RW with kids.My opinion

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I have a few questions, I'm just trying to understand how much significance you are placing on having children.

I would like to know if you think women who have not had children are inferior in some way?

Do you think you had success in your marriage because of your character and morals and the character and morals of your husband?  In your opinion, before your husband had children was did he have less character and lower morals?

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by HappyInBrazil on Apr 1, 2002

I can't say whole lot about single RW simply because I never was one.I had child when I was 20 and ever since I was RW with child I can only say that RW are more mature just because being single mom in RUssia is not an easy task and life make woman with child grow up much faster than single.
As far as my husband and me.My husband had high morals and great character even before our marriage. He never ever call Aleksandra "stepdaughter".He accepted her as his own child and made commitment to raise her as her own from beginning.He always keep saying to me that real father of the child is not the one who donated sperm, but the one who raised child and made a real person out of him.

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to Re: Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Apr 1, 2002

If you really don't know much about women without children, then perhaps you shouldn't be claiming that women with children are better.

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by HappyInBrazil on Apr 1, 2002

I had NEVER claimed that RW with children are better than single! Show me where I said that and I will take my words back!!!

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Apr 1, 2002

"2) Yes RW with child is more mature, more committed to make marriage work. She has more experience, more patience, she simply knows better how treat her man."

This is from your first post that started this discussion tread.

More and better compared to who?  I thought this was comparing to RW without children.

[Quasimoto]

... in response to Re: Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Apr 1, 2002

Very true!

[Stan B]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

not wanting to meet a woman w/ a child, as I thought that I wasn't ready to become an instant dad. But when I met Marina and her daughter Katya, all my preconcieved ideas went out the window and I'm glad they did. I'm also glad that Iwent into this w/ an open mind.
As for the cost, its a bargain if your foolish enough to put a price tag on love...aloha

[Oscar]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

Natalya,

I am soooo glad you spoke up!  Every word you say is true in my opinion!  I went to Ukraine and only wanted to meet women who had a child for exactly these reasons you say...
I think your husband is a very lucky man!

Oscar

[Philb]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I don't think either one is better.  Both have there positives and negatives.

I did not get involved in this endeavor looking for either one.  But, over time,  the idea of a RW with children became more and more appealing to me.  I like children (have one 18 yr old), I always wanted to have more but if I started over at 43 years of age I would be 61 when the child graduated from highschool and that is assuming I was married and my wife became pregnant right now.

So, for me, the idea of a woman with a child is very appealing.  Obviously what I find appealing will not work for everyone.

[Rod]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

Natalya,
   I think most men would love the child of the woman they fell in love with. The child is part of the mother so how could you not?
   I think if the man is concerned with the expenses and allows that to alter his decision, the woman is better off without him.
    Maybe I am naive but I am looking for that one woman that makes nothing else matter. If I find her, together we will overcome anything.

    Rod

[Quasimoto]

... in response to Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Rod on Mar 31, 2002

I have always been focused on a woman with a child. I have met only a couple out of about 35 ladies who did not have a child. It was my choice. As for Tanya, I told her from the beginning it was a package deal. I can not lover her without loving her son or her mother. And now, I will tell you, I love her mother dearly. As for her son, I think it will take time and interaction. But I care about his future, especially with the king of father and the genes he donated to him.

Steve

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Rod on Mar 31, 2002

Great to hear this Rod! I had impression that most men on this board prefer RW without child due to double expenses, responsibilities and fear that they will be second and child will be always first (IMHO those men are pretty selfish if presence of child bother them so much).If you read previous posts you'll understand what I'm talking about.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Re: RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

There are a few without kids, or parental experience that will categorize RW with kids, as expensive and double trouble.  To me, that sounds as if, the AM that are single parents, are just as big a liability, and that WE, should be figured in the same bunch as well.  After all, OUR KIDS, will be losers just like US, and get divorced, and have bad lives..etc.

Yeah, throw stones in your own court guys.  Have a kid or two and an idiot wife and then be a single parent.  Then have women figure you're a loss and too expensive because it's not worth the effort based on statistics of divorced parents et-al.

Well, I hope you malcontents (about rw's with kids) never have kids and get divorced.  You won't get a second chance from one like you that's for sure.

There is no perfectionist relationship.  Kids or not.

And we, just like the women and their children, deserve a second chance.

Good thing I'm not so self-interested that I wouldn't consider giving of myself to another child without a father.

This is another crap fest on this board that doesn't deserve the space it's written on.  

To each his own.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I am happy for you.  There is no need for you to denigrate those who feel differently than you.  You bring many valid points.  However, I believe there is a high population of men who just do not want a beautiful women with a child when they could have a beautiful women without a child.  The chance that the RW has learned from their first two mistakes and may be more stable in marriage does nothing to quell the sudden lifestyle change single men without children would suddenly have plus the added risks and expenses the man would have to endure if he married a woman with children.  Facts are facts, costs are costs, one versus two, woman vs woman plus children - men must consider this.  What is right for one is not right for another.

[juio99]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

Natalya, you have a right to your opinions, but I happen to disagree with many of them.

1. It is a fact that children will mean double expense and double trouble.  This is not just Russian children, but applies to all.  I have seen step children ruin more potential love relationships and marriages than any other factor.

2. I don't think there is any basis in fact for your claims here.

3. I have my own children and I have been associated with several ladies with their own children.  You are simply wrong here.  The archives on this board and on other RW-AM boards are full of stories about how RW and their children have undermined the marriage between RW and AM by their actions as a unit.

4. You are wrong here.  The statistics simply prove that second marriages last, on average, much less than first marriages.

5. You are wrong here.  The AM is only part of the equation, and probably a small part of it.  Again the message boards are full of stories that show that many RW and her children completely exclude the AM from their conversations once the AM brings them into his home.

6. You may be right here regarding the traditional type of scammers.  But still, many of the RW with children have even a bigger desire to get their children out of a bad situation and give them the opportunities available in US.  So while they may not be running the traditional scams, this is another type of scam.

And Natalya, please do not think I am against RW.  I like them very much.  I just happen to disagree with most of what you say regarding RW with and without children.  Sorry that it sounds so cold, but people must act and think rationally in this pursuit.

And keep in mind that just because you have a good situation in your marriage does not prove anything.  You could come up with several examples of good situations, and it still wouldn't prove anything.  We must consider the entire population of situations, and that is where I see that the children are going to ruin many potential situations.

Sincerely,

JR