Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?

[Lori]

I ,myself, have always been intrigued by asian people. I have always thought them beautiful and mysterious. I have studied their culture on my own. I have a deep respect for these people, weather they be pillippine, vietnamese, korean, chinese, japanese. In everyone of these races, the family unit is always strong.
When I divorced, I told myself I was going to be very picky about who I married the next time. I was going to make sure I would pick a mate that would hopefully last forever. I was lucky enough to meet Thai's family and become a part of that family before I even met him. Now I have what I want. A strong family structure, and an asian man ....and alot of love.
I did  get tired of  the dating scene. I AM a package deal, my daughers, ya know. But I did not seek a foreign husband because I  hate American men. I have a great respect for them.  Like it or not if it was not for them this country would not be what it is today----Free!!
I just want to say I really feel sorry for those who seek love overseas just because they dislike American women. You might just find yourself having some of the same problems. They might not be the exact same problems, but I bet they'll show up sometime in your relationship.
Why did you go oversea's to find a spouse?

[omar]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

A foreign wife is generally more appreciative than an american, unless she's been americanized by movies and tv.  So its good that I use my checklist when interviewing a prospect.  I find out her goals.

[Gerl]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

Going back to my childhood I look up American Guys as sweet, romantic and would stick with you through thick and thin.But at the back of my mind I do still have some questions.."Why do they settle for a divorce?" Is that the only way they can have peace of mind??To let go of a relationship.Until I came to a realization that in every relationship your into it always takes two to make it work.Maybe one of you have been working hard just to save the relationship but it's not worth it.Both should work for it.
Yes, we Filipinas may have a high Family values and that's one of our cultures that we can be proud of, but still it's not in the race or cultures of a person. It's how both of you work to have a lasting and happy married life...

God Bless..

Gerl

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Why are we seeking a spouse overseas..., posted by Gerl on Feb 19, 2002

Well, you asked a very touching question.  It revolves around the topic of divorce.  Yes, whether or not divorce occurs, one could essentially say it "takes two to tango".  In reality, it's a difference between the will of one and the will of the other.  I really believe, the sense of fidelity makes or breaks the difference.

My ex-wife had an affair after 2 1/2 years, and wanted to continue it.  She believed that for the first time in her life she found "true love".  Suddenly she told me she never loved me, but she wanted to improve herself economically.  No ifs, ands, or buts sbout it.  Her attitude was, "This is America!  If you're not happy, you can get divorced!  Isn't America great ?!"

Me and my ex indeed had our differences.  Deep down in my heart, I really truly loved her.  The thought of her having intimate relations with another man really devastated me at the time.  But it did not phase her.  Now it does not matter all that much to me.  What matters is that the next time, when I supposedly share love and commitment with a special woman, it is indeed pure, genuine and real.

Yes, I'm divorced.  But I'm not a bad man because I'm divorced.  Indeed I have scars.  I'm a survivor.  Someday I'll know that God answered my prayers and my needs when I truly share genuine love, affection, and commitment with a very special, one-of-a-kind woman.

- Kevin

[SteveB]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

I come from a large close family,,,,I have 31 first cousins,,,,,my grandparents were the central figures of our clan,,,both played there roles well,,,,I saw my grandfather as the head of our family, I saw him lead, not boss, us all.  I beleive people have a role to play in there family and society.  I recognize my role as an old fashion person,,,,,so I was looking for a more traditional woman as a mate.  I also have spent the last 24 years at public school, most of the women there are bitter old before there time maids and obese, so I was looking for a different outlook on life and a more traditional family roles. I turned 40 one year at school, the kids were teasing me about being OLD!  Somehow, we got to talking about being younger, maybe one of them asked me if I wish I were younger.  I told them I have been lucky and I wouldn't want to be there age.  I told them I didn't have the material things( VCR, micro-wave, stereos, video games), BUT, I had a close family who looked after me.  I told them my mother was always home when I got off the bus.  We had a home cooked meal everynight.  We watched tv together( BTW, my parents watched what they wanted to watch, If we complained, we were told to be seen and not heard), I told them my parents knew where I was 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Then a little 8th grade girl said, " you're right, my mother is working second shift, I am raising my brothers and sisters".  To summerize, " I just want to be a man, to play the role of the father".  I think my asawa lets me feel this way.  Sorry so long!

Steveb

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Why are we seeking a spouse overseas..., posted by SteveB on Feb 19, 2002

I think you made a very good point.  I've rebuked alot of comments you've made, but this post is very much valid.  It is sad to say about the general state of social affairs.  But live and let live.  I do not have any children, and I'm not willing to bring children into this world unless of course, the foundation is there to begin with.  I mean mutual love and comitment between a man and a woman.

I want to speak my mind to you.  Personally, I'm an easy going guy, and I try to get along with everybody.  In the past, you've made remarks that have really made me feel ill about you.  But part of me thinks that deep down inside you are a good man with a good heart.  Yes, it's unfortunate what you experienced about Vivian.  Perhaps she brought out the worst in you.  Well, real love with a woman helps make a man a better person.  I think you're involvement with Juliet halped to make you a better man in the long run.  I think you've learned from life's practical experiences.  I have in different ways.

Remember the saying (and my father said this to me when I was first married and he believed in the integrity of my wife), "behind every successful man is a good woman."  Now one might ask, "What is the definition of success?"  Well, that's very subjective.  To me, one abstract meaning of success is to have whatever it takes to live a meaningful, fulfilling life.  One of these criterions, in my opinion, is for a man to have a special woman by his side.  At least, perhaps from my early childhood, I've been programmed to think that such is partly what might make a man happy and fulfilled.

