First time...be gentle....need some answers

[Hoda]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005


Just about the only thing "gentle" in your quest, is that you better be a "Gentleman" to those ladies you plan on meeting on your trips down south. Ok Monty, don't go acting all Okie on us (just kidding). Be a gentleman, respect the culture, customs just like you would want a visitor to respect yours. I'm not quite sure by what you mean by "being too abrasive", but you'll find women are women. There are differences, no doubt about it...but nothing you need to sweat over.

Do you know any Spanish? Can you Salsa or Merengue? What's the rush on engagement/marriage? TAKE YOUR TIME! I just have to say, that I have a slightly different take from poster J-Knight over who has control. You have some control, probably most...but remember, that you're being sized-up, checked-out, however you wanna put it, also!

TAKE YOUR TIME....break up that 12 day trip into two, if possible! This is your first trip, you're gonna experience & have to sort out much more than just the appropriate greeting my friend....RELAX! Make your first trip a vacation/recon adventure!

Did I tell you, to TAKE YOUR TIME?

[jediknight]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

first of all, my advice is to slow down. you ask us to be gentle? i don't think so, we would not be helping if we sugar coated the reality of this process, it isn't for everyone because it is not easy. if you want easy, stay in canada.

you've stated that you're possibly thinking of getting engaged on your second trip to someone you've only chatted with and maybe will see for 12 days on your first trip? what is the rush? only a handful of men are lucky enough to meet someone, get married right away and have it succeed, the odds are against you and if your questions are any indication of whether you're ready, it appears that you are far from knowing what you are doing.

if you need answers to questions like, where is a nice place to eat in barranquilla or how much should one expect to spend on certain things,then you will get lots of help but if you are asking commen sense questions like how do you tell a woman you are interested in her without sounding like a jerk or should i kiss her or not, then you are far from being ready.

my advice is not only to slow down but meet and go out with many women, get your answers from them, not us and you will see that women are women, everyone will react differently, you will have to learn to read them, use commen sense, if they don't act the way you want then move on, be a man, you are in control, not the women.
JK

[papi]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

Welcome, in my opinion, and others will likely disagree with me on this but women from BQ tend to be a tad more conservative then the interior but there are always exceptions.  That being said, a kiss on the cheek is fairly uniform and appropriate even among friends – if not on greeting then when saying goodbye. You should give them a kiss - you will know if it on the cheek because she will lead you in the correct position that meets her needs. They will also vary in intimacy level depending again on their conservatism or how much they really dig you, but I would not be alarmed if there was only a kiss on the cheek the first few dates.  After that, well you better be either very patient or she may not be really into you.  I have met women from the coast that jumped in the sack with me on the first date even before I even fed them to the virginal types that I got the impression wanted to only hold hands until we marry. My only suggestion is consider a backup plan in the event things don’t workout with the contacts you made.  To that end, there are agencies in town that can introduce you to several women or you can try your luck at the mall, gym or clubs. If you need a trusty taxi to pick you up or info on hotels, agencies - i would be glad to help. By the way, i think you mentioned you are from Montreal - I love that city and the women from there are gorgeous. no good hunting locally? Good luck

[soltero]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

I have found that each woman is different whether Latin or otherwise and asking general questions about women are a waste of time. Women are women wherever you go, and the stuff that the agencies tell you are just lines to get you there. Latinas are not that much different as a group than any other type of woman. You will know (or need to find out) the answers to your questions when you are in front of the woman (or women) and not sooner. "Some will and some won't" is the only valid answer to any questions about women...

Just be yourself and if they like you, they will let you know how to do whatever it is you want to do to or with them. If they don't like you, they won't usually tell you, but if they aren't letting you know by their actions in all certainty that they do, then move on...

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: First time...be gentle....need some ..., posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

n/t

[Heat]

... in response to Re: First time...be gentle....need some ..., posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

Great post as always.  Another post in which you lay out the obvious.  How come you are so well adjusted?
I would bet that you had no problem getting girls in the US and that you have transfered your talent to your new hunting zone.  Again great stuff.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: First time...be gentle....need s..., posted by Heat on Oct 19, 2005

Thanks hermano, I don't have a problem dealing with women, I just prefer Latinas...The best women in my life have been Latinas and that's why I decided to head south to the source. I have had a few bad apples, but I just place those under "experience" and take what I have learned to make better choices. No regrets. You aren't doing to bad yourself. I hope all is well with you and your lady...

[mudd]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

usually 1st time without ever writing or speaking to the person, a hand shake, but if you have talked  to the person 1st, either phone or e mails, a kiss on the cheek is ok and accepted.
 if the date went well?, well... if they know your going to meet other girls, most wont go for a big, wet smack with some tongue, at least the girls with some morals wont, but im sure a few will be willing.

most of all of this is common sense, depends on weather the two of you hit it off well, and have mutual feelings, but watch out for the ones who are too egger to get you into bed, their is a arterial motive somewhere.

