Ray it's true and its happen to some

[Febtember]

Hi Ray,
I really like your post.
Ray is right about his post and I agree about it.Some filipina(excuse me i'm not one of them) really take that gumble without thingking what's the outcome or what happen with them in the future.
I meet some of them including my co-worker's who make fun of me.Out of 10 filipina who married foriegner there were only 7 of them  true and married for love not for thier money and better living.
I meet one gal in cebu when I take my cfo class.She is 20 years old and married a 72 year old american.I ask her if she really feel in love with her husband but  she answer me No.Then I ask her why she marry him,she answer me because she wanted to came here and find a job and too soon divorce her husband.Hope God Forgive her.Lots of them just wanting to marry american because they always think american so rich,they have better life her and most of all they all want to work here to send money back home which is for me very unfair to the husband.Two of my co-worker marry foriegner one from australia and one from netherland.We were good friends but the two have worst plan.They just married thier penpal in order to get out of our country and find a jod.We always shares thoughts before and all they tell me is that if things  never work out there's always divorce.They claim to be a good catholic but  the reality they were not.
Getting married is the hardest decision I ever made and marrying my husband is the greatest things I ever had.
Its really hardest decision because I need to consider everything.We have different culture,big age gap,different language etc.When I decide to marry my husband lots of things puzzle on my mind.I ask myself what would happen to me in a foriegn land?What's future bring me.Unlike some other filipina I never think about having better life here.Most filipina think best life because all they thought they married a super rich kano.They think about life here super sweet,they can buy things they want and go shopping always.But me I think like maybe I have much better life in Philippines than here.My future husband is only a farm laborer.But I love him so much and thingking about marrying a farm laborer so really sweet.I know even if he can't give me everythings at least we share our love together.I picture out what my future husband life in my mind.Living in a very isolated area which only me and him were there.We both work in the farm for our living,we just live in a small hut.I picture out Philippine way of living.I never thought that my future husband have nice car,nice and big house and farm equiptment.
When I arrived here I was really shock.Very shock!
I am not the type of woman who love to ask if he has this or that.I feel shy to ask.The farm laborer whom I picture out on my mind before is not here.I was kinda shock.I never expect a life like this.I feel I am not deserving to him now.I feel very little.I keep telling him before we got married that I am not deserving to marry him because I don't have everything to give him except the love and purity which I keep as a gift for him.Before I came here we both agree that I will stay at her parents house and move to his little hut(I thought of living with him in a little hut) until we got married to avoid temptation.
During my stay in his parents house my love for him grow each day not because I discover that he can offer me a better life,not because he got a nice car,a nice house and little savings(all this things really disappoint me and I almost give up our realtionship and head back home in P.I coz i feel so little and not deserving for him).My love for him grow each day because I found my ideal man.He is really humble,simple,conservative like me and most of all we both were devoted catholic.He is very humorous,we both love farm life and pets.
Our love grow each day and we both praying to God that He may give us more years together.
I have no plan to work here my husband really happy about it.I want to take care of him all days of my life and watch him and keep my eyes looking at him while his working.He has two guardian angel now.

[panther]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

from the filipina prospective and what you observed over there.  30% is about what I observed over here of filipinas on their second marriage.  This is really a big gamble for many people. You can increase your odds as best you can (by a long courtship) but most of the time it is still a gamble. Visits and communciation can be deceiving.  Everyone is on their best behavior. You don't really know what will happen for sure until the couple is reunited here. You based your marriage on love and faith. You pray with your husband everyday and you both have a strong faith. You are both fortunate to have found each other. Keep posting.  If you can help one person or couple it will be worth it.

