On Hiatus

[Traveller]

I'm leaving Colombia for awhile. Going to go home and watch some NFL and BBQ Tri-Tip and catch a few High School Football games. Catch up with the family and friends, that kind of stuff. Vacation from Colombia.
I'm not writing on the board in that time. Things have just degenerated into, basically, nothing. People spouting political stuff about nothing. If you have to ask where I stand on a lot of this stuff, you ain't read the board over the last 6 years, but I don't need to write about it AGAIN. You guys know. Brazilphile, I could pester him about my view, but everyone already knows what that is and there isn't any point in beating to death a dog that has already been buried.  It would just sprial down from there and nothing gets accomplished except that you have these incredibly long threads that go nowhere except to have an argument through posts. Much better to have an argument face to face. Just leave it at "I'm right and your wrong" and call it a day, huh. All this detracts from the issue of meeting women in Colombia or simply info about Colombia.
The Whole TLC argument. Big freaking deal guys! You guys made your point, move on. I've never used TLC, I've never attended an event, I've never hung out in the lobby during an event, I've never paid them a dime for anything. I have seen the photo of Adriana Arboleda being portrayed as being in their "stable" and I agree with Heat on that subject about posting photos of people that there is no way are in that service or will ever show up for a TLC event, but the point has been painfully made. Over and over and over and over again. Maybe Bruce deserves this 'raking over the coals" but I don't know the guy, maybe he doesn't. There is a point where it is no longer information but it becomes simply bashing. (Ok, Felinessa deserved it and I got on the bandwagon, but she was asking for it.)  Hell, at this point I'm want to see what a TLC event is like to see if it the rip off some people say it is. Yes, I agree, it is a bit steep for what you get but I have been around awhile on the Cali scene, but if you got the money to throw around, whatever. Give the varying perspectives on this view and let the people who read the board make up their own minds, because if you don't after awhile people just tune it out as an argument that they really don't care about.
I posted some stuff about something you could actually do besides hang out at Chipichape all day complete with photos and everything and I didn't get one post about anymore info about it. Somthing that was tremendously fun no matter where you are, but for a really cheap price. But, apparently no one cares about the fun side of Cali any longer. It's all about the arguments nowadays. I had a bunch of stuff laid out for this board about beautiful fincas you could rent ridicously cheap, adventure tour stuff including kayaking, some events coming up, concerts, going away parties, birthday parties, etc. Stuff you could take a date to. Like the Flamenco dancing show tonight, or my Birthday/"C-YA!" party blow out, or Martyn's Bar retiring the old location MEGA BLOW OUT PARTY. I also have info on a new way to meet Calenas and meet them in a great neutral location where you could get something to eat and relax and have that first date, and look at books of new girls to the "Agency" scene, but no one seems to care.
So, go ahead and argue all you like but understand that I don't want to read about it ALL the time and I'm sure 95% of the members don't either. There's a point where you just have to let this crap go. Once it starts looking like nothing is going to get resolved, let it go. If you notice, a lot of guys stop posting when all this starts getting out of hand. Their posts will get swallowed up by these flame wars and the useful information or insightful questions get lost.
I know, I know, I'm whining about it, but I do like to write. I do like to give first hand info on actually living in Cali. I like to answer questions. I try and put some effort in my posts and, yes, when no one responds, I think what's the point?
Everyone is entitled to their rants and opinions, but I'm tired of it. I'll post when I get back to Colombia.
Later Gators,
K

[zack]

... in response to On Hiatus, posted by Traveller on Jul 8, 2005

I ditto your comments. I was going to do a similar post about the TLC argument but I'm glad you beat me to it because you summarized it better than I would have. I couldn't agree more. Have fun on your trip.

Zack

[Pete E]

... in response to On Hiatus, posted by Traveller on Jul 8, 2005

I agree the flavor of the board has been a little negative for awhile.Hopefully we can get back to helping guys and keep the negative stuff short.
YOU WILL BE BACK TO CALI!So enjoy your vacation in the states.What I am doing now.I will do a seperate post.

