Howard

... in response to Howard, posted by tomtneal on Dec 26, 2002

T&J,

All things considered, pretty darn good :c)

Ayesa came and took most of her stuff on Christmas day. I was kind of irritated at her lack of compassion, but what am I gonna do, eh?

Between her depression, my mother making my house look like a war zone, in the spirit of Christmas baking and my schedule no one was doing much about keeping the house up. I decided to stay home, the rest of my family goes to my Aunt's for big family events and holidays, and CLEAN!!! I was missed, my aunt sent food :c), but everyone understood, eventually. I gotta tell ya, it was the most fulfilling five hour I have spent doing anything in quite a while! And it made me feel WORLDS better! Funny, how silly things can get you out of a mood ;c)

Ayesa and I are talking, as long as the topic relates to her freedom. All she wants is to return to the Philippines to live her life 'alone'. I have tried until I was blue in th face to get her to seek help, at least for her depression since she has given up on our marriage, but she has no interest. There isn't a whole lot more I can do for her. I just pray that she finds the illusive 'happiness' that she is so positive she will never find with me. It's sad that she was so quick to give up on our marriage, I would've stuck with her through anything. Commitment like that is hard to find anywhere. I feel loss because of what could've been, but considering what was, actually, I am a little relieved that I know where I stand now. I'm not sure where I'll go from here, but wherever it is, it'll be better than things have been.

I have taken everyone's advice and am filing for a divorce. I am checking into annulment, but don't really care anymore, I just want it over. As far as I'm concerned ANY hope of making things work was destroyed when she insisted on moving out of our house against my wishes. There was no reason for her to leave, except to make things easier for her. Outta sight, outta mind. That seems to be her creed. I try to see it from her perspective and that does offer some consolation, but it doesn't change the fact that she has alot of problems, the least of which is me. Now that the facade of our marriage is over, my only concern is protecting myself and my meager assets :c) I have concern that without me in her daily life, it might become conceivable to her to try and take me for some cash. With that in maind I have hired a lawyer and am working to relieve myself of responsibility for her. If she stays and honors her agreement to reimburse me for the cost of the divorce, financially--she will NEVER be able to compensate me emotionally--and for her plane ticket, her proposal, not mine... that's up to her. But I want no legal responsibility for her and need this divorce to be final, so that I can get on with what's left of my life!

I'm pretty zen right now. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have no control in this situation, beyond giving her what she wants. That's what I'm focusing on. Why change now?

I hope your Holiday Season had been great! Mine gets a little better every day :c)

Thanks for your offer of help and concern, I'll be fine :c) I'm actually starting to believe that now :c)

Your Pal