Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet

[teoblas]

It was especially interesting and rewarding to read Buellers 6 part Medellin trip report.  The dozens of interactions he related between foreign men and local women very very closely matches my observations and experiences from over a decade living and working and dating in Latin America.

Finding a compatible mate for anyone (man or woman) anywhere (in any city, country or continent) is like searching for a valuable antique that fits the decore of your home (a gem) in a universe of garage sales.  The fact is you have to visit a lot of places and look through a lot of useless stuff, broken crap, not what you want things, not what you need junk, not what anyone needs trash in order to make a valuable find.  Lima, Cali, Seattle, Omaha and anywhere else are full of stories of people sorting through piles of stuff, crap, things, junk and trash or others who have temporarially or permanently settled down with something less than a gem.    

The truth is the oportunities in different parts of the world differ, the statistics and probabilities are slightly more in your favor in some parts of the world, but the analogy provided above IS reflective of the actual situation everywhere.  Ounce for ounce and pound for pound there are more gems in Latin America than you will find in the good old USA, but there is also more trash.  Remember, it is and always has been very very VERY difficult to find a gem anywhere, including Latin America.  Anyone (including any Introduction Agency A.K.A. Flea Market Operator) who says differently is a liar, stupid or ignorant.  Anyone who is not able to differentiate between stuff, crap, things, junk, trash and a gem will likely not wind up with anything of true and lasting value.    

In conclusion, if you agree let me hear you say Amen.  If you don't know which way is up and want to find out, ask for help, admit defeat or hang up your cleats....

Teo Blas
www.teoblas.com

P.S.  Remember while you are classifying the women into catagories of useless (stuff), broken (crap), not what you want (things), not what you need (junk), not what anyone needs (trash) or valuable finds (gems), the women are (or should be) doing the same with you.

[Bob S]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005

Sure, it's all ho-hum old hat for us who've been there done that and got the scars to prove it.  But with all the recent anti-foreign spouse publicity (because in the end all publicity is good publicity, right?), there may be some lurking newbies who are thinking that a foreign relationship is a panacea to their domestic dating woes.  So it's good to remind the beginners that, despite the hype of the agencies, and even discounting the various scammers and visa ho's one might encounter, the rules of the game when seeking a spouse THERE (wherever "there" happens to be) are not all that different from the fundamental rules HERE.  When you first get involved in foreign dating, they may all seem like gems (and they may very well be in comparison to the local domestic scene), but that does not mean they are all a perfect match.  And before starting, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on "The 10 Stupid Things Men Do..." (too many guys end up violating rule #1 to their detriment).

[A1A]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005

Oh, don't forget, Bueller came back totally empty handed, struck out.  How can you do that in Colombia?

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Finding a Mate anywhere on the Plane..., posted by A1A on Nov 6, 2005

It could happen to anyone not just looking for a good time. The guy made a sincere and very interesting post. Some of you guys are so full of yourselves here, it is incredible.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Finding a Mate anywhere on the Plane..., posted by A1A on Nov 6, 2005


A1,

Where did you get the notion that Bueller "came back totally empty handed and struck out"?  For a one week visit I think he did remarkably well making many new friends, is keeping in touch with them, and enjoyed getting his feet wet on his maiden voyage to Colombia (although certainly not SA) and that without the aid of an agency.

Did you expect him to return caveman style with club in one hand dragging a Paisa boinked on the head in the other?

[Ray]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005

:-(

[Spanky]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005

Dude! you've been looking for ten years now? who the hell are you-"gem" or "junk"-to be judging so many women? if you ever find the perfect "gem" the question is would she give you the time of day?

[teoblas]

... in response to Re: Finding a Mate anywhere on the Plane..., posted by Spanky on Nov 5, 2005

Good point... Although I have been living, working traveling and learning in and around Latin America for the past 10 years my single dating time has been more limited.  

1996-1998 my 12 year ill fated marriage to my first girlfriend (from Afghanistan who I met while she was living in NYC) was ending.  From 1998-2000 while living in Washington I dated an Italian from Naples and learned how bad long distance relationships suck.  From 2000-2004 while living in Miami and Bogota I dated 3 different latin women (who lived in the same city where I was living at the time) for an average of a year each with different issues developing for each.  Each relationship was better than the previous and I was able to learn and mature.  Now I live in Cali, Colombia and I have the option of being very very selective. I am guessing that 1 marriage plus 4 girlfriends is within the "normal" range for a 40 year old guy from the USA.  What is not typical in my situation is that I got married first and later started dating....

I have no problem if any woman chooses to catagorize me any way she wants and it is her option to give me the time of day or not.  We are all sovereign beings and have the capacity to seek out our own well being and happiness.  I am looking for someone that has the qualities I want and is waiting to meet someone like me that has the qualities I have.  Joe Blow is (or should be) looking for someone that has the qualities he wants and that target person should be waiting to meet someone like Joe Blow that has the qualities he has.  When that happens things "click" or "fall into place" and there are no "red flags".  This compatibility (which should follow a screening process of mutual attraction and common interestes in an environment of total honesty) IMHO is the basis of sucessful monogamous relationships.  Once the search begins my observations have been that it could take a few months or more likely a few years to find a compatable person.    

There is a whole other set of rules for the guys trying to get sex partners or arm candy trophies and girls that just want to party or are trying to get one or multiple sugar daddies.  I don't judge or wish any ill will for those guys and girls, but I have learned that lack of honesty (with yourself or with your partner) is the universal currency in those relationships.

During my visits to the garage sales and flea markets of single women and single men over the last 8 years my observaion has been that total honesty is the rare comodity that seperates a potential gem from the rest.  

If you are in another country and don't understand the language or the culture how can you 1) meet the local women and how can you 2) tell if someone is slinging sh*t in their native language or pulling the wool over your eyes (especially during a one or two week visit)?  An introduction agency does solve issue #1 of introducing foreign men to a local woman.  In my year associating with the introduction agencies in Cali I have NEVER EVER ONCE seen an example of them solving issue #2.....it is not what they do and it simply is not rewarding for them.

[Snoopy]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005


True.

Nothing new under the sun.

[colgre]

... in response to Finding a Mate anywhere on the Planet, posted by teoblas on Nov 5, 2005

N/T