marriage in Barranquilla

[soltero]

... in response to Huh?, posted by Ray on Oct 21, 2005

Take it how you like Ray, out of context or not. I hope that you read all of what I said this time and didn't just skim through it and copy and paste what you needed like you probably do with your immigration advice. (Just kidding, your advice is on the money) Like I said in a prior post, Lighten Up! LOL...This isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you. My opinion stands that you are pretty arrogant. You win, Ray, if that's what you need to hear. I have written a book during this posting session and I am tired of it. Reread your condecending post that I replied to in this one that you just quoted because I am not going to do anymore copying and pasting when it is right there. Continue to believe what you want or interpret things as you would like or within your capabilities. I just hope the other members here can read what has been posted and make up their own minds. Again, no hard feelings...Don't start cyber-stalking me (lol). Go Away! (lol)
Shoo! (just having fun with you...)

Take care....

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Huh?, posted by soltero on Oct 21, 2005

“This isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you.”

Oh my God, you’re killing me…LOL! If it’s not important to you, then why do you continue with your silly nonsense? I think you’re obsessed… LOL!

I didn’t think you could answer my questions. There’s nothing wrong with a good debate, but it’s obvious that you just can’t handle any disagreement so I’ll let you go argue with yourself in the mirror where you will always look good in your own mind :-)

Now why don’t you stick your thumb in your ear and go bowling?

Oh, you don’t have to really do it. I was just kidding LOL!

Ray

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Huh?, posted by Ray on Oct 22, 2005

Goodbye, Ray...Have someone with some sense read my posts to you. You are embarassing yourself...

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Huh?, posted by soltero on Oct 22, 2005

But why in the world would I want to re-read a bunch of self-serving nonsense? You go re-read it yourself...LOL!

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Oh come on…, posted by soltero on Oct 21, 2005

I myself I feel fortunate only because everything worked out good for me. I did
not go to Colombia to find a young woman or a woman with movie star looks.
When I went to meet my future wife I really was looking for values, how she
acted around her family ect.

 I watched my wife get into fights with her mother, her son ect but I think what I
liked the most was she really did care for everyone. She had alot of friends that
she introduced me to, I met just about everyone she knew . After the 4 months I
spent with her at 1 month clips we really only had two fights that I could say one
was a misunderstanding and the other was my fault which I will admit too.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Oh come on…, posted by Fuzzyone on Oct 21, 2005

"When I went to meet my future wife I really was looking for values"

You and me both, Fuzzy...Congratulations on finding yours.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Oh come on…, posted by Ray on Oct 21, 2005

Ray, this is getting stupid and I am very disappointed. Cheap name calling? I'm sorry, but I just threw back at you what you yourself posted. Maybe I mixed it around to much for you to follow the sarcasm. How disappointing this has been. Where is Loci? I miss him.

Take care, Ray...no hard feelings.

[Jamie]

... in response to Test Drive?, posted by Ray on Oct 20, 2005

I believe the 90 day visa is the best route to take. Now I understand there will be situations where one or both parities prefer to marry first but I see view guys that actually do this.

I do not believe there is any truth to what Calipro said, “Young hot women that have options won't normally go for a fiancée visa.”

I have not seen any woman (including very good looking women) decline this route. If a woman loves you she goes with little if any hesitation.

While a very high percentage of Colombian women believe in God there are not as many as you would initially think that are religious.

“There is nothing wrong with having doubts, but doing the hard work up front will help remove some of those doubts.”

I would suggest that one not move forward if they have any doubts

“...ask the big questions and discuss all your concerns, dreams, and feelings about the important issues.... It takes time and patience to get to know someone deeply.”

Critical

“Luck is only a small part of the equation… Those that think it is all luck are only fooling themselves.”

Very true.
“...just make damn sure that BOTH of you are ready to make a lifetime commitment before you make your decision to marry.”

And the communication process you noted will confirm this.

Engage the Exotic – Colombian Women
http://International-Introductions.com

[Spanky]

... in response to Test Drive?, posted by Ray on Oct 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by Spanky]

"a traditional wedding in the lady’s hometown with her family and friends in attendance is more appropriate"

That's what i thought. I spent 9 months and 3 trips to Colombia to see her before getting married. Some say 9 months is enough time; some say no. Of course, an engagement to a woman who lives in your own city is distinctive, since you can see each other virtually every day. Living together, on the other hand, is a whole new ballgame. She's been here 4 months now, and we've already experienced some big league ups and downs. I am lucky. She is patient. She needs to be because i can be a friggin' animal.  We are working it out.

Getting married is a serious decision made between two people, and appropriateness, righteousness or convenience should not have anything to do with it. How "appropriate" would it be to send her home to her family a few months later frantic and crying of divorce after the relationship goes sour?