Pete

[cabocancun]

... in response to On Hiatus, posted by Traveller on Jul 8, 2005


Guys,I would appreciate your opinions:

When is it time to give up the search?

My stats:
1. Searching for 18 months in Barranquilla,Cartagena,Santa Marta including one year spent visiting with ex-girlfriend exclusively.
2. 9 trips to Colombia
3. Two tours
4. $18k to $20k spent so far

I figure I will give it six more months and two more trips.
I have great time when I am in Colombia,but when I get back
I spend a lot of time unproductively second guessing everything and thinking the grass is greener somewhere else.
I do not want to become a lifer in this thing of ours.

What do you guys think?

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to When is it time to give up the search?, posted by cabocancun on Jul 8, 2005

If "fear" and "second guessing" are your problems, then its not about giving up the search, its about overcoming these obstacles before CONTINUING the search.

The self-imposed obstacles you have stated... would stop you from having a successful relationship with the PERFECT woman in your OWN CITY, let alone Latin America.  It sounds like you need to change your limiting thoughts BEFORE you change your venue.

You are conversational in Spanish.  Many guys here, including me, WISH they were conversational in Spanish.  I'm workin' on it...

I agree with what you said below, that 2 weeks is not long enough for a trip (especially in your case).  I went on my initial trip for 30 days, which gave me a chance to spend some serious time getting to know a handful of girls that I sorted out from the "pack".  

Now I can go BACK for 1 or 2 weeks at a time, to get to know specific girls even better.

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to When is it time to give up the search?, posted by cabocancun on Jul 8, 2005

Listen to what you said you spent 1 year with your ex-girl. So really you have
only been searching for about 6 months, thats not long at all. If you really thing
about it you saved more money then alot of us who brought our girl up here and
ended up going thru hell. One thing you need to stop doing is second guessing
everything. If you cannot do that then stay in the U.S. and let those A.W. drive
you nuts.

  I met a woman in Barranquilla who I think is the most beautiful woman in the
world. After I visited her the first time and came home I started to get like you
but I drove that out of my mind. Sometimes that little voice in your head starts
doing to much thinking for you and it does nothing but wrecks your life. Go
back meet another woman who you feel good with go from there. There is no
time limit for a search maybe it could take forever but if you give up then you
have lost.

[Jake]

... in response to Re: When is it time to give up the searc..., posted by Fuzzyone on Jul 8, 2005

so very true ...if you give up you have lost and you will be alone or dealing with AW . I did that once when this lady from peru and I ended . I met what I thought was a nice AW and after 3 years it was the same old story . So back south I went ..... It is never easy , but you have to keep going . I started to look at then like vacations just to see some of my buddies that I have met  .

I can only imagine the number of ladies in Colombia that live in the country where we can't travel . I did meet one lady from a small town visiting Cali , I introduced my freind to her and they have been married now for 5 years .  

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to Re: Re: When is it time to give up the s..., posted by Jake on Jul 8, 2005

Kinda funny if you think about it. I was married to a girl from Peru. When I
finally had enough and showed her the door I thought that was it I was about to
give up when I started just messing with my computor. I started reading alot of
guys stories here especially from the guys who failed the first time and went to
try again. I think what helped me alot of looking at the pics some of the
marriage agencies posted of some real old men picking up on the young
Colombians. I figured hey if this old dude can do it why can't I try again. I
started with a bazil dating site.. I wrote a couple of woman but I noticed that
with most guys here they really did not pan out for them. I noticed alot of first
timers were starting to strike out in Cali, not that it was a bad place but I think
the woman there started to get real smart.

   So I tried Amigos.com and met a woman from Barranquilla. The town might
be alittle boring but I really went to see the girl not the town.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: When is it time to give up t..., posted by Fuzzyone on Jul 9, 2005

Fuzzyone,

So, how is it going with the girl in BAQ?  How long have you known her?  How old is she, etc?  Does she have kids?

