Hi! Steve, to be frank with You

[greg]

it's difficult being a single male Parent. I would rather my Son be with her Mommie, but not in RP. I've to make sacrifices in my life for my Son, gotta take child developement classes etc etc. Right now my Son is 15 mos, he started his schooling last November. For a Guy to be a single Parent it takes lots of Patience and Love for the child, otherwise it's impossible to do it without the Mother. Everywhere I go people cannot believe that a child can be sooo beautiful, not only is he beautiful, his behavior is good for his age. I'm glad that you plan to keep your daughter here. About your wife, at least she was unmarried when you met her. I was shocked to find out that my Son's Mother was already married after getting her Visa approved.So now here I am still single and unmarried, when my goal was to marry a Pinay back in 1998. My Son's Mother need to Annulment her marriage which is a Pain. She needs thousands of dollars to solve this plm, I don't mind the money, I just find it hard to believe that she's going to use that large amount to solve her situation when her family circle having so many money problems. I just don't know what to do. greg

[Alvin]

... in response to Hi! Steve, to be frank with You, posted by greg on Jan 1, 2002

I met a Filipina at the airport last year and she told me that her annulment was going to cost her P20,000 ($400 US)in Manila.  

I admire you for taking on the total responsibility of raising your son.  We have a 15 week old daughter and she requires both of us.  Good luck to both of you.

Alvin and Hazel

[panther]

... in response to Hi! Steve, to be frank with You, posted by greg on Jan 1, 2002

Greg,
I wouldn't send the mother anymore money to solve the annulment problem.  I would contact a PI lawyer on the phone and see exactly what needs to be done and what it will cost.  Maybe you could get your wife to work through this lawyer with you paying the lawyer direct.  You may have to go over there yourself to wrap this up.  Leave your child here with good care while you do that.  Confirm that your relationship is strong with your fiancee and then bring her here to be reunited with her son.  It is in the son's best interests that he stays in the USA with both his mother and father. Yes, the same thing can happen to you that happened to some of us but I think you need to chance that in order to serve the best interests of your son.  You have a record of being a good father so that is in your favor to maintain custody if things don't work out here between you and your fiancee. Your son is fortunate to have a good father.  I hope things workout for you.

[greg]

... in response to Re: Hi! Steve, to be frank with You, posted by panther on Jan 2, 2002

I'm not married to her. Ummmmm I don't know if it's a good idea to deal with those corrupted RP Lawyers directly, once they find out an American is involved, they can try bleeding me dry. The only reason I would bring her here is for my Son, otherwise I would wash my hands of this Mess and move on to more greener pastures. I feel that a married Pinay shouldn't get involved with any Guy until she solve her marriage situation. I know of many Guys like myself that was unlucky to become involved with these married Pinays. greg

[tomtneal]

... in response to Re: Re: Hi! Steve, to be frank with You, posted by greg on Jan 2, 2002

Greg
If you don't care for her why did you knock her up was it just for your own jollies that is what it sounds like to me otherwise there is such a thing as condoms
tneal

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hi! Steve, to be frank with ..., posted by tomtneal on Jan 2, 2002

I wanted to marry my Mahal. I didn't know that she was already married. Don't go around blaming me on this one.I did my part in good faith, I cannot help it that she failed two Visas. If she wasn't married, then she would be here with me. I cannot bend over backwards and do just about everything with my Pinay. Just becuz You have sex with an AW, are You going to marry her? Why do you expect for the Foreigner Guy to marry the Pinay just becuz they had sex??? As I said, my purpose was to bring her over on a Visa, it was approved...then she informed me that she was already married, so she asked me to cancell it. My Mahal's a good Woman, it's the Anulment thats a problem. I just hope we can work something out to solve this Annulment problem becuz I need her here. Tneal, you was lucky to get a good unmarried Pinay, some Guys are lucky and unlucky.  You should know by now that Pinays dislike for their Man to wear a rubber. I'm an old man, and this is my first child, I'm very happy that we had our Son. The only regret is the fact that she's already married.  greg

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Hi! Steve, to be frank w..., posted by greg on Jan 2, 2002

you said..."my purpose was to bring her over on a Visa, it was approved...then she informed me that she was already married, so she asked me to cancell it"

Why did she ask you to cancel the visa? That seems odd.

