Real Cali stories

[stefang]

... in response to El problema, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 27, 2005

I can't write or talk Spanish but through French words being close I read your sentence as "A Problem, many Colombianas like my wife do not speak English. If she describes herself, it will be in Spanish". Something close to that right?

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: El problema, posted by stefang on Sep 27, 2005


Stefang,

I have a couple of questions for you. First, you just said that you don't speak or read spanish?  So, you are pretty much in the same boat as I am on that one.  There's nothing wrong with that; I think there are several of us on this board who do not currently speak spanish.  We all have to start somewhere.  Also, you have next to no personal info on your profile.   I am curious about your age, and what part of the country you live in?  Now, I am not trying to pry, but one thing you did put on the profile was that you are interested in asian women.  Well, you have been posting on this board quite a bit lately.  So, have you changed your focus, as far as the ladies are concerned?  I am just curious.  Maybe you are interested in both, or maybe Eastern European women too.  That's all ok, but most of us have to choose one of them sooner or later.  So, I am just curious to know what your plans are?  Again, not meaning to pry into your personal business.  Just curious.

                             OkieMan

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: El problema, posted by OkieMan on Sep 27, 2005

[This message has been edited by stefang]

I'm 36 from Michigan and used to be interested in Latinas. Was  engaged to a Brazilian but broke it off. I just recently switched to Asians because I feel they take marriage more seriously an have a calmer personality. I also like the Asian cultures more than Latin ones I think I went for the Latins first because it is much closer than Asia.

I have other reasons as well for switching but this is the most active board so I don't mind reading about peoples adventures. I think if you keep trying to find a Latina you are better off sticking to Colombia and Peru with a lot of guys here seeming to do well with the Peruvian ladies.

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Re: El problema, posted by stefang on Sep 27, 2005

The first part you got perfectly.  The second part is...

"...If they write something here, it will be in Spanish"

[stefang]

... in response to VERY Close, Stefang..., posted by Looking4Wife on Sep 27, 2005

It helps that the Latin languages have words written so closely the same. Now pronouncing them is totally different but if you speak slowly you would be surprised how many words you can understand.

[Cali James]

... in response to Never enough, from the other side....., posted by Hoda on Sep 26, 2005

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

Speaking of the women, the ones I know from the California group of wives don't like Planet-Love from what I can tell.   I don't think any of them read it anymore but during Pete's breakup it was certainly a source of gossip so someone's wife must have been reading it.  Occasionly my wife will make a not so nice comment about PL as she walks by my computer and sees me reading it at some strange hour in the day.  I'm sure she'd prefer I was doing something else more productive. (-: I think there are several reasons the women don't like PL:

1.  They don't like their personal business put out for everyone to read.  I'm generally very careful about this but one time I gave some info. and sure enough one of the other wives brought it up.  It wasn't a big deal but it was something my wife preferred to keep private.

2.  The women want their husbands to move on beyond the whole Cali experience and just be husbands.  I think my wife probably wonders why I would still have an interest in posting on PL.  But the truth is, I met a lot of friends through PL and it's a way to stay in touch just as the women do with the phone.  

3. I think Calenas in general are a bit insecure about their men.  They've been conditioned this way from family life and past novios.  As an example, one of the wives said this about Pete a few months back, I'm paraphrasing "Pete's a really good guy but he's a bad example". I asked why as I was kind of surprised.  She continued on to say that Pete's life that the guys read about weekly, was a temptation to all the husbands back home.  In otherwords, she'd prefer her husband didn't know what life is like having a novia and a mistress. (-:  Understandable reaction, she wasn't making judgements or saying anything bad about Pete, everybody likes Pete, she was just thinking out load about what she considered was a temptation, the single life in Cali, the grass is always greener kind of thing.  

Anyway, I think the married women would prefer we forget the whole chase experience with the agencies, forums etc.  I think for the most part they are right.  But they should also remember that a lot of the common friends we have,  were made through the experience itself.  I say don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, a little PL is good now and again....

