First time...be gentle....need some answers

[Montrealer]

Okay,
so I've been reading these posts and mostly just searching for key words, so this may be a repeat question that other newbies have asked, but too bad regardless.

I will be going to BAQ Colombia next month and have plans of meeting about 4 girls that I've been chatting with and possibly more that caught my eye when looking at profiles.

Questions about dating in BAQ:

When meeting the first dates, is it appropriate to give a kiss on the cheek? If so, is it both like in Montreal or one cheek like in Mexico? Or is a hand shake more appropriate for the greeting?
And then if the date went well, is it appropriate to get a real kiss good night?

Considering that these women know I plan to be there for only a short time (12 days), after which date is it appropriate to purpose a more intimate evening? This doesn't have to be sex, but could just be making out to heavy petting. All this granted there is a mutual intrest.

How do I tell a woman that I am interested in her, but I'm going to meet another girl later tonight, without sounding like scum?

After the date, do I walk her to her door, or is it safer, as I am the foreigner, that she drop me off at the hotel and go home alone?

At what point during the trip is it safe to bring up marriage talk, granted everything is going well? I don't plan to get engaged on my first trip, but maybe my second trip in January (2 months after 1st trip) and I would like to make sure that the woman is open to the idea and not afraid of commitment to a foreign relationship.

These are just some of the questions I have before I go down, but if anybody can make any other suggestions or comments that would be useful to me, it would be greatly appreciated. As I come from Montreal, which even though is Canadian, has more of a European way of life and dating and that may be too abrasive for the women of latin cultures.

Thanks for letting me know,
Chao

[Brazilophile]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

I have been reading this thread with amusment.

I was born in and grew up in Montreal.  My father, aunt, and cousins still live there.  Before I left Montreal in the mid 80's, Montreal women were generally NOT hot at all.  

The city was an amalgam of ethnic neighborhoods.  Poor French Canadians in Montreal East.  Poor Haitan immigrants also in Montreal East and Montreal North. Wealthy French Canadians on the east side of the mountain, Outremont.  Wealthy English Canadians on the west side of the mountain, Westmount.  The very wealthy of any language, race, or ethnicity on the south side of the mountain, the northern part of Downtown along Pine Ave.  The former Prime Minister Pierre Eliot Trudeau had a spectacular house in this neighborhood.  Jews in a western neighborhood, Cote-St.-Luc. English Blacks in Notre-Dame-de-Grace (NDG) and Cote-des-Neiges (CDN).  Middle income English Whites in Montreal West.  Poor English Whites in LaSalle and St. Laurent.  Greek, Armenian, Italian immigrants in Park Extension.  And middle income strivers of all races, languages and ethnicites moving to the North Shore (Laval) or the South Shore (St. Hubert).  

There were SOME hot women in each ethnic neighborhood, but generally women were NOT hot.  What gave Montreal a reputation for "hot" women, was the lively night life in which women were easily available.  I believe it is the "beer goggles" talking abot HOT Montreal women.  Crescent St. in the downtown, Old Montreal, St. Denis St. near University of Quebec, are very nice places to hang out and you will meet well dressed, well made up women at those locations.

Now, 20 years later, there has been a serious demographic shift.  A poor economy and poor politics have caused LOTS of young native Montrealers to leave.  The need for population has forced separatist/racist French Canadians to let in MANY immigrants from the Caribbean, Asia, and Latin America.  When I left, it was difficult to get ANY government service in any language other than French.  Now, service is available in French, English and Spanish.  The French language university, University of Montreal, now offers a tri-lingual MBA progan in English, French, and Spanish.  Young people are inter-mixing much more now than they did 25 years ago.  

The "hot" Montreal women that you guys are fawning other are really NOT from Montreal.  They are from Vietnam, Thailand, the Philipines, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Haiti, Cameroon, Senegal, Ivory Coast, Ukraine, Poland, etc.  And many are mixed with each other and with native Canadians.  They are only living in Montreal right now.

[CelticUrge]

... in response to Re: First time...be gentle....need some ..., posted by Brazilophile on Oct 20, 2005

I was wondering about that. I used to travel there for swimming tournaments and did not recall that the women were all that hot in my mind. But there were always the buff ones at the pool to catch my eye. Night life was fun. Not to mention that 4 feet of snow on the ground can be a welcome change for someone living in Houston. At least I did not have to shovel it from my driveway every morning.

Thanks for the info.

[Montrealer]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

Ok, after reading the replies to my post I have mixed view of what I should do about the dropping off first.

And as for the rest of my concerns, I was speaking of hypothetical situations where everything goes as planned.  I am aware that I may not meet the perfect woman for me right away, although I am hopeful.

As for the advice I was seeking, it was more of a cultural thing.  For example, in Montreal, at my age, 27, it is not uncommon for me to start dating someone and sleeping with them by the first or second date.  However I was married to a Mexican (non-agency, met in college) where it took me about a month of "friendship" before I even got a kiss on the lips.  I was hoping to find out whether this is something to expect as a formality?

As for someones comment about me just going to look for sex, you could not be more dead wrong.  I have never had a problem getting laid, and I never will.  But this "gift" is not a virtue because I am looking for a wife and not a bed partner du jour.  I am looking for someone to share my life with.  I am old-fashioned romantic type of guy, but unfortunately, women in Montreal, as I'm sure the rest of North America, are not adept to being treated with romance, so they don't know how to respond.