Earlier you said "I cannot help it that she failed two Visas"
Were they failed or cancelled?

Just Curious,

Don

[greg]

... in response to Greg...., posted by donb2222 on Jan 2, 2002

Okey, this is what happened. We corresponded for over a year while she was working overseas, we decided to meet in RP when her overseas contract with Employer was finished. After leaving her in Philippines, I started her Visa processing which was approved. When I told her about her approval, she admitted that she's already married. She asked me to cancell the Visa processing in Manila becuz We stated on her application that she was unmarried. We didn't want to commit fraud. When I visited her for the second time to also meet and Register our Son as an American Citizen which he was approvaled this year, we filed for a Tourist Visa so she can come with us. So what I'm saying is that she failed both of her Visas becuz she is married. For Her to come here we need to Annulment her marriage to this Pinoy. The problem is that I need to send thousands of dollars to pay the Lawyer in RP, I'm afraid that the Lawyer will pocket the money and do nothing or she use it for her family problems. I just wish that she didn't have to go thur this Annulment Mess. I just don't know what to do. greg

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: Greg....Don2222, posted by greg on Jan 3, 2002

Hi Greg,
 Thanks for the answer.  You mentioned before that you are older. What about retiring and/or working in the Philippines?
If I were 50+ I know I would be living in the Philippines right now.
While I was in the PI I met many ex-pats, and they seemed very happy.

Just an idea.....

Don

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Greg....Don2222, posted by donb2222 on Jan 3, 2002

thats out the window becuz we want our Son to be bought up in America. We want him to recieve the best of everything that America has to offer. About all that negatives in America schools etc, It all depends on what a Parent can offer their child. Let me ask you something..Why are sooo many Filipinos trying to relocate to America? Why do they try their best to get their kids here??? My opinion is that the Philippines is only good for older folks living out their lives or vacationing, not for bringing up your American kids. I remember telling my family and friends that I'm considering sending my Son back to RP, they said that I must be Crazy hehe. They said my Son will hate me for doing that, that should tell you something about what most Americans think about the Philippines without even ever being there. Alot of negatives are feeding the American minds about the Philippines, like when you mention that you seeking a wife or bringing a Pinay from RP to America..The General Public opinion is that she's only coming for a better life and a greencard, that she's going to leave the Guy as soon as she gets on her feet or find a better man. Just like we can choose whom we want in RP, they can pick whomever they want among the pool of available men here. Not one person here felt that it's a good idea for a Guy to get involved with those Foreign Ladies, there's some truth to their thoughts. It blows my mind seeing how the Pinoys treat the Pinays like dirt in the Philippines and she still stay with those Guys, the American Guy treat the Pinay like a Queen, but she leaves him for any petty reason. greg

[donb2222]

... in response to My Goal was to relocate to RP, posted by greg on Jan 3, 2002

Maybe you need to spend more time in the Philippines.
It is not such a bad place to raise your kids.
1) The kids I saw in the Philippines were MUCH better behaved than the spoiled kids that I see in America.
2) Children are typically raised by their families in the Philippines, not by day care.  I am disgusted every time one of my friends has a baby and then puts them in day care
at 3 or 4 months of age.  Most people in the Philippines do not even know what day care or nursing homes are.
3) Kids in the Philippines take care of their elders.
They don't stick them in a nursing home and forget about them.
4) You never hear of kids shooting kids in school or church in the Philippines.  
5) There are plenty of good schools in the Philippines, and we are the ones that can afford to send our kids there.
6) Your son will still be an American, he can come here when he is older, if he chooses to do so.

Every country has its pros and cons, maybe you should stop listening to people that have never even been to the Philippines.  Most Filipinos want to come to America due to their media distorted view of America.  Filipinos mainly come here for money.
The goal of both my wife and I is to move to the Philippines by the time I am 50.  Also, my wife has told me many times that if we were to have children that she would never have them here, she would only have them in the Philippines.
It is your child and your choice, I just wanted to point out some alternative choices.

