Nothing More too Say .....

[donb2222]

... in response to I know..., posted by Dave H on Mar 11, 2002

Too many guys complain that they cannot afford to make multiple trips to the PI, or to stay there for a long time.
My question is this: What would it cost you financially and emotionally to go through a divorce?
I am willing to bet that multiple trips to the PI is a whole lot cheaper than most divorces.

My 4 trips to the Pilippines were a lot of fun, and very educational.  I am looking forward to going again in August very much.

Don

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Now I'm PISSED!, posted by SJ on Mar 11, 2002

I think you really missed the mark here. If you saw Howard’s post to Mark as condemning and finger pointing, then I think you should read it again, several times. Then read Mark’s response to Howard’s post. Mark didn’t seem to take it that way at all, so why should you?

I don’t know what nerve Howard’s comments touched off in you, but don’t try to tell us that he is condemning anyone or pointing fingers. Howard took the time to write a well thought out post that showed genuine concern for a couple who are about to make the biggest decision of their lives. I thought his comments were positive and constructive, but I think your remarks were out of line.

Just my $.02,

Ray

[Howard]

... in response to Hey SJ!, posted by Ray on Mar 11, 2002

Thanks Ray,

I didn't think I had gone crazy!  MAN I was pissed!  Especially about the smug "Don't we all KNOW what's going to happen?" crap.  I know I over reacted, but I just don't need to get beaten up when I was trying to do the right thing.  SJ's reply to me is justified to a point, I obviously pissed him off in return.  Then again, he seemed pissed off to begin with.  Oh well... Maybe we can meet at the sanbox later ;c)

H

[MArkUSA]

... in response to Re: Nothing More too Say .....Wrong!, posted by SJ on Mar 11, 2002

Thank you so much SJ..
For you time and thoughts..

I am So happy that others still believe ....

Again thanx for your comments..

MArkUSA

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Nothing More too Say .....Wrong!, posted by SJ on Mar 11, 2002

So you have have it too, eh smart guy? You marryin' a kid you just met? Well, then your another person acting foolish. Forget about cowboy's, I said, the FIL/AM marriages I know usually fail because of this age thing. But hey, it's his decision. I told Mark my opinon, whether it really neeeded to be said or not. He's going to be getting alot worse in the future from people on a daily basis if he marries this girl. I would hope he could handle a little bit here from people who actually CARE about the dude.

No one doubts Marks commitment, faith or devotion. He is going to need alot of luck though, keeping this girl's head together when she comes under fire from all directions here in the US. I wonder if she can handle it? Her age being no factor.

It's not really her age that I think is a problem, though. It's that Mark doesn't know her OR her family yet. He think's he does, but he doesn't and that could cause him to be taken to the cleaners. Emotionally and possibly financially. Happen's all the time. He's not being rational. That is not opinion, that is fact.

Just curious, how would you KNOW why some people don't post here?

[SJ]

... in response to Re: Re: Nothing More too Say .....Wrong!, posted by Jay on Mar 11, 2002

Yes, I got it too! and to admit it on PL, as usual, get's the "You marryin' a kid you just met? Well, then your another person acting foolish"
  How many people have come here for advice only to be crucified for their actions or intentions? Doom, failure are the constant responses from the same handful of people. Their concerns are ignored for more appropriate name calling, assumptions and insults. Sure, you and the others REALLY care about someone to offer up the painful reality, but when they say enough is enough, there's not even so much as a "don't let the door hit ya' on the way out" Yours and others caring responses did nothing, except maybe push Mark to do what your warning him against doing. Best way to for someone to go after something they want is to tell them they can't have it.
  "how would you KNOW why some people don't post here?"
 I know I stopped for a long time after being physically threatened by e-mail. I questioned, maybe there were two sides to a certain failed relationship. He's going to hunt me down a kick my a@@!!!If a total stranger gets him that out of control, then (insert assumption here)
   My wife gets a kick out of this site and won't respond. She did once in defense of a filipina wanting to get out of an abusive relationship and was quickly branded a gold digger(they both were) by the all knowing vocal minority. She'll ask occaisionally why American men are jerks. But what does she know?, she's a kid I just met. With my intellegence level and low self esteem, I don't have an answer....
When there's a request to hear about success stories....where's the responses? What, no success?  yet when an AM posts all the horrors of marrying a filipina it's dozens of Nice guy, Bad girl responses. I replied once to a positive story and was called a brown noser. Someone once asked how many happily married couples were out there lurking. Many, many responses. Perhaps you might know why they don't participate. Perhaps some of them will reveal why they don't. Where's all the filipinas that were here not long ago? Great ladies with more insight and wisdom than most here will ever know.
  I've been coming here and Mag for three years now and can only recall maybe 6-8 failed relationships, of those only 2-3 never seem to go away, Everyone has a right to call it as they see it, only some seem to have more rights than others.