[OkieMan]

... in response to Never enough, from the other side....., posted by Cali James on Sep 26, 2005

CaliJames,

Well, you certainly bring up a good point, but I just wish that a few of the ladies would understand that we only want to learn from them.  I don't blame the ladies for getting on with their lives.  As far as that goes, I wouldn't probably be very interested in posting either if I were married to a latin sweetie.   So, #1) You must be a lucky man, and I wish you all the best #2) Just try to find out if maybe on a limited basis, the ladies would directly or indirectly (through their husbands) let us know what is important to them, and of course, what isn't either.  Everyone has wants, needs and desires-- and that translates into short term and long term goals.  However, it would seem that the ladies, such as your wife, value their privacy, to the point, that they are not willing to post or read P-L.  I understand, but I hope they will understand our desire to learn more too.

                         OkieMan

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Never enough, from the other side....., posted by Hoda on Sep 26, 2005

Hoda, I have often wondered why more wives of guys on the board don't post... can you enlighten me... does Mrs. Hoda ever post?

I can't really picture my future Latina wife spending much time posting, but maybe once in a while I would encourage her to answer a specific post...

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Never enough, from the other side......, posted by Looking4Wife on Sep 26, 2005

We have had some wifes post over the years.Usually its good feedback,but they don't do it for too long.And recently there have been suspicions about who someone might really be.But in general this feedback is highly valued here.
I think it was Gorgina from Peru that posted regularly if not hugely for years.And we had Sylvia from Argentina who was a major contibuter here unill she had a stroke about 4 years ago.This is about latin women we would  be total fools to not want their imput.I think we should encourage it as much as possible as long as it is real.
And Carolina can be especially helpfull working at an agency and giving us her feedback.I think we need to give her alot of slack and even not worry about a possible advertising factor,Its just to valuable imput.Hopefully she can be gut level honest about what some girls are up to.Sometimes girls working  at agencies will cover for girls bad behavior.She knows the girl,you are gone next
week.
WELCOME CAROLINA.Lets treat her well guys,we need her imput.

PETE

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Never enough, from the other side......, posted by Looking4Wife on Sep 26, 2005

[This message has been edited by Hoda]

adjusting to life here (family, work & school). Believe me...I've tried many a time, to get her post :-) I rather for her to post directly, than for me to post..."well my wife said/feels" this way about a particular subject or experience.

Here's a basic break-down on a few of her experiences/views of life here.
- Life is soo much faster here, that it takes a huge toll on both men & women here.
- Just because someone is from your home country, doesn't mean that they have your best interest at heart.
- It used to annoy her the way some "beeches...lol" used to flirt with me, when we went out together.
- To quote the late & very funny Robin Harris, "it pisses her off to the highest degree of pisstivity that it's costing her three to four times as much to help/support her family now, than when she was actually living there". This has become a VERY, and I mean VERY touchie subject for her.
- She loves the U.S. warts & all, but prefers to retire in Colombia. Quote "you gotta be rich to retire,then die here".
- Whenever she visits home, after about 2 weeks or so she's more than ready to come "home" BIG :-)
- She still "beeches" a little 'bout taxes, but she sees what she's paying for. "Democracy isn't cheap, Baby".

On too "many", but not "all" guys talking of or visiting Cali...
- Most are talking trash & never come.
- Where the hell did guys get the impression, that women will jump all over you simply because you're not from their country..hahaha!
- Most need to know more Spanish than "hola & ciao". Fluency is not required, but an effort will score MAJOR points with the ladies!
- Most are very respectful of women. Some are just too soft.
- At first, she used to understand guys haggling over taxi fare. Now (ROTFLMAO)...she looks back & says "what a cheap bastard, arguing over a $3 to 5$ cab fare".
- Too many guys spend way too much time & money on a few hotties, whose only intention is to jerk them around.
- Contrary to popular belief...most women would rather stay in Colombia, than move! Many women feel that some guys are in waaaay too much of hurry sometimes! This makes them suspicious of your intentions. CHILL

Last but not lease....There's waaaaay more good women waiting for the "right man" to come into their lives, than there are guys visiting. Remember Men, YOU'RE BEING INTERVIEWED ALSO!