- Kevin

[Jay]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002


I didn't "go" overseas. I was always there, whether in body or spirit. It was what I was most used to. Plus, that natural tan just knock's me out!

Jay

[greg]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

My Mama, Sisters and many friends are AWs. I decided to seek a wife abroad becuz of the excitement and challenge. What's being said about AWs on PL is mild, it doesn't necessary mean the Guy dislike AWs.  greg

[Jeff S]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

I also had great admiration and respect for Asians. In my teenage years I began studying martial arts. Along with this study came an exposure to the Japanese language, culture and philosophy. When I excelled at the sport and became deeper involved in it, I started studying Eastern religions and philosophy. I read everything I could get my hands on about Shintoism, Taoism, Confusiousism, etc. My first job out of college was with an international company where I had to travel extensively, especially in the far east. I started spending many weeks in Asia and started picking up several languages, but especially Japanese. Having concentrated on my career throughout my twenties and not seriously considering marriage I found myself approaching my mid-thirties with all my friends married and raising families. Being as ugly as I am and a bit of a nerd, my choices looked pretty slim and I rarely dated, not because I didn't want to, but the few dates I did find were a bit scary. Unlike most of the men on this board who claim to do well with American women but chose not to, I wasn't much of a ladies man. One of my friends who was a real hit with the ladies told me once: "you couldn't get laid in a woman's prison with a pocketful of pardons." OK, I can take a hint. Having an ability with a language like Japanese and loving Japanese food (long before the days when there was a sushi bar on every corner) I spent time in the Japanese community and when a nice older Japanese lady asked if I would like to meet one of her friends coming to visit from Japan I jumped at the chance. It was my wife's sister and we didn't hit it off. Six of us went out and I picked up the tab. They promised to take me out next time, and I said I'd prefer a home cooked Japanese meal one of these days. I forgot about it. About six month's later, I got a call out of the blue to come over and get my home cooked meal, and guess who was cooking it. Yes, it was the first time I laid eyes on my sweetie. She was the first person I even considered asking to marry me. So my case was far more accidental and less planned than many of the others here. No disrespect to AW from me. Just never found the right one, though many of my friends sure picked winners.
-- Jeff S.

[Howard]

... in response to Why are we seeking a spouse overseas?, posted by Lori on Feb 19, 2002

Lori,

When I started, it was simply becuase I wasn't finding what I was looking for in my own backyard.  I have no hatred for American Women, as I have stated here many times.  My MOTHER is an American woman!  LOL  I know many very responsible, mature women of high character.  The problem is that they're all married to my closest friends!  LOL

Dating for me is a drag.  I have never been any good at it.  WAAAAAAY too much game playing and posturing.  I'm just a simple guy who wants simple things.  My main turn off with the women I was dating here is baggage.  It seems they held me responsible for every bad thing any ex-boyfriend or ex-husband had every done to them.  Or at least that was the way I was made to feel.  Personally, I was always able to tell one girlfriend from the last.  When I started a new realtionship it was exactly that, a NEW relationship.  Many of the women I dated, including my ex-fiancee--before my wife--just seemed to want me to pay emotionally, financially, WITH BLOOD!!!  LOL  

Manily, I started my journey as a drastic change in approach.  I am a very trusting, giving person and have been taken advantage of in just about every relationship I can remember.  I tried to be less trusting, but it made me more miserable than being taken advantage of!  I was just so afraid that I would become too skeptical and really miss the right one.  I am not afraid of commitment, nor of a little hard work.  I have patience and am willing to wait for something better rather than remaining in a flawed realtionship for the sake of being in a realtionship.  I do fine on my own for the most part, I just would rather be with someone special.  Not just anyone, the right one :c)  Also, I am petrified of divorce.  (Ooooops... got that one wrong!  LOL)  I have seen so many families ruined over something inconsequencial and didn't want to be a part of that, once children entered the picture.  NOT that I judge ANYONE.  I just needed that fear removed in order for me to really entertain the idea of marriage.  Maybe I should pay more attention to that fear next time!  LOL

After all was said and done--you all know my story--there were many things I like about my marriage to a Filipina.  More about my wife's culture than my wife herself.  Our marriage could've worked if she had just given it a chance, but she seemed determined to prove her parents wrong, unfortunately.  Anyway, that's not the topic...

I guess it simply boils down to the fact that women overseas seem more motivated to marry.  Twice I was in five year realtionships that ended badly.  Time just slipped away and eventually one got mad at me for not being positive about the realtionship and I got mad at the other.  Nevertheless add the year and a half in between and almost twelve years of my life had slipped by in the blink of an eye!  With a Filipina, the motivation is to marry.  That's what they're looking for and what I have to offer.  

I guess I'm just an old fashioned guy and Filipinas have no problem with traditional roles in a marriage.  NOT that I'm a control freak or need to be dominant in a marriage, but it does boil down to control in part.  In every realtionship that I was not in control of I got taken advantage of and hurt.  I know how it feels and would never intentionally do the things to others that have been done to me.  Since every realtionship needs someone to be in control, I feel that I can be trusted to be fair and honest, so maybe I should take a stab and steering a relationship, rather than just being a passenger in a car driving aimlessly in circles :c)

I'll let you know how it turns out :c)

Keep the Faith!

H