over the course of about six weeks.  Keeping busy--with the wedding plans, etc...--is very helpful and diverts attention elsewhere.  I would bring friends and family over a few at a time, so that she wouldn't be overwhelmed AND so that I could schedule several little events, instead of one or two huge ones.  Another thing that helped was that I kept a close eye on who Ayesa seemed to warm up to.  There is NO way of knowing ahead of time who will strike a cord with Thai, but when you find someone that does--hopefully it is someone you LIKE being around :c)--make sure to invite that person to the rest of these meet and greets.  It will give him a sense of "knowing" someone and make him feel less like a stranger.  There isn't a whole lot else you can do, except to be the caring person that you are.  Just be patient and try not to take it personally, I doubt any of it's because of you.  It's just like everyone is saying, it's homesickness and culture shock.

I will keep you and Thai in my thoughts!  I wish you guys the BEST!

Keep the Faith

H

[The Walker]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

Lori, do not give up. Even with my being 40 and having traveled internationally including to the USA and loving Don about as much as you can love a man it hit me pretty hard too. Asians are not as independent as Americans we are still a familial society. I cried off and on when I thought Don would not see me doing it. My mother is older and I still sometimes worry about her. I tried to get her to come and stay with us but she will not. You give up a lot when you leave your family and travel half way around the world to another land to live. A lot of emotion. Filipinas get used to it. They often become OCW workers in Hong Kong and may not see home and their children for years at a time. But it is something your man will have to learn to deal with. I do not remember, is he young? If so a certain lack of maturity, or really worldliness, comes into play as well. He is a stranger in a strange land. Everyone admires America but when you first arrive it can easily overwhelm you. My darling calls it culture shock which I think is a pretty good description for the feelings. America is so big and so open and so different in climate and so busy and so noisy and yet at times so quiet. America has grocery stores bigger than most factories back in Vietnam. Row after endless row of so many sorts of foods under bright flourescent light and tile floor so clean it looks like a hospital. And you know none of the foods, the prices mean nothing you have no grasp of the value of a dollar in America, you may not be able to read the language. Remember most Asians have a secret inferiority complex about America. My love says this is especially true of the French too but I think he is just down on the French for some reason. It is like being dropped off an alien spaceship on another world where the people look somewhat like you but everything else is different. The technology is overwhelming too. Everyone driving automobiles that a person would kill for back home in most cases. But give him time and he will adjust. Being woman to woman you surely know how to help that along by giving him something else to think about . Men are easily distracted that way, too.

-VICKY

[SteveG]

... in response to Re: reality, posted by The Walker on Mar 14, 2002

Vicky,
  The suggestion in your last sentence would sure cure all my problems!  LOL
                     SteveG

[Ray]

... in response to Re: reality, posted by The Walker on Mar 14, 2002

Yes, I guess we men are easily distracted that way (LOL!). Good advice Vicky! It's good to see you back...

Ray

[Stephen]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

You make a good point here.

To him....this is a STRANGE, new country.  When people talk funny sounds come out of their mouth.  It's different and he wonders where he fits in.  HE'S ALSO SCARED, i'll bet.  I know I sure would be scared in such a strange new enviroment.

Also....some people talk about how these people just can't wait to get to America any way they can.  For some, that's true.  But for others they prefer "home" and loved one.

I know that if something happened to me Tess would be on a plane back to the Phils.  She has no desire to become a US citizen.  She's very satisfied with being a Philipino.

Hand in there, Lori.

Stephen

[joemc]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

Hi Lori,
      I went thur this same process, with my wife,and she
      has family members in the states. Asians are very
      close knit family. Over the years I have had my
      father in law and mother live me from the P.I. live with me.
      Gee matter in fact now. I have my sister in law
      living with me on a tourist visa. After twenty
      years of marriage she still cries. I have not
      figured that one out yet. maybe her happiness or my
      ungliness.  Just keep the faith, maybe it's time
      sit down and eat some good veitnamese soup.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: reality, posted by joemc on Mar 14, 2002


There are few problems that don't seem smaller after a big bowl of hot, steaming pho.

-- Jeff S

[Jeff S]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002


He'll pull through. As everyone else has said, it's fairly normal. Try to keep him as busy as possible orienting him to your world. Remember, it's VERY foreign to him and I'm sure he's eager to explore. Men are probably more easily distracted by these kinds of activities than women.

About YOU though. Keep your chin up, be sympathetic but strong. You haven't done anything wrong. Rest assured that ten years from now you both will look back on this time and laugh, maybe even reminisce fondly. You have to be his anchor since his world is upside down. Keep things as light and fun as you can. He'll love you for it in the morning. Now if your both fall apart you may add gasoline to the fire.

Hey, take a deep breath and relax. It's only been two days!

-- Jeff S.

[Lori]

... in response to Hang in there Lor., posted by Jeff S on Mar 14, 2002

I will always listen to what you have to say. I think you are a very wise man.

[Febtember]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

I feel sorry to hear about that.Before I came here I always thought about always crying because of homesickness.I always hear that to somebody,it's too hard to bear homesickness it slowly kill you.I experience that when I first separated from my Mom when I move to Davao City but it take one week only then slowly I realize I'm really too far from her.Then after that I enjoy my life being independent,being alone for 2 years.
The last time I bid farewell to my family I told myself not to shead tears and warn them not to.And I'm made it.My hubby so much worry about me that he thought that I be very miserable living here in countryside.But when I arrive here all what I thought before not true.I'm happy as a clown and it's very different world for me.I really enjoy it so much.
I never feel homesickness part of it I keep calling my mom and besides I been independent since they send me to davao and learn to live my life alone and enjoy life.
Don't worry about Thai surely after 1 or 2 weeks he can adjust here.Maybe it's his first time being far apart from his family.My friend and My nieghbor in Philippines did the same when she arrived in australia.She keep crying everyday because she feel homesickness.I keep sending her e-mail and give her some advise,sometime I call her once a week and I'm so glad now she's start to like her new place.There's a point in her life that she tell me that maybe she will just give up her fiancee and go home in P.I but I give her long e-mail of advise and  made her change her mind.Your always in my prayer.
Raquel

[Jimbo]

... in response to reality, posted by Lori on Mar 14, 2002

Lori,

It's a helpless feeling, I know, but just hang in there and do whatever you can for him.  To some degree it's normal, but almost certainly it will pass.  Sally cried herself to sleep quite a few times in those first 4 weeks and nothing I did could bring her much comfort.  I just held her at night; the moans and the sobs wouldn't allow me to sleep until she had finally dozed off.

Jim