[OkieMan]

... in response to It's a combination of...., posted by Hoda on Sep 26, 2005

Hoda,

Your point about we are being interviewed is very true.  That is one reason why I have trying to get beyond just the standard responses of what latinas are looking for, etc.  The last thing I would want to do is to offend or put off a latina that I was interested in.  But, unfortunately, that is exactly what I did when I was in Cali, back in May.   I don't need someone to start analyzing my life, and telling me I need to straighten up, etc.  I am a mature aged man, and I am all too aware of my shortcomings.  But, what I do need are very tangible points to focus on and try to understand what is important to the ladies.   Just asking me if got game tells me nothing!  That phrase wasn't even used when I was dating before I was married. (now I am really dating myself ha) Now, I realize that each lady will be somewhat different; but, just some basics in knowing their attitudes, beliefs, desires, etc would be helpful.  Also, since I am still fairly new to this process, and since I am not exposed to the latin culture on a daily basis-- I would like some "golden nuggets" from the ladies, like your wife.  I am really not stupid, but I am a guy from the Midwest/Southwest part of the country.  We have several mexicans that have moved here over the last 10 years or so; but I am not rubbing elbows with them everday (even though I have no problem with them).  I really like the latin culture, based on what I have seen so far; but it is still a mystery.  So, how am I supposed to learn unless I ask questions, and of course continue to make trips to "latina land"?  To me, it's as basic and simple as 123.  If I get the right information, then I can learn, and become much more effective.

                             OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: It's a combination of...., posted by OkieMan on Sep 26, 2005

When I started writing to my wife, I didn't spend ANY time learning about Colombia or the culture. I didn't spend any time figuring out or worrying if I was reading the signals right or obsessing about cultural differences. I figured I'm a guy, she's a chick, we're interested in each other, let's see where this goes. You seem to think that there's some key or magic wand that's going to open doors that were previously closed. I just don't see that happening. If a guy bought into all the stereotypes about Latinas and then encountered my wife believing that she was another "typical" Latina, he would be so far off the mark, it would be unbelieveable. Even if you could read my wife's many opinions (all in Spanish) what would it tell you? Nothing except this is what one Latina thinks. Geez, Okie, you want to know what they think? Pony up $10, write a few that appeal to you on match or amigos and let them tell you what they think. In Spanish. I go to Mexican weddings and quinceañeras all the time. They're not very mysterious. Everbody drinks, eats, dances and has a good time.

[OkieMan]

... in response to You approach this so differently than I ..., posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 27, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

There is a lot of truth in what you said.  However, I felt that I would like to better educate myself on the latin culture and I am still trying to learn spanish.  By the way, you seemed to  have learned spanish very fast. (based on what you told me before).  I think you must be gifted that way. Most middle-aged gringos like us stumble around after you get past taco and Buenos Dias! ha  But, I also am trying to not "obsess" over these points.  It's a bad habit I picked up while going through my marriage problems and ultimate divorce.  It's not one of my best qualities.  But, it was either that or turn into a mass-murder!  Just kidding.  No, seriously, we all learn in different ways, and you have been very, very helpful.  But, please also understand that based on what I have seen so far, not 1 in a 100 men get luckly like you. You met the right one, 3 months later you were married, and she did not turn out to be wierd!!  Boy, how lucky can you get?  Take care.

                            OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to You approach this so differently than I ..., posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 27, 2005

unfortunatly it appears that his over thinking of every conceivable possiblity will keep him in neutral forever, its unfortunate because he seems like a good guy. i know one thing for sure, any woman would not want a man that second guesses or questions everything, they want a man who is confident, who can make decisions, who can protect them and not need protection himself.
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to you are so right, posted by jediknight on Sep 27, 2005

Jediknight,

Now don't go bailing out on me yet!  I have a few hurdles to climb, but I am not some nutcase either!  Read the post I just made to Utopiacowboy, and you might better understand me.  Believe it or not, I am a nice guy, and I am not indecisive.  But, I have mistakenly thought that I might better learn by asking some questions on this board. So, now I will just take what I know, and do my own thing-- just like you do.  But, I have had a tendency to "overthink" the situation, and that stops right now!

                               OkieMan