You Might be a Gringo If…
1. You’ve never seen a shrimp on your plate with a head as big as yours
2. You think lemons are yellow
3. Every time step off the plane in the USA, after returning from a plethora of beautiful Latinas, you’re surrounded by personal injury lawyers trying to represent you in a “whiplash” lawsuit, as a result of the uncontrollable gawking you’ve just experienced.
4. You think a good way to keep cool in the tropical parts of Latin America is to where one of those fancy hats with the helicopter on top.
5. Your closest friends are guys you’ve never met, who certainly don’t trust you enough to give you their real names, but share the most personal details of their relationships with you on a regular basis.
6. The only Spanish-speaking member of your family is your rich uncle “Heat”, who frequently barges in unannounced, punches everybody out in Spanish, and then motors off down the calle with a beautiful calena, in his Porsche “carrera”.
7. You can’t figure out how to pronounce the name of the most prolific, and wisest patriarch of your family… (Now is that pronounced “Pete E” or “Petey”?)
8. At the conclusion of each death-defying taxi ride... you find yourself in a state of sheer panic, with your teeth chattering, sitting in the lap of your Latina girlfriend, clinging for dear life, as she strokes your head to comfort you from the trauma that she is totally oblivious to.
9. You can’t sleep because you know you’ll be back in the Promised Land in a few days, so you waste time writing silly stuff like this in discussion forums... :-)
