Questions

[greg]

... in response to SJ Exactly, posted by greg on Feb 21, 2002

HumB and myself go way back as Guys that jumped on those "Pity Poor Me" Bandwagons lol. We both seem to have Mellowed at the time HumB found and was found by Love and Happiness, I'm really happy for Him, becuz He deserves a Good Pinay. We share many of the same Pinay friends, and they have nothing but good things to say about Him. The Pinays on both Mag and PL are Good, so we should be supportive of them and not be misled when some Guy come Whinning on the Broads ) greg

[Ray]

... in response to Good Post SJ, posted by greg on Feb 20, 2002

You've finally seen the light. Congratulations!

Like I've said many times before, don't believe all the horror stories you hear on these forums. A lot of it is just simply one side of a complicated story and some of it is 3rd or 4th hand information.

Say hi to little Peabody!

Ray

[greg]

... in response to Gee Greg..., posted by Ray on Feb 20, 2002

Thanks RaY, both HumB and Myself are trying to change, so be patient with us Guys. About AWs, I was just playing around with You know who. greg

[Dave H]

... in response to Questions, posted by panther on Feb 20, 2002

Hi Panther,

No pressure here! None of my wife's siblings or mother want to come here to live. One sister, that lives in the US, wants to return to the Philippines with her husband. They lived in the Philippines for a year. She only came to the US because her husband wanted to return. If given the choice, my wife would be happy to go back with me and live in a nipa hut.

As for sending money...I had my wife sit down with her mother when I was there. I wanted her to "negotiate" an acceptable amount of money to send, after she arrived in the US and was working. I knew that it was a common and expected practice to help the family in the Philippines. I accepted it and wanted to do our part. Her mother insisted that she didn't need anything and could do fine on her small pension. They are a proud, hard working, and simple family. We send money when we want, as it is not expected. The money is always put to good use and has even been used to make repairs on our PI house. Any money that I sent to my wife while she was still in the Philippines, had to be sent first, before I told her. Then it was too late for her to refuse. Since she began working here, she has repaid me many times over.

Dave H.

[Minnesota guy]

... in response to Questions, posted by panther on Feb 20, 2002

I just returned from my second trip to RP. Carmen and I had a wonderful time but also spent more time discussing finances. In the past I had only met family members in Manila and Cebu City. This time we went to meet her parents and others in Leyte. To my face everyone was wonderful. Behind my back there was some grumbling because I have no plans to build a home there as my neighbor had done. My wife's parents do live in small tin roofed home that's packed amoung others in a 60 home rural village. Earlier this year they had some damage to the kitchen area which needs repair. In the end I offered $200.00 in credit at a building supply company. My wife and others suggested this because cash could to quickly be used for other things. I also told them that I would like to help out more in the future but I have relatively (compared to my neighbor) little money and I still need to finance Carmen's trip, our wedding, and I would like to get running water in my home yet this year. (the fact that I have an outdoor CR seemed to demonstate my financial status)Carmen has been helping out her parents since leaving home 5 years ago and always sends them about 1/4 of her meager salary. She asked if she would be able to send home about 1000 pesos a month after moving here. I reassured her that it would not be a problem. In the end I felt much more assured of our relationship. I have no doubt this woman would choose to be with me even if I wanted to live in Leyte and drive a motorcycle taxi like one fellow in the area does.

[donb2222]

... in response to Questions, posted by panther on Feb 20, 2002

My wife does not post to this board, but I will ask her your questions.
1)  One of Vilma's sisters would like to come here to work, but Vilma has no plans to bring her here.
2) We send $40 a month to her mother, and we are paying her brothers college tuition.  No one else has taken advantage of our offer to pay tuition.  A few hints about money have been dropped by her sisters, but we just send money as gifts for birthdays and Christmas.  Vilma has explained to her family that we need to save for our retirement, possibly in the Philippines when I am 50.

Vilma and I talked for many hours about money before she came here.  One thing that I explained to her is that I am against giving money for nothing.  Her mother is old, and needs help.  Education is also important.  But, I cannot see giving money so that people younger than me can sit home and get drunk all day.
Now that Vilma sees how hard I work, and how expensive everything is here in America, she is now the one that says "no" anytime her family brings up the subject of money.
From reading this board before I went to the Philippines, I knew that money for the family would be an issue.
Another thing that we told Vilma's family before we left the Philippines is that we would always take care of her mother, but, if the other relatives started being difficult about money, then the money to the mother would stop.
Vilma's philosophy in the Philippines was that she was happy that we discussed everything in the Philippines so that there would not be any misunderstandings once we came to America.
Vilma's family has referred to me as being "thrifty", but they always do seem very happy to see me.  
I think one of the better things we did is trying to discuss anything and everything before Vilma came here.
I am not sure if any of this helps you, but it is what has worked for us.

Don

P.S.  There is one time that we have sent money for an emergency. Vilma's 18 year old unwed sister got pregnant in Manila, and none of the family lives in Manila, so we sent $100 so she could pay for a mid-wife, and medication.  I just could not picture that poor girl giving birth without someone present to take care of her.

[panther]

... in response to Re: Questions, posted by donb2222 on Feb 20, 2002

for your responses.  Hopefully people just starting out in these relationships can benefit by reading these posts.