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Nothing More too Say .....Wr..., posted by SJ on Mar 11, 2002

SJ,

I'm a bit tired to go on fighting about this, but I'll bite. Maybe I'm being silly, but marrying a kid you just met is acting foolish in my opinion. I think so is playing Russian roulette, but that's just me.

So, "you got it", huh? Well, honestly I don't know what you mean by that. If you are talking about a succsessful marriage for at least a few years, (and I hope you are), well, Mark doesn't even have that yet. I do though, so far so good. Seven plus yrs. I'm not in that crew you speak of that preaches doom and failure. If you've been reading the board's for so long, and it sound's like you have, I'm surprised you don't know that about me. This is the first time I can remember actually taking this type of stand with someone. I know of whom you speak, and I  find those Filipina bashing, doom and gloom post's annnoying too.

No, I usaully just post meaningless little post's. Sometimes funny (I think), sometimes supportive (I think), or sometimes debating the merits of the US government with my nemesis Carrisse on mag-anak.. 240 in 2 years on PL to be exact.Not many. So this kind of post is kind of new for me.

I didn't know what to say to Mark or how to say it. Didn't even think I should, really. Finally I did, though. I tried to be as nice as possible, but how do you nicely tell someone they sound like they are out of thier mind? It can't be done. I thought all day about this. Should I apologize? Was I out of line? The answer is yes...maybe...no. The man post's on a public forum. He has to expect contrary responses. I'm not real good at being politicaly correct. Don't want to be either.

Bottom line is this. His pen-pal/fiance(?) dies. Girl ain't even cold yet, same day he tell's us that she died, he's on here asking for other pen-pal's to meet. That was 1-1-02. Say's he's still gonna go to the RP. Ticket's non-refundable etc. The girl's family says, "oh don't worry, we have a cousin you can meet". Creepy. He leaves middle of Feb.. He is gone for what 2? 3? weeks and now he is back and "in love" with the 17 (almost 18) yr. old cousin. Getting ready to petition her. Do I care? NO. Do I have an opinion? YES. Should I express it? Probably not.  I'm just real tired of seeing American guys and Filipina gal's getting hurt because some fool thought he was in love. Seem's I've been seeing it all my life. Hell, I've even been that fool a couple of times, come to think of it.

I think he's going too fast. Setting both of them up for disaster. Saying you love someone you only met a couple of weeks ago, show's you don't much about love. That's puppy love. Perfectly acceptable for his gal, but quite absurd for a man his age. As for her age, well, that's a whole other story. As for her family? Well, I don't know them, of course, they could be the finest people in the world. However, I tend to believe that if Mark were a broke, Pinoy, they woulden't be so eager to set him up. THAT is a cold hard reality of the Philippines, like it or not. Sad, but true.

I didn't think I would change his mind, but I felt this needed to be mentioned. Besides, somebody had to say it. Everyone else was sidestepping around it. Maybe some other 1st timer to the RP could see himself in Mark, and avoid this. Most American's fall in and out of "love" 5 times before they're out of immigration at NAIA. Easy to do in the Philippines. In my humble opinion Mark is making this mistake.

As far as success stories, I have one that would make most pale by compariason. Yet, I'm humble enough before God not to brag about it. Maybe that's why most don't "share" thier success stories. Nobody likes a braggart.

My wife doesn't get a kick out of this site at all. Matter of fact she is rather repulsed by it. She think's it's silly. She's 40, and no kid. She does however agree with most, but not all, that I post. Her opinion of all this with Mark was, that I probably shouldn't have, but I said what i said carefully, no matter how unpopular and with an understanding of the Philippines and Filipino's, that few around here have. Good enough for me.

Jay

[SJ]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Nothing More too Say ......, posted by Jay on Mar 11, 2002

My wife has the same opinion, repulsed by this site. Could other filipinas have the same opinion? If yes, than it's a sad statement for PL.
   My success story is still relatively short. No, it's not quite like Marks or anyone elses. It's exclusive to my wife and I, based solely on who we are as individuals and who we are to each other. It's why I don't post any suggestions to anyone on what to do in their situation. As I posted elsewhere, our present and future success is a result of learning and applying what works in a successful Fil/Am relationship, not constantly on the look out with doubt and suspicion. Either attitude will carry from courting into marraige..Like my wife says, a relationship with distrust is like termites in a foundation. It doesn't matter how strong the relationship starts, it will weaken and fall apart.....I also told her I'd not lurk or post anymore, she calls it "wasting life"