                         OkieMan

[OkieMan]

... in response to When is it time to give up the search?, posted by cabocancun on Jul 8, 2005

Cabocancun,

I think I have already asked you this, but you  can tell me if I did or not.  When you talk about second guessing, what exactly are you referring to?  To you mean that you are not sure how the latina(s) feel about you, or you are not sure how you feel about them?  Secondly, overall, why do you think you have not met Ms. Right yet?  I would like to hear your opinion, because of certain things that have happened to me.  We all must find our own path, but it sure helps to compare notes.  Thanks.

                     OkieMan

[Jake]

... in response to When is it time to give up the search?, posted by cabocancun on Jul 8, 2005

I have been in your shoes ........... I found out the odds are against you by thinking you are going to run into your future wife in a tour , week long trip ect ...... I also have no regrets about all my trips , some business so it as all been a adventure . i have over 40 trips to SA , but this includes business also ........

so I regrouped a few years ago , and went a completely different route .......... all that money and still nothing ........ I started writing letters , found it was a lot cheaper , found ladies more serious , and met a much better select group of ladies . When I found 3-5 ladies that I liked I headed south ..... I really thought about the marketing aspect differently and didn't market myself like a car ..... when I first started my response rate was not very good .... maybe 10-20 percent ... after a few months and a little research i got it to 50-60 percent ... I even have helped 2 other guys and after only a few months they were so excited to start seeing all these letters in the mail ....... SO many guys are just to lazy .... one big hint ... form letters copyed over and over with out putting the girls name on the page does not work ......
Jake

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: When is it time to give up the searc..., posted by Jake on Jul 8, 2005

Jake,

Are you referring snail mail?  I would have thought that emails were better?  They sure are faster. At any rate, I would be interested in hearing more about your ideas.  I am not ready to contact any ladies right now.  My heart is just not into now.  But, somewhere in the near future, I will try again.

                        OkieMan

[Jake]

... in response to Re: Re: When is it time to give up the s..., posted by OkieMan on Jul 8, 2005

The first couple letters should be snail mail , it is much more personnal , and you should write the letter in there language . no more secrets ...

[cabocancun]

... in response to Re: When is it time to give up the searc..., posted by Jake on Jul 8, 2005


Jake,

I agree, I definately am going to start approaching non- agency ladies.

BUENA SUERTE CON TU NOVIA

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to When is it time to give up the search?, posted by cabocancun on Jul 8, 2005

Since I don't know you personally, I can only give a general response that would fit anyone asking the question... personally, I find I am more successful when I can FOCUS, and I want to focus my efforts to be as efficient as possible in my search...

1.  Are you crystal clear on what you want from a woman?  

Such as a written list of the attributes that are...

1A. Must Haves (for me: devout Christian, flat stomach)
1B. Preferences (i.e. I prefer long hair, but if she's cute enough we can do without it), and
1C. Deal Breakers (I don't want a woman with children)

2.  Are you "packaging your product" (i.e. yourself) to attract the kind of woman that you want?

i.e. I want a woman with a flat stomach, so I go to the gym three times a week (in attempt :-) to get my stomach flatter

3.  Since there are so many beautiful women in EACH of the cities you mentioned, why not just focus on one city?

3A.  If you speak fluent spanish, and have the time to meet women in public, the women are waiting...

3B.  If you use agencies, you could use multiple agencies in the same city...

4.  If agency assistance/customer service is important to you why not focus on one agency?

I largely chose my city based on the agency I wanted to work with.  As I have said before, if the agency had been in New York, California, Dominican Republic, or Medellin, I likely would have gone to one of those cities rather than BAQ.

Just some considerations that I have made on my search.  Single life is simply unacceptable to me, and I fully believe that being focused will help me find my soulmate as efficiently as possible...

Buena Suerte!