My Trip Report (long read)

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: My Trip Report   (long read), posted by jediknight on Nov 24, 2005

Hi five right back at you.

We discussed our previous relationships, and why they didn't work.  I told her the truth why mine didn't work out, being that she was too close to her family and chose living near her family to living with me.  Even though she would visit 3-4 times a year and each trip for about a month.  She told me that her family is important and she would want to come and visit whenever possible, but that her husband would be the most important person in her life after she was married.

As for her past relationship, she said she wished it never started.  It began when she was 15 and he was 27.  How wrong is that!!  Anyways, she says she was naive and stupid and regrests it.  She never mentioned any cheating, but who knows?

[jediknight]

... in response to Past relationship talks, posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

only you will be able to find out why she dated such an older man at 15. was her father or stepfather in her life at the time? did her parents know about the age difference?
anyway, i think that if you haven't done so, you should make sure that she is secure with who she is and that she has learned something from her previous relationship. a person that is in a relationship for 5 years and then says she was stupid and regrets it should understand why she didn't end it sooner before starting a new one that will hopefully last forever.

JK

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Past relationship talks, posted by jediknight on Nov 24, 2005

"only you will be able to find out why she dated such an older man at 15"

Hello...aren't we talking SA where that is normal or at least accepted? While your advice is good advice, isn't it a little judgemental and inappropriate since you don't know either one of them? Just curious...

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Past relationship talks, posted by soltero on Nov 24, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

no, fortunately this is not normal or accepted anymore, perhaps 40 years ago  but things have changed and women have more choices now which is why i asked if her parents knew. years ago it was common for this to happen, for girls to get married at 15, 16 years old and to start having children, but that was their only choice. now girls are finishing school and going onto college before marrying and starting a family.

as far as my advice, you are right i don't know them at all but i don't believe it was inappropriate. its a topic that i would discuss before marrying someone so young and that has had a long term realtionship with an older man at such a young age... a persons past can affect the future but i understand that its difficult to know the whole story on these boards which is why i put it out there.

the point of the advice was to encourage him to talk about issues BEFORE getting married if they haven't done so already, one shouldn't go into this blindly. if they've talked about it and they are both happy then thats great. montrealer should be mature enough to take the advice or leave it, this is not the first or last time he will receive a persons opinion about his realtionship. if we are going to post our experiences here then it is up to us to decide what advice to heed or to discard without getting offended.
JK

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Past relationship talks, posted by jediknight on Nov 25, 2005

I agree with you, and agree with your reasons for saying it. The guy is still new and I just thought it might have been a little too early. I also thought that you may have been taken advantage of the fact that he was a little too forthcoming, but I didn't think you were trying to do him any harm. I just don't want to see the guy lay all of his (and her) business out there unless he understands everything that you just stated here about basically the fair game of any post.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Past relationship talks, posted by soltero on Nov 24, 2005

I think it may depend on several factors whether it would be accepted. In my wife's family, if a 27 year old guy had been messing with one of the females who was 15, he would have had a serious accident of some sort. In this family's case, it was clearly tolerated.

[Montrealer]

... in response to It might not have been accepted, posted by utopiacowboy on Nov 24, 2005

To correct you guys, the family was not tolerant towards this guy at all.  He was not allowed to show his face near the house.  They only were able to continue dating secretly.  And now there is actually a guy who is 25 trying to pursue her 17 year old sister.  Her family has not given him permission to date her either, and I even told the younger sister that it would be a big mistake, and she will only be left with a broken heart.  I think the younger sister is smarter now because she learned from her older sister's mistakes.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: It might not have been accepted, posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

It had sounded from what you had posted as though it had been in the open and the family knew about it. Clearly I was wrong about that.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: It might not have been accepted, posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

Montrealer, just a little advice. While I am very impressed with your ability to be so open, I would caution you about laying your entire new relationship out for guys here to pick apart. While you may get some good advice, remember that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and some people can be very outspoken and opinionated on what you care to share. You are a grown man, and it's up to you and her to either make this work or screw it up. Your trip report was excellent, but don't feel that you have to answer every question presented to you. Enjoy what you have found, use your (big) head, and I hope that you ultimately are very successful and happy.

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: It might not have been accepted, posted by soltero on Nov 24, 2005

Thanks for the advice Soltero.  I realize from reading past posts from some people that I am opening myself up for attacks, but I'm one of those people that accepts the best of situations and ignores the worst.  So if people attack me, then too bad for them that they're not capable of acting their age.

As for answering every question, I'm just bored today.  Been stuck in house all day with a cold.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: It might not have been accep..., posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, something can be taken in or out of context and warped unintentionally. I would hate to see you get led down the wrong path by someone who thinks they may be helping you which most of the posters here actually do (as in help), opinionated or not.

Going from Baranquilla to Montreal must have been a nice jolt weather wise to your immune system. Good luck with feeling better with your cold and your new found interest.

[soltero]

... in response to It might not have been accepted, posted by utopiacowboy on Nov 24, 2005

UC, I agree with you. To say that it is accepted in every case is a generalization that is doomed the moment it is uttered. I would not say that all would tolerate that type of situation, but from my experience there, I would say there are definitely those that would. Personally, I think that it is reprehensible not because of the age difference, but because of the difference in probable experience at such a young age. It's like taking advantage of ignorance. But, I am not judgemental. That is just my opinion. An if I was going to ask that question that Jedi asked, I would be asking the 27 year old guy and not the girl and/or her new guy.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: It might not have been accepted, posted by soltero on Nov 24, 2005

n/t

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to My Trip Report   (long read), posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

Thanks for the report and the amount of time you put into writing it. Some guys may disagree with leaving your debit card and going a little fast but you seem like a sensible guy and you have to do what's right for you. I think it is quite possible to have intense feelings for someone after a relatively short period of time. This was certainly true with my wife and she still blows me away after two years of marriage. I wish you all the best with your novia.

[Montrealer]

... in response to My Trip Report   (long read), posted by Montrealer on Nov 24, 2005

I have uploaded the pics of my trip for you all to see.

www.picturetrail.com

member name:  plmontrealer

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