Do some ladies want to marry after two citas?

[cabocancun]

Hey guys,

I recently went to Barranquilla and had seven citas.

One of the ladies that I met, called me after our second cita and told me she was interested in marrying me.
She then asked me if I interested in marring her.
I was suprised by this question and told her that I needed to get to know her better first.
She told me that in Colombia,many men and women have the relationship first and then get to know each other later because when a man is interested in a woman,he wants to move very fast.
I told her I was aware of that, but I was trying to move "poco a poco".
She told me that she did not think I was interested in her.
I told her I did not like the fact that she smoked.
She said she only smoked when she went out to drink and dance.
I told her I like to drink and dance on Friday and Saturday nights,so she would be smoking twice per week,if she was married to me.
Our conversation ended shortly thereafter and I do not believe we will talk again in this lifetime.

So guys - Why do some of the ladies try to get a marriage commitment after TWO meetings?

[whome]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

red flag! green card alert! push her to the curb.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Do some ladies want to marry after t..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

hey whome, hope to see you posting soon at the other place. dont get upset over that dumb thread

[whome]

... in response to Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry aft..., posted by papi on Jul 4, 2005

hi papi, ive been reading your posts. as far as posting at that other place...i doubt if i will.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want to marry..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

come back my friend - we miss you

[whome]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want to m..., posted by papi on Jul 4, 2005

I never say never but right now im happy just lurking. I was really happy to be back posting then S feels he has to call me names and put me down. I just felt I really didnt need to accept that type of abuse especially from the man himself.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do some ladies want ..., posted by whome on Jul 4, 2005

he gets jumpy sometimes. dont let it bother you. i'd come back and let it go - anymore flack and then say see you later alligator. i will make a post over there on this matter

[A1A]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Telling her to swim away.  What kind was she, canela, morena? Probably not a great white.

[papi]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

This is most likely a case of a woman wanting a ticket to the EEUU and then see you later alligator by the sounds of it.  There are successes but many horror stories...keep this in mind the next time a woman asks you to marry her after the second date

[Ken2]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

Dr Phil says if it takes two people a long time to get married theyve had to spend a lot of time convincing themselves that they can tolerate the other person.  Long engagments ar not good.  But rushing in is not good either.  every case is different.

[jediknight]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

this is difficult because on the one hand you don't want to rush into things but on the other hand you don't want someone to feel like you are stringing them along. long distance relationships are difficult and at a certain point women need to feel that you are serious and not wasting their time. while there isn't a set time frame to follow, generally speaking i would be suspicious of anyone who would want to marry after 2 dates. in my case i had written, spoken to, IM'd and video chatted with my fiancee (more on that in another post) for 7 months before meeting her. i met her in january and after a few days of talking to her and her family i confirmed what i had already known before the trip....that she was the one for me. i think that if the girl is pushy or in a rush for a commitment, then i would be worried. we are in control and should set the pace, within reason of course. if a girl isn't comfortable with going slow, move on to the next one, there are hundreds of beautiful, kind girls to choose from, guys seem to forget this and cling onto the first girl that shows alot of interest. don't let the girl set the pace or control the relationship.
JK

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Do some ladies want to marry after two c..., posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

but maybe going slow is the worst thing you can do? And maybe some people just know, more than they've ever known anything, that this is the right person? I would say in general it's good to go slow but I didn't.

Corresponded with my wife for two months.
Went to see her in San Andres and Bogota for several days and we agreed to be married.
Married her on my second visit in Medellin.
Recipe for disaster?
Nope. Still married after two years and absolutely crazy about each other. We are just as in love as we were when we got married.

The advice is all well and good but sometimes you can ignore it and live happily ever after.

[cabocancun]

... in response to The most common advice is go slow, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 3, 2005


Utopiacowboy,

Your success story and the others here,keep the rest of us going.
It is great when guys who are happily married continue to post.
I think communicating for two months gave you a good foundation for moving forward in your relationship.

Family counselors reccommend that a couple discuss many topics before getting married.

Did you and your wife discuss the topics listed below before you made a commitment to marrying her:
• Marriage expectations
• Personality issues
• Communication
• Conflict Resolution
• Financial Management
• Leisure Activities
• Sexual Relationship
• Children and Parenting
• Family and Friends
• Role Relationship
• Spiritual Beliefs
• Couple Closeness
• Family Closeness
• Couple Flexibility
• Family Flexibility

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: The most common advice is go slow, posted by cabocancun on Jul 3, 2005

In our nightly conversations we discussed so many things. Both of us had had unhappy first marriages, hers ended wih the death of her husband and mine in divorce after 25  years. Neither of us wanted a repeat. They say opposites attract but I think a person is happier with someone who is fairly similar in outlook and personality. Since both of us are Catholics, we each attended the church's pre-marital classes, she in Medellin and I in San Antonio, and we compared notes on our classes and did the exercises together. I highly recommend the classes - they really force you to communicate about the issues you've listed if you haven't already. Some people actually decide not to go forward with their weddings as a result. When I was married to my ex-wife, I used to think about the phrase, "let no man put asunder what God has joined together" and I'd think, but how do we know who God has joined together? I never felt joined together to my ex-wife - it always seemed like a bad idea that we both tried to make work. With my wife, we really feel that God did join us together and that we were put on earth for each other. Just today I told her that it was hard for me to imagine that she had ever been married to anyone else because she seems so connected and attached to me. She laughed and said that she feels exactly the same way about me.

[jediknight]

... in response to Si, Senor, posted by utopiacowboy on Jul 4, 2005

"With my wife, we really feel that God did join us together and that we were put on earth for each other"

this is really nice.... my fiancee and i feel this way also. there have been many instances where if circumstances had gone the other way, we wouldn't be where we are today. so many "what if's" that we feel that God has had a hand in guiding us and making sure we've made the right choices at the right time to help us be together.
JK