Brazilian marriage canceled

[AmBrazilian]

My Brazilian fiance and myself are over we will not go through with our fiance Visa and marriage. I started to sense many things that made me think it would not last for very long.Myself, I don't feel  Brazil is a good wife hunting area it seems like a culture class between Americans and Brazilians. They mix better with Germans and other Euros.

[AmBrazilian]

... in response to Brazilian marriage canceled, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

[This message has been edited by AmBrazilian]

This is what I observed the past 3 years with Brazilians. My fiance had a lot of friends you expect this from Brazilians since they are really friendly.

Things that make them more like Europeans is their liberal views and ways. Many Germans seem to like the women and a lot of relationships have the casual love affair on the side fore both the men and women. The same seems to hold true for the local European women.

Brazilians also have a lot of the me attitude in them. This is what we are trying to get away from here in the states. You know I want this, I want that, I want to go here or there etc... I almost never heard we should do this together etc...

Culture clashes for me is I am much more conservative. I am Generation X but my parents weren't boomers they were older when they had me so I was born in a GenX culture but follow the older traditons. I am sort of looking more for the 50's women before they decided they were more important than their families. A lot of Brazilian women seem to have kids and if they don't fit their expectations they send them off to live with Grandma and Grandpa if he's still around. Another thing is a family will spend a huge amount of money on a girl's 15 or 16th birthday not sure which year forgot. This seems to turn them into princesses, to me it seems a waste of money you would think they would keep the money instead for future education. Spend the money on improving your daughters learning and keep for college but in Brazil a party seeems more important.

They are definately sensual and good lovers but the opposite holds true for temper. Either you get one end of the spectrum or the other. You should also expect a lot of Brazilian women will have had a fair share of one night stands, it is the culture. They may not tell you this in the beginning but just get some Champagne in them and their past history comes alive. This is something I would not want my future wife telling our  daughter or daughters if we had any if you get my drift. I have a calm and slow burning temper but if you get me hot enough I explode like a volcano. Brazilians one minute will explode with extreme temper and fifteen minutes later it is like nothing happened and I am usually starting to  get aggitated and she is back to being sensual. I just don't want to put up with this for 20 or more years in a marriage.

I feel my thinking is more towards Asian philosophy. Keep the family bond strong. It is more important that the children learn respect and discipline to their elders and study hard to improve their chances at success. The other thing I notice is a lot of Daughters and Mothers almost get in scratching cat fights. I never saw so much screaming at the top of their lungs it makes you laugh at first because if you think how conservative most of our families are you know a daughter would be in serious trouble if she ever spoke to her mother like that. At least in my family none of us ever raised our voice like this or swore at our mothers. Now today may be different I see more kids with no respect for parents.

There were more things that I can't think of right now or don't want to write. I think you can find a good wife in Brazil if your views are more liberal and you live in one of the hot beds like NYC or Miami. Remember opinions are like a!!holes everybody has one and no one really is right. For me I feel with my personality and the more I study the Asian cultures I feel this is where I should look. For guys who like roller coaster rides of passion and fireworks you may just like Brazil. Everybody has to find what they desire in life, what works for me will not work for another person. I am not sad about this it was a good experience and I learned a lot.

[Heat]

... in response to My opinion, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

Right on the MONEY!!!

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to My opinion, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

There are plenty of conservative women in Southern Brazil.  An example city would be Porto Alegre.  My friend is married to a Brazilian from there and she is far more conservative than the average american woman.  And the quinzeanos celebration (when a girl turns 15) is part of all Latin American culture .. you can go to any Mexican community in American and see this.  This doesn’t create self-centered women.  That is just silly.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: My opinion, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 8, 2005

You're right, it's equivlent to the 'debutante' (sp?) or 'comming out' party that 'society' folks in the US used to have (and some still do). VERY strong and VERY important tradition in LA and the Latin communities living in other countries as well. It is a rite-of-passage, ala 'today my little girl is now a woman'. Not to be ridiculed, to do so would be a grevious cultural fauxpas.

