My conclusions about Thai girls

[Harry88]

Of course what  follows are generalizations, can't be otherwise, but I came to some conclusions about Thai girls and foreigners:

- I noticed many foreighners are involved with "bar girls", meaning prostitutes, and some upgrade them to serious girlfriends and even marry them. I had a look at  that -from close but not too close :-) - and not only it's not my style but it seems like a rocky and risky road, confirmed by what I read on internet about such relationships. Despite that my friend's wife in Switzerland, I think she was a bar girl too, and it seems to work out  fine for them.

- The girl I was correspondijng with wrote that she lives in N-E Thailand, and I thought that meant she was certainly not a bar girl. Now I know that most Bangkok bargirls actually come from there; likely she is a bar girl and lives in Bangkok (if she did not go to Belgium now as she expected when she wrote me last!).
- Normal Thai girls do use internet a lot, but mainly to chat in Thai. So it is more difficult to get into contact directly through internet I think (if someone knows better or has a suggestion please tell me!).

- The Thai girls I met seem to quickly jump to conclusions and also quickly change their mind.
I am afraid that the first girl, when she saw me leave in bad company to visit some girly bars that I had claimed were not my taste (true), immediately wrote me off as the married liar she thought I might be. (Who knows what she  thought I did those three hours!)  I have no other explanation for her sudden loss of interest I sensed, already that same evening.  (Other explanations are welcome!).

- If the truth means a loss of face, something else is said instead. That I knew already.  But happily the truth may pop up shortly after, if she feels sufficiently at ease! ("I don't feel well"  was one minute later replaced by "I will not be allowed to enter a disco because I will be 20 only next month").

- Normal Thai girls are modest and easy-going, but feel some uneasyness to be seen with a foreigner in public.

- About me: I was quite attracted by this student girl Rak, and yes she is rather pretty but she doesn't have a super figure nor a model face. The photo's I have of her, if I would have come across those on Internet I would maybe not have written to her! (likely I wouldn't have written anyway because she's a bit too young for me). While in contrast, one Ukrainian model I wrote and met, I was NOT specially attracted  to  in real life...
So I'm starting to despair, as it seems what I need are VIDEOCLIPS of girls. In no other way can I be reasonably sure if I'll feel attraction to a girl or not.  :-(
Or maybe I should just go on vacation more often?!

Harald

[Ray]

... in response to My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Harry88 on Jan 20, 2002

Hi Harald!

I found your trip report interesting and I thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I haven’t been to Thailand for quite some time, but I guess after my first trip I probably would have come to many of the same conclusions about the women that you did. You made some good observations, but I don’t think you should try to make too many judgements based on your one short trip. After a thorough study of Thai culture and more interaction with some of the women, you may find them much more complicated than what first meets the eye.

I guess you could say that the bar girls have their own sub-culture and don’t necessarily reflect on the country as a whole. When the girls are suspicious of your intentions, it’s probably because they have been lied to so many times by foreign men and have been exposed to a lot of guys traveling on “sex holidays”. Being totally honest and forthright with customers is not part of their agenda. They are there primarily to make money and the apparent lack of truthfulness that you encountered is just part of their game. And if you have to continually dig for the truth with someone, then don’t expect that trait to ever change.

If the primary reason that you are attracted to Thai women is because of their physical beauty, then I would recommend that you be very careful. In my opinion, selecting initial contacts for correspondence based only on their physical appearance is bound to lower your odds of finding a compatible life-long mate, if that is your ultimate goal. My advice, for what it is worth, would be to forget about the photos or videos as much as possible and try to get to know a little about the person inside at first. Make sure that her character traits meet your standards and that you have enough in common to form the basis of a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Then exchange photos or videos or whatever to see if the physical traits are in line with your mutual interests. Try to learn all you can about the culture and see if she is interested in your culture as well.

Having a young, good looking wife can be very rewarding, but I’m sure you realize that there is a lot more to making a marriage work than just physical attraction, especially with someone from a foreign culture. Have you considered marrying an ugly woman? Just joking :-). I just wanted to give you a few things to think about in case they haven’t already crossed your mind.

I wish you luck,

Ray

[Harry88]

... in response to Re: My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Ray on Jan 20, 2002

Hi Ray,
Obviously people there hear all kinds of Stories from foreigners, making them disbelkieve what is said, and with reason.
But please don't mix up my account about bar girls and the girls I spent time with... I have not been a sex customer, how hard it may be to believe. Although Rak worked in that environment, I'm quite sure she wasn't for hire... or at least didn't intend to!
I think that the truthfulness of them is indeed representative of the country as a whole, and I can deal with it. Not exactly telling the truth is also quite common here in Europe, even for people who consider themselves truthful! Every culture has its own acceptance of "excuses" which is another word for culturally accepted (and usually understood) lying. The problem is if you don't know what should and what shouldn't be believed at face value!

