Women walk out on the US male

[Cold Warrior]

Women walk out on the US male

JOHN HARLOW, LOS ANGELES

YOUNG American women, boosted by well-paid jobs and setting ever higher standards of behaviour for their men, are walking out on marriage in record numbers, according to US census figures to be published next month.
More than 1m women in their twenties will marry this year, but on current trends fewer than half will be with the same man in five years. They will have exhausted the prospects in what social analysts call the “starter marriage”, a halfway house between living together and a second marriage intended to produce children.

Two-thirds of divorce proceedings in America are started by women, and research indicates they are increasingly unwilling to put up with the irritations of domestic life, not to mention boredom in the bedroom. Instead, they seek a fresh start with another man.

This is especially true among the the 21 to 37-year-olds, called Generation X by analysts. In “Gen X”, women initiate three-quarters (75%) of divorce proceedings.

The Gen X-ers marry later than their parents, typically at 25 for women and 27 for men. They opt for a white wedding, which in New York or Los Angeles now costs an average of £50,000. But many couples then hit an emotional wall, with a quarter of marriages failing within two years.

The figures show that couples who marry after living together for more than two years stand a more than 50% chance of getting divorced. The longer they have lived together, the greater the likelihood of failure.

Dr George Worgul, of Duquesne University’s Family Institute in Pittsburgh, blamed higher romantic expectations. “Fifty years ago women thought about practical considerations such as the economic prospects of a potential mate. Love was often expected to grow later.”

“Today love is the first consideration and, if it does not live up to expectations, then many women will seek it elsewhere, resulting in higher levels of adultery among married women and marital breakdown.

“At the same time young women are less willing to put up with infidelity, physical abuse or other bad behaviour by their husbands. They often earn as much as their men, so now they can afford to start again.

“Men, by contrast, are lazy: they are willing to put up with a lack of intimacy and poor communications provided they have access to regular sex, and are often shocked when women decide to call it a day.”

The collapse of numerous celebrity marriages are cited as evidence for such claims. Last autumn Drew Barrymore walked out on her husband, the comedian Tom Green, after 163 days. Julia Roberts’s marriage at 23 to Lyle Lovett, a country musician, lasted less than two years.

At 29, Madonna divorced Sean Penn, her first husband, after two years. Jennifer Lopez’s first stab at wedded bliss, to a dancer called Ojana Noa, lasted less than 12 months. The singer is now married to another dancer.

These short-lived, childless relationships fit a trend, according to Pamela Paul, author of The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony, to be published in Britain this year. “I wrote the book after my own marriage fell apart three weeks before our first wedding anniversary, when I realised that I was far from alone,” said Paul, a senior editor on American Demographics magazine.

Paul, 31, says her generation is caught between two contradictory impulses. Many come from single-parent homes and so crave a stability that merely living together cannot hope to satisfy. At the same time they often have unrealistic expectations of the privileges of marriage without appreciating the responsibilities.

“Young people are a lot more self-centred than they used to be,” she said. “The twenties are the Me Years, an extended adolescence, and the thirties are for having kids. Around 30, the biological clock goes off; some women look around and realise they do not want to have a child with their spouse, and they leave.”

David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, said marriage was reinvented by every generation. “Generation X has unrealistically high emotional standards,” he said. “Maybe the next generation will react against this and opt for more thoughtful, practical arrangements. We might again see marriage as a workable system of two people learning to overcome day-to-day obstacles with the unfashionable virtues of patience and tolerance.”

[greg2]

... in response to Women walk out on the US male, posted by Cold Warrior on Feb 3, 2002

A lot of the problem is with men. This is why it is happening. With women being less dependent on men by being able to get good jobs they are demanding more of what they want and in some cases simply trying to find out what they want as they move through relationships.

As men, we have had the control. And, in having control men have not been pressured to try and understand women and they would accept this before. Now they are not as willing to do so. With this new power they are breaking out, finding their feet, making mistakes but this will create an end result -

Here is what one guy predicts:

Men will enter a new era in whereby in competing for women they will see the reason to try to understand the needs of women and how by doing this they will get the good women and will learn that to continue to understand women is how to keep the good woman he has. This woman will find herself not wanting to compete with her man, wanting to be taken care of by him and now out of respect becomes subservient to him because all her needs are met.