[Ray]

... in response to ...appropriate you say?, posted by Spanky on Oct 20, 2005

Spanky, you quoted me out of context to make it look like I said something entirely different. Why would you do that? You aren’t one of those Democrats, are you? LOL! Hey, just messing with you… :-)

For the record, what I said was:
“Is the fiancée visa the best way to go? For some people, yes. For others, a traditional wedding in the lady’s hometown with her family and friends in attendance is more appropriate.”

But your right that living together is a whole new ballgame and I’m happy for you that you are working out your problems. I don’t think anyone should expect a perfect relationship with no problems at all. I think we all have to make some big adjustments when we marry and that comes with the territory. I believe the key to a successful marriage is a full commitment by BOTH partners to do whatever it takes to make it work. Four months isn’t so long when you look ahead to a possible lifetime together. Yes, even after spending 4 years living together and getting to know each other, my first wife and I had problems during the first few years of marriage. But, like you, we both worked on it and things got steadily better. We raised three wonderful children together and have many good memories to look back on. If I had the chance to back out after 3 months here in the States, I don’t know what I would have done. That’s one of the problems I have with this “90-day test drive theory”. I think too many guys would take the easy way out when they see a few problems pop up without ever giving the relationship a chance to grow and without ever really trying to work out those initial kinks. Who knows what they may have missed out on in the long run?

But, like I said before, each individual couple has to find what works best for them. Because of the circumstances at the time, we used a fiancée visa in my first marriage. The second time around, there was no way my wife was going to come all the way over here for a “test drive”. That would have caused her to compromise her values and go against everything that she believed in. I respected that and I know she appreciates the sacrifices I made to give her the wedding she always wanted. You know how us guys are. Most of us would be perfectly happy with the drive-thru Elvis wedding in Las Vegas where you don’t even have to get out of the car (LOL). I’m sure that your wife also appreciates the fact that you got married over there. Things are more likely to work out just fine if both of you are patient and keep working at it.

Good luck in your marriage,

Ray

[soltero]

... in response to Test Drive?, posted by Ray on Oct 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by soltero]

I was being flip with the phrase "test drive", but lighten up, Ray. Studying the immigration laws from A-Z must have shriveled your sense of humor. I hate this quote and reply format but it might work here so here goes:

"If you can find a woman who is willing to walk away from everything and let you “test drive” her for 90 days to see if she is a keeper or not, then go for it."

She would have to be willing to "test" it out here for 90 days because that's the only way it is going to happen. I appreciate her sacrifice, but I also appreciate the fact that she is going to be a complete dependent for at least 3 years, and I won't be getting half of what she brought in her suitcase if we get divorced, but she will be entitled to half of the stuff accumulated during the marriage which she may or may not have been responsible for earning. As I said before, I did the spousal visa the first time around and I wish I hadn't because it was apparent that although we may have been happy if we stayed in her home country, it wasn't going to work here without alot more effort and understanding.  Neither one of us had the understanding (although we do now and are very good friends), and it did not work. The 90 days would have saved us both a lot of grief. Yoou can never be absolutely sure about anything. You can only prepare, try, and hope for the best.

"Yes, e-mails, phone calls, letters, online chats, etc. That’s an excellent way to get to know someone..."

Sorry, but that's bullsh!t. All of those are great fillers, but the ONLY way to truly know someone is to be with them. My ex and I emailed each other for almost a year and spoke on the phone (very limited due to my Spanish at the time) and I still didn't know her because I didn't spend that much actual face time with her. Emails are great for correspondence with someone you actually have spent quality time with, but as a way to get to know someone, yes, if you use this method and have success, you are lucky.

"What are you insinuating here?"

I don't think I insinuated anything. Read Ecclesiastes. "Time and chance happeneth to them all". There is a lot of luck involved in this. Wisdom, experience, patience, acceptance, and blind luck. If you didn't go through the muck that many of us have, and unless you think you are something special and different in some way, you, and anyone else that found happiness the first time out was lucky (if that's how it happened for you). Don't get upset about that fact. Count your blessings and be thankful. Do you think that you were the only one to perform due dilligence? Sorry friend, but luck was there whether you want to attest to it or not.

In closing, yes, the woman is entitled to the wedding of her choice, but that can be done later after both sides of the border have been tested. I am not in this to play around and am looking for a wife, but I feel that both parties are best served having a clear view of life together in both situations to make a better decision. Not all foreign women like living here, and if they don't, you need to know that before marrying them. Ray, you made comments as to the selfishness of my suggestion, but I am thinking of both parties. Anyone who is truly interested in marrying you can wait here just like they can wait there. 90 days isn't that long. Give the woman the opportunity to see what life would be like here and whether or not she is comfortable before she signs up. It works both ways. You can always go back after you get married here to give her the marriage she wants there knowing full well that you both have all the information and are happy together.