[greg]

... in response to Thanks for posting your observations...., posted by panther on Jan 1, 2002

could You continue to Posts your opinions about Fil/AM relationships, what you say is the Truth. It's good for others to hear nothing but the Truth. I agree with You 100% that no matter how good and sweet the Pinay treats the Guy in RP, that could only be her way of selling herself as a good Pinay. Guys don't know what they are getting until she's been here in the States. It's wishful thinking and foolish for a Guy to be boasting about how good his Honey is in the Philippines when she's not even here with him. I still believe the best way is hiring a honest Tourist Guide and just get on that Plane and Goooooo. Steve don't give up, there are many Gooood, honest and faithful one man Pinays in RP with good intentions, just write your Mahal off as a unlucky pick, move on to more greener pastures. You can even consider Latin Women, whats wrong with them? Even the Latins already here are sweet beautiful women. Anyway, you sound like a good Man, so just don't give up in your search for Love and Happiness abroad. greg

[panther]

... in response to Re: Thanks for posting your observations..., posted by greg on Jan 1, 2002

Thanks Greg for your encouragement.  I like latin ladies too.  Many of them still retain their traditional family values despite living here all their lives.  I had a great time in the Philippines.  I know there are lots of good and faithful women in the Philippines. Actually the younger sister I met there is that way.  She is engaged to a wonderful Filipino man there.  Maybe I'll return some day.  You are a good father for looking out for your son's best interests.  You keep posting your opinions too. From my experiences your posts about what would happen if the child remained there are right on the mark.

[MArkUsa]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

Febtember..
I must say your effort in expressing yourself came thru loud
and clear and rung a bell of happiness and belief that good filipina woman are out their ..
You just have too sort thru and locate a good hearted one!

Thank you SOOoo! much !!
You have become a valuable assest around here...

A inside sccop(look) from a filipina womans perspective!

MArkUSA

[greg]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

Your Hubby is a very lucky man to find You smile. Many Guys are looking for Gems like You!!!! Maybe You can help us to choose wisely. You never did respond to me about your Porker smile...I want your Pig, you know I'm just joking hehe. Anyway Please continue to speak the truth about Filipinas, I agree with what you said, but alot of Guys are wearing rosy colored glasses, they do not want to hear the truth. You can help many newbies in their search for true Love and Happiness. God Bless You, greg

[Jimbo]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

Hi Feb,

Thanks for another great post that gives the board a portrait of a good and true Filipina.  Your husband has been blessed and in return you have received a blessing in him. Also it's good to hear a firsthand account from one who has met those with bad intentions, even if the numbers are discouraging.  3 out of 10 being in the golddigger category is pretty scary.

Happy New Year!

Jim

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Jimbo on Dec 31, 2002

as opposed to 5 or more out of 10 american women being gold diggers?

I actually find the 3 out of 10 ratio almost inspirational!

maybe even downright wonderful!  If only Vegas was this easy... lol..

Happy New Year...

[Eman]

... in response to LOL Jimbo!, posted by BrianN on Dec 31, 2002

7/10 would be a decent ratio. Whether those numbers are truly representative or not, is an open question.

[kevin]

... in response to yes/but, posted by Eman on Jan 1, 2002

I can remember being warned by an Air Force vet that the success rate was probably more like 1 out of 10.  (Although arbritrary, he'd seen alot of stuff go on around him and he'd been through the meat grinder himself).

- Kevin

[Eman]

... in response to Re: yes/but, posted by kevin on Jan 1, 2002

1/10 strikes me as a rather cynical estimate. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between these two. The INS published a study of the MOB phenomenon which showed the marriages to be much more durable than the American average, but I don't have the exact figure. More to the point, I think, are the comments someone here made about being realistic and doing the things which will tilt the odds in one's favor. Everyone's still gotta work out their own fate, their own karma.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

I can imagine your surprise when you see how farmers live here. It's a much nicer life style than farmers live almost anywhere else. Greg was smart to downplay his lifestyle to you to make sure you were in it for love and not for money. What many foreign people don't understand about living in the US is that not only are incomes high but so are costs of living. You simply cannot live in a nipa hut and get by on a couple hundred dollars a month in America. The risks are also much higher in the US, too. Plenty of Americans go from living a nice lifestyle to losing their homes in a very short time. I guess TV and the movies fills the heads of many girls from the provinces with dreams of limosines, diamonds, and jetting around the world any time they wish.
-- Jeff S.

[Stephen]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

keep it up. I enjoy reading your farm life. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Happy New Year.

Tess & Stephen

[Ray]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

Hi feb!