[John K]

... in response to Re: Women walk out on the US male, posted by greg2 on Feb 3, 2002

There seems to be a rising bar of what needs must be met.  My wife has even commented on it, in terms of herself.  We were talking in bed last night and she told me that now that she has more than what she ever dreamed for in life, she finds herself wanting more.

I think it isn't just meeting a woman's needs, but planning for the progression of wants is also important.  What was good 2 years ago, is now a matter of fact.  There was even a popular pop song my Janet Jackson "What have you done for me lately?".  This continual hunger is common in all of us, (refer to Maslow's heirarchy of needs if you want to know what is the progression) and we should not only be prepared to meet her needs now, but also in the future.

Also, there might be a calming of this hunger the older a woman gets, but I couldn't say for sure if this is true.  If it is the case, this would certainly present a positive aspect for those looking for an older woman.

As always, this is simply my 2¢ and strictly my opinion.  Your mileage may vary...

[thesearch]

... in response to But can he meet all her needs?, posted by John K on Feb 4, 2002

John,

I hear what you are saying but, I think this is a personal issue. Not all women continue to want more, nor do all men. The more unhappy the person is with themselves the more this issue surfaces.

Also, it is my experience that with aging this does calm down with a lot of women. A great deal of people ulitmately discover what the important things are after getting what they thought would bring happiness only to find it does not.

Just my thoughts.

[Jack]

... in response to Women walk out on the US male, posted by Cold Warrior on Feb 3, 2002

Great info! I think I will find a place for this on my website.

And I could always dirct Claire to this!

[BarryM]

... in response to Re: Women walk out on the US male, posted by Jack on Feb 3, 2002

There are simply not enough decent women.

Bachelors begin to lose upper hand
Biological clock starts ticking for bachelors looking for mates
By Nancy Anne Jeffrey
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Dec. 8 - Adam Rosen has a law degree from Villanova and trained in psychology at Harvard. He's also handsome and has a passion for social causes. But there's one thing the 37-year-old bachelor doesn't have in his life: candidates to be Mrs. Rosen.

'I thought I'd be married by 30. This is a great divergence from what I imagined my life would be.'
- ADAM ROSEN
Boston therapist

There's a new biological clock out there - the one ticking inside bachelors. After decades in which men statistically had the upper hand in the dating world, the demographics have reversed: For a big chunk of the dating pool - people ages 30 to 44 - the number of single men and women are now about even, or in some cases, slightly tipped in women's favor. The odds are especially dismal for men looking for younger mates: By 2010, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, men in their late 30s and early 40s will outnumber women five to 10 years younger by two to one.
What's happening here is a subtle but significant change in the birth rate. While the numbers of men and women born every year are roughly the same, the overall birthrate dropped 40% from 1955 to 1973. Because more than half of all men marry younger women, that means their pool of prospects shrinks a bit every year. "The tables have turned," says Sherry Cooper, an economist who has written about demographic shifts. "Guys in that 35-year-old range are going to have a harder time."

Matchmakers and dating companies are already seeing the impact. Social Circles, a New York singles group, has seen membership among 35-to 44-year old men soar 25-fold since it started in 1997, while women in the same age group grew at about half that rate. At It's Just Lunch, which pairs professionals, the percentage of female membership dropped 9% in the last three years. And online firm Match.com is so anxious to recruit women, it started a new ad campaign to find more. The pitch: Women no longer have to rely on "fate" or "destiny" to find the right mate.

"We're all chasing after the same women," says Jim Hague, a 33-year-old Web designer from California who says he got only a handful of daily e-mails from some online services. His female friends, however, got 200 e-mails a day. "They can easily delete you," Mr. Hague says. Indeed, 40-year-old Suzanne Mulroy got so many e-mails from her service that she put it on hold. "I thought I'd get a response," Ms. Mulroy says, "but I didn't think I was going to get this deluge."
All of which, of course, is a significant shift from the 1980s; at the start of that decade, for example, there were about 1.3 women for every eligible man from 35 to 44. The odds were even better for the narrower group of men in their late 30s dating women in their early 30s: Almost two women for every single man. Many people still remember the 1986 Newsweek article that famously, if controversially, declared that a single, college-educated, 40-year-old woman had a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of ever tying the knot.

