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Author Topic: An Unpopular Subject  (Read 34978 times)
Ray
Guest
« Reply #15 on: November 04, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Just not a French one.  n/t, posted by Bob S on Nov 4, 2005

A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm.

The bartender says "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here."

The Frenchwoman says "Excuse me...but that's a duck."

The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck."

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Keith NC
Guest
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to French Culture Lesson #2, posted by Ray on Nov 3, 2005

That is great Ray!
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Ray
Guest
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to too dumb!, posted by Ricardo on Nov 3, 2005

French Military History in a Nutshell

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.

:-)

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Michael B
Guest
« Reply #18 on: November 04, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to French Culture Lesson #1, posted by Ray on Nov 3, 2005

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Willie & Joe (two GI cartoon characters of WWII, for those who don't know) are in a victory/liberation parade through a French village. Marching next to them is an unnamed GI with very big pointed ears and an extreemely long nose. Young, beautiful French women are standing on balconies, throwing flowers, waving French and US flags, holding up bottles of wine and blowing kissess. They are all very buxom and wearing reveling low cut 'peasent blouses'. Only thing peculiar is that all of the women also seem to have big pointed ears and long noses. Unnamed GI turns to Willie & Joe and says "Guys, THIS is that village my old man told me about!"
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doombug
Guest
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to French Culture Lesson #1, posted by Ray on Nov 3, 2005

They may be on the verge of losing the French Favela Wars, too:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051103/ap_on_re_eu/france_rioting_24

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Keith NC
Guest
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: French Culture Lesson #1, posted by doombug on Nov 3, 2005

The rioters are winning at this point.  What wussies these Frenchmen.  Can they ever get anything right?  I doubt it.  We are talking about the French.
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Ray
Guest
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: French Culture Lesson #1, posted by doombug on Nov 3, 2005

I predict that the French government will surrender to the Muslim teenie boppers within 72 hours... LOL!
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Ricardo
Guest
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to French Culture Lesson #1, posted by Ray on Nov 3, 2005

You're actually siding with the idiot Malandro??
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Ray
Guest
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: French Culture Lesson #1, posted by Ricardo on Nov 3, 2005

No, actually I'm trying to teach him some French culture... :-)
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Malandro
Guest
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Huh?, posted by Ray on Nov 3, 2005

sacre blu!!!  when I asked for hot sauce they looked at me like I was stupid.
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Ray
Guest
« Reply #25 on: November 04, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to and no I don't want an escargot burrito, posted by Malandro on Nov 3, 2005

I wonder what your farts would smell like after eating bean & snail burritos...
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Malandro
Guest
« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Mmmmmmm...Yummy!, posted by Ray on Nov 4, 2005

n/t
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Malandro
Guest
« Reply #27 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: French Culture Lesson #1, posted by Ricardo on Nov 3, 2005

vous êtes l'idiot, monsieur
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surfscum
Guest
« Reply #28 on: November 03, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to they do make good toast though, mon ami, posted by Malandro on Nov 3, 2005

No text here.
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Keith NC
Guest
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2005, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to On the subject of France..., posted by Ray on Nov 2, 2005

[This message has been edited by Keith NC]

France and Russia had their assess all in that oil for food scandel.  That is why they were so vocal about us not going to Iraq. France what a joke.  How many times have we saved their ass.  So many I can't count.  

Russia I wouldn't trust those commie bastards for nothing. I still remember the liberals love affair with birthmark Gorby.  Time Magazine gave him the "Man Of The Decade." award.  Give me a break.  If anyone should have gotten that award it should have been Ronald Reagan.  Reagan brought that communist regime to its' knees with military spending    The Ruskies simply couldn't keep up.      

Germany,  I liked Helmut Kohl.  But Shroeder is a left wing nut.  I was glad to see that lady win also. She wants better ties with the United States.  Smart move on her part.

Keith

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