[Jake]

... in response to Re: My opinion, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 8, 2005

I agree with you on this , My lady is from Porto Alegre area . She is not the type that you hear and read about the brazilian ladies .. actuallly the other way ...very very conservative . It took some time for me to really figure her out . But now things are cool .......  

If you don't mind sharing what part of the US does your friend live ?

I think this party when the girl turns 15 is really nice , I have been to a few of them ... it is just a party ... just tradition .

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: Re: My opinion, posted by Jake on Jul 8, 2005

He met her in Los Angeles

[OkieMan]

... in response to My opinion, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

AmBrazilian,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am not experienced enough to know how to compare the type of women you just described to other Latin American women (ie Colombian, Peruvian, etc.) However, I would certainly not want to get into some volatile shouting match either.  As far as the Asian thing, I guess to each his own.  I am just not attracted to Asian women.  But, some guys are.  Whatever floats your boat.  Best of luck.

                              OkieMan

[Bueller]

... in response to My opinion, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

"For me I feel with my personality and the more I study the Asian cultures I feel this is where I should look."

  Personally, I find this hard to disagree with, though I didn't really see the flaming tempers, etc. you describe. I may go spend a month in Vietnam as well as Colombia :-).

[AmBrazilian]

... in response to Re: My opinion, posted by Bueller on Jul 8, 2005

Maybe I was just with the wrong croud. My fiance got into some scuffles with her mother, once she said they were pissed off at each other so she left for a year to a friends house. The same thing happened with her friend. Maybe the Florianaoplis region had  calmer types. It might of been the Bahian blood in the family! It isn't really this that bothers me the most. I just think we would class in how a family should be raised. I feel education is very important and should be expected of your children. To me it didn't seem many Brazilians care that much about this.

I am attracted to the Vietnamese as well. I've met a few thru the years and they have a calm  demeaner. Everyone was second generation born here and well educated. I don't know maybe the Philippines as well, the advantage is a English speaking woman and you can move back later. I am pretty much sure none of us would want to live in Vietnam under a communist regeme.

[Craigjjs]

... in response to Re: Re: My opinion, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 8, 2005


I have been to Vietnam five times and am engaged to a Vietnamese lady.  There are often significant differences between Vietnamese and Viet Kieu (Vietnamese living outside Vietnam).  Also, don't assume so much about the government.  It it likely far different than what you perceive.  It is a highly-capitalistic society.

Craig

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My opinion, posted by Craigjjs on Jul 8, 2005

Craig, I am reading Up Country by DeMille - i think you would like it

[Jake]

... in response to Brazilian marriage canceled, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

sorry  to hear this , but I understand . My brazilian and I have had our moments . Euros have a little cold streak in there body language . I think that has carried over in time to Brazil ... Its like in Public they are a afraid to show affection towards you , but when the door closes in the night ..wow ... is this what you saw ? we have been together for almost 3 years and it has taken that long to work  this out ........
Jake

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Brazilian marriage canceled, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

I am sorry to hear of your broken engagement though you are probably making a good decision for yourself.  I am engaged to a Brasiliera and, for the moment, I am very happy.

I agree that it is possible for US and Brazilian cultures to clash in some areas.  I know that the degree of social conservatism in the US will clash with some of the more liberal attitudes in Brazil; sexuality, abortion, etc.  I find the Brasilian attitude towards time and customer service frustrating.

Brazilians and Europeans do have a closer outlook on politics and economics than do Brazilians and Americans.  They prefer a greater role for government provision of services such as education and health care while the US prefers a smaller role for government.

I don't agree that Brazil can be completely written off as a wife search country.  But I agree that some men may not find what they need in Brazil.

[whome]

... in response to Brazilian marriage canceled, posted by AmBrazilian on Jul 7, 2005

gee i dont know about that? i have several American friends married to Brazillian women and they are very happy men.