THE ONE-TIME SUPERMALE

But in the years since, the odds have gotten worse for the one-time supermale. Far from an abundance of bachelorettes, today there's a small shortage - for every million thirtysomething women, there is a surplus of 80,000 men of the same age. Men looking for younger women will find even more competition: Within nine years, there will be one woman 30 to 34 for every two men 35 to 44, according to one set of projections by the U.S. Census.
How did this shift occur? For starters, with more women than men on the dating scene, men played the field and postponed marriage - sometimes until their 40s, much later than previous generations. (The percentage of 35- to 44-year-old bachelors almost tripled from 1980 to 2000, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Surveys.) Thinking they had tons of options, especially as divorce rates grew, some men got pickier, too, demanding not only good looks but also good jobs from their mates. That narrowed the field even more: By one estimate, men in their early 30s making $75,000 or more outnumber women of the same earning power two to one.

All the while, pop culture only perpetuated the belief that men had the advantage, with shows like "Sex and the City" and novels like "Bridget Jones's Diary" harping on themes of the desperate, single woman. And lots of people still believe it. "Men feel they have the upper hand," says Lisa Doherty, a 40-year-old public-relations executive. When she's gone on dates, Ms. Doherty says men have told her they want a younger woman.
But slowly, evidence of the shift is cropping up. Take personal ads, the quintessential dating device of the '80s and '90s. While the ratio of men to women placing ads varies from city to city, many towns are seeing notable jumps in male advertisers. At Chicago Magazine, for example, the percent of personals placed by women skidded 38% in just two years. During the past three years, the percentage of men placing personal ads in the Cleveland Plain Dealer jumped 14%, according to People2People Group, a firm that creates personals.
Other men are going where experts say they need to - older women. When Match.com polled its members earlier this year, the company discovered that its average male client is now willing to date a woman three years his senior, up from two a few years ago. At It's Just Lunch, men 35 to 43 are now asking to date women 36 to 40 - up about four years from a decade ago.

THE DATING CONSULTANT
Things have gotten so bad for 46-year-old Drew Clausen in Marina del Rey, Calif., he has started using a "dating consultant" who specializes in training unattached men on how to attract a woman. For $600, Mr. Clausen's consultant advised him to wear a Rolex watch, buy black shoes and not talk about his divorce. The investment is paying off. Instead of just pining after his ideal - a 35-year-old brunette - Mr. Clausen just hooked up with a "gorgeous" 43-year-old redhead. Using the consultant made him "more open to other possibilities," he says.

Indeed, once either shy or scornful about blind dates, males are becoming more aggressive about asking to be set up, matchmakers say. They also have become much more open about the fact that they use dating services. A study by It's Just Lunch shows that eight years ago, the average male client kept his membership a secret from his male friends; today, the typical male customer tells three of his friends.
So when will things get better for members of the lonely hearts men's club? Not until the generation born in the late 1970s and early 1980s comes of marriageable age, according to demographers. By then, higher birthrates will tip the scales back in men's favor. About 2005, experts say it'll be rich pickings for men who now are in their early 20s.
Until then, men will just have to keep going, much like New Yorker Eric Starkman, who swore to friends he would be married by 40. Now, at 46, the bachelor spends Sunday mornings at Starbucks, sipping a grande black coffee and scanning the marriage announcements. "I always feel good when I see a guy who is 46 getting married," he says. "I say, 'Hey, there's hope.' "

Copyright (c) 2001 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.

[micha1]

... in response to Women walk out on the US male, posted by Cold Warrior on Feb 3, 2002

You are right on every count, excepted it is not only on US males,  it is mostly on males everywhere.
Unfortunately, only fifteen per cent of men anywhere do have a chance that the woman they choose stay with
them, voluntarely.  Passion only last, from seven days to seven years in the best of cases.  Women (girls) want
passion, love, the fire burning, when the your fire gets lukewarm, her gets cold in a hurry.  If she stays then,
it is because of family reasons  (kids mostly), her education is not adequate and materially she knows that she
will not make it on her own, also you could be cockhold and she goes through the motions (to be cockhold is not
that bad, we all are eventually, it is just a fact of life). And also she may not have a better offer from anyone, so
she stays and wait, while making your life miserable.
This is not only in the US, Canada, it is everywhere, From Here to Eternity.