So, if anybody does have some real advice as to local Colombian customs, I would be more than happy to hear it.  If anybody wants to tell me that I should give up or not hope for the best, then keep it to yourself and let me be the optimist that I am.

Chao,
Joel

And by the way, I am fluent in spanish.  Someone mentioned it, but I forgot who.

[papi]

... in response to Re: First time...be gentle....need some ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

a colombian who reads these forums once wrote me that that some guys on the forums may think they know everything but they dont. That hit home. Much of the advice is good but do what works best for you.  27 and speak spanish and you should have lots of options in Colombia. I just dont understand why you would not try harder in Montreal - the women there sure look fine to me. You sure you have exhausted Montreal? You are still very young. What about nearby Toronto? Why go south so soon? But if you do want to go south - another suggestion you might consider being Canadian - Cuba!

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: First time...be gentle....need s..., posted by papi on Oct 20, 2005

And also I have a thing for latinas.  I find them the most beautiful of all nationalities.  As well, in general they are very sweet and loyal.

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: First time...be gentle....need s..., posted by papi on Oct 20, 2005

Thanks for the vote of confidence for my trip.  Hopefully I will have many options and even more hopefully, I am able to choose the right option.

As for Montreal women, you are right.  I think on an overall basis, Montreal has some of the hottest women in the world.  You can walk down the street and 8 of 10 women will be good looking to hot.  But its the problem with most North American women in general that I have trouble with.  The women my age do alot of drugs and partying, and are not into romance.  I desire a woman who is pure of drugs, who doesnt have a history of sleeping with tons of guys (Not expecting a virgin, but don't want to be shooting a banana in to the Grand Canyon either).  And the women here are generally afraid of commitment, or treat commitment as a contract to be reviewed quarterly.  Even though I have slept around a bit and even been divorced, I don't believe this is a double standard, as in my past I had the same intentions as I do now.  I never wanted one-nighters nor being divorced.

Wow, I talk too much.

Thanks again

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: First time...be gentle....ne..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by papi]

Friend, sorry, but I don’t buy any on that. Yes, there are some sweet Latinas but lets remember that economics is the driving motivations of foreign relationships and to a lesser extent their challenges with the local men and you may meet many Latin flakes with qualities equally or more undesirable then in your area.  I think you are generalizing about North American women and there are good ones who want commitment.  For guys my age wanting a younger and attractive lady, the demographics, etc. are not in our favor.  If you are not an attractive man, maybe that would be holding you back but otherwise I would suggest you rethink this whole thing and make an all out effort to find one of those French beauties in Montreal.  In fact, if you think they might go for an older guy – I am looking for a new wingman and may be open to heading North for a change....LOL.  You are very young – give it a better effort again in Montreal or Toronto before contacting Avianca then comeback here in 5 or 10 years if all else fails. Good luck

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: First time...be gentle....., posted by papi on Oct 20, 2005

Papi, thanks for the support, but I think the Montreal women are for fun only and not for long term commitment.  If you ever do come up here, sure I'll be your wing man.  It's not hard for an older guy to score a younger girl for the night (within reason).  It depends on how old you are, but generally anything over 35 is a guaranteed lay, even if you're over 50.  But the 20-30 category is usually dominated by guys my age.  Sorry bro.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: First time...be gent..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 20, 2005

I am 46 and ideally want to find someone 25-30 give or take. I have dated much younger but 26-28 i think is perfect. If I had a trust fund I might be able to score with that in Miami but alas I think I am burdened with the task of fishing south.  On the plus side, I do get a lot of first class upgrades...LOL. Seriously though, I like some of my amigos have tired of Colombia and now exploring other areas yet I would not rule out a return to Colombia for that matter either. Keep in mind that this long distance thing is a bitch and a reminder that those Frenchies are dolls!  suerte

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: First time...be ..., posted by papi on Oct 20, 2005

Papi,  In regards to the french women being dolls, you're absolutely right, but dolls are only fun to play with for a little while, then you get bored of them and leave them on the floor collecting dust.

My first wife was latina (from Mexico) and I have to tell you, there is nothing that beats a latina.  NOTHING.  But like I said, I'd be happy to show you the ropes up here.  The best pick up bar in Montreal is calles Sir Winstons.  Its impossible to leave that club without someone, regardless of age, looks, etc.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: First time....., posted by Montrealer on Oct 20, 2005

no shit, Sir Winstons. You know I love Montreal - i may just take you up on that but I am not about to start taking French lessons. I have enough difficulty maintaining my spanish.

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: First time...be gentle....ne..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 20, 2005


Hello...hello....hello....hello.....hello...

Am I in....in.....in....in....in.....in....

[Patrick]

... in response to First time...be gentle....need some answ..., posted by Montrealer on Oct 19, 2005

You said you don't plan on getting engaged the first trip, but maybe on the second.

I think the only plan you should follow is not to have a plan.  You can't plan when you're going to meet the right woman (who thinks you're the right man).  If it happens, it happens.  Might be the first trip, might be the second, might be your 57th.  At that point we'll change your user name to Baqpro.

Oh, there is one thing you should plan-  Study Spanish. If at all possible (and it probably is if you set your mind to it) take a real course in it as a college.

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Might want to change your plan, posted by Patrick on Oct 19, 2005

.