[JaySlo]

... in response to Re: Test Drive?, posted by soltero on Oct 20, 2005

You guys present valid arguments from both vantage points. My wife came over on a K1 with the intention that we would marry shortly after her arrival. In fact her mother called everyday to see if I had followed through. We married after 6 weeks.
She started working 6 months after her arrival and was recently offered a position that more than doubles her current income and would make her self sufficient.In total we are talking 14 months. She is the top rated worker in her division and has received many awards and cash incentives. She turned down the promotion due to the pregnancy and her desire to stay home with our child for the first 3-4 months.
I believe being prepared and having realistic expectations go a long way thereby reducing the need to be 'lucky'. We will have a ceremony next year in San Andres for the entire family. For me, this represented the best option at that time. With the spousal visa finally becoming reasonable as far as the processing time. If I had to do it today, I'd probably select that route. As far as BCIS goes the fun just starts when she arrives on a K1.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Test Drive?, posted by soltero on Oct 20, 2005

Soltero,

Why in the world would you think that I was upset with you? No need to suggest that I lighten up or that I have lost my sense of humor or that I shouldn’t be giving advice here. My opinions are no better than yours and yours are no better than mine. I think we can disagree without the insults thrown in.

Again, there is no right way to do this. If you insist on doing the 90-day trial first, I have absolutely no problem with that as long as you are honest with your fiancée and you both agree. Don’t discount the spousal visa route just because it didn’t work for you. There are valid reasons for doing it either way depending on the couple and the circumstances. I speak from personal experience because I have done it both ways myself.

I did the fiancée visa with my first wife but that was after 4 years of writing letters and multiple visits of several months. No, I didn’t luck out. We spent a lot of effort working on our relationship both before and after the wedding. Marriage is almost never easy and it usually takes a LOT of work to keep the relationship strong. Because I was in the Navy, we had many long separations over the 27+ years of our relationship. There wasn’t any e-mail or personal computers back then and overseas phone costs made frequent calls prohibitive. You had to sit down and write out your thoughts on paper and yes, those daily letters over the years did teach us a lot about each other and that is no bull shit. For those with weak communication skills or language differences, perhaps letter writing, e-mail, and phone chats won’t work and there is nothing wrong with that, but don’t discount those methods out of hand just because they didn’t work for you. Yes, spending time together is invaluable, but long-distance correspondence adds another important dimension to getting to really know each other.

I didn’t mean to imply that your method was being selfish, unless you pressured the lady to go against her personal values or religious beliefs to satisfy your insistence on a trial period of living together. I do know of some other guys that put it to the lady that she could forget about that visa if she didn’t agree to shack up together first. But if she is truly willing and agreeable, then there is nothing wrong with your method. But I think it would be fair and give her some peace of mind if you were to purchase a round trip ticket for her when she comes over on the fiancée visa and set aside some cash to help her return home and start over again in case you decide to dump her after 90 days :-)

And no, I never meant to imply that luck plays no part in finding the right mate, but I sincerely believe that luck is not THE primary factor.

Peace,

Ray

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: Test Drive?, posted by Ray on Oct 20, 2005

Ray, I didn't think you were upset, again, just my attempt at some good natured poking. I agree that both methods are viable options depending on preference, but because your opinion and that of Calipro carry some weight here, I felt it necessary to provide a con to your pro on this issue because there are a lot of newbies that might discount the option of the fiance visa due to your endorsement of the other and no one was speaking up on this besides Spanky. I wish the best to all in this endeavor, and personally feel that the fiance visa allows both parties to decide if the marriage can withstand such a drastic change in environment. It does play a role and should not be discounted. Also, there are many different routes taken in this endeavor, and the one I hear most are the guys that can only spend a few disjointed weeks a year with their lady and that, to me, does not give a completely realistic picture of how living together outside of her environment and away from her family and friends might play out. I can understand that some may try to abuse the "test drive" option, but I believe that is ridiculous, because if you are not serious, then you shouldn't bring anyone here one way or the other. If you are serious, then take your time both here and there and find out if the marriage will support itself in both arenas. You deserve that consideration and so does she.

[Spanky]

... in response to Re: fiance visa, posted by Ray on Oct 19, 2005

The main point is that you just never know. The problems that arise just from the clashes that come living together is not the only reason to go fiance visa. Cultural differences add an even bigger-?. She may not be able to handle the shock of separation of family, friends and country.
 
There is a marriage agency called CherryBlossoms.com who provided me a visa package, and answered a lot of my spousal visa questions. The whole time during the process the owner of the 30 year old company (now entirely an on line agency) kept asking: "why in the world do you want a spousal visa?"