Yes, it’s always nice to have an extra guardian angel around. You sound like you will make a real good one. I often think of my wife as my guardian angel also. She does a great job of taking care of me and keeps me on the right path without nagging me :-).

It sounds like you two went into your marriage with the perfect attitude. It’s interesting that you had a mental picture of a nipa hut out in the middle of nowhere instead of a big palace with all the luxuries. I think your husband’s way to test your sincerity was to not puff himself up and mention all the nice things you two would share together. I think you obviously passed the test :-). It sounds like you are very deserving of your husband’s love.

I heard something very interesting the other day. Overall, of Catholics married in the church, 1 in 3 eventually end in divorce. If they attend church together regularly, the divorce rate drops to one in 50. But if they also pray together every day, the number of divorces drops all the way down to 1 in 1,460 I think was the number (gosh, I hope cbf doesn’t read this – ROFL! sorry, private joke). I think the odds are definitely in your favor.

And a good sense of humor never hurts either! :-)

Ray

[kevin]

... in response to Ray it's true and its happen to some, posted by Febtember on Dec 31, 2002

Raquel, it's unfortunate that so many Filipinas marry for reasons other than love.  I for myself, believed that my ex and I did get married for love.  I was 29 and she was 26 going on 27.  We were very close in age, as if we might have met in school instead of the MOB scene.  I beleived she really loved me from the deepest recesses of her heart until she started saying and doing unthinkable things.  We had a Catholic wedding, and I beleived thsat in her heart, infidelity was a capital sin.  We did have tension in our marriage, but at first I thought it could be worked out.  One of the problems was an insatiable appetite for shopping and buying luxuries with no consideration that money was being wasted, or getting into the black-hole of debt.  When it came to manageing money, we had fundamentally different approaches.  I was satisfied with my old couch, but the pressure was on to spend $1,000 to $2,000 for a "half-way presentable" couch.  (This is just an example of conflict not having to do with infidelity)  We did get the couch she demanded but it didn't save the marriage.

The bottom line is that if somebody marries somebody because she thinks it means unlimited shopping sprees, monetary allowances, living in paradise, etc.,  yet there are no feelings in her heart of love and affection for the man, its a prescription for disaster.  I think on the Philippine side, more stories should be told of such marriages that were disasters because they were entered into for superficial reasons.  I'd like to think that would be a deterrent.

I've been reared to believe that love between a man and a woman has absolutely nothing to do with how many expensive gifts the man can shower the woman with, etc.  My grandparents were poor and never had much.  But they loved each other very much.  They married each other because they were in love.  For either one of them, no matter how rich or poor, there would be something important missing if one did not have the other.

In the circle of my ex, when we were first married, she did not want to associate with other Filipinas, I mean ones whom I liked and thought would be good friends for us.  She'd use the excuse of "boring" or "no chemistry" when she'd meet somebody.  The ones she did prefer to associate with were either ones who talked about their personal sex lives (and other gossip), or where she could be the "boss".  Of the Fil-Am folks we used to associate with, most of these marriages were not based on love.  In one case, the guy was 27 years older than his wife.  To him, it was a casual endeavor.  They had absolutely nothing in common.  She only married him because she lived in extreme poverty.  She and my ex used to hit the clubs, and this girl was having an affair (I met the guy too).  To the best of my knowledge, this girl is still married to her original husband because 1) she was never caught, or 2) the other man didn't want to make a "commitment", or both.  Another girl in that group, also does not love her husband.  She only likes to spend his money, as well as her own, on herself, her family, and her friends.

On my part, hopefully the next time around it will be a real 2-way love relationship.  I can only do so much to be careful of other motives.  I'm not a rich man and I don't live an extravagant lifestyle.  But I can still be happy with my means, and alot happier, to find somebody who will be happy with me regardless of means.  If I were rich, I would not broadcast it to everybody anyway, especially when it comes to looking for love.

Presently, I recently ended a 1 year correspondence because there were a few things that didn't seem right.  I have just sent out letters to make new pen-pals and will continue to do so.  God willing, sdomeday I will find and know true love.  Knowing you and Greg provides me with reassurance and inspiration about looking for love the so-called "mail-order-bride" route.

Well, "Manigong Bagong Taon!"

- Kevin