I shall come back later today, because of my use of english (limited) I do need to think of how to say it.
AND EXPLAIN WHAT WOMEN ARE ALL ABOUT,  what you should do to be ahead of the game of love.
To stay happy, if you are now and want it to stay like this.  Or if you wish for love to grow or grow again.

I can do it very easily, of anyone care to read about the subject.

I have learn very early in my life about the things that will never be of any use to me.
I was very fortunated,  french culture,  north american way of life, a cultural child of Jack Kerouac, travel
everywhere.  Did somewhat good materially and looking for love again.
Not to get laid,  for which in french we have a name for, TRIFLE, (la bagatelle),  which is really an excercise
of hygiene for the body.
What everyone needs, is love for the soul, the spiritual, the mind,  to be happy for himself, to know why he is
happy, not because everyone tell him he is.

Later on, if wanted I come again.  And tell you how

[Scaught]

... in response to Re: Women walk out on the US male, posted by micha1 on Feb 3, 2002

n/t

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: Women walk out on the US male, posted by micha1 on Feb 3, 2002

I've never heard of the word "cockhold".  I assume if I used it in a sentence it would go like this: I tried to get up and leave, but she put a "cockhold" on me I could not resist, so I stayed an extra 2 days for Mr Happy. :-)

[micha1]

... in response to That's a new english word for me, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 3, 2002

It is really  cuckhold,  check if you don't have horns growing, just above your forehead.

[v20020204]

... in response to Re: That's a new english word for me, posted by micha1 on Feb 3, 2002

From Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) (web1913)

Cuckold \Cuck"old\ (k?k"?ld), n. [OE. kukeweld, cokewold, cokold, fr. OF. coucoul, cucuault, the last syllable being modified by the
OE. suffix -wold (see {Herald}); cf. F. cocu a cuckold, formerly also, a cuckoo, and L. cuculus a cuckoo. The word alludes to the
habit of the female cuckoo, who lays her eggs in the nests of other birds, to be hatched by them.] 1. A man whose wife is unfaithful;
the husband of an adulteress. --Shak.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Women walk out on the US male, posted by Cold Warrior on Feb 3, 2002

Why don't American women tolerate bad behavior?  They certainly show a lot a bad behavior themselves.  Magazines like Cosmo and Glamor have frequent articles on how to get even with a man.  I never see that in men's magazines.  American women mess around in their 20s and then in their mid thirties decide to have children if they still care.  AW want to party and don't go out with boring successful nice guys.  But, a woman's fertility has dropped 50% by age 30 and 75% by 35.  The time for women to have kids was in their 20s.  

I could see a lot of professional women emphasizing how important their careers were and that they were not interested in having kids and compromising their career for yours.  One of my girlfriends said: "Why don't you quit you job and stay home with the kids? I'm successful too". She wanted to impress her friends with her career success.  A lot of women like that are all alone now and I still don't want them.

Feminists degrade women that stay home and don't work to take care of the kids.  Russian women believe they should stay home at least 1 year after having a child.  Feminists say a woman can have it all and it's a long time before some AW realize that it's a lie.  I am a very successful man, I want a traditional family life and there's nothing wrong with that.  

[Bob S.]

... in response to And women wonder why we go overseas!, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 3, 2002

"She wanted to impress her friends with her career success. A lot of women like that are all alone now and I still don't want them."

They're not alone.  They got their cats.  Lots and lots of cats.

[micha1]

... in response to And women wonder why we go overseas!, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 3, 2002

Perhaps are you right in wanting a traditional family life.  Girls (women) go to college now (more than men do),
they have MA,  PHD,  and can have kids,  they have it all and more and more them know that very well.
Some of you guys better wake up,  in twenty years, everything from countries on down, will be run by women.
The times when men did run everything is going downhill in a hurry, trust me on this.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: And women wonder why we go overseas!, posted by micha1 on Feb 3, 2002

I still want what I want.  Very high achievers still tend to be men.