Better if you two go out, that you get dropped off 1st, you don’t need to be in a taxi at night, by yourself, just a bad idea.

If you get engaged in your 1t trip, then you are heading for a big disaster, would you get engaged to a girl in your city within 12 days?  I doubt it, so why would you do it down there?

Hope this helps

[soltero]

... in response to Re: First time...be gentle....need some ..., posted by mudd on Oct 19, 2005

Chivalry really is dead...

[mudd]

... in response to Dropped off first?, posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

Chivalry isn’t dead, but you just might be, if you’re in the wrong taxi at night, by yourself. think about it, your in Colombia, a foreigner who everybody thinks has money, riding around in a taxi at night, by yourself, and probably have no idea about where your going, other than a address scribble on a piece of paper.
A lot of girls I went out with would drop me off 1st out of concern that I wouldn’t make it back to my house or hotel alone in a taxi at night. Any girl with some common sense knows what to do.

And believe me, I know. I have been robbed at gunpoint in a taxi, and that was in broad daylight in Cali.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Dropped off first?, posted by mudd on Oct 19, 2005

I am sorry that that happened to you. I guess it depends on what variables are in the works. I learned to speak Spanish before I set foot in Cali (passable, but better now), I under dress while there while staying presentable and neat, and I never take any gold or jewelry or anything that would make me stand out. It also helps that most Colombians I have met think I am either Colombian or Puerto Rican. I can't get the accent right, so I have given up on it. Our experiences there have been different, and although I can see where you are coming from, I would be more concerned about her arriving home safely as she would probably be less likely to protect herself. I have heard too many stories about women being raped by taxistas or robbed as well to send a date home alone at night unless she was certain that she felt safe and would call me afterwards to let me know she arrived safely. I also get the number of the cab before it leaves.

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: Dropped off first?, posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

my spanish sucks, but i can get by with the basics. most girls ( the ones with some brains) know of a taxi driver they like, that they know and trust, and will call them at night, even if it means waiting a few extra minutes. we did this many times, that way, i got home safe, they got home safe and i usually tipped extra to the driver, so he makes out well too. whats a few extra pesos to make sure she gets home safe.

[FanMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Dropped off first?, posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

Soltero,is the wearing of jewelry, watch,necklace,bracelet,et,. That big of a deal in Colombia? I mean I am a native New Yorker, never had a problem,until I came to California. Actually did get robbed at gunpoint in San Francisco, but that was because they just simply wanted to rob us,they were str8 punks. I still love the city though, and would'nt change my style of dress or what I wear because of it.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Dropped off first?.......Ok ..., posted by FanMan on Oct 19, 2005

[This message has been edited by soltero]

It isn't just Colombia. It's just understanding the predatory mind. Individuals who want what you have and are too weak or lazy to earn it for themselves exist everywhere. Most predators are basically lazy. If you notice, most in the wild just lay around until they get hungry. When they attack, they go for whoever they perceive to be the easiest to take down. With predatory people, there are other factors (drug use, sport, etc.), but these are the basics. Anything that makes you stand out, such as shiny gold or jewelry has the tendency to draw their attention. It isn't even about the value at the basic level. It just allows someone to focus in on you because the glitter attracts attention. It is best to blend in as much as possible when in an environment that you are unsure of. Also, if you appear confident and sure of yourself, this automatically registers in the predatory mind and they tend to usually look for the path of least resistance.

Once you are in a dangerous situation, unless you have been trained to deal with one and have experience, the best thing to do is remain calm and give them what they want and hope for the best. There are many small and subtle ways to avoid confrontation altogether. Try to avoid being placed in the position of a victim in the first place, because ANYONE can be one in the right (or wrong) circumstance.

By the way, more than likely, as a Native New Yorker, you knew where to go and how to naturally respond or act while you were there. You were at home so your level of apprehension was normal there. When you go to other places, you subconciously act differently (either more cautious or less) and alert those trying to weed you out that you don't belong. The two most important tools in the avoidance of problems is common sense and listening to that little voice in your head.

[Montrealer]

... in response to Dropped off first?, posted by soltero on Oct 19, 2005

I know.  I can't imagine letting a woman take herself home.  But security is a big factor at night for Gringos (even Canadian Gringos), so taking a taxi alone at night may actually be safer for her.  Although, during all my travels through small towns and big cities in Mexico, I never had a problem.  I guess I'll play that one by ear or try to find a good driver for the week.

Any other suggestions you pros could offer a newbie would be appreciated.