Now about external beauty - yes, I can't help it, it's very important for me, just as well as inner beauty. I need both to be an "8" in my eyes in order to have a reasonable chance to fall in love. About looks, your advice is interesting, are you in a relationship?
(In your description you didn't disclose anything :-()

However, it was the conversation with Rak that made me interested in her, more than her (static) looks. But appearance and even more the way someone acts and talks tells me some things about the inner person. (And the way she looks deep into my eyes............)
I still wonder if Rak doesn't write back because she's not interested at all, or just because she thinks badly of me... or even because her English writing ability is bad!

Coincidentally, I am still corresponding with the last Thai girl I contacted through Internet but did not meet because she didn't understand I was in Bangkok. By exception I wrote her because of what she wrote, without picture! We'll see.
Funny enough, she dared to ask me for another picture of me, while I haven't seen one of her yet!

Harald

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Re: Re: My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Harry88 on Jan 21, 2002

Herald

Thank you  for sharing  your story with  us  especially since  it  was about Thailand.  We  don't  hear  very  much  about  there.

About  flying  blind as  I  like to  refer  to  the  lack  of  pictures  from  women  pen pals.  Of  course it  is  frustrating  when  you offer them  your picture  and  you  get  nothing  in  return.  but  there  are  at least  2  factors  to  consider....

First there  is still  considerable  lack  of access  to  posting  your  picture on the  internet.  You  either have  to  use a  Digital  camera, invest in a  picture CD  when you develop your photos, or  you  have  to  have  a  scanner.   The scanner  that I  have  has  been  one  of  the best  investments / (present)  I  have  ever  gotten.  I  use  it  all  of  the  time  for  multiple  uses.  But  I  have  to  stop  and think  that even  among  my  own circle of  family  and  friends  that have  computer access  I  think  I  am  the  only  one  who  has  one   even though  they  really  are  not  expensive.  So  you  have  to  give  the  women  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  that they  do  not have  access  to  posting  their  pictures in  the  first  place.

Secondly  I  think there  is  a  stigma  for  some  of  the  women  who  are  able  to  post  their  pictures.  First  of  all  they  have  the  upper hand  in keeping  you  in  the  dark  after  all  they  could  be  the  ugly women  that Ray  is  always  promoting  here    ha ha ha.  For  you  and  I  it  might  not  be  a  big  deal that we  share  our  photos  with others.  But  for  some  women there are always those out  there who  are  self conciouus  about  their appearance,  and  how  they  might come accross  to  others.  Or else  they  are  fearfull  of  rejection  if  they  do  not  meet  your expectations.   Rightfully  so there  are  always  those  who  are  fearful  of  stalkers  even though  across  the  ocean  it  might  be  more  difficult.  You  never  know  what  kind  of  cretins  are  lurking  out  there!

I  try  my luck chatting  with mostly Japanese women  on AOL's Asian  Pen Pal message  board myself.  If  I get pictures  from  3  out of 10 women  I  am  doing  really  good.  I  might  drop  a  few subtle  hints  for  them  to  provide  a  photo if possible  but  I  don't  push  the  issue.  Actually  though,  the  penpal  I have been  writing  with  the  longest  actually  sent  me  the  physical  photographs  and told  me  I  oould  keep them.  However  I  scanned them  and  sent  them  back  to  her  so she  can  have  some  to  share  with  others  (including  her boyfriend / fiance  I  assume  ha ha ha).  She  is  a  nice  girl  but  12  years  younger  than  me  anyways.

Believe  me  I understand  your frustrations  but  sometimes  you just  have  to  go  with  the  flow.

Windmill Boy

[Eman]

... in response to My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Harry88 on Jan 20, 2002

Thanks for your story and concluding thoughts. I can certainly understand your despair, but it seems you made contacts easily enough over there. You just didn't have enough time. Video clips are a thought. Some of the Filipino agencies used to provide them, maybe still do. Photos are very deceptive, as you suggested, but I don't know whether video would be reliable, or just a more subtle kind of deception. So I would say your best plan is to just go on vacation more! Anyway, keep us posted.

[Jimbo]

... in response to My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Harry88 on Jan 20, 2002

Hi Harry,

Thanks for your stories.  Yes, more vacations would be the best way to go if you can afford it.  And you're right, photos can be deceiving either way so don't pass on those ugly ones )

Jim

[greg]

... in response to Re: My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Jimbo on Jan 20, 2002

Hehehe Jim, your right about those Photos, they mean nothing. Some people look good in pictures and ugly in person or Ugly in pictures and Gorgeous in person smile. Or the pictures can be years old, can even be a picture of someone else.  greg

[greg]

... in response to My conclusions about Thai girls, posted by Harry88 on Jan 20, 2002

Interesting information. What more can you tell us about these Ladies? Tell it all. ) greg