Just my dos pesos,

Don

[Nathan]

... in response to I've got to disagree....., posted by donb2222 on Jan 3, 2002

   There certainly are positives to raising children
in the Philippines- such as the ones you mention.
Yet one should be slow to put on the rose colored glasses about this. I think that getting the best of both worlds
is a good approach and would hesitate to see our daughter
raised only in the Philippines. Of course, the choices the parents make in their home will be hugely powerful anywhere,
but at the same time one sees those positives you point out, there are negatives to consider as well...it's a mine field either way I think. The troubling aspects I mention are likely prevented from causing the total destruction of the country by those positive aspects you rightly point out.
   The Philippines is a deeply troubled society without the civic traditions to fall back on that the USA enjoys
in dealing with problems.

  Boys tend to be raised differently than girls in Filipino
  households. I saw many families raising their daughters
  strictly, while their sons were learning to get away with
  all they can, like little lords.

  One must go up making a lot of rationalizations when
  you are living in a society where...well the inmates
  have got out and are running the asylum. Most filipinos
  are suffering from extremely poor governance. A natural
  result of living under a government where the norm for
  officials is to steal everything you can whenever
  possible. In a typical public works project, nearly
  50% of the project budget is  often stolen.
  The hardest critics of Bill Clinton should realize that
  the average Filipino politician makes Bill look like a
  choir boy.

  Learning to trash the environment is routine in the
  Philippines. When I would go for a hike near Salay, I
  remember how surprised everyone was that I thought
  just throwing all your trash on the ground as you hiked
  was not right. The Philippines, largely due to
  overpopulation and poverty, is being pillaged from one
  end to the other- forests destroyed...reefs destroyed
  with dynamite fishing. About 70% of the forest that
  was in place when the Philippines become independent
  has been destroyed.

  Be realistic- raising a child in a society that
  is suffering from systemic corruption, overpopulation
  and poverty brings it's own set of problems when
  raising children.

  In the end, I suspect that parents who would do a good
  job with their children in the USA would do the same in
  the Philippines. If you are depending on the education
  system and the society at large to produce good
  results...you are in trouble anywhere.

  In Travel in better than 60 countries, I have learned
  that the "taxi test" will pretty will tell you what
  conditions are in that country. Do the cab drivers
  routinely try to rip you off? I say this partly in jest,
  but it is also a fact.

  These things said, yes, there are some great places to
  live in the Philippines, and I would still consider
  moving back there with my family. At the same time, if
  you can offer your family a chance to live in a smaller
  town in the US or in a rural area, that is pretty hard
  to beat. I remember that my wife was surprised that
  going out into the country in Oregon or Arizona was not
  dangerous, and in fact was safer than any city.

 my $.02 worth...

Nathan

[greg]

... in response to good with the bad..., posted by Nathan on Jan 3, 2002

There are tooo many risks of a Child catching a disease in RP, tooo many Ridicules bad habits to learn, awful traditions. They feel that it's okey to pick up food off the ground to eat, picking your nose in public is okey, as you said about the Pinoys being spoiled rotten. Alot of Pinoys bought up in RP cannot make it with the AWs, becuz AWs cannot deal with those kinda Guys. Anyway I want only the best for our Son. What You said is something I was trying to say. Thanks, greg

[Jimbo]

... in response to I've got to disagree....., posted by donb2222 on Jan 3, 2002

The Philippines is a great place to raise kids.  Another bonus is that the entire extended family helps out, so if you need a break now and then it's never a problem finding someone to watch them for you.

Jim

[greg]

... in response to I agree totally, posted by Jimbo on Jan 3, 2002

All depend on what type of life the Parents want their child to have. I believe in a life of comfortable living, so of course I should want the same for our Child which isn't in RP. How can I live a life of luxury in America while my own flesh and blood is suffering on a Island? If you Guys want your Child to eat three meals a day of rice and fish, sleep on the floor with rodents crawling all over him, eating with bugs everywhere, roaches bigger than a lizard flying around jumping on the Child, being brought up learning bad traditions, the possibly of the Grandpa beating the child(abuse of children by family is acceptable in RP), Smog, bad water, Awful Hot Humid Weather, etc etc. Then Your welcomed to send your Children to live their life there, more Power to You. We will see You there only on our vacations ). greg